The Slushie Machine's Demise
It was the second week of Kurt's junior year and Burt just happened to be home that afternoon when Kurt walked in the door. Hollering to his kid to let him know he was home, Burt saw him try to sneak past the opening to the living room with his side turned away. Knowing something was up, he called Kurt to come back. Hearing his son sigh, he knew it was going to be something he did NOT want to hear about.
Watching as his son came into the room, the first thing that caught his eye was the white shirt his son was wearing. Or should that be half white, half purple? Confused, he asked "Kurt, um.. is your shirt supposed to be two colors like that?"
"No dad, it was white until I got slushied again this afternoon." Kurt told his dad, knowing the reaction that was coming.
"Again?" the older man asked, adding "how many times did you get slushied today? For that matter, how many times has it happened since school started this year?"
"Today? It was the third time. Since school started? At least twice a day so far, this is the first time it's happened three times. I usually have enough spare clothes with me to change, but I wasn't expecting a third one today." Kurt answered, hoping his dad wouldn't explode in anger.
Knowing his son didn't want to talk about it and just wanted to go to his room to get cleaned up, Burt just smiled at his son and said "thanks for telling me Kurt, I wish you didn't have to go through that though."
Surprised, Kurt looked at his dad and replied "so do I dad, so do I. I'm going to get cleaned up now, I'll be up in a bit to get dinner started."
"Sure son, see you in a bit." Burt told his son as he reached for the remote. His mind not at all on the television but on what his son had told him, he started making plans.
xxxxxxx
It was the following Monday before he was ready. The research had taken him longer than he thought it would. He wasn't as computer savvy as his son was but with some luck he'd been able to find the information he'd been looking for finally. A trip to the bank and the local hardware store had been done that morning and he was on his way to the school.
Parking in the visitor area, he grabbed what he brought with him and made his way to the principal's office. Stopping in front of the secretary there he said "you might want to tell Figgins to meet me at the slushie machine, and you will also need to inform your janitor staff that they will be needed as well."
Looking up at the man in front of her with frightened eyes, all the secretary could do was nod as the man turned and walked away.
Vaguely remembering where the cafeteria was at from his own days at this school, Burt slowly made his way through the halls. His timing having been right on, the bell signaling the end of the period sounded just as he turned the corner to the cafeteria. Slowing as the halls suddenly filled with kids, he noticed that quite a few of them looked startled at what was on his shoulder and quickly made a path for him. Not really paying attention, he didn't notice the crowd that was following him instead of going to their next class.
It took only a second to find the slushie machine located just outside the cafeteria when he rounded the last corner. Walking up to it, he looked at it for a second before taking the sledgehammer off his shoulder. Giving it one practice swing, he proceeded to smash the machine that not only ruined his son's day, but countless others as well. Just as he was finishing up Principal Figgins finally arrived.
Out of breath and shocked at what he saw he sputtered "Mr. Hummel? What are you doing? That is school property, you can't just destroy things."
Amused at the response the satisfied dad responded "Of course I can, I just did it didn't I? I'm just taking care of a problem that you have been unwilling to deal with." Reaching into his back pocket and withdrawing an envelope that he then proceeded to hand to the shocked principal he added "I did my research and there is a certified check there for the cost of a new slushie machine. That should cover any damages incurred here. If I find out that you replaced this with a new one though, I will be back to destroy it as well. Any slushie machine you put in this school will be destroyed by me, regardless of how much it ends up costing me."
Looking at the envelope, the principal didn't know what do to. Knowing he had to say something in front of all the students watching he opened his mouth but was interrupted before he could begin.
"Hummel, I was wondering how long it would take before you showed up to do something." the loud and immediately recognizable voice of one Sue Sylvester sounded as the crowd of students parted to let her through.
"Sue, I would have thought you would have solved this problem by now." the man replied with a smile on his face for his old school friend.
"As an employee, my only recourse was the continued recommendation of it's removal. That recommendation was consistently denied by the principal on every occasion." the cheerleading coach told him and everyone else.
"No worry then, problem solved. If you would let me know if they replace it I would appreciate it." Burt asked the woman.
"Deal. May I ask a favor?" Sue countered as she looked at the damage done to the machine.
"Sure, what is it?" Burt said, as he looked through the crowd of students for familiar faces.
"Can I have the sledgehammer? I want to hang it on my office wall as a reminder that sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands." Sue told the man.
Handing over the sledgehammer Burt asked "Get me a picture of it when it's up on your wall?"
"You will have it with-in the week. I'll give it to porcelain for you." she answered before turning and walking through the students as if they weren't there. Since they parted like the red sea, it almost was like they weren't.
Looking at the back of the crowd, Burt saw an older man who could only be the janitor, beckoning him forward he pulled another envelope from his pocket and tried to hand it to the man saying "I knew it was going to make a mess for someone to clean up and I just wanted to compensate you for having to do it."
Refusing to take the envelope the janitor said "I've been praying for this machine to be removed, I clean up more than a dozen slushie messes a day. It will make my job so much easier not having to run around the school cleaning up slushie attacks any more, thanks."
Pressing the envelope into the man's hand anyway Burt said "Take the money. Keep it, give it away, I don't care. It was intended for the person that would have to clean up this mess. Do whatever you want with it."
"Ok, I'll find some charity to give it to in the school's name then." the older man replied.
Looking at the principal, Burt Hummel asked "We done here? You're not going to just go out and buy a new slushie machine right? Cause I'll be back down here with a new sledgehammer if you do and I really don't want to have to do that again.""We're... we're done here Mr. Hummel" the nervous principal acknowledged asking "you will be leaving the school grounds now correct?"
"Yep, I've done all I came here to do today." Burt answered with a grin. "See ya next time Principal Figgins."