Sometimes, I wished that I could be that naive little girl back in Woodcrest. In the nice big house, a loving mother and father, a plethora of friends. But instead, I'm here, in one of the many projects that littered Chicago. My father had left my mom and my mom wasn't who I had thought her to be… she drank excessively, did any drugs she could get her hands on. There were always random men, in and out the house for one reason or another. It had only been a year since we left Woodcrest, but I felt like I had grown beyond my years since then. Sometimes the stress of everything just got to me and talking to my dad or to my best friend wouldn't do anything. I laid my head on my pillow, trying to hold back the tears. I could hear my mom out in the living room arguing with her newest boyfriend, Raekwon. Out of all the men she brought around, I hated him the most. He had given her another addiction; coke. He used her and beat her like a rag doll. He always made me feel gross like something was crawling under my skin and anytime he was around I wouldn't leave my room except to go to the bathroom. I always locked my room when he was here. Everything about him screamed danger and I was smart enough to follow my instincts.

I fell asleep wishing that I was back home, in my real home where I had good memories and feelings, not here with an addict for a mother and nothing to keep me sane.

I woke up to the creak of my door opening slowly, making me shoot up from my bed immediately. I let out a gasp as I saw Raekwon locking the door behind him. He turned to look at me, closing in on me and shoving me back onto my bed. I screamed, "MOM!" but I knew it wouldn't be any help, she would be too high to care in the first place.

I gasped again as he leaned over me, his weight crushing my body. I shook my head as he grabbed my cheeks roughly, squeezing the insides together. With his other hand, he started to undo his jeans, the jingling of his belt taunting my ears. I felt the tears fall down my cheeks as he yanked down my pajama pants and then my underwear.

I begged him not to, as much I as could with his hand squeezing my cheeks together. I kicked and slapped at him, but I was like a feather and he was like a rock.

A moment later I stopped fighting and he smirked. "You dumb bitch, did you think you could stop me?" he chuckled loudly as he slid inside me, a groan escaping his lips.

I felt like I was being torn in half. Like there was a fire inside of me and he was only adding more fuel to it. I counted down how long it took for him to finish. 240 seconds. Four minutes. I wanted to throw up as he filled me with his semen.

He climbed off me, pulling back up his boxers and jeans, buckling his belt. He tossed me a random shirt that was on my floor. "Clean yourself up. And don't you dare think about telling anyone. I'll kill you and your mother." he chuckled again as he walked out of my room.

The next morning, I didn't leave my bed until I was sure I was home alone. I pulled the covers off of my body, startled at the blood that stained my thighs and sheets. The soreness that was in between my legs was so painful. I slowly climbed out of my bed, heading quickly to the bathroom so I could shower.

My mind raced as I stood under the slightly warm water, the dried blood rinsing away down the drain. What was I going to do? My mom… She wouldn't believe me. She wouldn't care. My dad… I didn't even want to waste his time. I didn't even know how to tell him.

Besides, I didn't want Raekwon to kill me or my mom, and I knew enough about him that he wasn't the one to play games. I cried in the shower, scrubbing at my body until the water chilled me to the bone.

I was shaken up. He had taken my innocence, something that I had wanted to share with someone special to me.

I turned off the water and stepped out of the tub to throw up into the toilet.

My mom's boyfriend raped me and there was nothing I could do about it.

When I finally felt composed enough to get up off the floor and get ready, I didn't care about school anymore. I didn't want to deal with it, I didn't want to deal with anything. I stood up from the floor, using the edge of the tub as leverage and shuffled into my room to curl back into a miserable ball. My mind raced around what happened last night, bringing myself to tears several times. Why did this happen to me?

My phone started buzzing obnoxiously and I picked it up with a sigh. It was Cindy, my best friend. "Hello?" I tried my best to sound as normal as possible, but it didn't seem like it was working.

"Jazmine, wassup with you?" she asked, worry seeping into her voice, "Are you good? You never miss school."

"Yeah, I'm just a little sick… but, can you come over after school?" I asked. I would have to tell Cindy. I couldn't keep something this big to myself, it'd kill me inside.

"Of course, want me to pick you something up?"

I bit my bottom lip, a fire between my legs again and I almost burst out into a sob. "Plan B? I'll pay you back every cent, I promise."

I heard Cindy gasp in the background. "Shit. Yeah, I got you Jaz. I'll see you in a few hours."

I was grateful she didn't go into questioning me like crazy. I knew it was because she was at school, where anyone could overhear a conversation, but it did help me feel a little better in a sense.

The day slowly went by as I laid in my room, stuck with my own miserable company. I had lost track of time and when I heard the knock on my front door, I went into a panic, thinking maybe it was Raekwon. Then I remembered that I asked Cindy to come over. I got up and scrambled over to the front door, opening it quickly and pulling her in just as fast before slamming it shut. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes, but I tried not to cry.

"Jaz?" Cindy looked at me and held the bag out. "Is there something you wanna tell me? What's wrong boo?" I shook my head as I took the bag from her hands and grabbed the box. I held it shakily in my hands and tried to gather the courage to look Cindy in the face. Then I broke out into a sob. The box dropped out my hands and Cindy closed the space between us and hugged me tightly, trying to calm me down. "Jazmine… you gotta tell me wassup or I can't help you."

"He-he raped me, Cin." I cried into her shoulder, not feeling any better than somebody else knew.

"What the fuck? Who?!" She snapped, her hold tightening around me on me.

"My mom's boyfriend…" I pulled away and picked up the box off the floor. I fumbled to get it open, "I need to hurry up and take this… I don't want to have his baby. I can't Cindy." I was shaking so much I couldn't open the box and Cindy took it away from me, opening it herself.

"Fuck. Jaz, you can't stay here. No way in hell I would ever let you stay here with that nigga. No way. You can stay with me? Will your mom even care?" She said, walking into the kitchen to get me a glass of water.

"No, of course, she wouldn't. She wouldn't know I was gone until she came down from a high." I took the glass of water from Cindy's hand and slowly took a sip before popping the medicine into my mouth.

"How does this even work?" I mumbled sheepishly. I knew that it could stop pregnancy from happening but other than that I was completely lost. Cindy turned the box over, reading the instructions, reading it word for word. "You will know Plan B One-Step worked when you get your next period, which should come at the expected time, or within a week of the expected time. If your period is more than a week late, it is possible you may be pregnant. You should get a pregnancy test and follow up with your healthcare provider."

"You mean I have to wait until my next period to even know?" This only made me cry harder. I had to wait another month? If it even worked…

"This is so fucked, I don't even know what to say." Cindy shook her head. "C'mon let's pack your stuff. You're staying with me and we gotta go before that piece of shit or your mom comes back."

I nodded and just followed her lead, getting my backpack and stuffing every important school-related thing inside. I shoved in as many clothes that could fit in the duffel bag, two pairs of shoes, anything that had any value to me. If I left anything that was worth something, I might never see them again if my mom got to it. I could always come right after school, to slowly move my things out. All I know is, as long as Raekwon was still around, I could never stay there.

When I got to Cindy's house, it was quiet, as usual. Her mom was always at work and her father wasn't around anymore. She was an only child, and she usually had the house to herself. No one would be here to question me, and if my mom didn't sober up, I would be fine as long as I went to school like normal. If I didn't do anything to raise suspicion, I would be safe.

"Sorry it's a mess girl, my mom been sleepin' on the couch when she gets home at night. Ugh… I gotta clean this shit up," she groaned as she started picking up the trash and clothes that surrounded the living room. I shrugged my shoulders, dropping my bag in her room before coming back to help her clean up.

"It's fine Cin. Just, thank you so much. This means the world to me. I had no idea what I was gonna do… if I had stayed there I… Who knows what would have happened."

"Of course, anything for my girl. And trust me, don't worry. I'ma get Riley and his niggas to fuck that asshole up, I promise," Cindy said angrily, her voice getting lower as she spoke.

My eyes popped open and I shook my head. "No, no, no Cindy you can't. You can't tell anyone. He said he'd kill me. He'd kill my mom."

I didn't know much about street life and how it worked, but I knew that Raekwon wasn't one to be fucked with.

"What the fuck? Did he really?" Cindy shouted, tossing the dirty clothes into a laundry bag while I tossed the garbage into a plastic bag. I couldn't say anything so all I did was nod my head. "You think there's any way your dad could come and get you?" Cindy said softly once we were sitting down on the couch, flipping through the channels on her TV.

I sighed and shrugged my shoulders. "I honestly could just leave if I wanted to. I'm eighteen. But I need to finish high school. And my dad… I love him, but I don't think I can live with him."

"I understand," Cindy mumbled as she wrapped her arms around me. "Just know, I'm here for you. Always."

"Thanks, Cindy." I nodded, feeling my eyes well up with tears again. I didn't know what to do, how I was going to get through this, but I did believe her when she said she would help me no matter what. Cindy was my best friend and she was with me through thick and thin.

The next few days were just a blur for me. I went to school every day like I always did. I was always so paranoid that someone would come into my class to ask me why I wasn't living at home, or that Raekwon would show up at my school asking why I wasn't around anymore. Cindy was with me whenever she was able to be, walked back to her house with me then back to school whenever she had basketball practice. I think she even told her boyfriend, Riley, he couldn't come over for a little while and I knew for a fact that he came over often.

I didn't mind Riley, even though I had only met him a few times. Cindy was my best friend, but Riley wasn't the type of person I hung out with. He was brash, had a terrible potty mouth and didn't have a care in the world from what I could tell. It also didn't help that he was in a gang. That had always prevented me from hanging out with her when he was around.

Other than that, I was always sad. I didn't really know what to do with myself. I was disgusted, angry, sad, and a bunch of other emotions that I couldn't even explain. I had thought about going to a teacher, or a guidance counselor but that wouldn't end up doing any good for me. I just needed to keep my mouth shut and live with what had happened to me.

It was Friday when I finally decided to go back home, right after school, so I could pick up a few more of my things. I told Cindy I'd meet her at her house in thirty minutes. I unlocked the door quietly and hurried in, expecting the house to be empty. I was almost to my room when I heard a dark chuckle.

My heart stopped, and I turned around slowly, the floorboards creaking underneath me. "Where have you been Jazmine? I missed you."

I shivered the way he said my name. I looked down, tears prickling my eyes. "Nowhere. I've been sleeping over at a friend's house."

"And you didn't even think about telling me? Even though we have this new relationship going on?" he sucked his teeth. "You shouldn't have done that."

"Relationship? No… You're my mom's boyfriend…" I stuttered over my words. That same sinking feeling came over me and I felt like sinking into the ground. I felt like running away. But now he was standing up, his figure standing over me.

"Yeah, but you're such a beautiful lil lady… I'd rather have you." he tilted my chin up with his finger. I avoided looking him in his eyes. "You're gonna have to make it up to me for leaving me like that. I had plans the other day, for us."

"No, Raekwon. Please don't. Please," I sobbed.

"Don't cry, baby… Don't cry," he said softly as he grabbed me by my hair and yanked me down, so I was on my knees. The sound of him unbuckling his belt rang through my ears and I started crying again. "Please no."

His pants dropped to the floor and then he forced himself into my mouth. I choked, gagged, cried, staying slack-jawed as he used me like a rag doll.