Disclaimer: The Mercers aren't mine. Song is by Sia.
Bobby swept the room with a glance, buying time before he had to go outside. He knew what was outside. But he didn't want to accept it. He didn't have to shout Jack's name. The sickening feeling that was swirling in his stomach was rising to his chest, gripping it like a vice to make it hard to breathe although nothing felt settled. He didn't have to run back to grab the gun and then burst out the front door, hollering Jack's name. It wouldn't make a difference.
He was soon overpowered by the gang outside and he leaped back in the house, taking cover on the floor against the wall, shielding his head when the window shattered and rained glass over him. Everything seemed to be sung to a horrible lullaby, one that he'd heard Jack singing once, that made his heart heavy with despair and his lungs tighten at the inevitable. Right now, though, that lullaby seemed to fit exactly.
Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And the worst part is there's no one else to blame
Despite the shots ringing from his weapon and from the other guns shooting at him, at Jack, at their house, Bobby heard no sound besides Jack's screaming—and a lullaby that Jackie had written on a scrap of notebook paper and left on his bed. Bobby rested his head against the brick and curled his hands tighter around his gun. Helpless. He hated being helpless. But he was thankful for this opportunity to feel what Jack felt nearly every day of his young life—he was helpless against Bobby's jokes, against his brothers' teasing, against his brothers' love. He finally understood why Jack as a child had always come to him and asked to sleep together after a nightmare. Because Jack wanted what he wrote in the song….
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Bobby knew that Jack was in the snow just a few feet outside. He could see him if he stuck his head out the open doorway, see him lying on his back with his eyes shut and his mouth open. He had told Jack to hold on, always giving commands, but this time he knew Jack didn't have a choice. The gunshots stopped and Bobby rushed to Jack. The lullaby was coming together, weaving itself into a sort of melody with Jack's heartbeat. Bobby almost hated it, but he loved it too, because it was Jack.
Ouch, I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found
Yeah, I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe
Staring into Jack's tear-filled eyes, Bobby put his hands around Jack's shoulders and supported his head. Jack's face was so white except for that trail of crimson on his cheek coming from his mouth. Jack was looking at Bobby, his jaw set as it always was when he cried, and his forehead wrinkled with some painful effort. He opened his mouth but all that came was a silent scream, a faint gasp, and more blood. Bobby put his hand on his brother's face, setting his thumb beneath Jack's chin, trying as hard as Jack was to talk with him. He knew what Jackie wanted to say. Because he had read it this morning….
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
In his head he could almost hear Jack singing the words, mumbling them a little as he tried his hardest to get them out before his lungs shut down. His voice might break a bit, rasp over some of the words because of the pain, but Bobby would think it was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard.
Jack stopped shivering but only because the cold was so overwhelming that it almost felt…warm. He looked into Bobby's eyes and tried to mask the pain but he knew it was etched all over his face. The words he had written were gently circling in his head, insisting that he hear himself singing them that morning, but frightening him with their clarity. He had poured out more than just words on a paper. He had relived his past in the foster system, with the Mercers, with Bobby. He had poured out his life….
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me