The Perky Princess

Chapter One(Probably the only chapter, but I'll name it anyway): Mammas mias Which I think is Latin for My Breasts or I could've got it mixed up with Italian ha ha, ;; Latin, huh? That's perverted. I suck at being a pervert. O well.

Please read this whole thing, there is an explanation afterwards.

Now the Disclaimer: I do not own 13 ghosts or claim to in any way. I do not own The Angry Princess, and I also do not own The Angry Princess's boobs; She paid for 'em, buddy, not me. And if you choose tocharge me for writing stupid fanfiction that people can view for free while Video Hut is charging $2.99 for a 5 day rental of your little masterpiece then THE TERRORISTS WIN! Do you want that? Huh? Consequently I do not own Video Hut, and just to play it safe, I also do not own any of the words in the English language, I am borrowing them from Webster's until I can make my own language. I'm conjugating the verbs right now and that's got me puzzled at the moment...

Ben Moss grabs the briefcase, unknowingly starting the mechanism that releases the ghosts one by one. As he walks back the way he came, something seems different; sinister in a way. Then, there she is in front of him, The pale, bloodless Angry Princess.

Ben(Moves backward) Oh...hi...um look...what I said before...I was just...(suddenly his expression turns into that of a man getting an adult humor type picture in an email, which confuses the hell outta the Angry Princess)

Princess: Wh, what is it? Is my hair Ok? Is my makeup running? What?

Ben: Well, I can see someone's happy today! (Snickers)

(Further Disclaimer: I do not own Snickers or the company that makes them or any candy bar making company, for that matter)

Princess:(Is clueless, looks around, then down at her chest) ...Oh, F#$& you, Ben! I-It happens to be very cold in here!

Ben: Not from where I'm standing. It looks pretty HOT to me(Makes howling, immature noises; very OOC.)

Princess(Scoffs) Please! If you wanna do a dead girl, I suggest you find a grave and dig it up like all the other necro freaks! Psycho!

Ben: Sheesh, I don't see the problem. You obviously want the attention, I mean, you get the implants, then you decide to kill yourself NAKED in a bathtub. I mean, my sister was a topless dancer and even she had the decency to at least wear a tube top when she blew her brains out, may she rest in peace. I mean, HELLO(Mouths the word "Slut" whilst pointing to The Angry Princess. Jackal laughs)

Jackal: Right, so we can say anything we want, Titsy. Why don't you perk up wit the rest a yer body! (Ghosts laugh mockingly)

First Born Son: I don't get it...

Princess: (Covers herself) Stop it, you vultures! Stop making fun of them! They're sensitive!

Ben: Sensitive! Those things could survive the nuclear holocaust if you weren't already dead! (They continue to laugh at and mock her)

Princess: ARRRRGHHH! (Stabs Ben Moss rapidly about 40 times before eviscerating him in vengeance) Now, I don't EVER want to hear ANOTHER WORD about my breasts AGAIN!

There was a long silence, broken by:

Torn Prince: Hey babe, If I say your ass looks hot instead, will you let me out of this cube.

Princess: EAT ME A$$HOLE! (Pauses. Looks up at the ceiling. Disappears)

Great Child: Why is she always so angry, mama?

Dire Mother: I don't know Harold.

Juggernaut: Something about losing all your blood must make you have PMS all the time...

The End

Author's Note:

I Wrote this because a lot of the fics here that contain the Angry Princess(I'm not saying all of them) Use boobie jokes to lighten the mood, simply putting the character to that one standard. I am so sick of the morbid fascination with breasts and death together in horror movies. There are people who rent R movies now just to get to the token topless scene, be it a dead girl, a dying girl, or whatever. Whether it's zombie strippers In Resident Evil: Apocalypse, or a nude sacrifice to a monster, it's good for symbolism and sometimes humor, but it shouldn't be meant to turn you on. I don't care how big The princess's boobs are, I would not do her, because she is wounded pale sickly and dead. And o yea, She'd probably be disappointed and stab me. What I'm saying is that The Angry Princess deserves more substance to her character, because she has a background. Even references to other features like her face, makeup, hair, even her butt, as the Torn Prince pointed out, would be nice. So, My point is, the standard boobie joke is fine, but remember that she's a ghost with big breasts, not big breasts with a ghost.