Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, the characters from the show, etc. I am not making any money off the writing of this story.
~*~ Profiler's Choice 2011 Fanfic Awards for the Criminal Minds Community ~*~
Hosted by ilovetvalot and tonnie2001969
It is our pleasure to announce the Second Annual Profiler's Choice Fanfic Awards for the Criminal Minds community!
The nomination ballot is now available, and all rules are posted on Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum! Nomination ballots must be received by October 15, 2011 and must be sent to this PM at Profiler's Choice CM Awards. Fics for consideration must have appeared on the CM section of between September 1, 2010 and August 31, 2011 (see rules for full details.)
Anger ventilated often hurries toward forgiveness and concealed often hardens into revenge.
~ Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton
After Strauss left, it took everyone a moment to digest. They could be a family again. The nightmare was over. Repairs and cleanup could begin. They all congregated in the bullpen. Sometime into the discussion, JJ noticed a voice missing from the conversations.
At some point, Reid had slipped away and no one noticed. Just as she opened her mouth to mention it to everyone, JJ decided against it. She knew she needed to speak to him and alone would be better, easier. Waiting until Prentiss had everyone else's attention, telling of her recovery, JJ very quietly slipped away. As seemed to be the tradition from the past months, she made a cursory check of Reid's temporary desk with crime analysis, two floors below the BAU. The firing range in the basement was her next destination. Sure enough, as she entered the outermost room, she saw there was one stall token taken. JJ grabbed a pair of protective earmuffs and scanned into the observation room / hallway.
.
BANG!
... Click
BANG!
... Click
BANG!
... Click
.
She watched quietly and carefully as Reid finished emptying his revolver into the hole-riddled target. The center was almost completely blown out. There was a line up of three other handguns on the ledge in front of him.
Noting that he was going to empty the casings from the revolver and not picking up another gun, JJ entered the firing range proper.
His practiced movements paused for only a split second.
'Go away, JJ.'
.
She startled; he hadn't even looked up to see who it was.
.
'Spence,'
'Don't,' he spat in a harsh tone she had never heard him use before.
.
'Please, Spenc-'
He cut her off again. 'Get out.' Carefully and deliberately, he set the revolver down, the casings only half out of their slots. He grabbed the ledge and leaned forward. With much hesitation, guilt and a bit of worry, JJ carefully took two steps toward her son's godfather.
'I said leave.' Spencer said quietly. 'You lied to me, leave.'
.
As she watched closely, his shoulders began to tremble. She wanted to run over and pull him into her arms. She wanted to comfort him, to let him know they could work through this if he just gave it a chance.
The moments dragged by and the tremble became a shake. His knuckles were now white, gripping the ledge for support. Moments turned into minutes that seemed like hours.
.
'Spencer,' she tried again. She had to. 'I had no choice. The orders came from the head of the State Department and the head of the CIA. Agent Prentiss and all those connected to her had to be protected. That includes you.'
Spots on the floor caught her attention, Reid was crying. Her heart broke for the man that had seen too much in his life. She dared to take another few steps closer, almost within reach.
.
'It hurt.' He spoke in an almost whisper. 'It hurt after they took you away. It hurt when Emily left. It hurt when we found out we weren't able to find her fast enough. It hurt when you said she didn't make it off the table. These last months have hurt.'
.
JJ couldn't take it anymore and closed the distance between them. She reached out and touched his shoulder. Nearly yelping in surprise, Reid suddenly turned and gripped JJ in a fierce, grief-filled hug.
.
'I'm so sorry, Spence.' She whispered, gripping him back. 'I'm so sorry. I wanted to say something so many times. I wanted to help you be strong, but you're so strong on your own.'
.
'I'm not strong.'
'Yes, you are.'
'Do you know how many times I wanted the hurt to just end? How I wished I could just leave or shoot up? Maybe even OD, so there wouldn't be any more pain…' he trailed off. He never meant to say that, let alone to JJ. She began to shed silent tears at his confession.
'Y-you didn't, did you?'
'Clean almost five years and I'm still tempted.' He quietly whispered.
'Oh, Spence,'
Spotting a couple of plastic chairs in the far corner, she steered the shaken man over to them.
.
'Can I tell you a few things?'
Spencer finally looked at JJ, tears still slowly running down his cheeks. Unable to summon the words over his emotions, he nodded slowly.
'When she recovered enough to travel and be on her own, I met Emily briefly in Paris. It was so hard to see her and know how much you all were still hurting. I gave her the information she would need to be able to hide until Doyle was caught. Three separate ID's, bank accounts and countries drawn up by three separate people. One was from the State Department, and two were from very separate CIA departments. Emily was the only one that knew all three. There were no chances being taken. Once a week, she was to phone in from a different phone and leave a message at one of five places. We had no idea how long we would have to wait, or how long Doyle would remain at large, so everything was planned long-term.'
.
The tears had faded while JJ explained the lengths that everyone had gone to for Emily's safety.
.
'It still hurts.'
'I know and I'm still so sorry.'
Spencer looked into JJ's eyes. He cared so much for her and Henry and Will. His mind knew none of this was done to be mean or hurt anyone. It didn't erase his feelings. At best, it was a topical pain reliever on a gaping wound.
'It still hurts,' he said after a few minutes silence. 'I don't know that I'm going to be able to trust you again.'
'Oh Spence,' JJ sighed.
He held up a hand to stall her and tightened his grip on her hand with his other.
'The trust is broken. It won't be repaired easily or quickly.'
JJ sensed a 'but' coming and unconsciously held her breath.
'…but I'm tired of the deceit, the changes, the lies, and the distrust. It will take time but our little BAU family is back and…I feel good about that.'
To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there.
~ Barbara Bush
Ok, I swear I had this all written before the episode last night. However, I'm completely tickled that I called Reid's reaction near dead on.
I wanted to post it before Proof aired, but I couldn't get it typed out before work, let alone ready to post.
Thanks, Mom, for finishing typing so I can post this and get some sleep.
~*~ Profiler's Choice 2011 Fanfic Awards for the Criminal Minds Community ~*~
Hosted by ilovetvalot and tonnie2001969
Please, please put in your nomination ballots for the awards. If you nominate in at least ten categories, you're entered to win a $10.00 gift card to Amazon.
Thanks for reading, remember I'm easy to please, so please, please, please leave a comment!
Dragon