It took her a while - okay, maybe a long while - to realize her feelings.
She, Bonnie Bennett, a powerful witch coming from one of the oldest bloodlines, in love with a sociopath magic siphon, Malachai Parker. Of course it took her some time to figure that out.
What started out as hatred ended in some kind of a twisted kind of admiration and love. She never really believed before that it is only a fine line between love and hate.
But now, she had never been more wrong.
It was like whiplash. Like a flashbulb moment. She could have shouted a loud 'Eureka' for all the world cared. It was like she was at the dark then suddenly she found a window - or a door- to open and she was enlightened.
Through all the mistakes he did, she saw the determination in him to do good. Empathy is a choice, she'd always told herself. That time when Liv tried to kill him with that fireplace poker and he could have easily threw her a spell to harm her and he didn't. That time when he decided to help Damon, Elena and Jeremy to bring her back, and he almost died while doing so. That time when he could have killed Jo too and he even wished her the best in life. She knows he is not reformed - but she never really wanted him to change. She loves him just the way he is. She loves him in every little ways that he is.
She was ready to admit it all, to say it out loud - or at least say it out loud to him. She was prepared for his snickers or maybe insults that will come from him, because he'd probably gained some morality but his sarcasm had never left him. She had told herself that she'll tell Kai about her feelings. That sheloves her.
"Our resident sociopath added someone to his RSVP", Damon announced to our group. We are gathered in the spacious living room at the Salvatore Boarding House.
"Another sociopath? Is he building a gang?" Stefan half-joked.
"That's not the most interesting part. Apparently, that someone he's bringing is a girl", Damon added, emphasizing the word girl.
Her breath hitched. No one knows of her feelings yet about Kai. That means she should manage to handle her heart breaking without no one knowing too. The suspicion is premature, yes, but the possibility is appalling.
There were no knocks. There were no signs of their arrival at the front door of the house. All she knew is the scene in front of her.
"Oh, hey, full house huh, Damon?" Kai is wearing his usual shirt topped with a sweater and then his black coat. It'd only been weeks and he grew stubble. Over all he looked more like a man than a teenager that she thought he is when they first met at the 1994 prison world.
Then she saw it.
The girl is perhaps 5′5, just a few inches taller than Bonnie. Her hair is blonde, expertly styled to perfection. Her green eyes glow like embers in a dark hall. Her full lips are on a smile. One look and you'll say she is both provocative and innocent.
"Oh sorry, I am forgetting manners", Kai lobbied for his introduction. She was sweating, despite of the fact that a fire should be kept burning to maintain the warm temperature. "You all, meet Luna. She's a Gemini too, far less crazier than me however." Kai's eyes pull the girl closer to him and then his arms settled around her little waist.
Something broke inside Bonnie.
"Although I can say that we are not yet following my twin's path that is marriage, yes, Luna and I are dating, actually for… "
She didn't let Kai finished his sentence. She stood up all of a sudden, breathing heavily. Everyone was stunned, wondering what in the world she is doing.
"I- I n-need", she stuttered when Kai's eyes made contact with hers. "I n-need to go to the bathroom." With one quick loud gasp, she walked out of the room, aware that all eyes are on her.
The girl Luna will probably think of her as crazy. And weird.
But she didn't lie after all. She looked for a nearby powder room. She knows that no one should see her like this. Miserable and teary-eyed. Because more or less they'll ask questions. Questions she doesn't know she can answer. She crouched at the floor the second she locked the door behind. Then she held on to my chest, thumping it, as if punching her heart.
She's trying to knock some sense to her stupid heart.
Of course he'll bring a girl and introduce her as his girl. His girl. That hurt, knowing that that girl is not her.
She doesn't have anything against Luna. But she has a lot of things against herself.
"Why did I even bother?" she asked, biting her lip to suppress a moan. She knows there are vampires with super hearing downstairs who can hear her downstairs. She doesn't want to risk it.
But hell, she'd risked everything all ready. The moment she had accepted the fact that she is feeling something towards Kai, she knows there is never going back. She knows it's a gamble she can either lose or win.
Lose, it is.
She heaved a deep sigh. Stubborn tears oozed down her eyes, ruining her mascara. She had expected that it's her lipstick that will be ruined today, possibly because of a smooch between her and Kai when she reveals her feelings to him. Because isn't that how it goes in movies? The girl pours her heart out and the boy will say that he feels the same and they'll end up in a kiss?
But then she remembered she is way too old for fairytales. Those romantic stuff only happen in movies anyways.
She wiped her tears with the back of her hand, trying not to smudge her make-up and make it all worse. It was funny, how can someone who everyone thinks is strong - like her - can break and crack just as easily. It's ironic how can she seem to be smart about everything else but got stupid in this one thing.
Falling in love with Malachai Parker.
It was hopeless. Painfully hopeless. And it's tearing her apart from inside out. She feels like she drank acid. She feels like her guts were pulled out of her. She feels like dying.
Stupid.
There she was, Bonnie Bennett, at an isolated room feeling alone more than ever. After minutes of trying to calm herself, she gave in to the hurt and she sobbed quietly, pulling her hair on her hair in a violent way.
She's thinking of ways to stop time.
She's thinking of ways to numb the emotions.
She's thinking of the handsome face that can just be the last thing imprinted on her mind before her death.