Shawn watches from a distance Paul being put in a police car, Another fight, Another arrest.
This was the fourth time this month that Shawn had to call the police because of Paul's drunked behavior.
Paul was just too rough, One time Shawn had told him no and Paul went wild, Throwing things around the house,
Pushing Shawn into the wall.
This wasn't the man I married Shawn kept thinking over and over in his mind.
No this was a monster.
One that Shawn couldn't handle.
He had tried to calm him down, Talk to him but nothing worked, He would just go on about his tirade.
Not listening to a word that Shawn said.
It was like he couldn't hear, Like he was trapt in his head, The rage and anger he felt was all...he felt, Nothing more.
No love, No remorse...No guilt.
Not then in the moment, He would apologize constantly the next morning while sober but not when he was drunk
He could hurt me and not even relise it not until the next day.
I hated to admit it but I was afraid.
I wanted to leave him in those times but I would also rememeber what he's truly like, How he is when He's sober,
I've never loved someone as much as I do him and I couldn't ever bring myself to walk out the door.
He's tried to get help, Even won the battle for a short while but he was sent back to work shortly after coming home and with going back to touring around the world, All his buddies going out and partying, Inviting him to come along to nightclubs, Bars it didn't last long, In winning the battle he lost the war.
He hasn't been sober much since then.
He had even got plastered on my birthday when he had promsied me he wouldn't , It hurt me more then he knows. I cried that day, t
hat night. I just didn't know how much I could take of this.
If it keeps up I'm not sure even my love can make me stay here.
Not much longer, Not if he doesn't get some more help.
He needs it, He'll kill himself if he don't.
I don't wanna see him go down, Not like that.
Shawn stares as the cop car carring Paul half past out pulls out the driveway and disappears around the corner.
"I love you Paul, Please lord let this be the last time, Please I'm begging here. Let it be the last time."
Shawn stands out in the cold night, His toes were begining to turn blue it was so cold out but he couldn't bring himself to go inside.
He stood there waiting for something, Some kind of sign that God or jesus or somebody heard him,
Anybody.
He wraps his arms around his chest and turns to go in but stops mid-way, Neels down and picks up a broken smashed picture frame, The picture still in it, It was of Paul and Shawn just a year to the day they had meet...
How Shawn could remember it and how he missed it.
Those were the days.
He starts to head indoors, Tears slowly cripping up on him, Not able to surpress the feelings any longer.
He lets them fall right along with the faded photo.
Shawn lets it slip through his fingers.
Those days are gone.