People had always known the importance that the title of Prom Queen held for Quinn Fabray.
They knew that it had always been her ultimate goal in High School. After being Head Cheerleader, after coming back from a pregnancy with her power intact, after joining Glee Club and having her reputation surviving; it was the crown. Being Prom Queen was the ultimate price. It would mean that she had ruled the school, since becoming Head Cheerleader in her Freshman Year, something that wasn't easy to accomplish, less with having Sue Sylvester as Coach; until the very end, becoming Prom Queen in her Senior Year.
Quinn never hid that fact from the rest of the school, they had always known that she would get that crown, there really was no doubt. Quinn's mother had been Prom Queen; it was only fitting that she would be, too. There was a reason her mother had named her, because she was destined to be at the head, to call the shots, to rule. And that's what she had done.
Since she had stepped into the halls of William McKinley High School, Quinn Fabray had ruled it. Sometimes alone, sometimes with Santana at her toes, but she had. During the months when she joined Glee Club and got pregnant, there had been doubt. She had been slushied, she had been at the bottom of the pyramid, and she became an outcast. But in her junior year, Quinn Fabray's power came back at full force. People saw that she was capable of turning in one of her best friends in order to gain that power again, they saw what she was willing to do, and there were no more discussions, no more doubt. She had proven a point when she had been off the squad for a while, and she still got the same respect from the jocks and the rest of the Cheerleaders. Quinn Fabray needn't a uniform to be in charge.
She had made an unspoken statement: As long as she was in the school, she was the top dog.
People respected that, and they didn't question it. They were the sheep, and they followed. They daren't disrespect the order in wich things in High School worked, because it was easier that way.
So if Quinn Fabray was dating Finn Hudson, they were the Golden Couple. If she was dating Sam Evans, they were the Golden Couple. It was how things worked and nobody denied it. If Quinn Fabray was single, the only explanation was that there simply weren't boys worthy of her time. It was how her Senior Year had worked. She didn't need to date anybody, she needed to stay single, and the sheep needed not to question. And question they didn't.
Nobody ever considered exactly why Quinn Fabray was top dog. It was like a law of physics. You don't try to understand it, you try to memorize it so you don't fail the test and that's it. It was that way, simply because.
Nobody questioned her motives, and nobody knew them.
As her own little private joke, Quinn liked to say in her mind that she had romantic ulterior motives for her absolute need to be Prom Queen. Sure, there were the reasons people knew about, it all was true. That it would be the ultimate prove of her power, that she just had to be because her mother was, that it would be the cherry of her High School history and it would be just as clichéd as it would be romantic. But then again, there were those romantic ulterior motives.
Behind most of all her actions in life, Quinn did things because she had to prove a point. She needed to be the perfect daughter her parents had dreamed of. Sure, she had screwed up, and that had lost her the love of her father. Still, Quinn had always wanted things to be perfect for her mother, not him.
Quinn always knew her mother didn't have the life she had dreamed of. She knew that, as a young idealistic girl, her mother had dreamed big things for herself. Judy Fabray, before she became a Fabray, had goals and hopes bigger than herself… until she met Russell. Her mother had confessed to her once that she wasn't sure how, but suddenly she had found herself married to a Catholic business man, carrying a child and being a housewife. Judy's life didn't turn out the way she had dreamed, but at least she had two beautiful daughters and a loving husband. But that didn't last long. As her daughters grew up under their father's thumb and became obsessed with being perfect, her husband had stopped being the loving man he once had been to her. The only thing they ended up sharing was a house and a drinking problem. Judy Fabray's eldest daughter had gone to college in another continent in order to be away from them. But Quinn had always been there, she had always tried to please her even when her mother repeated relentlessly that she only had to be herself, that she would always be loved. Of course, she had proven her own reassurances a lie when her daughter got pregnant and she allowed her husband to kick her out. Judy had moped around the house for months, swimming in a sea of depression at the thought that absolutely nothing had gone the way she had dreamed of. Nothing went according to her plans until she had her daughter back and an opportunity to be the mother she had always wanted. Quinn had understood that time that she could trust her mother with anything, and they had formed a stronger bond.
Of course, Quinn promised herself that she would make her mother happy by becoming all of the things that Judy had dreamed for herself. She swore that she would, even if it meant that she had to make some sacrifices of her own. Even if she had to give up the thing she loved the most.
Quinn's ulterior motive number one was giving her mother the satisfaction of her daughter becoming Prom Queen. She would bring the crown and the medal or whatever it was they gave to her, and she would give it to her mother. In her junior year, Quinn Fabray became independent, she became a leader at the school, she was number one student, and in the end of her senior year, she became Prom Queen.
That brought her to her romantic ulterior motive.
If there was one thing she was, and at the same time, wasn't, it was what people thought. They thought she was a bitch, and that was sometimes true. They thought she was all the clichés that involve being the HBIC. People thought she was smart and they were right about that. They were right about a lot of things, but then again, it was the things that she was willing to show. Quinn made herself an image and people bought it without questions, because that's how they were. But Quinn Fabray had a secret since she was thirteen and hit puberty and learned the meaning of hormones. It was a secret she held close to her heart and that she almost never wore on her sleeve. A secret that she never showed except on the handful of times when her eyes went out of control and she couldn't help but stare lovingly, only for a few seconds, to the object of her desire. It was the only secret that she never shared with anyone, not even with her mother, because she wouldn't understand. Judy Fabray wouldn't understand why Quinn was attracted and pretty much loved Rachel Berry, because Quinn herself never understood.
But Quinn made a promise to herself. If she had to give up her most desired dream in order to make her mother happy and in order to be everything she was supposed to be, she would give herself a prize. When she became Prom Queen, she would give herself an opportunity to enjoy herself, only once. That was her romantic ulterior motive. It was not much, it was not special and it was definitely not enough. But if she became Prom Queen, she would have a dance with Rachel Berry.
There were times when the sole idea of that made her giddy. There were times when a dance with Rachel was more of a motive to be Queen than to be what she was supposed to. There were times when she felt that the only reason she wanted to be Prom Queen was so she could be herself, at least for a few minutes, and have Rachel.
The first thing that popped into her head when she heard her name was her mother's face. As she walked to the stage to get her crown, Judy's beaming face with pride when she told her the news was all she could see. But then, as she stood smiling and the crown was placed over her head, the only thing Quinn could do was to look for Rachel amongst the crowd. She almost forgot she had to do the stupid dance with the Prom King, but she figured a few minutes wouldn't kill her. Anxiety would, maybe.
She tried her best to keep smiling as they danced, but in the end, his puzzled look made her know that her irritation was showing. She had promised this to herself, and she didn't want to have the time to chicken out. As the song ended and everyone applauded, he tried to keep a hold on her, but she let him go almost rudely.
Quinn was determined to find Rachel and dance, but first she had to control her shaking hands. It was ridiculous, it was only a dance and at the end of the day, it wouldn't mean anything to Rachel and she would be safe. She tried to keep telling herself that as she spotted the brunette fooling around and dancing with Mercedes and Kurt. Rachel looked lovely, gorgeous, amazing. That was no news to Quinn, but tonight she seemed to shine so brightly it was impossible to look at without it being painful. Rachel had a red dress that accentuated everything that was right in her body, wich was a lot. It showed just the right amount of everything and it seemed that everybody noticed, because it was almost fifteen minutes later when Quinn gained the courage to go to her, and she had already been asked to dance by a lot of people.
As Quinn approached them, the picture was rather awkward. Rachel and Finn were dancing closely, but he was too tall and seemed to have two left feet and Rachel looked sympathetic. Maybe it would have been rude to interrupt, but Quinn was tired of waiting and watching and this was Finn's third dance with the girl. It was the perfect song, and Quinn would be damned if Finn got it over her. She advanced towards them and put a slightly trembling hand on Rachel's shoulder. The brunette turned to her and smiled, and Quinn felt her breath taken away like a punch in the stomach, but she smiled nonetheless. The couple looked at her and the only thing that came out of her mouth was "May I?" They both nodded and Finn made a move to grab her hand, but Quinn reached for Rachel's before she had a chance to think about it twice and pretend it was Finn she wanted all along. She had done that in the past, and it wasn't going to happen tonight.
The tall boy gaped at her and Rachel raised her eyebrows, but she smiled either way and placed both hands on Quinn's shoulders.
Quinn always pictured this moment with as much reality as she could. She pictured Rachel slightly horrified to be taken away from her partner, wich of course she always pictured it would be Finn, and she imagined Rachel dancing reluctantly and as far away from her as she could. She pictured herself trembling like an idiot and dancing poorly, or not dancing at all, just standing there like a stone statue. She never dared to imagine it would be perfect, she always knew she shouldn't keep her hopes up because they would always be crushed. She daren't picture a happy scene, because when it turned out wrong, it would just be too painful.
She had always thought that it would go badly, but in the end, she would have gotten the chance to have Rachel in her arms, and that would be enough.
But it wasn't the case. Quinn was afraid that Rachel would feel the mad flutter of her heart inside her chest, they were that close. She slid her hands around the brunette's waist and their bodies were almost pressed together. They were close enough that she could feel the heat emanating from Rachel's body, she could smell her perfume and her hair, and it made her lightheaded. Still, she managed to swing to the slow song in the background, but that was all there was. There's nobody else, just them. It's all Quinn can hear, all that she can see and all that she feels. Rachel's breathing ghosts in her neck and Quinn's eyelids flutter, so she closes them. They're swinging side to side and their feet move, but she doesn't know what she's doing. Her body is in autopilot as her mind goes to overdrive with all the sensations. The warmth, the closeness and the softness when Rachel presses their cheeks together and she feels her smile. She's not sure the brunette knows what she's doing, but she feels giddy and tingly, and she feels complete and utter love.
For a moment, Quinn considers everything. She could tell Rachel the truth. She could trust her mother and tell her, and she could make her understand. Quinn could give herself the chance to learn to accept who she is. She could be what she wants, and not what she's supposed to. Things could turn out right. In this very moment, Quinn could turn her head slightly to the right and join her lips with Rachel's. She's so close, their cheeks are pressing and Rachel is smiling and everything is warm and soft and just light.
But Quinn has an ulterior motive, and she has to be what she's supposed to be. She made a promise to herself, and this is her keeping it. She's dancing with Rachel and it went better than she expected because she didn't expect anything, and that's why she's not crushed and that's why it's not painful. She didn't have high expectations and that's how things turned out right.
But now, she has to let go. She's had her prize. Now she has to go home and show her mother her crown.
Her cheek brushes with Rachel's as they pull apart, and her hands linger on her waist while Rachel's hands rest on her shoulders. She gives herself a second to look at those deep brown eyes, but she doesn't dare to read into them. Rachel is questioning her with her eyes and a smile, but Quinn only smiles lightly in return and she knows she's giving her one of those looks of adoration she can't control. Rachel's smile turns into a less powerful one, but not less warm. It's a smile that says something that Quinn doesn't want to hear. Fingertips graze her neck lightly and touch the crown in her head, straightening it. She cups Rachel's cheek for three aching seconds before turning around.
Judy is waiting for her when she gets home. Quinn takes off her shoes when she's at the door and approaches her mother with her crown in her hands. Judy's beaming face is everything she imagined it would be.
When she goes to bed, there are tears. But she got the chance to have Rachel in her arms, and in the end, that just has to be enough.