Chapter One – Goodbye Wes, Hello Normal
Feeling the sunlight burn against her skin, Michaela's eyes slowly fluttered open to see the sunlight peeking through. Seeing that the curtains were an awful green plaid of a color, the realization didn't take long to fall upon her that she wasn't at her place. Coming to the final bit of conclusion by seeing his arm draped over her waist, Michaela sighed as she did the one thing she swore she would never do with him. Granted last night was not of the normal for them, Michaela was quick to dispel that since meeting Analiese Keating, nothing was ever normal anymore. Her movement quickly awakened him as she sat up in the full sized bed, she reached over to grab her phone to see that the news was already plastered over her phone. Peaking over her shoulder, it didn't take Asher long to see Wes's face tagged along with the latest of news that they had to suffer through. Sitting in silence for a moment or two, Asher extended his hand to place on her shoulder, unsure of how to even comfort her. Feeling his touch, Michaela ran through the emotions that she should feel as opposed to what just wasn't there before his phone began to vibrate.
"It's Bonnie" Michaela said as she passed his phone over to him. Feeling a bit awkward to have Bonnie call with Michaela with him, Asher hesitated for a moment
"Hello" Asher answered as Michaela got up from the bed to look for her shoes, thanking the heavens that they weren't that soulless to have sex last night.
"Tell everyone to meet in the library in the next hour" Bonnie said hurriedly as she always did to where it wasn't her asking but her demanding
"Who? I mean Laurel is still in the hospital I presume. Connor has gone m.i.a with no realm of possibility of him popping up anytime soon..." Asher said as he sat up in the bed, looking on Michaela as she put her shoes on
"Michaela" Bonnie stated
"What about Michaela?" Asher asked as Michaela looked over at him at the mention of her name
"Where is she? I assume your with her or know of where she is, since she is unreachable at this current moment
"I am….I am with her" Asher hesitated to say "Whatever crazed plan Analiese has, I just don't think now is the time to hash out what to do next…." She began to say
"There's no plan. No plan but to lay Wes to rest. As your well aware of, Wes had minimal family ties and those family ties are becoming harder and harder to reach with every passing moment. So we must lay him to rest sooner rather than later" Bonnie stated
"Right" Asher replied as it was still sinking in that Wes was gone
"This is what she wants and this is all she is requesting of you guys. Can you make sure the others can help?" Bonnie asked
"I'll see what I can do" Asher sighed before she ended the call. Putting the phone down, Asher ran his hand through his hair as he let out sigh. "Analiese…." He began to say
"Don't" Michaela quickly replied "Every call ends with that name, and today. Today of all days, I don't want to begin with that name, not like the other days" she stated
"It's for…." Asher began to say
"I know" Michaela replied as she wore a look that seemed as if she was detached and numb to the idea of Wes being dead. Not wanting to push it, Asher presumed that he would spare her of having to deal with yet another change in her world. "Where are you going? You don't have to leave so soon" he said
"Oh, but I do. I have my welfare collector that you invited back at my place. Lord knows what she's already pawned" Michaela said as she began to fix herself in the mirror
"I'm sorry for that, I never meant to" Asher replied
"Did you think I made a sport out of ignoring her phone calls?" Michaela questioned
"I don't know what to think anymore" Asher replied as he was surprised at the shift of her attention
"I didn't need you intruding in my personal business" Michaela replied
"Then what do you need from me?" Asher said in a moment of weakness in the effort of trying to navigate her change of directions as he appeared in the mirror. Looking on at his reflection looking on at her, Michaela thought for a moment, reminding herself that her fortress needed to be erect now more than ever, for the sake of survival.
"Take care of whatever Bonnie needed, and be willing to comply to whatever efforts I have to take to get her to leave" Michaela stated as she turned to face him, cold and distant as she intended to be towards any emotion that she should be feeling
"Fine" Asher said begrudgingly before she made her way out of his dorm room, leaving him to stand alone.
Putting the box down, Asher took a seat on the bed as he opened up the drawer to stash away the belongings into the box. With all efforts being put into Wes's funeral, it left most of duties for Asher to handle on his own. Smiling on at a few of the photos of Wes when he was younger, Asher couldn't help but imagine what type of person Wes was when he was younger. Knowing the little of bit Wes that he did, Asher could tell he was probably that kid that wanted to do right and make the world a better place, which could've been attainable if they never crossed paths with Analiese Keating. That name alone back the horrible realization of the reality that brought Wes and him together in the first place, and again it was yet another day of just trying to survive in her world. Hearing a knock at the door, Asher looked up to see Oliver standing in the doorway.
"Thought you may need some help" Oliver replied
"How'd you know I'd be here let alone need the help?" Asher asked
"I see no one else, and suspect you process better than they do"Oliver replied
"I don't think death is ever anything I can process" Asher said "It just has to be done" he said as the two looked on at each other
"Connor stayed up most of the night, drinking away any available bottle of liquor I had, which only aided in him getting sleep" Oliver said "How is Michaela handling it?" he asked
"She's doing fine. She just has her mom in town and she doesn't want to get her all worried" Asher lied as he felt some inkling of embarrassment that he couldn't even compute in his own brain how the girl that he's sleeping with was taking the loss.
"It always puzzles me on how you guys came to be" Oliver said as he grabbed a box and began to put away some of Wes clothes
"How so?" Asher asked
"You all are vastly different, but yet you all so close. Like there is some unspeakable bond that draws you all together" Oliver said
"Isn't that the essence of every friendship?" Asher asked
"I suppose" Oliver said "I just wish I knew how to get in" he said as Asher looked on at him, wondering what he was trying to get at "I wish that I understood what to feel or what to do in these moments. You each have your own reaction and without fail, you understand to let each other sort of spiral, then come back to move on" he said
"No one is spiraling" Asher replied
"You lost a friend, I'd imagine that would have an effect" Wes said
"But no one is spiraling. I mean death…it happens to all of us" Asher stated "Not to sound heartless, but we're all going to come together as you say and move forward" he said
"What's Analiese role in all of this? I mean I just have this feeling like she's at the healm in all of this…." Oliver said as he began to pry
"If there is something you want to know, you should just go ahead and ask because I feel like this is less of just pondering thoughts but an interrogation" Asher said as Oliver began to realize that now wasn't the time to have his questions answered
"Sorry, just trying to make sense of how one day he's here and now….now we put him in a box" Oliver said as he put one of Wes's many button downs in the box
"When I figure that part out, I'll be sure to tell you" Asher sighed
Meanwhile….
Slouching down on the bench, Connor tried to endure the daylight with his hang over weighing him down. Massaging his head, Connor tried to aide himself but deep down he knew it'd take a lot more than a massage to cure him. Seeing the immediate presence of a white cup come into his vision, Conor looked over to see Michaela extending the cup towards him. Taking the cup, Connor took a sip while she took a seat beside him on the bench. Just as she settled in to eating her guilty pleasure that was popcorn, Connor nearly spit up his drink in disgust.
"This is freakin disgusting!?" Connor stated
"It will aide the hangover" Michaela quickly replied
"I can't drink this" Connor replied
"Suit yourself, but I would strongly encourage you to drink up since we'll more than likely receive a visit from the detectives, questioning us on our whereabouts and the last thing you want to be is non coherent to come up with an alibi" Michaela stated
"I have an alibi" Connor replied
"Really? You're the only one that wasn't accounted for" Michaela stated
"I have one" Connor replied
"Your booty calls wouldn't hold up to the constant harassment of the police" Michaela laughed
"Oh, I think this one would" Connor sighed as he leaned forced himself to take another sip while Michaela looked on at him quizzically
"Tell me you didn't have sex with Thomas?" Michaela questioned
"I didn't have sex with Thomas" Connor quickly replied
"You had sex with Thomas" Michaela said as she shook her head "Do you specialize in sabotaging your life?" she asked
"Said the girl, who wants to meet up to buy drugs to plant on their mother" Connor stated as Michaela knew there was not much she could say after that "This isn't normal by any set of the imagination" he said
"I don't have the privilege of being normal, I just need her gone" Michaela replied
"What is the issue with Momma Pratt being here? Besides the fact that you clearly hate her" Connor asked
"She's a part of my life that I don't want back. I moved past her a long time ago" Michaela said
"And look what you moved towards" Connor stated as the cynicism was the thing that bonded them together closer "I need to expand on my black attire since funerals will be of the norm with us" he said
"Seems unreal. As many times as Analiese tried to protect Wes, you'd never suspect she'd be the one to kill him in the figurative sense" Michaela said "She's going to be the death of us all" she said
"Not if we let her" Connor replied "With her being in jail, it may allow us the only bit of freedom we have of all things Analiese. In some ways, Wes may finally get his peace" he said
Turning the light out in her bathroom, Michaela massaged the lotion in her hands as she walked over towards her phone. Her mother had fallen for the trap set for her, now all Michaela hoped for was that she would take the bait hat she had dangling for her. Michaela knew that with her mother's sketchy past, the last thing she would need is a drug charge against her. Hearing a knock come to the door, Michaela walked out of her bedroom to look through the peep hole to see who it was. Looking on to see that it was Asher, Micheala leaned up against the door.
"Go home!" Michaela called out
"Michaela c'mon, I'm tired. I've had a really long day" Asher stated
"Then go to your living quarters" Michaela stated
"I have that cookie dough ice cream that you like…" Asher began to bribe her
"You've mistaken me for someone without will power" Michaela replied
"No, I don't doubt that you have that" Asher muttered to himself "Please, I'm begging. This is me begging you to let me in so I can sleep" he pleaded before she relunctantly opened the door for him to his surprise. Walking into the apartment, Asher looked around to see if he could find Michaela's mom but saw no sign of her "Where is Momma Pratt?" he asked
"Hopefully in handcuffs" Michaela replied
"What do you mean?" Asher asked
"You agreed to comply, so there really is no point in me telling you" Michaela said
"Okay, I'll pretend like I get that" Asher said "Is she coming back? Or is that situation magically taken care of?" he asked
"You complied" Michaela quick replied as she took a seat on the sofa
"I know that but I would like to know what I'm complying to" Asher said as she remained silent, unwilling to budge on giving him any bit of information "Okay, fine. I'm just tired and we still have yet to put a dent in what needs to be done for the funeral with it being just two days away. I have my eulogy, there is still the guest list which is surprisingly bigger than I thought it would ever be…it's just draining" he said as he took a seat on the sofa
"I don't know why put so much effort in making sure everyone else is comfortable. I mean the occasion is what it is" Michaela replied so distant and detached
"How are you handling it?" Asher asked as he looked over at her
"There's nothing to handle. It's an outcome that has no plausible chance of changing. Wes is dead and Analiese, she killed him. It's the daunting truth that we all need to wake up and realize" Michaela stated
"Why do you that?" Asher asked
"Do what?" Michaela aked
"When I try to have a hint of honest conversation, you side step it with some harsh reality. Yes, things are bleak, but why can't you exist in the moment and just state…..just state what you feel in the specific moment" Asher asked
"Look, I'm sorry if I don't get warm and fuzzy in the numerous of dark times since encountering Analiese…." Michaela began to say
"We're not talking about Analiese right now!? We're talking about you, we're talking about Wes….he's dead. He's not coming back, we're not going to see him in class or tease him about being waitlisted. He's…not here anymore" Asher replied
"Does it suck that Wes is dead, yes. It does very much so, but I don't know how else to relate that to you" Michaela said as Asher just shook his head "I guess Connor was right, Wes will finally get to be free from all of this" she said as Asher just laughed as he got up from his seat
"So you and Connor can talk about this, but we can't" Asher stated
"What….it wasn't an in depth conversation…." Michaela began to say
"I'm not saying it was an in depth conversation, but a conversation can be had on the current state of where we all are with Wes but with me, it's a lets move on and bash Analiese moment" Asher stated
"And this is exactly why I didn't want to do all of this" Michaela said as she got up from her spot on the sofa
"Why? Because you may actually have to stay in the present moment and compute something other than you being pessimistic?" Asher questioned "There's got to be more" he stated as she glared on at him, not liking that he was always so quick to call her out whenever they disagreed
"Drugs have been planted, Momma Pratt will be as good as gone" Connor said as he made his way into the apartment as Michaela tried to signal to Connor to stop talking before he'd reveal unnecessary information
"And that is something I'm not complying to" Asher said as he grabbed his coat from the sofa "You hate her, I get that. You want her gone, have the balls to kick her out" he said
"Tried that but yet again I'm dealing with the mess you've left for me" Michaela tried to fire back
"You know what, I'm actually not sorry I picked up because maybe having your mom will force you out of façade that you live in" Asher replied before he left the apartment
"What did I just walk in on?" Connor asked
Tossing and turning throughout the night, Michaela sighed in frustration as she wasn't quite sure why she couldn't go to sleep. Glancing over at the clock, Michaela became saddened that only two hours had past since he left. Slapping away at her pillow, Michaela figured she had to force herself to get comfortable because she wasn't about to let anything Asher said keep her awake. Taking a moment to just relax, Michaela stared up at the ceiling as the light from moonlight shine through her window. Rubbing his eyes, Connor made his way towards her room to see that she was still awake as he suspected.
"Even when he's not here, you're still loud" Connor said as he got in the bed beside her
"It's not too late for your exit either. Lord knows I'd actually like my first normal thing to be having my place back to myself" Michaela replied as she sat up in the bed
"And miss our epic fights over who wore your robe best, never" Connor teased as she shook her head
"I've got to let Asher go. His whole sensitivity issue is becoming too much" Michaela stated as Connor laughed "Our argument or whatever the hell it was, so left field. I never imagined him to be so needy" she complained
"Really? That's a shock to you" Connor replied
"It's no longer going to be my issue. Tonight sealed this weird twisted whatever we are thing" Michaela said as a silence came between them
"It's always easier to say being alone is easier, but you get used to someone being there. Then the crazy thing is that they actually want to be there, no matter how much you prove that nothing about who you are is worthy to be something to stay for, let alone hope that something good can come of you" Connor stated
"I never asked for him" Michaela stated
"And I never asked to look so hot in rose colored robe of yours, but you deal" Connor replied "He's not like you, he may actually need you and he's too Asherlike to admit that" he said "The fact that he was your first call, that should speak volumes to how you do care for him. That one inkling that something may happen to him, it scared the crap out of you" he said he nestled up to the pillow, making himself comfortable. "If we actually get the opportunity to be normal, don't you think you owe it to yourself to be normal with other normal people" he said
"I'm sadly normal with you" Michaela
"Yeah, but I'm not going to force you to be more and sometimes we need that" Connor replied as he slowly bean to drift asleep "Plus I love penis too much to go back to the vadge" he said before he eventually went to sleep. Resting her head against the headboard of her bed, Michaela sighed as she let Connor's words seep in.
Tapping her foot nervously, Michaela took a deep breath as she smoothed her dress out while she waited. Looking on as people began to file into the church, Michaela wasn't sure how comfortable she would be within the walls of a church with the sins they'd all have committed. Getting back to the only reason that brought her here, Michaela knew that laying Wes to rest was something that had to be done, she owed him that. Spotting Asher as he walked with Bonnie and Analiese, Michaela stood up quickly as she wasn't quite expecting to see Analiese out of her cell so soon. Putting that aside, Michaela had to focus on the things that she could control.
"Asher" Michaela said as she walked towards Bonnie, Analiese, and Asher "Can we talk?" she asked as the they all stopped for a moment
"You look nice " Analiese commented as Michaela barely made eye contact with her
"Well it's not flattering seeing as the occasion" Michaela replied as Analiese knew the walls that Michaela put up wouldn't come down with a simple compliment
"Bonnie, why don't you guys go inside? I'll be in shortly" Asher said as he wanted to prevent any disputes before the funeral. Agreeing to his suggestion, Bonnie led Analiese inside of the church while Michaela kept her focus on Asher "What do we need to talk about? I have a million things that I need to do" he said
"Everything looks nice" Michaela complimented
"Really? That's what you wanted to tell me?" Asher questioned
"I mean I was a bit worried with you planning everything, but you've done…." Michaela said finding it hard to just open up like he wanted so easily
"Yeah well, thank you, I guess" Asher replied
"Oh, didn't go through with the whole planting of drugs on my mom. She's now enjoying the likes of a motel on Baynar road that I'm paying for. Doesn't exactly get rid of her but…" Michaela began to say as Asher shook his head
"We're not seriously talking about getting rid of someone at a funeral, are we?" Asher questioned as he looked on at her in disbelief. Taking away all her talking points
"What do you want me to say?" Michaela asked helplessly and truthfully
"Nothing" Asher replied "I'll see you inside" he told her before he turned to head inside the church with a group of people.
Letting out a sigh, Michaela kicked herself for not speaking up as she was so used to doing in class. Feeling a tap on her shoulder, Michaela looked over to see Laurel dressed her funeral attire with the blood shot red eyes that showed she had probably been crying on the way over. Walking towards her, Michaela hugged her as the two just took a moment to be in the moment. Rubbing her back, Michaela felt Laurel's pain, felt how surreal this all was because regardless of they all came together, they were bonded together forever whether they liked it or not.
"We should probably go inside" Connor said as he made his presence known to the girls before Laurel and Michaela let go of each other, walking along with Connor, all three of them, as they walked into the church.
I close my eyes and talk to God
And pray that you can save my soul
I look to you to shine a light
Before the darkness takes a hold
Walking into the church, Michaela gripped on tight to Laurel's hand as they walked towards Wes's casket. Feeling it become more real with each step that they took, Michaela and Laurel stood looking on the closed casket knowing that underneath lay Wes. Her eyes watered as all Michaela could do was extend her hand out to touch the casket. Ushering Laurel off to her seat, Connor knew that he'd have to take care of her some shape or form, as it was more of a battle for her to just make it through the day than it was for the rest of them. Pulling her hand back slowly, Michaela stood and stared for moment, not knowing that Asher's eyes were on her.
I won't break
And I won't run
This time I won't be afraid ooohhh
Rising to their feet, they watched as the pallbearers picked up the casket as they prepared to carry Wes out. Wiping away the tear that fell from her eyes, Michaela knew she'd have to keep herself together as the sounds of Laurel's sobs echoed in her ear. Walking towards the end of the aisle, Michaela just watched on as they carried the black casket out through the double doors. Looking across to see Asher looking back at her, Asher and Michaela looked at each other for a moment before Bonnie and Analiese came into her vision as they walked out of the aisle. Breaking eye contact with her, Asher followed behind them as he had to remain focus.
I got demons
I got demons tryin'a get to me
But they'll never take me down
I'm only human
Underneath my skin the cuts run deep
I just need a little time to work em out
To work them out
I got Demons...
Nodding her head, Michaela took in the words of the preacher as he spoke at the Wes's grave site. Feeling his words become so profound and real, Michaela took a deep breath as she found it hard to breath. Looking around to see the diverse faces, some she had seen in class and others that she had seen in passing around campus, Michaela realized that Wes's impact went beyond just the four of them, but to others. Calling for others to speak, the preacher stepped aside, leaving this for an open forum to speak. Pulling his speech out of his pocket, Asher tried to compose himself so he wouldn't embarrass himself up at the front. Just as he prepared to head up to the podium, Asher was stopped by a tug from Annaliese as she motioned for him to look over to see Michaela making her way up to the podium.
"Wes….he was and is a friend of mine" Michaela stated "It never feels real, death, until you see a casket. It's like it's the final puzzle piece that this is actually happening, which is sad but some people need to see it in order for it to be real. Wes was good, he was a good,good person which is more than I can say most people I have known in my life. So the concept of how the good die but the bad people…they remain, it's a concept I'm trying to figure out and frankly it leaves me with not much to say in times when I should have everything to say" she said as she gripped on to the sides of the podium, feeling more raw than ever "Wes didn't lead a normal life, not by choice but in that time, he didn't allow the abnormal become his normal. So I just hope, I hope he can have his peace and hopefully get back his normal" she said as she looked on at his casket.
I can hear them now and then when I try to make a stand
They try their best to pull me under
That's when I reach for your hand
A little bigger than the usual, the group raised their glasses as they toasted their final farewell to Wes in his favorite bar. Each taking their sip, Laurel passed on hers as she opted for water for reasons unknown to Connor and Michaela. Once Wes was laid to rest, everyone gathered one last time, then slowly dispersed back to their lives. Not really eager to celebrate in a bar as they usually would, Michaela said her goodbyes to a few people before she made her way out of the bar. Feeling the chill of the night air, Michaela buttoned up her coat as she hurriedly walked down the street.
"Michaela wait!" The voice said as Michaela turned to see that it was Asher in a near sprint towards her
"Why are you running?" Michaela questioned as he hunched over, trying to catch his breath
"I was trying to catch you" Asher said trying to control his breathing
"You are severely out of shape…." Michaela began to say as she looked on at him surprised with how it was taking him a minute to get his breathing stable
"Why'd you speak?" Asher asked
"…I felt I had to" Michaela replied after a moment of true and honest thought "Look, I know that I may come off as cold hearted bitch….but it's the only way I know how to deal" she told him "I don't know how to be this thing you want me to be" she said
"I'm not asking you to be anything" Asher replied
"No, I'm not saying that" Michaela quickly replied "I am the way I am, and I know you've adapted to that. I just don't understand fully how to adapt to you. I don't know how you need me to be there for you, because I clearly failed at it" she said
"Epically" Asher replied
"Yes, epically" Michaela said breaking a smile "But I'm going to try more, to be there for you" she told him as extended his hand out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear
"You spoke of this normal, do you think we can have a normal after everything?" Asher asked
"I would think that's what Wes would want or at least wanted as the end result. For normal to come again" Michaela replied as she walked towards Asher, a mere inch away from him "So for my first act of normalcy, I want you to be that guy that holds my hand as he walks me home" she smiled shyly as she extended her hand out to him
"Can you handle that?" Asher teased as she hit him on the arm before he eventually took her hand in his. Walking down the street, hand in hand, normal as they tried to be "You put Momma Pratt in a motel and actually paid for it?" he asked
"God no, I just stole her credit card and put it on the card" Michaela replied