For the second time that night, the Joker was being beaten to shit by Batman. Only surprise was this time, he didn't know what he'd actually done.
The first beating he'd taken after blowing up some buildings near the mayor's office. He'd gotten bored and wanted something to do, and the terror threat was just too funny, with the buildings around the offices going up in smoke and falling to rubble and everyone being evacuated even though the mayor himself was in less danger where he was than on the streets where he could easily be rained upon by concrete and shards of glass.
In fact, the Joker was pretty sure he had been, and that was why Batsy had been so very mad at him. That and his death toll was cranking up as emergency services dug everyone out of the rubble.
But shouldn't he be there helping, not following the Joker around and smacking him up again? Sure, he willingly took his punishment, but he didn't do double.
After a particularly vicious smack to the mouth that split his lip in two different places, the Joker growled. He spat on the concrete and turned to face Batman, shoulders hunched, eyes dangerous. His hands balled into fists.
Batman barely noticed until he'd launched himself at the Joker and he sidestepped, swinging his hand back and punching him in the head hard enough to knock him sideways. When the brief spell of dizziness had abated, Batman stopped and stared at the Joker curiously. That was different.
The Joker's mouth was curled into a sneer, his discoloured teeth on show. His hands were still clenched into fists and he was circling Batman the way an animal would circle its prey, all manic energy, power and violence. Batman moved forwards and the Joker snarled when he didn't make a move.
"Come on then, Batsy. You were so very desperate for a fight before. What's wrong? Lost your bottle? See, sweetie, I'm sorry, but I'm not a willing punch bag whenever you feel like it."
And with that he aimed a kick at Batman's side, the blade on his shoe kicking out and scraping under the Kevlar plates. He snickered as he punched him in the face again.
"You don't like taking, do you? Hmm? You need to learn to dealwith it. You can't give it all out and not expect to get any in return. Treat others as though you want to be treat yourself, that sorta thing."
Batman growled and squared up to the Joker, ignoring the pain in his head and the blood dripping under the Kevlar plates.
"Why did you do it?"
"Do what?"
"Blow up the hospital!"
The Joker missed a beat, confused, and cocked his head, frowning at Batman.
"The hospital? I did that ages ago, and you know why. And no one even died so what's the problem?"
Batman shook his head in irritation and grated out, "The hospital you blew up today."
The Joker looked even more confused, "Today? I, ah, didn't blow up any hospitals today. I don't like repeating tricks. They kinda get boring after you do things once."
"You blew up the buildings-"
"Around the mayor's office, yeah. But that's all, Batsy, and that was all just a bit of fun. It's not my fault if the mayor was too stupid to stay indoors out of the way of any, ah, falling debris." He chuckled to himself. "How is he, by the way? Not that it matters. I'd be more worried that it mighta knocked some sense into him."
Batman growled and stepped forward; the Joker leapt back and held up a hand.
"Ah-ah-ah. No. You already got me for that one, remember? You can't just beat up a guy for something that you already threw punches for. And I assure you, the hospital wasn't me. I don't do things that flash without a bit of warning. It's less chaotic when people just die without the whole panic and struggle to get away thing going on. Just doing it is kinda sloppy."
Batman narrowed his eyes, but didn't attempt to lash out at the Joker again.
"How do I know you're telling the truth?"
"Always this. Geez, do you never get sick of hearing me say the same things? I'm a man of my word, Batsy. I wouldn't lie to you. Hand on my heart."
The Joker placed his hand over his heart like an earnest child before licking his lips and spitting out some more blood.
"So, who did it?"
The Joker shrugged, "How the hell am I supposed to know? Just coz I like blowing things to pieces doesn't mean I know every nut in Gotham who tries to copy. I mean, come on. The amount of scum in this city. Geez, we should just get it over with and burn it to the ground in a great purge. Or at least flood it like they did with Noah's Ark. The only people who survive are those who can make it to the rooftops. Or those who can build boats. Mind you, then everyone would just climb into trash cans and float down the streets waging war on water." He sighed. "The fiery purge sounds like a far better deal, doesn't it?"
The Joker glanced at Batman who clearly wasn't paying attention and narrowed his eyes. He clicked his fingers in front of Batman's face and cackled when he jumped ever so slightly.
"What?" Batman growled.
"Were you even listening to me?"
"I try not to."
The Joker pretended to be affronted, "Well, do I even get an apology?"
"For what?"
"You beating the shit outta me over something I didn't even do, maybe?"
Batman raised his eyebrows under the cowl and opened his mouth to speak. Across town, visible from their spot, a building went up in flames and smoke, coupled with a lovely rumbling a couple of seconds after. Batman sighed and looked at the Joker, who shrugged and licked his lips.
"Yeah, that one was me." He glanced over at the pile of rubble that was the last remaining building around the mayor's office. The sirens started up their weary call once more as the emergency services that had literally just left the area turned around and headed back. "I actually wondered why that one hadn't gone up. Figured it was a faulty wire or something. Musta just been a loose connection."
Batman was glaring at him.
"And, since it was part of the same attack earlier, you, ah, can't hit me for that one."
"Try and stop me."
The Joker dodged the attempts on his face and, when Batman finally appeared to give up, smoothed his hair back and licked his lips again, getting ready to speak. But then his eyes narrowed and he frowned.
"What?" Batman growled.
"Correct me if I'm wrongbut I'm pretty sure there's a woman dressed as a cat trying to get through that window over there."
Batman spun around against his better judgement, and then sighed. He clearly brought the freaks to the yard.
"Want me to shoot her?"
"No. I do not want you to shoot her."
"Sure?"
"Of course I'm sure."
"Allrighty then. I'll just be going…"
"Yes. To Arkham."
When Batman spun back round the Joker had melted into the shadows. He was torn between going after him and trying to stop the cat-woman breaking and entering into what was being set up as a museum of priceless jewellery.
He sighed again.
And against his better judgement, just went home.
Even vigilantes deserved a night off now and again, and tonight had been a hell of a night.
They nuts would all keep.
They always did.