Disclaimer: I own no one. I'm not sure the timing is right but it's after the last episode that aired when Max died was that other guy and then everything was good in the end. Well this takes place after that but I put in on New Years to start and it'll go into flashbacks and go forward too. Confusing I know but you'll get it.
Please R&R thank you.
January 1st, 2002
Dear Diary,
Today is the first day of the rest of my life……I broke up with Max. I told him I don't love him anymore, how such a lie escaped my lips, I still don't even know. No one can understand it. Maria is completely thrown off, she keeps saying we were the only thing stable, the only thing left that made sense. I know I've broken up with Max before…. With that whole "Tess" thing, I still can't even stand to look at her name. Thank God she's gone if she ever came back I know I'd go off on her.
I know you're saying now that's not like you at all. Liz Parker go off on someone? Yea right, I'm sure. I don't know what it is. That day Max saved me, again. From crashing to a bone shattering death, when he sacrificed himself…. I was at the Crashdown all over again. It's like this vicious cycle that wont ever stop.
Max saves me.
I put everyone at risk of exposure.
I bring my friends into danger.
Someone dies.
Someone's life falls to pieces.
I get hurt.
My friends get hurt.
We apologize try to make it work but it doesn't then-
The End.
Then it starts all over again.
I can't handle that anymore. I don't want my heart broken once more. I don't want to hear that I've put someone at risk of exposure once more. I don't want the lies anymore. None of it! I'm done.
But I do still love Max and that's what's killing me.
Those freaky things that were going on with me have stopped. But this time I can feel something brewing, something that is going to be really bad. Worst than anything else. I can feel it.
So where did that leave me? It left me at the beginning only so I could find another end. When was it going to stop? Then I stopped and I realized, stop it where it began. And when you connect all the dots it began at Max. It began at the Crashdown, as Max healed me and became a part of me forever. It began when he stopped me from plummeting to my death. It began again, which means it will have to end.
It'll end in pain and sorrow, and remorse. My heart can't handle it anymore, neither can my body. I am exhausted, completely wiped out. My grades have been suffering. I may never fulfill my childhood dreams of greatness. They were all wiped away in a single moment.
Now I face the chance of forever living in Roswell, growing up here, getting married taking over the restaurant and dying here. And it would be all for nothing my dreams have been torn to shreds. Bits of tiny fragments laughing at me as they fall to the ground and people stepping on them, grinding them into dust. To be seen no more. To be forgotten.
So I broke up with Max. I put on my hardest face, and turned my heart to stone. I kept bringing up times in my mind that would make me hate him.
I saw:
When I got arrested- but I did that out of love.
Or when he tried to strangle me- but I remembered it wasn't truly him.
Then there was when he came and told me to break up with him- but that was 20 years into the future.
Finally I saw it and my heart froze and time ceased.
Tess's face filled my mind. That mass of curls, those icy, heartless blue eyes. I saw Max's lips, telling me he had slept with her. My heart crying because I saved myself for him and he threw it all away. Then I heard his voice telling me that Tess was pregnant, with his child. That he had to leave, his son was going to die. My breath caught in my chest, my heart hardened and I was able to speak those forbidden words with ease.
"I don't love you Max." My voice came out firm and sure of myself, when I felt as though I was going to throw up.
"I don't believe it Liz." Max's eyes searched for mine, but I dared not to meet his own, then I knew I would fall in love with him all over again.
"I'm sorry Max."
"Don't say you're sorry, if you intend to kill me!" Max yells
It was true I was killing him, and with him a part of me was dying too. My heart.
I stood there shaking my head, willing myself not to cry. "I don't love you Max."
I had said it again, each time it became more painful to say those words. Each time the knife in Max's heart twisted and cut into his heart killing each with each breath.
Max's eyes died at the very moment I looked up. My eyes were stone, it was as though I was Medusa and I froze him on that very spot. It was then he knew I meant it. I lied to the only person I loved and succeeded in the ultimate feat. I killed him, on that spot. He was to never be the same again.
He turned without a word, he didn't have to say anything for me to know what I had done to him. I knew he would never love again, and if he did it would be a lie, to himself and to her. Max would be alone for the rest of his life. And it was all my fault, I had finally created and end that would have no beginning.
You can't see it but sitting next to me if a piece of paper, on it I wrote seven words. Seven words that if I were to give them to Max he would understand everything. He would come back to me and the world would make sense again. Seven words and it would be as if nothing had changed.
I don't know if I want to go back, if I don't I'll never have Max. I will never love again. No one could have Max's place in my heart. But I'm scared, I know what will happen if I go back to him. I don't think I can handle it anymore. I want my future, to get into a great college have a family and a home- with Max. The chances of that- well they aren't good. I look down at the paper once more, seven worlds can bring me back to the life I knew. Seven words.
I could call Maria for advice but she'd tell me to call him, so would Isabel, Kyle, Valenti, Jess, Michael at this point I think even my parents would tell me to go back to him. That is if they knew what was actually going on. They don't even know I broke up with him. They don't know much of anything lately, I don't know them either. That's another thing. Do I really want to grow up without knowing my parents?
Too much for me to decide and I have to do it on my own. I'm completely alone for once. In perfect solitude and I hate it. I want Max back, but I don't know if I can do it. It's getting late, it's almost three in the morning, I can't believe I've been sitting here for so long. New Years sucked in case you were wondering, nothing could bring me out of this mood. I have a choice- ultimate happiness and love that comes with great risks and sacrifices, a life I want no more or living alone knowing my other half is doing the same.
I really need some sleep, I need a new day, maybe some hope will come with it. I don't really think so, but if there isn't hope what is there? And in case you were wondering what those seven words were:
I should have died that day.
Liz
To be continued, this was only an introduction. There will be actual interaction with all the other characters, including Max!
Please R&R thank you.
January 1st, 2002
Dear Diary,
Today is the first day of the rest of my life……I broke up with Max. I told him I don't love him anymore, how such a lie escaped my lips, I still don't even know. No one can understand it. Maria is completely thrown off, she keeps saying we were the only thing stable, the only thing left that made sense. I know I've broken up with Max before…. With that whole "Tess" thing, I still can't even stand to look at her name. Thank God she's gone if she ever came back I know I'd go off on her.
I know you're saying now that's not like you at all. Liz Parker go off on someone? Yea right, I'm sure. I don't know what it is. That day Max saved me, again. From crashing to a bone shattering death, when he sacrificed himself…. I was at the Crashdown all over again. It's like this vicious cycle that wont ever stop.
Max saves me.
I put everyone at risk of exposure.
I bring my friends into danger.
Someone dies.
Someone's life falls to pieces.
I get hurt.
My friends get hurt.
We apologize try to make it work but it doesn't then-
The End.
Then it starts all over again.
I can't handle that anymore. I don't want my heart broken once more. I don't want to hear that I've put someone at risk of exposure once more. I don't want the lies anymore. None of it! I'm done.
But I do still love Max and that's what's killing me.
Those freaky things that were going on with me have stopped. But this time I can feel something brewing, something that is going to be really bad. Worst than anything else. I can feel it.
So where did that leave me? It left me at the beginning only so I could find another end. When was it going to stop? Then I stopped and I realized, stop it where it began. And when you connect all the dots it began at Max. It began at the Crashdown, as Max healed me and became a part of me forever. It began when he stopped me from plummeting to my death. It began again, which means it will have to end.
It'll end in pain and sorrow, and remorse. My heart can't handle it anymore, neither can my body. I am exhausted, completely wiped out. My grades have been suffering. I may never fulfill my childhood dreams of greatness. They were all wiped away in a single moment.
Now I face the chance of forever living in Roswell, growing up here, getting married taking over the restaurant and dying here. And it would be all for nothing my dreams have been torn to shreds. Bits of tiny fragments laughing at me as they fall to the ground and people stepping on them, grinding them into dust. To be seen no more. To be forgotten.
So I broke up with Max. I put on my hardest face, and turned my heart to stone. I kept bringing up times in my mind that would make me hate him.
I saw:
When I got arrested- but I did that out of love.
Or when he tried to strangle me- but I remembered it wasn't truly him.
Then there was when he came and told me to break up with him- but that was 20 years into the future.
Finally I saw it and my heart froze and time ceased.
Tess's face filled my mind. That mass of curls, those icy, heartless blue eyes. I saw Max's lips, telling me he had slept with her. My heart crying because I saved myself for him and he threw it all away. Then I heard his voice telling me that Tess was pregnant, with his child. That he had to leave, his son was going to die. My breath caught in my chest, my heart hardened and I was able to speak those forbidden words with ease.
"I don't love you Max." My voice came out firm and sure of myself, when I felt as though I was going to throw up.
"I don't believe it Liz." Max's eyes searched for mine, but I dared not to meet his own, then I knew I would fall in love with him all over again.
"I'm sorry Max."
"Don't say you're sorry, if you intend to kill me!" Max yells
It was true I was killing him, and with him a part of me was dying too. My heart.
I stood there shaking my head, willing myself not to cry. "I don't love you Max."
I had said it again, each time it became more painful to say those words. Each time the knife in Max's heart twisted and cut into his heart killing each with each breath.
Max's eyes died at the very moment I looked up. My eyes were stone, it was as though I was Medusa and I froze him on that very spot. It was then he knew I meant it. I lied to the only person I loved and succeeded in the ultimate feat. I killed him, on that spot. He was to never be the same again.
He turned without a word, he didn't have to say anything for me to know what I had done to him. I knew he would never love again, and if he did it would be a lie, to himself and to her. Max would be alone for the rest of his life. And it was all my fault, I had finally created and end that would have no beginning.
You can't see it but sitting next to me if a piece of paper, on it I wrote seven words. Seven words that if I were to give them to Max he would understand everything. He would come back to me and the world would make sense again. Seven words and it would be as if nothing had changed.
I don't know if I want to go back, if I don't I'll never have Max. I will never love again. No one could have Max's place in my heart. But I'm scared, I know what will happen if I go back to him. I don't think I can handle it anymore. I want my future, to get into a great college have a family and a home- with Max. The chances of that- well they aren't good. I look down at the paper once more, seven worlds can bring me back to the life I knew. Seven words.
I could call Maria for advice but she'd tell me to call him, so would Isabel, Kyle, Valenti, Jess, Michael at this point I think even my parents would tell me to go back to him. That is if they knew what was actually going on. They don't even know I broke up with him. They don't know much of anything lately, I don't know them either. That's another thing. Do I really want to grow up without knowing my parents?
Too much for me to decide and I have to do it on my own. I'm completely alone for once. In perfect solitude and I hate it. I want Max back, but I don't know if I can do it. It's getting late, it's almost three in the morning, I can't believe I've been sitting here for so long. New Years sucked in case you were wondering, nothing could bring me out of this mood. I have a choice- ultimate happiness and love that comes with great risks and sacrifices, a life I want no more or living alone knowing my other half is doing the same.
I really need some sleep, I need a new day, maybe some hope will come with it. I don't really think so, but if there isn't hope what is there? And in case you were wondering what those seven words were:
I should have died that day.
Liz
To be continued, this was only an introduction. There will be actual interaction with all the other characters, including Max!