Disclaimer: Tales of Legendia is the property of Namco, not poor me.

When I first wrote this there was no ToL section. Now this has a home:3

Equality

If there is something that a knight must understand, it is the concept of equality. Every living being, down to the very smallest creature, has a place, and a voice, and has the right to stand just as tall and the proudest and most strong. It is the responsibility of a knight to be strong for those who cannot be strong, and encourage all to take their place as equals amongst a planet of equals.

That was something I have believed to be the truth ever since I took up the sword. No, since before that. I have always believed it. Call it idealism, and maybe it is – but I believed it.

There are times when I begin to doubt those beliefs I once held to be the gospel truth.

As I grow older, as I experience more of the world, my thoughts are tinged on the edges with bitterness and regret. Even as I tell myself that I have moved beyond the events of the past, that I have conquered my fears, I continue to suffer for my past and present weaknesses. The sword is a tool that takes years of practice and devotion to master. I've devoted my life to the sword. Unfortunately, I have abandoned other things in my quest for strength. Even as the words 'no regret' drop out of my mouth, I can feel the stiffening in my chest and the turn of my head away from the truth.

It was you who made me look at the truth. We guided each other. We leaned on each other. We taught each other. I began to see the two separate paths we took merge into one we could walk on together. I can honestly say that was the happiest time of my life. We walked together as equals.

Do you understand that, Senel?

No, I know you don't. I know what you value the most is the thing that you protect. She who can look to you for strength and guidance.

I wish I could hate her.

...But I can't. I can't stand to be envious of her. She's the perfect girl, Senel, perfect in every way. She's almost a deity, a sculpture of femininity that I once thought could never be attained by mortals.

If I asked you to tell me whether or not you thought I was feminine, you'd probably look at me like I was a bit tipsy and stutter out some insincere reply. Don't worry; you don't have to answer. I already know it – I'm not feminine.

I gave up dresses long ago. I cut my hair short so it wouldn't be a liability in a fight. I swore that I would never need protecting. I forged my own path.

Is it wrong for me to love that?

Here I stand beside you, on your right, the side you put your best man at a wedding. Your head is turned the other way. You gaze into each others' eyes as if you were the stars in an adolescent melodrama. And though I want to cry, to fall down on my knees and beg, I say nothing. I have my pride.

I will not lower myself to being protected. I will not lower myself to being led. I will not lower myself to being yours. I won't be your pet kitten, not like her.

I will only stand by your side as your equal, like I always have. You will not look at me, because you will trust that I am there. You know that I cannot leave, but you don't understand why.

In certain, brief moments of weakness, I want to throw it all away, to be the bride, to be the kitten, to be the lover, swept across the threshold by her dashing prince. I would trade in my sword for a dress and braid my hair pretty and long and twine it with flowers.

Just certain, brief moments.

After those moments, I laugh at my own foolishness, still crying, and I stand up again, because I couldn't stand by you if I needed to be carried.