As always, Naive-Symphony helped me write this. We went through a lot of pain writing this. It's only fair if you go through a lot of pain reading this.

Once upon a time there was this one dude guy named Axel. Everybody thought he was a car axle, but little did anybody know because they are all idiots (they thought 50 plus 38 was 50 when it was so obviously 27), he was secretly made out of brastraps.

It all started when he was a young lad of 18. He was frolicking through the mall with a box of donuts tucked securely under his hairy armpit of justice. "If you want to be my lover, you gotta get with my friend!" He sang in remorse, but promptly stopped singing the story of his life upon seeing a store. And not just any store, the store that defined who he was.

Victoria's Secret.

He pranced inside, looking at all the wondrous things the store had to offer. And then he stopped and did a double take.

"5 PAIRS OF PANTIES FOR 25 DOLLARS?" He was ecstatic, so much so that he dropped his box of donuts on the ground.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" The sales clerk Sephiroth (SEPHIROTH!) screamed.

"I….uh. I tripped on a rock! But it's an imaginary rock!"

Sephiroth (SEPHIROTH!) ignored him. The last thing Axel saw was brastraps come out of nowhere, grabbing his limbs, tearing them apart almost.

Present day Axel shook his head at the disturbing memories and smiled instead, opting to take a stroll on the beach.

"It was terrible, Cinderella!" Sora cried horribly. "Something came out of nowhere and pierced through my nostril brains!"

Axel rolled his eyes. What an ignorant person. His hair was so last October 27th, 1988.

So he went along on his business on the beach and ALL OF A SUDDEN-

X rated scene deleted

-fifteen dead! So after THAT traumatic experience he was about to continue on his merry way when he was pushed to the ground.

"Search for the wallet!" One voice screeched.

"I'm moving as fast as I can, bitch!"

Axel could hardly move his head, but he managed to see two figures. One was some sort of lion, and the other stood on two feet, but he couldn't see clearly.

"This is the fifth person we've checked, and he doesn't have it! Face it, people use cash!"

"Damnit Simba, how am I supposed to pay Geppetto back for my Prince Albert now?"

"Well I don't know Owl, you should have thought of that before you told him you would be able to pay him in acorns!"

"Bitch, how was I supposed to know people used money?" Axel didn't have to see it clearly to know the lion was just pimp slapped.

Axel knew an excellent pimp slap when he heard it, and he knew the bitch just got owned. Obviously this one named 'Owl' has had many practice in these types of schemes.

And that was when things got retarded.

Owl and Simba were both picked up and thrown very far away. Axel looked up, and Ursula, who was the world's best bodybuilder, helped him up.

"Have you seen my boyfriend Tron?"

"….uh. No."

"Fuck!" She cussed. "He better not have run off with Donald and Goofy again!"

She stormed off, each step creating a sand storm…pun intended.

She would later find Owl, Geppetto, Yen Sid, Simba, Santa, Donald, Goofy, and Tron together in their secret tree house betting on which one of their hostages would die first.

It was the MCP.

The end.