Summary
Okay. I was sitting around bored, trying to think up another chapter for my Pokemon Fanfiction "Pokemon Virtual" and my Fruits Basket fanfiction "A Series of Twisted One Shots: Furuba Style" and I came up with a Naruto story idea. Don't know how it happened, but it did. The odd thing is that it revolved around me and my friends. What happens when we get our hands on - or join up with - our favourite Naruto characters?
Disclaimer: I don't own my friends or Naruto. I do own me though. Go me! AND ALL HAIL ITACHI-SAMA!
Well, here I am, after I swore to myself I'd never try to write Naruto again... ever... again... but I did. And I used my friends Chantelle, Jess and Carly as well as myself as main characters. Yes, we're all stalkers, and it's a bit repetitive. But hey, I giggled all the way through writing this.
Currently, this story is a one shot. If you people want another chapter - I don't see why you would - just tell me.
Character Crazy
"No distractions, no distractions, Itachi-sama said no distractions!" Alex sang happily, propelling herself through the trees in the direction of Konoha. "And I will obey Itachi-sama's orders. Yes, yes I will. Because I will follow Itachi-sama to death if I have too! ALL HAIL ITACHI-SAMA!"
Unfortunately, at that point, she'd attempted to stop to attention – like she did when at Akatsuki Headquarters – in mid air. She successfully managed to collide with the ground.
"Itachi-sama… the… light… is… taking… me…"
--- RANDOMLY PLACED FLASHBACK ---
"I'm sending you on a mission." Itachi said, watching his subordinates reaction. She grinned hyperactively, bouncing back and forth on her heels while still at attention, extremely excited about something she hadn't even heard. "I want you too –"
"Fetch Itachi-sama ice-cream? I didn't know you were an ice-cream lover, Itachi-sama! Well, I guess you can't rule the world without ice-cream. I likes cherry flavour. Is there a cherry flavour, Itachi-sama?"
Itachi sighed. He didn't even have to reply. Alex was… insane. He was well aware that she considered herself his 'number one fan and subordinate', in fact, she basically chewed off the head of anybody who thought otherwise. At one point, he'd even found her chewing on Kisame's left leg. She had then asked him "if Kisame was what Japanese called Sashimi".
He didn't even remember how Alex had gotten to Akatsuki Headquarters in the first place. He remembered finding her one morning – when he'd gone out to do his normal exercises – drooling at him on the doormat. Unfortunately, he'd failed to lock the door behind him, and Alex had been around ever since.
"… rainbow flavour tastes icky."
"No, that's not your assignment. Your assignment is –"
"Hey, Itachi-sama, when I get you the Ice-cream, can I have some too? I lurve Ice-cream! Hey, where am I going to get the ice-cream?"
"You're going to Konoha, but not to get Ice-cream." Itachi stated, taking deep breaths. "I want you to monitor the Kyuubi's behaviour."
"I… wasn't aware that a Kyuubi was an ice-cream flavour! NEVER THE LESS! I WILL DO MY BEST TO HUNT IT DOWN FOR YOU!"
Itachi's hand found his forehead. Why do I even bother?
--- END RANDOMLY PLACED FLASHBACK ---
Alex grinned, rolling back up as if nothing had happened. "No matter what happens, I will get the Ice-cream for Itachi-sama! THEN I WILL MARRY ITACHI-SAMA! I can already imagine our children! We'd call them;
Itachi the First
Itachi the Second
Itachi the Third
And Lastly, we'd call child number four… BRUCE!It all depends on ice-cream now! I'm going to get to Konoha! GO ME! FOR ITACHI-SAMA! THEN HE WILL RULE THE WORLD! WITH ICE CREAM! ALL HAIL ITACHI-SAMA!"
-----
She's… crazy… Chantelle thought, watching Alex ramble on and on to nobody in particular. She was currently located behind a tree, watching her favourite genin train. Oh how she loved watching him… and collecting his clothes… and putting webcams in his room when he was sleeping, getting some other juicy images while she was at it. Just imagining it made Chantelle – AKA Chan – drool.
"Is he…" Chan whispered, watching as Uchiha Sasuke, drenched in sweat, remove his shirt. She immediately felt warm and gooey inside. She wanted that shirt. She needed that shirt… luckily for her, Sasuke threw it out of the way, and Chan was able to make her way silently to seize it. Of course, when she had seized it, she went back to behind the tree, lifted it to her nose, and smelt it. Ah… Sasuke's sweat… it smelt so stinky…
"Hey! Where the hell did my shirt go?" Sasuke shouted, looking around himself frantically, bringing Chan out of the trance that Sasuke's stench had put her into. He was now looking around frantically for his shirt. Unfortunately for Chan, the stench of his shirt had run out… now she had her eyes set on his pants…
"You over there!"
Chan jumped. Thankfully, it wasn't her that he was yelling at. It was that insane Itachi hailer, who was still rambling on about ice-cream, and hadn't moved fromher spot. She turned, looking towards Sasuke.
"Yeah, you! Did you pinch my shirt?"
"Your eyes are purdy…" Alex muttered, getting up and walking in a zombie like fashion towards Sasuke. "Purdy eyes are for Itachi-sama's use only… GIVE ITACHI-SAMA'S EYES BACK!"
"WAHHHH! WHAT IS THIS?" Sasuke screamed, he was now running away from a homicidal Itachi worshipper. Exactly what was wrong with that picture?
-----
Gaara twitched. The shadow of a girl was pretty obvious through the rice paper walls of his house. He sighed, admitting defeat. Carly had been following him for three months now, and he also noted that there were a few items of his missing. Items that he'd used. Including a toothbrush. Yes, that stupid cow had taken his toothbrush. He'd sulked for three days about that.
"I know you're there." He said, hoping she'd come out.
"YOU DO?" Carly screamed, happiness in her voice, "I don't have to hide anymore!"
She propelled herself through the rice paper wall, attempting to hug Gaara, but collided with his sand wall instead. Still grinning, she slid down it and onto the floor, looking up at the Kazekage.
"My god. I WANT TO HAVE YOUR CHILDREN!"
Gaara sweat dropped. "What the…?"
"LET'S CALL ONE MR. MUGGLNESSOW!"
"…"
"TAKE ME!" Again she propelled herself forward, failing yet again and colliding with the sand wall, and again, she slid down. Gaara simply raised an eyebrow at her.
"If you take me, I'll give you your toothbrush back!"
"…"
-----
"Today… today I'm going to do it!" Jess said, feeling extremely courageous. Today, she was going to speak to Kakashi. For three years she'd watched the jounin from afar. You know, the normal things? Like standing in his window sill and watching him sleep at midnight, trying to figure out a way to get into his bathroom while he was in the shower… just little things like that. And, today, she'd talk to him!
With not-so-good-timing, Kakashi strolled by, his face in his book.
"Kakashi-san!" Jess called, bouncing out of her hiding place, and standing in front of the jounin. Kakashi, who had no idea who the hell she was, blinked and looked down at her.
"… Yes?"
"What're you doing?"
"… Do I know you?"
"Well… uh…" She pondered. "No! But, uh… hey, is that a book?"
Of course, she knew that was a book. When Kakashi had buried his head under his blankets when she couldn't see him one night, she'd attempted to read it. Unfortunately, she'd been scarred by the contents. Literally. She still had the paper cut.
"Why yes it is." Kakashi said, almost sarcastically. "Look, I have to go to the bathroom."
"Can I come?"
-----
In the end, I'm sure you're all wondering what in the hell happened to the characters. Well, lets start with Chantelle, shall we?
-----
Chantelle went straight home and added the shirt to her 'Sasuke's dirty washing' pile. It was getting rather large now, and it was stinking out her room. Of course, she had a giant sniff of the stench first. Sasuke smelt so… so… stinky…
Carly got rejected by Gaara, who had already gotten a new toothbrush by then. Of course, she still hadn't given up. She'd stalk Gaara for as long as it took. For as long as it took…
Jess ended up following Kakashi to the public toilets – not that she went in. The mens toilets stank to much. But, Kakashi, just to be sure, used the cubicle instead of the trough.
Alex never did catch Sasuke and his purdy eyes. She'd gotten distracted by an Ice-cream stand, and had actively asked whether they sold 'Kyuubi flavour'. When she discovered they didn't, she'd pompelled the owner for "stealing Itachi's empire of frozen dairy liquid."
I'll bet you're all going: "What the...?" at the end of that. Well, that's the reaction I was hoping for! GO ME!