A/N: Don't ask...I don't know how this happened...riffed off of something in Swimmer and it wouldn't leave me alone...apologies to Chkgun93...having done nothing to deserve this treatment, I can only hope there is a sense of humor involved...yours, of course...we all know i don't have one...that can be regarded as normal. I hope some one smiles...and of course, reviews will be welcome with open arms. JT
I don't own Chuck or any of the characters in the Chuckverse. I also don't own any of the things mentioned below that are famous, semi-famous or infamous...and I make no money from this lunacy.
JEFFSTER - THE FURRY TOUR
Announcer - Tonight…on VH1's newest series…Unplugged and Un-talented…we'll be looking at one of the strangest musical acts to ever appear…anywhere. Discovered on Youtube by Chkgun93 Management Group, this unlikely duo were rocketed to near fame after staging a tour of exclusive 'Furry' clubs in the Pacific northwest. Many have questioned the musical taste and general mental health of the CEO of Chkgun93 but ever since a video surfaced, purporting to show him, the two members of Jeffster and several unidentified people engaging in 'Furry' activities, no one has been able to arrange an interview with him. When we return from this commercial break, we'll look into the birth of a musical legend…and how that has nothing to do with Jeffster except for the amazing fact that the duo once covered a song that was originally covered by a group that once saw the musical legend while he was eating curry in a small eatery in New York.
-Commercial break-
Announcer - We're back with more Unplugged and Un-talented…Jeffster began their musical odyssey here…at the Burbank branch of the BuyMore electronics chain where both Lester Patel and Jeffrey Barnes supposedly worked as part of the 'NerdHerd'. It was while doing this that the two, self-professed IT artists, decided that their own perceived musical talents needed to be shared with the world. According to their page on wikipedia, the duo bonded over their shared love of cheap drinks, internet porn and the group…Ace of Base.
Jeffrey Barnes seems to recall that the first time he heard his partner sing was at karaoke night at a local bar they had mistakenly stumbled into while trying to find an adult bookstore. After hearing Lester sing his own, unique version of Journey's Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin', Jeffrey suggested that they form a band. Lester Patel has stated that it was his idea to form the band after hearing himself sing…either way, thee band idea was planted and soon…anyone fortunate enough to hear them would pay the price for that fated night.
Using his beloved van, Loretta, as collateral, Jeffrey borrowed enough money to purchased a used Casio keyboard and a very used Roland drum machine. Soon, the pair could be found serenading customers outside of any large chain store that hadn't filed restraining orders against them. Convinced of their own musical talents, the pair would often make fifteen or sixteen dollars for an afternoon's work…most of the money coming from patrons who assumed that the duo were part of a special needs musical group and hoped that hteir contributions would help them pay for haircuts.
Lacking management…as well as common sense, Jeffster would sometimes play at small bars whose usual patrons were kicked out of the classier dive bars in the area. Often agreeing to play for stale bar pretzels and half of the door, in bars that didn't charge a cover, the duo soon found themselves with a loyal and dedicated following…of one. Fernando could often be found standing outside whatever bar the band would be playing, wearing his own, homemade, Jeffster t-shirt. Being underage, 'Nando', as the band came to call him, would be forced to stand outside of the bar. Passersby and bar patrons would often give the young man change and small bills, believing him to be part of a local special needs group. By the end of the night, Nando would have often collected hundreds of dollars which he would then give to Jeff and Lester, believing that the people had been giving him the money for the band since he was wearing a Jeffster t-shirt. After paying their bar tab, the duo was often able to set aside as much as fifteen or twenty dollars per gig.
During a rare lucid moment, Jeff suggested making Nando their official roadie, moving him from number one(and only) fan to number one(and only) roadie. The young man was thrilled by the new title and even went so far as to have a new t-shirt made with ROADIE emblazoned on the back. After setting up for the band each time they played, he would stand outside and smile as people handed him 'donations'.
Jeffster weren't just 'in it for the money', as some accused them, they also tried to give back…often playing, free of charge, at local methadone clinics. They also enjoyed the perks that these free gigs provided including free orange juice and women who, though often glassy-eyed, would offer themselves to the band.
Taking Nando's place as number one fan, Jeff's sister would often bring a couple of her friends to band gigs. Although the girls often spent more time in the parking lot than in the bar, they still would offer 'donations' to the band at the end of the night. Charges of pimping, although filed against Jeffster, were never proven. When we return…a lucky break and a near death experience for Lester lead to a 'Furry' brush with musical fame.
Commercial break.
Welcome back to VH1's Unplugged and Un-Talented…Jeffster had toiled away in deserved obscurity until a lucky break would lead to a Fast and 'Furrious' rise and fall. No one is sure who posted a strange music video on Youtube but within days, Jeffster's strange version of the classic 'Stand By Your Man' had been viewed by thousands of people. One of the people who was mesmerized by the 'artistic statement', as Lester Patel would describe the video, was the owner and CEO of the Chkgun93 management group.
Up until this point, Chkgun93 had been the home to three Justin Beiber impersonators, a LaDy GaGa impersonator and a nineteen member, piccolo playing, breakdance troop that would later become famous when two of the dancers tripped during a performance and ended up with their instruments driven through the backs of their skulls.
After seeing the video, Chkgun93 began an aggressive campaign to sign Jeffster to their roster of talent, eventually arranging for an special tour of exclusive 'Furry' clubs throughout the Pacific northwest. It was around this same time that Lester claims he attacked by a 'crazy pregnant woman' who attempted to kill him because she didn't know how to cook. When the woman was finally identified, we attempted to get an interview but were told that her busy schedule wouldn't allow time for her to refute the claims, saying simply that her one year old twins were much more important to her than the ravings of, in her words, 'a talentless jerk-off'. When asked for further information, her husband simply laughed and told the reporter that his twins, at fourteen months, had more musical talent than Lester Patel. Due to an impending lawsuit, we are unable to identify the husband and wife but their attorney provided us with more than enough evidence to make Mr. Patel's story very hard to believe.
Jeffster claim that their decision to mount the 'Furry Tour' as they chose to call it, was a direct result of the supposed attack, giving them the perfect opportunity to 'get out of town for awhile' as their wikipedia entry claims. Chkgun93 Management Group arranged for Jeffster to play a total of fourteen 'Furry' dates.
Leaving Burbank in their van…'Loretta'…and with the help of their roadie, Nando, Jeffster arrived at their sight of their first scheduled appearance and found that the CEO and owner of Chkgun93 had provided costumes that they were expected to wear while performing. There was also a costume provided for Nando who, evidently , was expected to spend the night in a back room of the club, playing the board game, Candyland, with anyone who asked. By all accounts, the first few performances went off with no trouble…and very little talent.
About half way through the tour, Mr. Patel and Mr. Barnes both claim that things started to get weird. They both insist that the CEO of Chkgun93 approached them, wanting to adopt Nando…and after being told that the young man had parents already, the CEO contacted the parents and asked if they would be willing to put Nando 'up for adoption'. After being told no, he asked if Nando could become his ward and have his name changed to Boo Boo. The parents flew into town the next day and left within half an hour, Nando in tow.
Despite the loss of their roadie and the obvious declining mental health of their manager, Jeffster decided to finish the tour. The ignored their manager's strange behavior, sure that they'd seen worse but couldn't remember when. Having taken to wearing Nando's bear costume full time, the CEO of Chkgun93 began insisting that anyone who talked to him address him as 'His Royal Highness, Prince Boo Boo'. He would also burst into tears whenever someone with curly red hair walked with in five feet of him.
The night of the final performance found Jeffster on stage playing to the largest crowd they'd ever seen. The nearly sixty people, all wearing animal costumes, seemed to be well behaved and some even appeared to be enjoying the music. Just as Jeffster had finished their version of House At Pooh Corner, 'His Royal Highness, Prince Boo Boo' rushed the stage with a large paddle in his hand. Once on the stage, he began swinging the paddle about, screaming that he needed to dispense some old fashioned discipline.
The video of the event has become one of the most watched on Youtube and has inspired quite a few copycats. There is even a bar in L.A. features a nightly appearance from a 'Prince Boo Boo' impersonator who wanders around the club in a bear suit, promising to paddle anyone who's being bad.
Jeffster, of course, tried to further their career by using the video's popularity. To their dismay, while sixteen tribute bands found steady employment for almost six months, they had to return to their roots, playing for stale beer nuts and forty percent of the door at bars with no cover charge.
Nando is allowed supervised visits…on nights when his parents have the time to take him out.
The CEO and owner of Chkgun93 Management Group no longer insists that he be addressed as His Royal Highness, Prince Boo Boo having shortened it to just Boo Boo. He still wears the bear costume from time to time and has been seen several times sitting on park benches, weeping while clutching a photo of Nando.
Perhaps the saddest part of this story is that Jeffster actually achieved their dreamed of international superstardom. The video of their performance of House At Pooh Corner is still shown nightly at night clubs all over the far east while parents in the middle east scare their children with tales of Prince Boo Boo.. Even in Japan, a country hit with unthinkable devastation, the video of Jeffster…and Prince Boo Boo provides smiles, allowing people to forget about their troubles…if only for a few moments.
Next on VH1's Unplugged and Un-talented…Justin Beiber.