Thunder boomed outside my window. Damn, my heart hurts again. I grab my chest trying to think of a way to ease the pain. I thought I had washed you away during the last storm. All the painful memories of us, all the evil that resided in my heart after you left. I guess that rain didn't do anything. Lightening cracks and brightens my dark room – chilling shadows race up the walls. Dark consumes me once again. The blackness is just too much to bear, my head falls into my hands and I begin to cry again. Oh how I hate to cry! I feel as if you have won the battle for my heart. It's true I've lost my heart to you and you alone.
I just wish I had a reason to hate you. I want to hate you so badly for all the pain you have caused me, but I cannot. I want it to end, I want everything to end. It all hurts so much, and I have locked myself away so that the pain cannot affect me anymore. The only problem with shutting myself away is that I have only my thoughts to keep me company. And all my thoughts return to you. My life becomes a cycle of pain. That pain I tried to wash away. I stood there last time, as the elements threw all they had at me. I took it just to try and wash you away. If you wanted to leave me so badly, why are you still here?
The many emotions I have inside me right now are fighting for possession of my being. They are in a war, as violent as the storm outside, and it cannot be stopped. Lightening and thunder crescendo in a violent chorus around me, and I realize that the pain can be stopped – scenarios play through my mind rapidly. It is an option, and the only option I have at the moment. Should I? If only I could see your smiling face, feel your strong arms around me, hear you reassuring voice. You could guide me, save me, condemn me. You had that power, and you have that power over me still.
It would only be a few seconds of pain. A pain on top of all the other pain I have felt. It doesn't really matter how much hurt it will cause. Compared to everything else I have felt because of you, I should welcome it, revel in this anguish. And I shall because I would finally wash you away. I won't let this opportunity pass me by. I won't let it walk away like you did. I will finally have salvation from the constant torment of my heart. As my last gift to you, I shall give you my heart, my soul, and my life. Please be happy with her. This is my gift to you both.
Now, goodbye my love.