Warning for: Sexual and disturbing themes. Read at your own risk.

Dramamine

Roxas had never wanted this. That much was obvious, with his perpetual scowl and crossed arms. There wasn't so much as a God in the sky that could shine some hope throughout his body. No, the sixteen year old boy was so wrapped up in the emotional theatrics of his sister that he couldn't find a reason to smile. Namine, his sister, as she liked to be called, was on his bed, weeping silently into her pale hands. It was a long story, Roxas mused, one that he wouldn't enjoy re-telling if someone were even interested. Namine had a history of breakdowns and depression; had a history of many things, in fact, things that some would shake their head at. She wasn't the most well behaved fifteen year old, Roxas could agree, but she meant well. Their parents had somewhat of a sour taste in their mouth whenever they thought about Namine. She was all bone and smiles; a pretty little thing that had a sharp tongue and a massive appetite for men. Her hair was long and blonde and she had the biggest blue eyes. It started at a young age.

She was a restless 9 year old. She had a tendency to sneak into Roxas' bed at night and keep him up. She'd complain about people at her school, cry about her dead fish, and ask him if he thought she was going to be something good one day. Roxas had no choice but to agree. The first time she told Roxas of a boy was after a long night of crying and choking on her own spit. She said, "He's tall and handsome. He touched my cheek and told me I was pretty. Aren't you happy for me, Roxas?" Roxas asked her how old the man was and she just shrugged. A long silence passed between the two of them before she said once again, "aren't you happy for me, Roxas?"

Roxas had no choice but to agree.

Roxas now knew that the man was 23 at the time. Namine cut off contact with him after she turned 11. The man would visit her at their local park. Sometimes, Roxas would go with Namine, and the man would glare at him. He didn't understand at the time, but the man had loved his sister. One day, he took Namine. Late at night, Namine stumbled through Roxas' door and stared at him. She walked to his bed, slid into the covers, and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing his jaw softly. He had asked her what happened, but had only received a groan in response. Roxas didn't understand much, but he knew that something in Namine changed after that day.

It began like that. Namine would meet men, most of whom were older than her, and come back later than Roxas had ever expected. She'd cuddle into him more intimately than sisters should, and sigh his name. He'd press questions onto her, all of which she would avoid. When Namine turned 12, she finally told Roxas what she'd been doing. They were sitting on Roxas' bed, Namine laid back, her elbows propping her up. Her hair laid over her shoulder, curls waving around her face. She was in nothing but underwear, the black cloth concealing the only thing Namine could ever preserve at her age. "They'd lay me like this," She says, head tilting back, "and take pictures of me. They touch me and make me feel good. You know..." Her hand trails down, hovering over the elastic of her underwear. Roxas shakes his head and hops off his bed, heading to the door. He unlocks the door and opens it. Swallowing thickly, he tells her,

"Get out."

He avoids her for 3 months.

When Roxas was fourteen, he entered his first relationship. She was tall and pretty, had shocking green eyes and her favorite color was orange. They'd sit on his roof and talk about their family, their friends, and their future. Roxas sometimes mustered up the courage to kiss her cheek. In turn, she'd blush, mumble something, and grin at him. They were happy and stayed strong til freshmen year of highschool. Something about another guy, she said, Hayner, or something. Roxas cried for three hours that night.

Roxas was sixteen when he was a sophomore in highschool. His sister had finally settled her ways and had herself a boyfriend, Axel, who was goofy and a bad influence and Roxas' best friend. Roxas found it quite hypocritical to say that Namine couldn't date Axel because he was a bad influence. He and Axel would get high in Axel's basement and write shitty love songs. Axel would beat him at Super Smash Bro's every time they would play and then boast about it. Roxas and Axel would make smoothies out of weird things like mayonnaise and mustard and dare each other to drink it. They'd go to high school parties and Roxas would tell Axel to talk to that girl over there for him because he was too nervous. They were the perfect pair, Roxas thought, the perfect pair of friends. Inseparable they were. They'd talk shit without repercussion and laugh at each others misfortune if something bad were to happen. And then Axel broke up with Namine. He had his reasoning, probably, something about focusing on school; needs to get his grades up, or something. It was bullshit, Roxas knew. Axel could care less about education. Knowing his best friend, Axel only cared about three things:

Girls. Adrenaline rushes. And drugs.

Axel was a drug enthusiast. It was what had drawn Roxas to Axel in the first place. Everyone in school knew that Axel was their main supplier for weed and alcohol and other illegal substances for minors because his brother was probably the coolest brother in the whole wide WORLD. Roxas was antisocial. He was antisocial and hated people and hated parties and hated anything socially acceptable this day and age. Namine was the opposite. The day Roxas heard that she was currently dating the stoner was the day he knew he had to talk to Axel. For the longest time, Roxas wanted change. He was tired of being antisocial and weird and he'd been wanting to hit Axel up and maybe get a few things and ask him to hang out?

It was pretty much the perfect opportunity.

They hit it off in mere seconds.

So here they were. Axel had broken up with Namine and she was sad and her makeup was smearing all along her cheek. Roxas took out his phone and brought up his messages, clicking on the icon that had Axel's face on it. He typed him a message, something along the lines of, "want to tell me what exactly just happened?" Namine hiccuped and looked at Roxas through thick lashes. "Don't say anything, please..." She pleaded. She swallowed and stood, her dress falling around her knees; trying her best to muster up a smile through all her sadness, she hugs her brother. "It was bound to happen anyways, you know? I'm just not good with this stuff. It's just not who I am." And with that, she was gone, and Roxas was left staring at his wall, hands wrapped around nothing. Like she was never there. Was she always this elusive? Roxas had wondered, walking and sitting on his bed. His phone vibrated in his hand and he took no time to check it. Of course, it was Axel, who else? and he of course, sent a big paragraph, what else?

Axel wanted to talk to Roxas, invited him to go get drunk, to go see some people. He'd suggest for Axel to leak tears over beers, but he knew when Axel wanted something, he'd get it. He was adamant on drinking and discussing and hating. Roxas sighed and stared at his ceiling.

He had no choice but to agree.

It was around midnight when Axel had spilled everything. "I like her. A lot. Your sister is pretty much the greatest chick in the world, Rox. But I...I don't know. There's something about her that I can't figure out. It has me up thinking all night, weighing the options I have. I think she's in love with someone else. She's just not her anymore. When we'd fuck, man, her mind was somewhere completely different. Kind of hits me right in the chest cavity." He pounds on his chest for emphasis. "I'm not asking you to talk with her about anything, but I'd be appreciative if you did. Maybe we'll even get back together..."

Even though Roxas sincerely doubted it, he had no choice but to agree.

At 3 am, Roxas was drunk off his ass. He was dancing on his toes, Axel laughing and dancing with him, both tumbling down soon afterwards. Axel's green eyes reminded him of Roxas' first love back when he was fourteen. Roxas blinked, once, twice, three times, and grinned at Axel. "You okay there?" Axel would ask Roxas, only to get a nod in response. Roxas would suggest they go to the skate park and Axel would have no choice but to agree to that motion. At 3 am, there was no one there. The park was only lit up by the dim lights of the street lamp. Bug zappers hummed in the distance and beer bottles clattered together as the pair sat on a large ramp and stared at the stars in the sky. Roxas turns his head to look lazily at Axel, who was staring intently at the moon. "I want to go there someday." Axel would say, rubbing at his cold nose. "Get away from everything. You don't need a heart on the moon."

"I want to come." Says Roxas.

It gets him a strange look from Axel but he nods his head nonetheless. "Definitely. We'll live a life on the moon. Our second life." A moment passes.

"I think, when I die, that's where I'm going. Not Heaven, or Hell. The moon. My soul, my being, my body. It's going to the moon."

Roxas scoffs and calls Axel ridiculous. At 4 am, Roxas heads home. His bed is comfortable and he soon falls into a deep sleep. He dreams of green eyed girls, the moon, and death.

He dreams of Axel and Namine and their happy ending.

Roxas didn't wake up until 1 in the afternoon, to the sound of his sisters voice. Yelling. It got louder and louder until his eyes shot open. Namine was clinging to him, weeping. His shirt was wet and his mind was clouded with confusion. "Namine?" He croaked out, head pounding and eyes squeezing shit.

"Why'd he do it, Roxas?" Namine choked, words clogged by her mucus. "I was happy! For once, I was happy..."

Roxas hugs her, for hours, he thinks, until she leaves and he doesn't know where she goes. She doesn't return. He sits in his bed, finding himself staring at the wall for the second time that week, wondering where Namine's head was at. She doesn't return. She doesn't return for days. Days turn into weeks. Weeks turn into long, blistering months. His parents, albeit reluctantly, send out a missing persons report. She doesn't return until the police tell him and his family that they found her dead body in a forest somewhere by the border of Ohio. The world stopped moving and Roxas excuses himself from their presence, stepping outside and looking at the sky. Then he runs. He runs, and runs, and runs, and doesn't stop running until he gets to Axel's house.

"Axel." He gasps when the redhead opens the door, eyebrow raising up in interest over Roxas' sweating form. Roxas hugs him, which makes Axel even more confused. "What's up?" The redhead asks after a few seconds, hands hesitantly resting on Roxas' back. Roxas stares at Axel's arm, eyes blinking slowly. Then, he vomits. Everywhere. Axel grimaces, pulls himself away from Roxas and shouts obscenities.

"She's dead." Roxas mumbles. Axel stops what he was doing and gives Roxas a hard look.

"What?"

"She's dead."

"What are you talking about?"

"Namine. She's dead." Roxas all but whispers, voice cracking on the word 'dead'. They stand still for a moment, just staring at each other in shock. Then, Axel slowly strips off his shirt, throws it in the corner, doubling over.

"She can't be dead!" Axel shouts, looking up at Roxas. Roxas just shakes his head at Axel and runs a hand through his hair. They can only muster up 'i'm sorry's' to each other as they cry for the angel that has left their lives.

Namine's funeral was quiet. No one cried, no one screamed, no one yelled. They just had their heads tilted down, eyes shut. Her friends sighed and prayed. Axel touched her coffin with feeling Roxas had never seen. Their parents feigned sadness as they stood over her coffin, staring down at the wooden confinement. Roxas asked Namine, silently, why she had done it. Why did she want to leave him alone? Was it because of Axel? Roxas could only imagine the pain Axel was going through right now. The guilt and shame that Axel was probably feeling didn't show, but Roxas knew. Roxas knew Axel like the back of his hand, the thought. He knew Axel was feeling lonely, he was feeling disgusted at himself. He knew after the funeral Axel was going to get drunk and destroy himself and cry in the corner of his basement. Roxas sighed. He didn't want Axel to feel lonely. He knew the feeling all too well.

And he was right. Axel did plan on getting hammered to try and figure out what he was feeling. They were in Axel's basement, as always. Axel was crying, his breath ragged and heavy. "I don't know why she'd do it..." He rasped out. "She was so happy. I just wanted to be there for her!" He practically yelled. Roxas flinched and stared down at the beer in his hands. His stomach swam with hatred for Namine at that moment. His face was hard and he knew he wanted to cry; he wanted to cry so much that the basement floor was flooded with only his salty tears. But he didn't. He knew better. Namine was gone now, he had to accept it. She was somewhere on the moon, waiting for Axel and Roxas to visit her whenever their souls had departed as well.

They laid in silence for what seemed like hours before Axel finally spoke, his voice raspy and used. "Want to make out?"

It completely took Roxas off guard. He'd never considered Axel. He'd never considered men in the first place. He was fragile right now, and so was Axel, and the compromise was completely ridiculous. Roxas hadn't touched anyone in months. As far as he knew, Axel hadn't either. It was just something that happened, so sudden, so weird, so new.

So he had no choice but to agree.

I wrote this in the span of 2 hours, so it probably sucks. I just like this idea of sad and lost Namine who eventually commits suicide or something? ? ? ?. Sorry, that sounds really fucked up, lmao, but yeah. I kind of want to make this a multi-chapter thing, but who knows...*mystery noises*.