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Moving Memories
1: Welcome To The Jungle

~ (^.^) (^.^) ~

"Let's travel," Jiraiya said

"It'll be fun," Jiraiya said.

"It's time to move on and move out," Jiraiya said.

Y'know what? Jiraiya said alotta convincing things after Dad died, and I bought into em all like an idiot. I didn't expect any of that to actually mean, "let's move into the city". And I'm talkin about the city that's only an hour and a half away from our perfectly comfortable country home.

It felt like the right time to "move on and move out" when we were supposed to be travelling and having fun, but that measly hour and a half between my old home and my new one is absolutely not travelling and it definitely isn't fun either. It was all just fancy talk that Jiraiya used to con me into moving.

I swear, my godfather really knows how to work me over, just like he could work Dad.

I guess I really am my father's son.

Jiraiya, the old fart, also failed to mention that moving on and moving out meant selling the house, and I mean sell as in completely give it away to strangers... forever. I dunno why any of this ever seemed reasonable to me...

Actually, the lies of fun and travel are definitely why.

Soon as that bullshit was taken outta the equation though, it all suddenly seemed so wrong. Selling the house didn't feel right at all. There were too many memories. Maybe it was just a house to Jiraiya, but it was my home.

Dad did leave the house in Jiraiya's name, and at first I was pretty mad about that. I mean, why would my old man leave our home to someone who's not me? This was exactly what I feared would happen: Jiraiya just selling it when I moved out after graduation. But I think that's what Dad was actually hoping for

He must've known I'd hold on to it if I could. And, yeah, I would. Hell, I'd probably never leave if I could help it. I'd never do alotta things. Never go to college. Never grow bigger than small-town me. Never fall in love. I can imagine myself now: old, wrinkly, maybe a little pudgy, and the closest thing I'd have to a companion would be the horses in the barn and the pigs in the sty.

The worst part about all that isn't even the kinda man I'd've become. It's the fact that I would've been perfectly content to be that simple man living that life. I wouldn't've ever wanted more. Would've just been satisfied rocking away on that porch til death. Dad knew I loved that place way too much to ever leave it, even if it killed me and my dreams and all the potential he always swore he saw in me to stay.

It's been about two years since Dad passed away and almost one since graduation and I still don't wanna leave home, even though I'm really already gone.

From the perspective I have now, having already moved out and moved on, I can say that who I would've happily become would be a disgrace to both my parents. So, yeah, I understand Dad's reasoning, but the sting of having to let go never really faded. It may never fade. I can't be blamed if I'm so attached to the place though! That house had been my home my entire life. Mom lived and gave birth to me there, and she died there too. She held onto life just long enough to hold me, name me, and tell me how much she loved me before she died with me in her arms.

So maybe now you see a little bit of why I can't let that house go so easily. That house was Mom. It was her spirit, her memory. And then it became Dad too. In fact, I wanted to bury dad way out in the back field by the ancient tree. That's where he used to take me when we would ride the horses together, a long time before he got sick. He told me that he and Mom used to go out there and watch the sunrise before they had me. I thought it was the perfect place to lay him to rest, but Jiraiya said no. Said Dad wouldn't've wanted to be buried on the farm. He wanted to be buried by Mom in the village cemetery. Plus, it'd be just another tie I'd be unwilling to sever when the time came for us to move.

That house had already become the only thing I had left of my parents though. Sure, I did and still do have some possessions of theirs, but that house will always carry so much more of their energy than I could possibly fit in little trinkets and things. How do I let that go?

Dad never was big on material things or the idea of keeping shit just to keep it though. He always felt like it was selfish. As a kid, he used to warn me of this day. He'd say that one day we'd all have to leave the house in someone else's hands, and I didn't like the idea at all back then either. I remember him also telling me that the reason we had to go was because we had to make room for others to make memories there too, just like the people before us had done. I never understood back then what he meant when he told me that the house was not just Mom, but other people and their memories too.

Of course, I get it now. There comes a time when everyone has to let go. But I never had to actually give anything up. That was another thing that Dad taught me in so many ways. If it was ever really yours, it could never really be anything less. The things that truly matter live on in our hearts, things like memories and love. It doesn't matter if we have to let something go because if it's in our hearts, it's there to stay.

It took me a long time to get a lot of those lessons he taught me. But even though they've brought me understanding, they've done nothing to ease my heart. I thought that if I could live like the man Dad was, able to accept even the worst adversity and turn it around, then I would somehow feel more settled in my heart. But I realize that's not how it works. Just because you understand it doesn't mean you stop feeling strongly about a thing.

I can come to terms with the move. I can accept giving my home away. I can "move on and move out". But I can't stop feeling a huge sense of loss. No matter what kinda wisdom he tried to leave me with, I think even Dad would understand my complaining when it came to the subject of having to leave. But he probably would've said some wise riddles to distract me and urge me to learn a higher lesson from it all. That was so Dad's personality. He used to say a lot of things, things I sometimes couldn't unravel and decode until years later. His lessons mostly meant nothing to me at the time of teaching, but now that he's gone, it all makes a lot more sense.

I guess it's good that I got Jiraiya though. I'm nineteen and he really doesn't have to take care of me anymore, but he still wants to. I'll never admit this to him, but Jiraiya did save me, and Dad knew he would. If I'd've stayed in that house, I'd never be able to let go or move on. I mean, yeah, I should remember my parents, but I know getting stuck on their loss would just keep me from actually growing as a human being.

So Jiraiya is forcing me out into the world. That's what Dad wanted, and Mom too. They wanted me to grow up and move on. Jiraiya knows that, and that's why he sold the house. It's not like I don't understand. It's just hard. Like I said, understanding does nothing to ease the emotions.

When Jiraiya told me we'd be selling the house, I had to force myself to be okay with it, and that took some time. Then, he revealed that the fun travels he deceived me with actually just meant a shitty move into the shitty city, and he told me this while we were driving into the damned city to look at apartments. Then, he told me that I was moving into the apartment all by my damn self only after the lease was signed. Apparently, he had taken the liberty of beginning to get me enrolled into the university because he was going to be doing all that alleged fun travelling by himself too.

I would've normally been angry with him—in fact, I tried pretty hard to be angry—but I knew he was only trying to fulfill Mom and Dad's wishes. How could I be angry when it was so plain to see? He just wanted to help give me the things in life that my parents were robbed of sharing with me.

After a few days of coming to terms with everything, it did get easier. The hardest part was standing at my parents' graves. We'd packed everything up and moved most of it into my apartment. Jiraiya only kept what he really needed for his travels and the rest went into storage, was sold, or got donated. On our very last trip from the house, we went together to say goodbye to Mom and Dad. I couldn't say much. I just started crying. I knew it was only an hour and a half drive if I wanted to come visit their graves, but it all felt so final when we were standing there. It felt like I'd never be home again, but that was just because I'd had no experience with anywhere but that house. I had no idea that I could build another home, and that it didn't even have to be a place. A person could heal me too.

That brings me to where I am today and the story that I, Naruto Uzumaki, have to share.

This is a story about overcoming adversity. It's a story about learning to find love and light in spaces of pure darkness, loneliness, and misery. It's about discovering trust when all your faith has been shattered. It's about picking yourself up when you need to. And when you can't, then reach out and grab the hand of someone who loves you. Because this is also a story about how someone always loves you, as long as you can manage to love them back, and even sometimes when you can't.

This is mostly a story about the other half of me, really, and how he gave me a home even more valuable than the structure I'd struggled so hard with leaving. Everything that my father ever taught me came to be useful when I met this man, almost as if my life had been leading me up until the moment that we found each other. This is about me too though, and how I found my true identity hiding in plain sight.

I've hated my small apartment, even though it actually is rather nice. Jiraiya has everything paid for, and I don't question how. I just thank him and give him all the dirty details about my life every time he calls, always from a different place.

I've hated this shitty city. Not just because it's nothing like the cool, clean country air that I miss, but also because there are too many dark corners to unsuspectingly walk into. And when you unfortunately do, you have to witness your life totally fall to shambles as a result while you can do nothing to stop it.

I've hated this university because… well… it's school and school is work. Not to mention, I gotta go way outta my way to find any good ramen joints.

I've hated alotta stuff about my new life, but there is something that I've loved... hated to love most of the time, or maybe loved to hate... but loved nonetheless. There's one thing that's made me capable of rounding every awful smack of a difficult life back into happiness and gratitude, just like my dad always did.

Sasuke Uchiha is that one, special thing.

This city is a jungle, but living here has taught me that every place has its gnarly corners that you can't escape. Every situation has its tangles, and you'll get snagged up no matter what you do sometimes. But if Sasuke Uchiha is on the other side, then open up jungle cause I'm comin in, and you couldn't stop me even if you tried with all your might.

Disclaimer: I don't pretend to own anything about Naruto. Well, not outside of my mind anyway.

General Warnings (will reiterate in necessary chapters):
—Blood. Hard to avoid altogether but if you're squeamish and can't handle at all, I'm warning you it's here.
—Substance abuse, though it's not that extensive.
—Physical, mental, and emotional abuse will all be both alluded to and described. It won't be gruesome though.
—Chapter 17 is censored for explicit content. A link for explicit content is provided.
The following warnings will not be reiterated:
—Obviously there will be violence, nudity, and profanity. Hence the M rating.
—Allusions to and vague descriptions of gay, sexual relationships.
—Supernatural elements (vampires and other beings I totally made up on my own).
—This story is not beta'd, so there are bound to be mistakes and plot holes.

Author Notes: Naruto & Sasuke is the main pair, but Gaara-Kiba & Sai-Sasu are other significant pairs. Other less important pairs that are also present are Ita-Dei and Kisame-Temari. Know that most of, if not all, Author Notes will be at the bottom of the chapter. Also, this is a rewritten version! Yay!

I have made a lot of crappy floor plans to illustrate various places in the story. This is mostly to keep my own self on track and it helps me be more realistic in my writing. In any case, there's a section on my main profile page that's labeled "Links for Fics" and you can find all the links you'll need for any of my fictions there. So, for example, the first time Naruto's apartment is visited is in Chapter 2, so when Chapter 2 comes out a link to his apartment's layout will be added to the links section on my main profile page.

I know some people don't like the way the links work, so I have till posted links in each respective chapter by replacing the period with "+"s. So replace those "+"s with periods to make those links work if you choose to do it that way. Or if you prefer to not do it manually, you can just use the links provided in the section on my main profile page. Whatever works for you. I just tried to cater to everyone.

P.S. There's also a link to a playlist of all the songs associated with the fic. Each time a new chapter gets a song, it'll be added to the playlist. So for those of you who don't like the links, here's a manual one for the playlist of songs:
youtube+com/playlist?list=PLJUMu36XElQpyWp2dzu_ry9wDVEEPP0BO