Hi all! This is a series I started on tumblr (my url is babyvampelena). I decided to share on FF because you guys give such amazing feedback when it comes to my writing! I started this because M5 is my fave band in the world & their whole 2nd album was screaming Delena at me. To anyone that read Things Left Undiscovered, you'd know that I don't ship Delena but a song can inspire me to write them lol. Hope you guys like my little Delena stories. Review if you can!
Better that We Break
2:13am
I turned around in bed for the fifth time in about two minutes. I half expected to see him laying there with his arms behind his head smirking at his success of sneaking in. Even though I knew the space next to me was empty I can't help but feel the tiny heartache when I see with my own eyes it really is.
Sleeping is nearly impossible. In fact it is. I climbed into bed around 11pm. Why can't I sleep? Duh, I know exactly why…everything is literally reminding me of him. I noticed how my cami and matching bottoms were a similar shade of blue to his eyes. I noticed that the sheets on my bed were the same ones from the last time he kept me company. I noticed that my jacket smelled like him when I hung it up…must have been from the last time he hugged me.
Would it be overkill to just call him? Just to hear him answer the phone? Nah…I talk myself out of it. It would pain me to hear him say something simple as 'hello'. I don't even know what the matter with me is; I was the one to pump the brakes. I was the one to say it's not right, not even close to being okay for us to continue.
What else can I do but lay here thinking about him? I'm definitely not going to let the real thoughts of me being fearful and a bit of a fool to let him slip away enter my mind. Oh shoot. Too late for that…guess I'll think about the comfort of that kiss to help me sleep. But sooner or later the logical thought of us being better off this way will settle and I'll just deal with the things on the surface.
2:30am
I'm contemplating getting another glass of bourbon. Enough of those will help me forget the blatant lies I'm telling myself. "I'm fine…no it's okay. Yea maybe it is better this way." All lies, I told myself and to her. She smiled when I told her I agreed with her…then it was awkward so I felt the need to apologize for kissing her. Seriously, that wasn't even necessary.
I literally feel like I'm on some emotional roller coaster. Would it look desperate if I went to check on her? Just to see if she's okay? Of course it would…those days of sneaking in to lie next to each other and talk all night was long gone. I messed it up.
Screw it, I need another drink. I'm willing to bet she's sound asleep dreaming of the life she could've had if Stefan and I didn't pop up. I uncap the bottle and don't even bother for a glass. I take a swig and bring it to bed with me.
What else can I do but hope that I dream about her? I can't avoid her, we're tied to each other's lives now and I guess that's better than nothing. I have to remain strong when she's fragile and sensible when she's not. This is what I signed up for the moment I fell in love with her. Too bad it gets harder every day I force myself not to chase after her. Breaking off this way is better than anything right?
Lyrics:
I never knew perfection til
I heard you speak, and now it kills me
Just to hear you say the simple things
Now waking up is hard to do
And sleeping is impossible too
Everything is reminding me of you
What can I do?
It's not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we're better off this way?
I'm not fine, I'm in pain
It's harder everyday
Maybe we're better off this way?
It's better that we break…
A fool to let you slip away
I chase you just to hear you say
You're scared and that you think that I'm insane
The city look so nice from here
Pity I can't see it clearly
While you're standing there, it disappears
It disappears
It's not right, not OK
Say the word it should say
Maybe we're better off this way?
I'm not fine, I'm in pain
It's harder everyday
Maybe we're better off this way?
It's better that we break
Saw you sitting all alone
You're fragile and you're cold, but that's all right
Life these days is getting rough
They've knocked you down and beat you up
But it's just a rollercoaster anyway, yeah
It's not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we're better off this way?
I'm not fine, I'm in pain
It's harder everyday
Maybe we're better off this way?
I'm not fine, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we're better off this way?
I'm not fine, I'm in pain
It's harder everyday
Maybe we're better off this way?
It's better that we break, baby