a/n: alright, first let me say that this story is fully intentioned to be stupid and random, so if you don't like that kind of stuff, don't read it. Or read it and tell me you hate it, whatever floats your boat. If you have a sense of humor and decide to read it, please review and tell me what you think. I only wrote this out of love for Snape and because I wanted to have a little bit of fun with my favorite-est character JK Rowling has ever created. :)
It was the day before term started, and Severus Snape was not enjoying the prospects. Severus was a teacher. Usually he liked teaching, but today he decided he hated it. "And what's worse than having a job you hate?" an annoying salesperson voice said inside his head.
So it was lunch time, right, and you would expect Severus to be hungry around then. So...he was. Viciously so. In fact, he was so hungry that he came sprinting downstairs and very nearly falling to his doom, only to find his omelet splattered all over the kitchen. His house elf was lying dead in the pan he had used to cook it.
"What the- Severus thought, urging himself not to appear sad about his lunch or the elf. This wasn't the first time he had found a house elf in his omelet. He went outside to the edge of some woods, and placed the house elf, whose name had been Whocker, on the ground. Then he collected some rocks and dumped them on the elf, therefore creating a proper burial next to his other ones, which were beginning to stink a little. "Whocker was a good elf," said Severus, not knowing exactly what he meant by that, only that he wanted to get out of there pronto before the stink killed him. Then he stumbled out of the trees and down the street he lived on, past several muggles who gave him strange looks, and to the nearest friendly neighboring restaurant, which happened to be Olive Garden.
Several hours later, Severus was exiting Olive Garden, after threatening to sue the manager because they weren't treating him like family. He came to the double doors on the way out, and decided to try that dramatic bit of action where you opened both doors at the same time, one with each hand, and came striding through.
Only he forgot that there was a bar in the middle of the doors.