A/N: this is the first part. It is divided between Lina's and zelgadis's point of view...
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Lina:
She wanted him the first time she saw him. She wanted a lot of things then; she was young and very, VERY ambitious, but Zelgadis... His little half-smiles... His deep silky voice, his lean body... She wanted him even when she thought he was a villain.
When they started traveling together, she noticed he noticed her sidelong glances and longing looks. He would always give her the same crooked smile, more of a smirk. She'd always smile back, trying to hide the butterflies in her stomach. Gourry never noticed a thing.
Gourry... Ah, Gourry... She felt very conflicted then, she just couldn't decide what to do. She felt she had to have everything: Gourry's friendship, his ward, unconditional kind of love, his protection, and of course, his Sword of light. She didn't want to hurt him; she somehow knew that Zelgadis was never the type to settle down... That he would run off sooner or later... Mumbling about that cure of his as an excuse... And what would she do than? She had to have someone to fall back on.
She tried to fight the growing attraction, the explosions Zelgadis would cause in here with a single accidental touch. It just wasn't happening. She didn't know what to do, but couldn't take the situation much longer.
Zelgadis started to look restless and she didn't have much time.
They stopped at a road inn, and ordered glorious amounts off food, as usual. Zelgadis sat in the corner (as usual), and ordered himself some coffee. He didn't even look at her once, and somehow... that only added strength to her resolve. She fumbled around her bag for the sleeping drops she always carried (she sometimes had problems sleeping on the road), and, making sure he wasn't looking, carefully added a few drops to Gourry's drink. All she had to do now was... wait...
Half an hour later Gourry was sleeping in his room like there was no tomorrow.
She inched closer to the object of her desires. She made up some story about being afraid of an ambush in her room (very much see through, but she just didn't care), and when they entered the room, she quietly locked the door. Zelgadis was giving her a questioning look.
'Am I attractive to you, Zel?' She whispered.
'Yes'. He simply answered.
'Could we keep this a secret', she tried to say in a seductive and husky voice, afraid of his reaction.
'Of course, Lina...' he told her with a sly grin, taking her in his arms.
The next morning he was gone.
Zelgadis:
He hated himself. He hated the way he looked, fueled, walked. But that was only the surface.
Because...
All the talk that Redo gave him DID get to him. He just never showed it.
Deep inside, he loved his strength, power, speed. He was proud of his unfeeling heart and felt slightly above the rest. He could see through them... Their petty motives... his quest was pure. A quest for cure he didn't even know he really wanted.
And contrary to what he let on, he did know women liked him. Swooned over him. Loved his 'heartless, magic using swordsman attitude'. Loved him even more for his holy quest for cure. You always cherish the things you can't hold on to.
So... it was just his arrogant, hard exterior... hiding his soft and tortured middle... enveloping a hard, arrogant core. The irony of it was that he kept that deepest part of him hidden, away from people and away from himself. To be human for him was to have soft, pink skin. Deep feelings were never part of the bargain.
He noticed the looks the redhead sorceress was giving him. They made all the endless walking more... interesting. Lina was cute, and he never did like tall women. She had fire... Spunk... He was sure she could keep his bed warm for a night or two, he thought with a smile.
The last night of his stay with them, he noticed the sleeping drops, although he didn't say anything. Had she wanted him that much? Maybe for her it was more then just attraction? He hoped not, for her sake. He didn't have time to fall in love. He just didn't have those feelings in him.
When she brought him to her room, she asked him to keep quiet about what they were doing (Can you keep a secret, Zel?). His doubts disappeared after that, and he totally abandoned himself to desire. It was as good as he expected. Redheads were always ... passionate. When she fell asleep, he dressed himself and left, quietly. It was better that way. She would feel less attached to him without the infamous 'morning after'.
Till we meet again, Lina.
Lina:
Zel has been gone for over 4 months now. She missed him very badly... At first she tried to take comfort in Gourry's constant sweetness and adoration, but his behavior was such a negative to Zel's that it only, somehow, made things worse. She didn't treat him very well, she knew that: she yelled at him, fireballed him, kicked him. All because he wasn't Zel... But Gourry didn't mind. He loved her even more for it, and that irked her even more, and so... The never-ending cycle...
The situation became somewhat better when they met with Amelia and Phil. Phil was the crown prince of Saillune (although you couldn't tell by looking) and Amelia his perky and hyper-active daughter, the princess. They were both... how to put it... well, justice freaks is the term that stuck. Phil soon left their company, but Amelia stayed (a bit to do with the demise of a certain Saillune tower). Not being alone with Gourry anymore calmed down her irritation at him not being Zel… A lot. And she had to admit... Amelia grew on you. She was clumsy, yes, and irritating with the justice speeches. Always too enthusiastic. But she was 14; she had a right to be a bit immature. She had that wide eyed look you just couldn't refuse. Lina thought of her as a younger sister soon.
Then Zelgadis came back, about the whole Copy Rezo incident. He didn't take to Amelia very well (she said he looked creepy and suspicious), and Amelia seemed to be somewhat scared of him. She didn't care, she was just so... happy he was back. She smiled at him and he smiled back. They picked up where they left of, and Lina felt complete again. She tried not to mention the word Love to him, because it seemed to bother him, and not to notice how he wasn't very affectionate to her. She convinced herself they had more than just sex. She knew he just HAD to love her sooner or later... She was Lina Inverse, for God's sake!
Keeping things a secret no longer mattered to her, she was... in love...
But he hated public displays of affection so they continued as they were. It was better for her, she reasoned. She still needed Gourry.
2 years had passed and they were still all traveling together. Nothing changed with her and Zel, nothing. No 'I love you's' she so wanted to hear, and he never ever stayed the night. He never let anyone notice that they were sleeping together. She didn't push (which was really hard on her, considering her temper... eh... what people did for love), hoping that patience was the key with him.
She first noticed IT... Him watching Amelia... At the Onsen (Hot Spring). Since when? Since when did Zel tolerate Amelia? Not just tolerate, but actually smile at her? And not just those sly smirks, but pure, heartfelt smiles?? What did she miss???
Zelgadis:
Well, he was in the group once more. It was definitely nice to see Lina again; he missed a woman in his bed. Now they had some kind of a brat with them, Amelia (she called him a creep?). When and if he thought of her, he saw her as a very annoying and hyper-active little princess (literally and figuratively). He picked up where he left of with Lina and concentrated on the immediate danger of Copy Rezo, forgetting his cure, at least for a while.
As the time passed, he learned a lot of surprising things about Amelia. For one, the little brat could do Rah Tilt and a couple of other shamanist spells besides white magic! She actually proved to be a great help in their fight with Rezo, despite her whining. She cryed sometimes and complained casually, but it was less then most girls her age and astonishingly not as much as expected from a princess. She definitely wasn't spoiled.
Then, one evening, he learned of her mother and sister. It shone a whole new light on her: her obsession with justice, her constant enthusiasm now just seemed... plain heroic. She wasn't as bitter or depressed as he was, although she had every right to be. At that moment she stopped being annoying to him, and he even felt some gentleness towards the girl. He sighed. Not exactly appropriate for a heartless, magic using swordsman.
He noticed Lina getting a bit angsty, and giving him long sad looks when she thought he wasn't looking. He knew she fell in love with him, but there was just nothing he could do about it. He just didn't feel the same... or think he ever would. Lina was great, really, and he enjoyed her company (in a variety of ways), and he did care for her, but there was no love there. Not for him. Maybe he should break it off now, and it would hurt less? But somehow, he never got around to it. She never complained, bothered him, or had tantrums (which was really weird, keeping her temper in mind... is that love?), and always looked at him so sweetly... So he just left things the way they were.
He noticed Amelia developing a crush on him. She wasn't very good at hiding her feelings, true, but she didn't even try to hide her crush. She was always around, helping him, or just hanging of his arm. She even risked her life a couple of times for him, quite foolishly though, as his stone skin was much tougher then hers. At first, it was very irritating, so he would remove his hand or just told her to go away. She would, but she just seemed to forget all about it the very next day and acted the same. As he didn't really hate her (and there was that tender streak she touched within him), he gave up after a time. He really didn't mind that much any more, he got used to it.
One evening while they were setting camp, he had noticed that Amelia wondered away. He felt a pang of worry for her, and it surprised him greatly. He was worried... about her? Well... she was like an annoying little sister, after all, he reasoned... she is very young, and traveling this wilderness, someone should take care of her, right? But... he wasn't the 'taking care of someone' type, he decided. He'd leave that to the rest of the group. He pointed her absence to Gourry, and let them handle the rest.
Then, a priest called Xellos joined the group. Zelgadis felt suspicious of him right from the start, and Xellos did enjoy making him suffer. It turned out that Xellos was a Mazoku (why wasn't he surprised?), but somehow, they were still all traveling together.
He started to notice Xellos around the little princess more and more. Smiling at her, joking, and teasing her until she would blush. Helping her in battles. Complimenting her looks. He was very obviously interested in Amelia, and not as a friend.
That made Zelgadis... mad. He naturally put it to he's brotherly feelings for the gentle princess (he did have to admit he had some towards her, tough), and tried not to let Xellos stay alone with Amelia for long. Xellos noticed his interferences in the seduction of Amelia, and their not so good relationship to start with, took a turn for the worse. Zelgadis was just happy that Xellos didn't know anything about him and Lina, because then he couldn't tell Amelia.
That train of thought caught him by surprise. Why wouldn't he want Amelia to find about him and Lina? He didn't think of Amelia in... THAT... way... did he? No, of course he didn't. He just never wanted her to stop looking at him the way she did, with those huge pools of blue. The innocence shining from her eyes. That look made him smile.
A lot of things made him smile about her, now that he thought about it. He found her justice speeches amusing, and her klutz attacks cute. Stop it Zel. Stop it. It is Amelia you are thinking about. And it seems you are thinking of her quite a lot recently.
He started feeling guilty about Lina. But... Not towards Lina, because of his thoughts of Amelia. He felt guilty in front of the pure princess, for sleeping with Lina, someone he didn't really love. But he never let anyone notice this change in his attitude, especially the girls concerned, Lina and Amelia.
Then there was the... Onsen. The day when he stopped deceiving himself of the nature of his feelings for Amelia.
Himself, Gourry, and unfortunately, Xellos, were already there, soaking in the revitalizing water of the lake. Then they came, Lina and Amelia. He had already seen Lina's petite body in various states of undress, but Amelia... This was the first time he actually saw her in anything else then her traveling clothes. She was... breathtaking. She wore a red bikini, not as skimpy as Lina's blue one, but... Her body... Voluptuous breasts... Long shapely legs... Tiny waist... Flat tummy... He could see the muscles in her legs move under her skin as she walked. He could see her breasts rising and falling with every breath she took. Her still childlike movements combined with such a sensuous body made him gasp for breath of intense desire. Not very brotherly... but he couldn't care less at the moment. He just couldn't take his eyes off of her, as she just jumped and ran around happily as she always did.
When he gathered the strength too stop staring at her, he saw Xellos looking at Amelia with what you could almost call a predator look on his face. Xellos got up, and went towards Amelia. Zelgadis silently watched, rage boiling in him, as Xellos pushed her in the water, and started splashing her around or using any excuse to get into physical contact with her. He was planning to move and put a stop to it (damn hentai Mazoku), when he felt watched. He lifted his head and was eye to eye with... Lina. Lina watching him with inexplicable fury. Lina being jealous.
Lina:
She just freaked out when she saw the way he was looking at her. She never remembered him looking at her that way. She knew Amelia had a crush on Zel, and was paying a lot of attention to him, but how could it ever work? Amelia was an eccentric flake, too alive, too happy, too much... everything. Zel was... Well... Zelgadis. Why did he smile at her so gently? Why did he look at her with so much desire? Was it the breast issue?
She felt a burning hate rise within her. How could Amelia do this to her? Make her suffer like this? And then she remembered... Amelia didn't know. Nobody did. She sometimes even encouraged her little crush finding it funny and amusing. There was no reason to hate her... Just him. She got up from her seat and left, shooting a dirty look to Gourry, warning him not to follow her.
She waited in her room for Zelgadis to come. He would come, or she would Dragu Slave him. No more patient Lina. No more pathetic Lina in love.
When he finally came, most of her boiling rage has cooled down to cold and vicious anger. Quietly she spoke: 'Amelia, Zel... Amelia?'
'What about her?' he answered, in that calm and reassuring voice of his. Damn, she loved that voice. So... he was just going to deny everything?
'You find her attractive?'
He walked across the room and stood next to the window. He stared through it a couple of minutes and then answered:
'Lina, I thought you knew me by now. There is no room for romance in my life. You are the one that came to my bed. That accepted this arrangement. I thought you understood that, so even if I did have feelings for someone else, you have no right to act this way. We are not married. We are not even in a relationship. Just sex... And I think it better end here.' He got up to leave.
So that was it. She wanted to say something, to stop him from walking out of that door, to make him kiss her, to make him take back what he said. But he was... so cold... She just couldn't allow herself to fall apart in front of him. She was Lina Inverse.
So she just let him go.
Zelgadis:
He was sorry about how it ended with Lina; he never wanted to hurt her. She just... stopped being interesting to him. He just hoped Lina wasn't going to be too bitter about it.
Everything changed after that. Lina became more and more bossy and pushy, and treated Gourry worse then ever. (He wondered about that, it seemed that her behavior to Gourry and their relationship had always somehow been connected.) She was often found just staring at Amelia, and there was no more tenderness in her eyes. He was very sorry to see Amelia suffering at the change of their relationship, and not really knowing why. As for her attitude towards him... She treated him better then ever before. She always tried to be smiling, she tried to be a little bit more…gentle... a little bit less pissed off all the time… In short, it seemed to him she was trying to be... Amelia. This just didn't suit her. He shrugged subconsciously, not knowing what to do about it.
They were currently on the road to Atlas City, following a lead to an ancient spell book of great power. Amelia was walking next to him, talking about her soon to come 17-th birthday party with great enthusiasm. Her big eyes shone excitedly as she continued: 'And there will be plenty of food to accommodate Lina and Gourry, of course... Daddy met them, I'm sure he doesn't want to be dragu slaved if the food runs out... And it will be an elegant ball, so I will get to have a new dress made… I just hope they don't make it too pink and fluffy, after all, I'll be 17, and more mature, and…' she continued talking.
He wasn't really listening to what she was saying anymore, he just enjoyed the way she would sometimes jump in excitement, or giggled at something she imagined, or frowned in horror when she imagined what Lina and Gourry would do if there was no food. She was just so cute and sweet, radiating love for life. She was everything... he was not. Opposites attract, hmmm?
He was barely able to hide an amused smile as he was watching her go on and on like that. Then she tripped and fell flat on her face, and she blushed furiously at the embarrassment. Amelia. Not exactly gracious as the princess she was. He helped her up, and she thankfully squeezed his hand before promptly picking up where she left of with her story. At that physical contact his thoughts weren't exactly pure anymore.
He stopped contemplating her cuteness and took in the way her hair shone in the sun, her dark hair the perfect offset for her white flawless skin. He couldn't stop his eyes from taking a quick glance up and down her body, involuntarily thinking about what she looked like in that bikini. Damn... He should stop that right now... She wasn't like Lina, she seemed so young and naive, completely inexperienced and unaware of what effect she had on men. The way she would blush every time they accidentally touched made him sure he was her first crush. He shouldn't take advantage of that... right? He wasn't here to stay. And he couldn't give her anything more then pure lust. Just wasn't his thing. He noticed Lina watching them with a corner of his eye. It made him uncomfortable.
Two weeks passed in a similar manor. Then, one morning they were attacked by a Mazoku. Not a particularly powerful one, but he did get them by surprise. The Mazoku started randomly shooting out some fireballs in what Zelgadis only guessed it found a threatening manor, and roared a couple of times. Lina quickly disposed of him with an Elmekia Lance (it still amazed him how powerful she was.). He turned around expecting to see Amelia yelling 'VICTORY' at the top of her lungs, but what he saw froze him.
Amelia… On the ground... Not moving... And a lot of blood. He started running to her and calling for help, shocked at the raw strength of emotions that stormed through him. He saw Xellos appear beside her with a determined look... And he just disappeared with her. Took her away from him. He fell to his knees and tried to get a grip at reality. What... what happened to him? He didn't react this way when Lina almost died at the hands of Copy Rezo...
'Xellos... Xellos… Where are you? What did you do to her...? What did you do to her you BASTARD?' he shouted. He felt a hand on his shoulder and saw Gourry trying to give him a reassuring look. 'He just probably took her somewhere he can help her... You know he is the most powerful of all of us… And he does have a soft spot for Amelia, he wouldn't let her die.' Zelgadis was amazed... Gourry was actually making sense. Xellos did like Amelia, which was a lot for a Mazoku. He would help her. He had to.
He got up, thoroughly ashamed of his display of emotions, and started following Lina and Gourry to the nearest inn. They walked in silence, a shaken Zelgadis not noticing the sad looks Lina was giving him.
Lina:
At first she thought it was just a fleeting attraction, that he would surely get sick of the little brat. What was it about her, that kept Zelgadis and Xellos so interested? A moody chimera and a mazoku, making fools of themselves for our little justice freak. But she noticed the barely hidden smiles Zelgadis had when looking at her, when he thought nobody would notice. Those smiles spoke of more then lust, and Lina was in pain. She would kill for a smile like that.
She decided to wait, for surely Zel wasn't the romantic type. Whatever it was, it would pass soon, because Amelia was not someone Zel could fall in love with. He needed someone stronger and more powerful, like her. And for the physical attraction... Amelia was still young and a princess. With her strict upbringing and justice colored outlook on life she surely wouldn't allow Zel have his way with her, in love or not. So… All she had to do was wait. Zelgadis would come back, for sex if not anything else.
Then Amelia got hurt. She never saw Zel look like this before. She didn't even think Zel could look like this. Grief stricken. Lost. Not in control. Oh yes, he quickly regained his composure, but it was too late. Lina knew Zelgadis loved Amelia, really loved her, even if he didn't know it yet himself.
Dinner at the inn passed in silence and angst. Lina kept watching Zelgadis's face for traces of emotions she saw earlier, but nothing came through anymore. The only clue to his feelings what the coup of coffee that stood in front of him, completely untouched.
Xellos appeared later that night, cradling the sleeping Amelia in his arms. He assured them he managed to completely heal her, and she would wake up almost completely refreshed after a good night's sleep. Zelgadis looked relieved, even tough he tried to hide it. Gourry was smiling. Lina just kept looking at Zelgadis, not feeling anything else then sorrow. She didn't really want Amelia to die, of course… But she was already at the stage when she wouldn't mind her death terribly, either.
She waited for Gourry to go to bed, and then went to Zelgadis's room. She found him absently staring through the window, not even noticing when she came in, chimera senses or no. Love... love did this to people, Lina thought sadly.
'Zel?'
'What do you want, Lina?
He didn't even turn to face her.
'You love Amelia?' She tried to keep her voice from shaking.
'Humans love. I'm a chimera.'
'I saw you today. You love her.' Lina whispered.
'I don't love. I lust.' He finally turned around and kissed her. The kiss was brutal and it was hurting her lips, but she didn't mind.. She let herself go.
Zelgadis:
Why was he with Lina again? He tried to remember what possessed him to kiss her that evening. Was it what she said about Amelia? Was he trying so hard to prove he didn't love her? Did he love her?
It didn't really matter now. He will put a stop to this. He can't be like everyone else, fall in love and be mushy and settle down. He wasn't like everyone else. He was blue, for god's sake.
Lina will be a good distraction. Whatever his feelings for Amelia were, they will have to be cut off, right now, in the beginning. She just wasn't worth it. Nobody was.
He silently crept out Lina's room, like the night before and many nights in the weeks that passed. He didn't feel relaxed, fulfilled or anything he hoped the nights with Lina will bring. He still felt just a tiny bit empty and sad, the way he felt ever since he decided to completely get Amelia out of his system. Since she got better, he acted like a total jerk towards her; he ignored her, he laughed at her clumsy falls, he shot her looks of contempt after her justice speeches.
He noticed Amelia growing more silent, and she would no longer always try to walk with him or cheer him up. Success, right? It didn't feel like it. He convinced himself it was only his ego suffering at the lack of attentions.
He also noticed Amelia becoming more and more close to Xellos, who seemed to be more than happy to comfort the little princess. It made him so angry when he saw them laughing together… He repressed those feelings until nightfall, when he would come to Lina and let go of his pent up frustrations. Their lovemaking was becoming more and more violent, he was trying to make himself… forget. But still, every night, just like this one, it took him hours to fall asleep… To drown out the little voice inside his head which tried to make him see what he so desperately tried to hide.
Her 17-th birthday was drawing closer. Only 2 weeks left now. He knew she would leave then, her father and people needed her, more then Lina and Gourry did. He of course was fine without her. Of course. But he still couldn't help himself watching her any time he had the chance to go unnoticed... Listening to her conversations with Xellos and smiling at her constant tries to convert him. It seemed that Amelia didn't quite get the concept of a mazoku as a creature born evil, but Xellos didn't seem to mind. Damn mazoku.
Only one week left now. The atmosphere in the group was definitely glum; it seemed only Gourry didn't notice it. He felt more and more angry with Lina, her spirits were high and she wasn't trying to hide it. She even started talking to Amelia again. Wish he could do that. But he kept to the side, silent and serious, not engaging in any conversations.
It was their last night together. Tomorrow Amelia will be gone. She tried to convince them all to come with her, as they promised before. Lina whipped out a family crisis of some sort which demanded her return home as soon as possible. Gourry of course wanted to come with Lina. Zelgadis didn't give any excuse, he just said he didn't want to come and gave her the coldest look he could muster. His chest tightened at the look on her face, and it took a lot of self control not to comfort her. She looked just like a little lost girl when sad. But she didn't cry… She just stared at him for a couple of minutes, with a look that almost broke his heart. (What heart, his mind yelled at him, you're a heartless sorcerer/swordsman!). Then she took of one of her bracelets and put it front of him.
'Zelgadis-san… You may not want to take this... But I want you to have it. I know you don't like me very much and sometimes you and the others find me annoying, but I enjoyed your company... When you were kind enough to give it to me. And I want you to know you can come to Saillune any time you feel like it or need to. I will always be happy to see you, Zelgadis-san. 'And then went upstairs to her room.
How could she be like this? He was such a jerk to her, and she thanked him for his company? Amelia... She truly was a wonder... But better for her to go, he can have his peace of mind back. This is what he was waiting for. So why was he feeling so empty and dull? He wanted to feel anything, anything else rather then this. He got up and went to Lina's room… Stopping to take bracelet before he left.
Amelia left them after breakfast. She acted strangely quiet the whole morning, avoiding looking at either him or Lina. Her eyes were red and swollen. He knew Amelia didn't want to leave them, but he had no idea she would be this distressed?
She said her goodbyes rather coldly and distantly, hugging only Gourry and Xellos. Then she was gone.
He thought about her odd behavior the rest of the day, and a lot of times during the next 2 years. It was just strange for Amelia to be cold and distant to anyone, and especially after what she said to him only the night before. For some reason, the thought of her not liking/loving him anymore bothered him immensely. He liked to picture her back at Saillune, waiting for him, even tough he wasn't even sure himself if he would ever come back. He tried to throw away the bracelet a number of times but always ended up going back for it.
A month after Amelia left the group, he said goodbye to Lina and Gourry and went off to find his cure. Lina didn't take it very well, but he didn't really care. For the first time in years he felt sure he actually wanted to be human. And then what?
He'll just cross that bridge when he comes to it.
Lina:
He left her. He abandoned her and he wasn't even sorry for it. She cried before him, begged him not to go. Lina Inverse, begging. But his eyes didn't get softer; there was no compassion for her. Not even pity. How she wanted to hate him… She knew that was wishful thinking, tough.
But she managed a smile when he left. She had her revenge on him. He couldn't be happy with his princess, she made sure of that.
She remembered the night before Amelia left... She knew that it would pain him, her leaving; she knew Zelgadis would come to her to banish the pain. So she approached Amelia and asked her to come by her room later that night, so they can have a proper goodbye. Just the girls, tee hee. Lina had planned this for some time; she even managed to act friendly to Amelia that whole week so it would work.
Zelgadis came later, looking even more distressed then she expected. His brutal kiss told her all she needed to know about his mental state. Lina kissed him back and waited, positioning them so that Zelgadis's back would be to the door. After a while she heard the soft creaking of the opening door, and saw Amelia's head pop in. Saw the look in Amelia's eyes as they widened. And then the door closed.
Next morning Amelia's eyes were all swollen and red from crying and she wouldn't even look at Zel. She left without another word to him. Lina knew Amelia was too loyal to her, and too young too accept the idea of making love without… love.
So Zelgadis, you might have left Lina Inverse here, all alone just with blockhead Gourry, but you won't be happy, even if you evolve emotionally enough to realize you love Amelia.
And then... Then... he just might come back to forget about the pain.
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Lina:
She wanted him the first time she saw him. She wanted a lot of things then; she was young and very, VERY ambitious, but Zelgadis... His little half-smiles... His deep silky voice, his lean body... She wanted him even when she thought he was a villain.
When they started traveling together, she noticed he noticed her sidelong glances and longing looks. He would always give her the same crooked smile, more of a smirk. She'd always smile back, trying to hide the butterflies in her stomach. Gourry never noticed a thing.
Gourry... Ah, Gourry... She felt very conflicted then, she just couldn't decide what to do. She felt she had to have everything: Gourry's friendship, his ward, unconditional kind of love, his protection, and of course, his Sword of light. She didn't want to hurt him; she somehow knew that Zelgadis was never the type to settle down... That he would run off sooner or later... Mumbling about that cure of his as an excuse... And what would she do than? She had to have someone to fall back on.
She tried to fight the growing attraction, the explosions Zelgadis would cause in here with a single accidental touch. It just wasn't happening. She didn't know what to do, but couldn't take the situation much longer.
Zelgadis started to look restless and she didn't have much time.
They stopped at a road inn, and ordered glorious amounts off food, as usual. Zelgadis sat in the corner (as usual), and ordered himself some coffee. He didn't even look at her once, and somehow... that only added strength to her resolve. She fumbled around her bag for the sleeping drops she always carried (she sometimes had problems sleeping on the road), and, making sure he wasn't looking, carefully added a few drops to Gourry's drink. All she had to do now was... wait...
Half an hour later Gourry was sleeping in his room like there was no tomorrow.
She inched closer to the object of her desires. She made up some story about being afraid of an ambush in her room (very much see through, but she just didn't care), and when they entered the room, she quietly locked the door. Zelgadis was giving her a questioning look.
'Am I attractive to you, Zel?' She whispered.
'Yes'. He simply answered.
'Could we keep this a secret', she tried to say in a seductive and husky voice, afraid of his reaction.
'Of course, Lina...' he told her with a sly grin, taking her in his arms.
The next morning he was gone.
Zelgadis:
He hated himself. He hated the way he looked, fueled, walked. But that was only the surface.
Because...
All the talk that Redo gave him DID get to him. He just never showed it.
Deep inside, he loved his strength, power, speed. He was proud of his unfeeling heart and felt slightly above the rest. He could see through them... Their petty motives... his quest was pure. A quest for cure he didn't even know he really wanted.
And contrary to what he let on, he did know women liked him. Swooned over him. Loved his 'heartless, magic using swordsman attitude'. Loved him even more for his holy quest for cure. You always cherish the things you can't hold on to.
So... it was just his arrogant, hard exterior... hiding his soft and tortured middle... enveloping a hard, arrogant core. The irony of it was that he kept that deepest part of him hidden, away from people and away from himself. To be human for him was to have soft, pink skin. Deep feelings were never part of the bargain.
He noticed the looks the redhead sorceress was giving him. They made all the endless walking more... interesting. Lina was cute, and he never did like tall women. She had fire... Spunk... He was sure she could keep his bed warm for a night or two, he thought with a smile.
The last night of his stay with them, he noticed the sleeping drops, although he didn't say anything. Had she wanted him that much? Maybe for her it was more then just attraction? He hoped not, for her sake. He didn't have time to fall in love. He just didn't have those feelings in him.
When she brought him to her room, she asked him to keep quiet about what they were doing (Can you keep a secret, Zel?). His doubts disappeared after that, and he totally abandoned himself to desire. It was as good as he expected. Redheads were always ... passionate. When she fell asleep, he dressed himself and left, quietly. It was better that way. She would feel less attached to him without the infamous 'morning after'.
Till we meet again, Lina.
Lina:
Zel has been gone for over 4 months now. She missed him very badly... At first she tried to take comfort in Gourry's constant sweetness and adoration, but his behavior was such a negative to Zel's that it only, somehow, made things worse. She didn't treat him very well, she knew that: she yelled at him, fireballed him, kicked him. All because he wasn't Zel... But Gourry didn't mind. He loved her even more for it, and that irked her even more, and so... The never-ending cycle...
The situation became somewhat better when they met with Amelia and Phil. Phil was the crown prince of Saillune (although you couldn't tell by looking) and Amelia his perky and hyper-active daughter, the princess. They were both... how to put it... well, justice freaks is the term that stuck. Phil soon left their company, but Amelia stayed (a bit to do with the demise of a certain Saillune tower). Not being alone with Gourry anymore calmed down her irritation at him not being Zel… A lot. And she had to admit... Amelia grew on you. She was clumsy, yes, and irritating with the justice speeches. Always too enthusiastic. But she was 14; she had a right to be a bit immature. She had that wide eyed look you just couldn't refuse. Lina thought of her as a younger sister soon.
Then Zelgadis came back, about the whole Copy Rezo incident. He didn't take to Amelia very well (she said he looked creepy and suspicious), and Amelia seemed to be somewhat scared of him. She didn't care, she was just so... happy he was back. She smiled at him and he smiled back. They picked up where they left of, and Lina felt complete again. She tried not to mention the word Love to him, because it seemed to bother him, and not to notice how he wasn't very affectionate to her. She convinced herself they had more than just sex. She knew he just HAD to love her sooner or later... She was Lina Inverse, for God's sake!
Keeping things a secret no longer mattered to her, she was... in love...
But he hated public displays of affection so they continued as they were. It was better for her, she reasoned. She still needed Gourry.
2 years had passed and they were still all traveling together. Nothing changed with her and Zel, nothing. No 'I love you's' she so wanted to hear, and he never ever stayed the night. He never let anyone notice that they were sleeping together. She didn't push (which was really hard on her, considering her temper... eh... what people did for love), hoping that patience was the key with him.
She first noticed IT... Him watching Amelia... At the Onsen (Hot Spring). Since when? Since when did Zel tolerate Amelia? Not just tolerate, but actually smile at her? And not just those sly smirks, but pure, heartfelt smiles?? What did she miss???
Zelgadis:
Well, he was in the group once more. It was definitely nice to see Lina again; he missed a woman in his bed. Now they had some kind of a brat with them, Amelia (she called him a creep?). When and if he thought of her, he saw her as a very annoying and hyper-active little princess (literally and figuratively). He picked up where he left of with Lina and concentrated on the immediate danger of Copy Rezo, forgetting his cure, at least for a while.
As the time passed, he learned a lot of surprising things about Amelia. For one, the little brat could do Rah Tilt and a couple of other shamanist spells besides white magic! She actually proved to be a great help in their fight with Rezo, despite her whining. She cryed sometimes and complained casually, but it was less then most girls her age and astonishingly not as much as expected from a princess. She definitely wasn't spoiled.
Then, one evening, he learned of her mother and sister. It shone a whole new light on her: her obsession with justice, her constant enthusiasm now just seemed... plain heroic. She wasn't as bitter or depressed as he was, although she had every right to be. At that moment she stopped being annoying to him, and he even felt some gentleness towards the girl. He sighed. Not exactly appropriate for a heartless, magic using swordsman.
He noticed Lina getting a bit angsty, and giving him long sad looks when she thought he wasn't looking. He knew she fell in love with him, but there was just nothing he could do about it. He just didn't feel the same... or think he ever would. Lina was great, really, and he enjoyed her company (in a variety of ways), and he did care for her, but there was no love there. Not for him. Maybe he should break it off now, and it would hurt less? But somehow, he never got around to it. She never complained, bothered him, or had tantrums (which was really weird, keeping her temper in mind... is that love?), and always looked at him so sweetly... So he just left things the way they were.
He noticed Amelia developing a crush on him. She wasn't very good at hiding her feelings, true, but she didn't even try to hide her crush. She was always around, helping him, or just hanging of his arm. She even risked her life a couple of times for him, quite foolishly though, as his stone skin was much tougher then hers. At first, it was very irritating, so he would remove his hand or just told her to go away. She would, but she just seemed to forget all about it the very next day and acted the same. As he didn't really hate her (and there was that tender streak she touched within him), he gave up after a time. He really didn't mind that much any more, he got used to it.
One evening while they were setting camp, he had noticed that Amelia wondered away. He felt a pang of worry for her, and it surprised him greatly. He was worried... about her? Well... she was like an annoying little sister, after all, he reasoned... she is very young, and traveling this wilderness, someone should take care of her, right? But... he wasn't the 'taking care of someone' type, he decided. He'd leave that to the rest of the group. He pointed her absence to Gourry, and let them handle the rest.
Then, a priest called Xellos joined the group. Zelgadis felt suspicious of him right from the start, and Xellos did enjoy making him suffer. It turned out that Xellos was a Mazoku (why wasn't he surprised?), but somehow, they were still all traveling together.
He started to notice Xellos around the little princess more and more. Smiling at her, joking, and teasing her until she would blush. Helping her in battles. Complimenting her looks. He was very obviously interested in Amelia, and not as a friend.
That made Zelgadis... mad. He naturally put it to he's brotherly feelings for the gentle princess (he did have to admit he had some towards her, tough), and tried not to let Xellos stay alone with Amelia for long. Xellos noticed his interferences in the seduction of Amelia, and their not so good relationship to start with, took a turn for the worse. Zelgadis was just happy that Xellos didn't know anything about him and Lina, because then he couldn't tell Amelia.
That train of thought caught him by surprise. Why wouldn't he want Amelia to find about him and Lina? He didn't think of Amelia in... THAT... way... did he? No, of course he didn't. He just never wanted her to stop looking at him the way she did, with those huge pools of blue. The innocence shining from her eyes. That look made him smile.
A lot of things made him smile about her, now that he thought about it. He found her justice speeches amusing, and her klutz attacks cute. Stop it Zel. Stop it. It is Amelia you are thinking about. And it seems you are thinking of her quite a lot recently.
He started feeling guilty about Lina. But... Not towards Lina, because of his thoughts of Amelia. He felt guilty in front of the pure princess, for sleeping with Lina, someone he didn't really love. But he never let anyone notice this change in his attitude, especially the girls concerned, Lina and Amelia.
Then there was the... Onsen. The day when he stopped deceiving himself of the nature of his feelings for Amelia.
Himself, Gourry, and unfortunately, Xellos, were already there, soaking in the revitalizing water of the lake. Then they came, Lina and Amelia. He had already seen Lina's petite body in various states of undress, but Amelia... This was the first time he actually saw her in anything else then her traveling clothes. She was... breathtaking. She wore a red bikini, not as skimpy as Lina's blue one, but... Her body... Voluptuous breasts... Long shapely legs... Tiny waist... Flat tummy... He could see the muscles in her legs move under her skin as she walked. He could see her breasts rising and falling with every breath she took. Her still childlike movements combined with such a sensuous body made him gasp for breath of intense desire. Not very brotherly... but he couldn't care less at the moment. He just couldn't take his eyes off of her, as she just jumped and ran around happily as she always did.
When he gathered the strength too stop staring at her, he saw Xellos looking at Amelia with what you could almost call a predator look on his face. Xellos got up, and went towards Amelia. Zelgadis silently watched, rage boiling in him, as Xellos pushed her in the water, and started splashing her around or using any excuse to get into physical contact with her. He was planning to move and put a stop to it (damn hentai Mazoku), when he felt watched. He lifted his head and was eye to eye with... Lina. Lina watching him with inexplicable fury. Lina being jealous.
Lina:
She just freaked out when she saw the way he was looking at her. She never remembered him looking at her that way. She knew Amelia had a crush on Zel, and was paying a lot of attention to him, but how could it ever work? Amelia was an eccentric flake, too alive, too happy, too much... everything. Zel was... Well... Zelgadis. Why did he smile at her so gently? Why did he look at her with so much desire? Was it the breast issue?
She felt a burning hate rise within her. How could Amelia do this to her? Make her suffer like this? And then she remembered... Amelia didn't know. Nobody did. She sometimes even encouraged her little crush finding it funny and amusing. There was no reason to hate her... Just him. She got up from her seat and left, shooting a dirty look to Gourry, warning him not to follow her.
She waited in her room for Zelgadis to come. He would come, or she would Dragu Slave him. No more patient Lina. No more pathetic Lina in love.
When he finally came, most of her boiling rage has cooled down to cold and vicious anger. Quietly she spoke: 'Amelia, Zel... Amelia?'
'What about her?' he answered, in that calm and reassuring voice of his. Damn, she loved that voice. So... he was just going to deny everything?
'You find her attractive?'
He walked across the room and stood next to the window. He stared through it a couple of minutes and then answered:
'Lina, I thought you knew me by now. There is no room for romance in my life. You are the one that came to my bed. That accepted this arrangement. I thought you understood that, so even if I did have feelings for someone else, you have no right to act this way. We are not married. We are not even in a relationship. Just sex... And I think it better end here.' He got up to leave.
So that was it. She wanted to say something, to stop him from walking out of that door, to make him kiss her, to make him take back what he said. But he was... so cold... She just couldn't allow herself to fall apart in front of him. She was Lina Inverse.
So she just let him go.
Zelgadis:
He was sorry about how it ended with Lina; he never wanted to hurt her. She just... stopped being interesting to him. He just hoped Lina wasn't going to be too bitter about it.
Everything changed after that. Lina became more and more bossy and pushy, and treated Gourry worse then ever. (He wondered about that, it seemed that her behavior to Gourry and their relationship had always somehow been connected.) She was often found just staring at Amelia, and there was no more tenderness in her eyes. He was very sorry to see Amelia suffering at the change of their relationship, and not really knowing why. As for her attitude towards him... She treated him better then ever before. She always tried to be smiling, she tried to be a little bit more…gentle... a little bit less pissed off all the time… In short, it seemed to him she was trying to be... Amelia. This just didn't suit her. He shrugged subconsciously, not knowing what to do about it.
They were currently on the road to Atlas City, following a lead to an ancient spell book of great power. Amelia was walking next to him, talking about her soon to come 17-th birthday party with great enthusiasm. Her big eyes shone excitedly as she continued: 'And there will be plenty of food to accommodate Lina and Gourry, of course... Daddy met them, I'm sure he doesn't want to be dragu slaved if the food runs out... And it will be an elegant ball, so I will get to have a new dress made… I just hope they don't make it too pink and fluffy, after all, I'll be 17, and more mature, and…' she continued talking.
He wasn't really listening to what she was saying anymore, he just enjoyed the way she would sometimes jump in excitement, or giggled at something she imagined, or frowned in horror when she imagined what Lina and Gourry would do if there was no food. She was just so cute and sweet, radiating love for life. She was everything... he was not. Opposites attract, hmmm?
He was barely able to hide an amused smile as he was watching her go on and on like that. Then she tripped and fell flat on her face, and she blushed furiously at the embarrassment. Amelia. Not exactly gracious as the princess she was. He helped her up, and she thankfully squeezed his hand before promptly picking up where she left of with her story. At that physical contact his thoughts weren't exactly pure anymore.
He stopped contemplating her cuteness and took in the way her hair shone in the sun, her dark hair the perfect offset for her white flawless skin. He couldn't stop his eyes from taking a quick glance up and down her body, involuntarily thinking about what she looked like in that bikini. Damn... He should stop that right now... She wasn't like Lina, she seemed so young and naive, completely inexperienced and unaware of what effect she had on men. The way she would blush every time they accidentally touched made him sure he was her first crush. He shouldn't take advantage of that... right? He wasn't here to stay. And he couldn't give her anything more then pure lust. Just wasn't his thing. He noticed Lina watching them with a corner of his eye. It made him uncomfortable.
Two weeks passed in a similar manor. Then, one morning they were attacked by a Mazoku. Not a particularly powerful one, but he did get them by surprise. The Mazoku started randomly shooting out some fireballs in what Zelgadis only guessed it found a threatening manor, and roared a couple of times. Lina quickly disposed of him with an Elmekia Lance (it still amazed him how powerful she was.). He turned around expecting to see Amelia yelling 'VICTORY' at the top of her lungs, but what he saw froze him.
Amelia… On the ground... Not moving... And a lot of blood. He started running to her and calling for help, shocked at the raw strength of emotions that stormed through him. He saw Xellos appear beside her with a determined look... And he just disappeared with her. Took her away from him. He fell to his knees and tried to get a grip at reality. What... what happened to him? He didn't react this way when Lina almost died at the hands of Copy Rezo...
'Xellos... Xellos… Where are you? What did you do to her...? What did you do to her you BASTARD?' he shouted. He felt a hand on his shoulder and saw Gourry trying to give him a reassuring look. 'He just probably took her somewhere he can help her... You know he is the most powerful of all of us… And he does have a soft spot for Amelia, he wouldn't let her die.' Zelgadis was amazed... Gourry was actually making sense. Xellos did like Amelia, which was a lot for a Mazoku. He would help her. He had to.
He got up, thoroughly ashamed of his display of emotions, and started following Lina and Gourry to the nearest inn. They walked in silence, a shaken Zelgadis not noticing the sad looks Lina was giving him.
Lina:
At first she thought it was just a fleeting attraction, that he would surely get sick of the little brat. What was it about her, that kept Zelgadis and Xellos so interested? A moody chimera and a mazoku, making fools of themselves for our little justice freak. But she noticed the barely hidden smiles Zelgadis had when looking at her, when he thought nobody would notice. Those smiles spoke of more then lust, and Lina was in pain. She would kill for a smile like that.
She decided to wait, for surely Zel wasn't the romantic type. Whatever it was, it would pass soon, because Amelia was not someone Zel could fall in love with. He needed someone stronger and more powerful, like her. And for the physical attraction... Amelia was still young and a princess. With her strict upbringing and justice colored outlook on life she surely wouldn't allow Zel have his way with her, in love or not. So… All she had to do was wait. Zelgadis would come back, for sex if not anything else.
Then Amelia got hurt. She never saw Zel look like this before. She didn't even think Zel could look like this. Grief stricken. Lost. Not in control. Oh yes, he quickly regained his composure, but it was too late. Lina knew Zelgadis loved Amelia, really loved her, even if he didn't know it yet himself.
Dinner at the inn passed in silence and angst. Lina kept watching Zelgadis's face for traces of emotions she saw earlier, but nothing came through anymore. The only clue to his feelings what the coup of coffee that stood in front of him, completely untouched.
Xellos appeared later that night, cradling the sleeping Amelia in his arms. He assured them he managed to completely heal her, and she would wake up almost completely refreshed after a good night's sleep. Zelgadis looked relieved, even tough he tried to hide it. Gourry was smiling. Lina just kept looking at Zelgadis, not feeling anything else then sorrow. She didn't really want Amelia to die, of course… But she was already at the stage when she wouldn't mind her death terribly, either.
She waited for Gourry to go to bed, and then went to Zelgadis's room. She found him absently staring through the window, not even noticing when she came in, chimera senses or no. Love... love did this to people, Lina thought sadly.
'Zel?'
'What do you want, Lina?
He didn't even turn to face her.
'You love Amelia?' She tried to keep her voice from shaking.
'Humans love. I'm a chimera.'
'I saw you today. You love her.' Lina whispered.
'I don't love. I lust.' He finally turned around and kissed her. The kiss was brutal and it was hurting her lips, but she didn't mind.. She let herself go.
Zelgadis:
Why was he with Lina again? He tried to remember what possessed him to kiss her that evening. Was it what she said about Amelia? Was he trying so hard to prove he didn't love her? Did he love her?
It didn't really matter now. He will put a stop to this. He can't be like everyone else, fall in love and be mushy and settle down. He wasn't like everyone else. He was blue, for god's sake.
Lina will be a good distraction. Whatever his feelings for Amelia were, they will have to be cut off, right now, in the beginning. She just wasn't worth it. Nobody was.
He silently crept out Lina's room, like the night before and many nights in the weeks that passed. He didn't feel relaxed, fulfilled or anything he hoped the nights with Lina will bring. He still felt just a tiny bit empty and sad, the way he felt ever since he decided to completely get Amelia out of his system. Since she got better, he acted like a total jerk towards her; he ignored her, he laughed at her clumsy falls, he shot her looks of contempt after her justice speeches.
He noticed Amelia growing more silent, and she would no longer always try to walk with him or cheer him up. Success, right? It didn't feel like it. He convinced himself it was only his ego suffering at the lack of attentions.
He also noticed Amelia becoming more and more close to Xellos, who seemed to be more than happy to comfort the little princess. It made him so angry when he saw them laughing together… He repressed those feelings until nightfall, when he would come to Lina and let go of his pent up frustrations. Their lovemaking was becoming more and more violent, he was trying to make himself… forget. But still, every night, just like this one, it took him hours to fall asleep… To drown out the little voice inside his head which tried to make him see what he so desperately tried to hide.
Her 17-th birthday was drawing closer. Only 2 weeks left now. He knew she would leave then, her father and people needed her, more then Lina and Gourry did. He of course was fine without her. Of course. But he still couldn't help himself watching her any time he had the chance to go unnoticed... Listening to her conversations with Xellos and smiling at her constant tries to convert him. It seemed that Amelia didn't quite get the concept of a mazoku as a creature born evil, but Xellos didn't seem to mind. Damn mazoku.
Only one week left now. The atmosphere in the group was definitely glum; it seemed only Gourry didn't notice it. He felt more and more angry with Lina, her spirits were high and she wasn't trying to hide it. She even started talking to Amelia again. Wish he could do that. But he kept to the side, silent and serious, not engaging in any conversations.
It was their last night together. Tomorrow Amelia will be gone. She tried to convince them all to come with her, as they promised before. Lina whipped out a family crisis of some sort which demanded her return home as soon as possible. Gourry of course wanted to come with Lina. Zelgadis didn't give any excuse, he just said he didn't want to come and gave her the coldest look he could muster. His chest tightened at the look on her face, and it took a lot of self control not to comfort her. She looked just like a little lost girl when sad. But she didn't cry… She just stared at him for a couple of minutes, with a look that almost broke his heart. (What heart, his mind yelled at him, you're a heartless sorcerer/swordsman!). Then she took of one of her bracelets and put it front of him.
'Zelgadis-san… You may not want to take this... But I want you to have it. I know you don't like me very much and sometimes you and the others find me annoying, but I enjoyed your company... When you were kind enough to give it to me. And I want you to know you can come to Saillune any time you feel like it or need to. I will always be happy to see you, Zelgadis-san. 'And then went upstairs to her room.
How could she be like this? He was such a jerk to her, and she thanked him for his company? Amelia... She truly was a wonder... But better for her to go, he can have his peace of mind back. This is what he was waiting for. So why was he feeling so empty and dull? He wanted to feel anything, anything else rather then this. He got up and went to Lina's room… Stopping to take bracelet before he left.
Amelia left them after breakfast. She acted strangely quiet the whole morning, avoiding looking at either him or Lina. Her eyes were red and swollen. He knew Amelia didn't want to leave them, but he had no idea she would be this distressed?
She said her goodbyes rather coldly and distantly, hugging only Gourry and Xellos. Then she was gone.
He thought about her odd behavior the rest of the day, and a lot of times during the next 2 years. It was just strange for Amelia to be cold and distant to anyone, and especially after what she said to him only the night before. For some reason, the thought of her not liking/loving him anymore bothered him immensely. He liked to picture her back at Saillune, waiting for him, even tough he wasn't even sure himself if he would ever come back. He tried to throw away the bracelet a number of times but always ended up going back for it.
A month after Amelia left the group, he said goodbye to Lina and Gourry and went off to find his cure. Lina didn't take it very well, but he didn't really care. For the first time in years he felt sure he actually wanted to be human. And then what?
He'll just cross that bridge when he comes to it.
Lina:
He left her. He abandoned her and he wasn't even sorry for it. She cried before him, begged him not to go. Lina Inverse, begging. But his eyes didn't get softer; there was no compassion for her. Not even pity. How she wanted to hate him… She knew that was wishful thinking, tough.
But she managed a smile when he left. She had her revenge on him. He couldn't be happy with his princess, she made sure of that.
She remembered the night before Amelia left... She knew that it would pain him, her leaving; she knew Zelgadis would come to her to banish the pain. So she approached Amelia and asked her to come by her room later that night, so they can have a proper goodbye. Just the girls, tee hee. Lina had planned this for some time; she even managed to act friendly to Amelia that whole week so it would work.
Zelgadis came later, looking even more distressed then she expected. His brutal kiss told her all she needed to know about his mental state. Lina kissed him back and waited, positioning them so that Zelgadis's back would be to the door. After a while she heard the soft creaking of the opening door, and saw Amelia's head pop in. Saw the look in Amelia's eyes as they widened. And then the door closed.
Next morning Amelia's eyes were all swollen and red from crying and she wouldn't even look at Zel. She left without another word to him. Lina knew Amelia was too loyal to her, and too young too accept the idea of making love without… love.
So Zelgadis, you might have left Lina Inverse here, all alone just with blockhead Gourry, but you won't be happy, even if you evolve emotionally enough to realize you love Amelia.
And then... Then... he just might come back to forget about the pain.