Fanfiction #14 for me – oh dear, it's been awhile since I published a humor. Fortunately this twisted little mind is still coming up with stuff.
This story was inspired by a short moment of the The Simpsons where they try to make Ralph and Bart friends. One of the beginning scenes is of Ralph at the front door eating ice cream and with a finger trap on the other hand and he's trapped his own tongue to it, he then gets Bart to put his finger in it and as Bart struggles to get away he cries out, "Get it off, get it off!" to which Ralph responds, "The harder you pull the tighter it gets."
It came out quite long… oh well – wait. You know what? **** it, I'm gonna drag this out. As in separate it to chapters. You know that separating line? I already have 3 of those, might as well~ :D
• *within asterisks= sound effects • Italicized= thoughts
It's a nice tranquil-like day. A nice blue sky, birds chirping. The Inuyasha gang is just traveling along. Not only that the Sesshōmaru gang is traveling along. Crap they're walking toward each other. It's not going to be tranquil anymore if they keep going the direction they're going. Sesshōmaru and Inuyasha sense each other.
Damn bastard.
~~#~~
Damn half-breed.
~~#~~
So each decide to direct their group along a different path, but before they can, in front of both dogs, a trap door opens and eyes peek out.
"What the hell?"
~~#~~
*narrows eyes*
~~#~~
In front of Inuyasha is a cat-sized light brown rabbit with red eyes, which still has the trap door on top of its head.
Kagome, "Aww, that is so cute!"
Inuyasha, "Hey, get out of our way."
The rabbit sniffs, "Half-breed," it calls out in a light airy voice.
"Shut up."
Sango approaches, "It looks pretty harmless."
Miroku adds, "Yes, I don't feel an ominous aura about it."
Kilala gets close to the rabbit, sniffs, and meows. The rabbit quivers and crouches back to its hole.
Shippō gets close to the rabbit, "It's okay, Mr. Bunny, Kilala won't hurt you."
The rabbit peeks back out, "Really?"
"Yup."
Kagome asks, "Um… Mr. Bunny, why did you come out of your hole?"
The rabbit doesn't answer; it stares at Inuyasha's sword, and then hops out of his hole and snatches Tetsusaiga and leaps back into the hole, scurrying into it as fast as it can.
"Hey!" he lunges for it but the trap door closes. Inuyasha punches the door and tries to reach in and grab the rabbit but it's too late. Damn! The hole is too small for him to follow.
"Shippō, go after it!" he orders as he picks Shippō up by his tail.
"I'm not going in there!"
~~Meanwhile…~~
In front of Sesshōmaru is a cat-sized dark brown rabbit with red eyes, which still has the trap door on top of its head.
Rin, "Awww, it's a bunny!"
Sesshōmaru, "Return to your hole."
The rabbit quivers and crouches back to its hole. Sesshōmaru stares coldly at it. The poor rabbit is trembling.
"Immediately."
It feels a chill of death. Should I do it? This guy's gonna kill me if I do, but if he did it, then I can too!
The rabbit hops out of the hole with surprising speed and snatches Tenseiga and leaps back into its hole, scurrying for its very life.
The trap door closes.
*Grrr* Sesshōmaru kneels down and sprays poison on the trap door with his hand. It's gone.
"Tch."
*Gasps* "That was a bad thing for Mr. Bunny to do!"
Jaken, "Come back here you ungrateful rabbit!"
Both dogs sniff the hole in order to remember the rabbit's scent so they can track them above ground, and this works. They follow the scent on foot and eventually they come across each other.
They glare at each other for awhile.
Inuyasha speaks first, "Did a rabbit take your sword too?"
"….That's none of your concern."
*wooooooo*
*kre-ee-k*
Next to them, two trap doors side by side open up, and in each is one of the rabbits. The dogs' eyes widen and they lunge for the hole, punching the trap doors. Damn, the rabbits escaped again.
They try to remove their hands from the hole – wait….they're stuck.
Sesshōmaru tries to keep composure as his little brother tries to frantically free his hand, as he tries to free his own hand- This is ridiculous!
"What kind of bull**** is this!"
In the end both brothers with all their might stand suddenly to pull their hands out and the very ground in between the trap doors lifts! As the dirt crumbles around them it is revealed why they were stuck.
On Inuyasha's middle finger is a Chinese finger trap! On Sesshōmaru's middle finger is a Chinese finger trap! They are. Stuck to. Each other!
Sesshōmaru, "Unbelievable."
Inuyasha, "You've got to be kidding me."
Everyone stares in disbelief and then the bunnies show up.
Shoulder-to-shoulder they announce, "I am Hakeh!"
"And I am Mateh!"
"And together we are – HakeMate!" they pose dramatically, "Mwahahaha!"
Inuyasha and Sesshōmaru lunge for the bunnies who both jump up, hop off of their heads and land behind them.
Sesshōmaru, "Return my sword."
Inuyasha, "Give it back!"
"Never~!" they say and with that they burrow into the ground. They're gone.
Inuyasha, "….Okay what the hell was that?"
Sango, "That finger trap…"
The brothers look at each other then both pull their hands away- *Squeee-* Nothing.
They pull again- *Squeeeee-* Nothing yet. They're eyebrows furrow. They try again – nothing. Now they pout – nothing. They show they're teeth – nothing. They're growling and insanely pull their arms, every time Sesshōmaru pulls fiercely Inuyasha is pulled, every time Inuyasha pulls fiercely Sesshōmaru is pulled, and they just keep upping the power!- *Squee squee squee squee squeeeeee-!*
"What the hell!" Inuyasha shouts as he and Sesshōmaru pull at the same time holding….
Then Sesshomaru swings his arm and sends Inuyasha into a faceplant! Nothing.
"What was that for?" he lifts his face off the ground.
"Silence. Use your claws," Sesshōmaru says oh so slightly out of breath.
"Why can't you-?" he stares at Sesshōmaru's left sleeve that has no arm in it, "Right…"
"But won't you cut your fingers off?" Kagome cries out.
"It's better that than being stuck with this asshole."
Sesshōmaru glares at him and then swings his own hand in such a way that he makes Inuyasha slap himself, the act made easier by Inuyasha being still in a crouching position.
"Y-you bastard," Inuyasha points at him with his left hand, "I…you… Go to hell," he stands up and punches Sesshōmaru in the face.
Everyone gasps and stares; Jaken's jaw has basically fallen right off.
Sesshōmaru, face still turned to the direction it was punched, eyes widened slightly, it's like he's trying to say something, and a little blood runs down his nose. He closes his eyes and he closes his mouth and swallows. Breathes and opens his eyes, "Little brother…" while turning his head Inuyasha's direction and then knees him in the gut.
Inuyasha keels over onto his knees coughing!
"Grovel, you mutt!" he growls between clenched teeth.
"How dare you? Have you no respect for your older brother or for those who are stronger than you? You-cut-my-left-arm-off. And now my only arm is stuck-to-you. How do you think I feel?" *Kick! Kick! Kick! Kick! Kick! Kick! Kick! Kick! Kick!*
"And to top it off, rabbits stole Tenseiga and Tetsusaiga!" *KICK! KICK! KICK! KICK! KICK! KICK! KICK! KICK! KICK! KICK! KICK! KICK!*
"Whoa whoa, you need to calm down!"
"Lord Sesshōmaru stop!"
"You'll kill him!"
"Sesshōmaru!"
"Don't worry, we'll fix this somehow!"
Everyone rushes over to the brothers' side to break it up, perhaps not the finger trap but at least the kicking.
To be continued...