Exhausted, you collapse onto the motel bed and stare at the weird bumpy texture of the water-stained ceiling. Your short, spiked hair is grimy with the day's styling product and the night's dirt, and, man, you really need a shower, but you're far too tired to get back up now that you've laid down. Besides, you'd barely managed to pull off your boots, jeans, and flannel shirt before having collapsed on the cleaner-looking of the two beds.
Your brother, thanks to your highly generous, big brotherly love, has taken the Impala to the nearest McDonald's for food and free WiFi, since this particular motel offered neither. You frown and wrinkle your nose in annoyance at the thought. Big surprise that Sunny Springs (so not an accurate name for this dingy lean-to) didn't even offer so much as a carton of orange juice for the early-rising guests. You think about the Jim Beam in the rucksack by the door and try not to scoff to yourself at how you'll have to drink it straight instead of what has become your routine morning screwdriver.
Sam was gone still trying to track down Kevin and the tablet with no luck. You don't want to admit it, but you're actually pretty relieved for the lack of success. You know, have known, that losing Sam to the "normal" life was inevitable. Lord knows (you smirk) that you had tried countless times to convince yourself that it wasn't true, but no matter how you looked at it, it was.
You swipe your dirty hand over your face and close your eyes to try and push away the emotion rising up within your chest, but it doesn't budge. Sammy (no, he's Sam now, he's grown up), your little brother (but he isn't little like he's supposed to be anymore), has moved on, moved on from hunting, from your lives together…
From you.
You push your palms against your eyes to try to force back the tears but a sobbing grown still escapes you. You're going to be alone soon. No Dad, no Bobby, no Sam- not even Cas. Your heart gives a painful jump that makes you want to sob and scream with pent up emotion. Even your most devoted companion was gone. The one person who would never let you down, or choose some "normal" life over you and you couldn't even save him.
With a sigh, you let your hands fall to your sides and away from your damp lashes and red eyes. They're open again, but they don't see the dingy motel room. No, they see the face of a gently smiling angel with scruffy cheeks and blue eyes and messy hair. They see someone you love and desperately miss, dammit, why why why did I have to lose him, you think.
Because you lose everyone, says a small voice at the back of your head.
You ignore the voice and roll over onto your side, roughly shoving at the bodiless pillow in an attempt at fluffing it before thumping your head down on it and closing your too-tired eyes to finally sleep. You'd be fine. Sam would see eventually that hunting with you is where he belongs. He'd see and you wouldn't be alone you can't be alone…-
Some far-off part of you is vaguely aware that you're dreaming.
You give that part the finger and focus instead on the lovely moment. You're at a pier or some sort, on a grass knoll, propped up against a tree beside the dock. Lying back against your chest from in between your denim-clad legs is Castiel. Both of you are quiet and relaxed as the day draws to a close around you. The crickets are just beginning to chirp, reds and oranges and pinks are washing the sky like watercolors over wet paper, and the occasional fish can be heard splashing from the water.
You lean forward, wrapping your arms around Cas and propping your chin on his head, breathing in his scent which is something like heaven. He only moves with you, sighing once you get comfortable in your new position. This really must be Heaven, or some form of it. You remember your mom telling you once when you were still too short to reach the cookie jar on the kitchen counter that Heaven is whatever you want it to be, because it's yours.
As you stare out across the water, brow furrowed and lips pursed with thought, your heart does something bordering on physically painful in your chest. Cas is gone, not here. You can't have this, not really. It's a beatific illusion that you can hardly bear.
"Don't think like that, Dean. Everything should be okay one day," Cas says, craning his neck to peck your lips and smile softly.
"I miss you," you say in return. You can't help the tired sigh that escapes you. You just want things to work out for you, just once.
Castiel turns around to sit with his legs crossed and facing you. He's smiling big and happy. "Things will work out. I'll be back for you," He leans forward to kiss you again; insistent and reassuring as a hand comes up to cup your chin. When he pulls away, he's still got a small smile playing at the corners of his lips. "You know I could never just leave you behind. I'm not going Home until I can take you back with me."
The words taste sweet as you hear them and bring a smile of your own to your face. Cas sees the smile and his eyes meet yours for the small second that lingers before your lips meet and they close again. You both share the kiss, feeling the nerves bind and twist together as electricity passes between neurons and the skin of your lips.
Just the slightest gap between Castiel's lips allows your tongue to slip into the warmth of his mouth and then an entirely new feeling is added into the equation. Your tongues dance together in sync, exploring and tasting as though this were the first kiss ever shared. You breathe through your nose but soon it isn't enough and you have to pull away to catch your breath.
You both separate, pulling back the slightest bit to breathe and analyze each other. Castiel looks flustered in the best way, and were this not a romantic moment you'd probably have had him right there on the grass-
Castiel laughs a little as he watches himself lace your fingers together over his lap, before bringing his eyes up to meet yours with a grin still on his face. "You really need more self-control, Dean."
You cock your head and frown, giving Cas a suspicious look as you lean back against the tree once more. "How could you possibly know what I was just thinking?"
Castiel just gives you a knowing smile and a peck on the lips. "Do you really need to ask that? Technically you are still dreaming," The angel frowns then. "Speaking of which, it's very nearly time for me to go."
"Go?" You ask. "Go where, exactly?"
"Back. You don't need to worry about it right now," He kisses you again, this time slow and meaningful. You lean forward with him in an attempt to follow his lips but he puts his hands on your shoulders to push you back. "Just know that everything will be okay."
Things begin to get fuzzy then, and despite your desperate effort, it only got worse.
"Cas, please, I can't lose you, I can't be alone," You practically beg the angel, but his soft smile is back.
"You won't be alone. I'll find you, I promise," says the angel as things finally fade out, the feeling of your angel's kiss on your lips and hands on your shoulders still ghosting your senses.
Your eyes open in one fluid motion and you find yourself staring not at a sky looking as though the sun had melted into it, but a weird, bumpy motel ceiling. Under your waking fingertips is the scratch of unwashed bed sheets instead of soft green grass. You feel and taste the stale artificial draft of an AC unit instead of the calm breeze of the outdoors. No chirping crickets, only Sammy(Sam, dammit)'s fingers tapping at the keys of his laptop.
You decide to ignore the ache in your chest, put on a smile, and get on with the day.
Making a scene getting up so that Sam knows you're awake, you stand and stretch, wincing a bit at how your back pops and wondering for once if you're actually getting old. Sam glances at you from his seat at the motel's excuse for a kitchen table. "Hey, you're up. You were knocked out, man. Didn't even make a move when I accidentally tipped over the hat rack coming in."
"Yeah, well. Let sleeping dogs lie and all that. What time is it? Can we eat yet?" You ask.
"Sure, plus I think I've got a lead on Kevin. I'll tell you over breakfast," Sam says as he shuts down his laptop and stands with a stretch of his own.
"Sweet. I'm gonna throw on some clothes. Be ready cause I'm freakin' starved." Your rumbling stomach is enough to distract you from the fading ache in your chest. You push the feeling to the back of your mind. You walk over to your rucksack and rummage through for clean clothes before heading into the bathroom. Man, you think to yourself as you dress, I need to try and remember what that crazy dream I had was later.
Somewhere far away, an angel wakes up, leaving Heaven for a hunter.
Yeah, so hi. Supernatural came back and I've been having lots of Destiel feels so here go ahead and take this.
Reviews would be lovely since it's been so long and I feel a bit rusty.