For some reason I sort of knew inside me that she would eventually tell him and today would be that day. She's confided in me once before, I'm surprised she did, she told me that she knew he wouldn't return her feelings, but she really wanted to let him know how she felt before graduation. At first I was a little depressed learning that she had feelings for Abe, but then I started to worry. We all knew Abe wouldn't return her feelings, hell, even she knew it. I wondered if she should really tell him. I kind of wanted to ask her about it, but I wasn't sure of what to do. I never am.
I figured that if she felt it was best for her to tell him, then she should. Shinooka always seemed to make good decisions and if things didn't work out, she would handle it pretty well. She did have to help Coach Momoe handle us for the past three years.
It was the last "meeting" of the year. Well, more like party. Coach Mo and Mr. Shiga brought drinks and food and we sat around talking about the last three years we spent as a team. A lot of the talking was done by Tajima of course, and once he started talking about college dorms and girls, Abe got up to refill his cup. I really wasn't thinking about it at the time so I was a little taken aback when Shinooka silently stood up and approached him. I couldn't hear them over Tajima's loud voice, but I knew what she was saying and what she was going to do. Abe most likely wasn't expecting anything too, although he did cock an eyebrow. Probably was confused to why they had to be alone. He casually put his drink down and the two of them walked just outside the gate where nobody could hear them for sure.
I held my breath and hoped for the best.
I was surprised nobody really noticed their absence. Well, I'm sure maybe a few of the guys did, but nobody said anything, I'm pretty sure they had some sort of clue to what was going to happen.
After what felt like about a thousand years, Abe came walking back in through the gate as if nothing had happened. He grabbed his cup and came back to sit down. Everyone noticed, even Tajima paused himself. Hanai broke the brief silence saying something on the lines of "wow Abe, the bathrooms aren't that far away". Abe chuckled and Tajima then continued talking. Shinooka hadn't returned yet. I looked toward the gate. I felt a pat on my back. It was Sakaeguchi. He spoke softly and silently.
"You should probably go see if she's okay."
Was it because I was sitting closest to the gate? Or are my own feelings for Shinooka that obvious that Sakaeguchi knew? Then again, Sakaeguchi knew everything. My hands felt cold against the ground as I pushed myself up. I brushed myself off and tried to look calm as I walked towards the gate. I didn't know what to expect! What if she was crying? What if she was really happy? What if she wasn't even there anymore? I took a deep breath and walked out of sight, and that's when I saw her standing there looking up at the sky.
She wasn't facing me, but she heard me walking towards her and turned around slowly. She didn't have any tears in her eyes and she actually looked a little relieved. She smiled when she noticed it was me and I just kind of stoof there, wanting to say something, but I didn't know what. Her hands and feet were clamped together awkwardly and I knew she wasn't as happy as she appeared to be. This was something I learned from knowing her for the past three years. Something that made me wrap my arms around her and hold her close.
I didn't know what kind of expression she had when I hugged her, I didn't care, I just hoped that it wasn't disgust or anything, I just wanted her to feel better. It didn't take too long for her small arms to slowly wrap around me, and for me to feel a moist warmth against my right shoulder.
She was crying.
Her grip on me got a little stronger as she cried silently. My name eventually mumbled its way out of her mouth. She took a break and exhaled into my shirt. It was as warm as her tears.
"I knew," She began, "I already knew, and I still cry." She ended up laughing a little while crying. She probably felt silly or something, but she probably also felt pretty relieved. I sighed.
"It's okay," I turned my head, but not enough to speak into her hair, "You can still cry about it, you know… I mean, I'll listen…If you have something to say..." I meant it.
It felt like she had paused for a second then relaxed into my hug.
"Thank you." A smile was in her voice. I'm glad I was able to help, even if it was just a little bit. I answered with a low "mm" and we stayed like that until we noticed that the field had grown very quiet.
Coach Momoe, Mr. Shiga and the rest of the guys were watching us.