A/N I dont own the boys...but they are allowed to own me :)

This is my first Supernatural fanfic so be nice :) Hope you enjoy!

No beta...all mistakes are my own!

NOT LETTING GO

Sam and Dean had always had this unspoken affection and love between them and it wasn't just a brotherly love either

Sam and Dean had always had this unspoken affection and love between them and it wasn't just a brotherly love either. Each night they only had themselves and they were happy with that, to a certain extent.

It wasn't until Dean sold his soul to save Sam's life that things changed. While Sam sat in hotel rooms, searching through every book he could get his hands on and making call after call, Dean was out chasing women and enjoying at the time he had left. It wasn't until 6 months into Deans last year, on a stormy night that Sam realized he wouldn't be able to save Dean. When it hit him, it was like someone had grabbed his heart with a cold hand and squeezed. As the tears rolled down his cheeks, his heart broke into a million pieces.

"Oh Sammy, you should have seen her." Dean said, his own little way of announcing that he was back. Sam decided he didn't want Dean seeing the tears so he quickly wiped the tears away and went back to the latest book he was looking thru. Dean flopped down onto the bed next to Sam and continued rambling on about the girl, unaware that Sam's heart was breaking.

"Sam?" Dean asked, looking at his brother.

"What, Dean?" Sam replied, not looking away from the book.

"Normally you're rolling your eyes and making stupid comments, you're never just well, quiet." Dean said to him.

"Sorry." Was all Sam managed to get out before the tears came running down his face again.

"Hey, hey what's wrong?" Dean asked as he moved closer to Sam and put his arms around him.

"Please don't." Sam said shrugging his shoulders hoping Dean would move his arms.

"Has something happened?" Dean asked, trying to look Sam in the eyes.

"Well where should I start?" Sam said loudly, standing up off the bed, shocking dean. "Dad's gone, I died but came back, tonnes of demons are running around and you're leaving because I…" he went on saying but trailed off.

"Because you what, Sam?" Dean asked.

"I failed you." Sam muttered "I can't save you Dean, I don't know how." He added.

"You don't need to save me Sammy." Dean said hoping Sam would calm down.

"Your wrong Dean, you can't leave me, not now." Sam told him, the sadness evident in his voice. Dean didn't know what to say to him so he walked over to him and grabbed his hand and lead him back to their bed.

"I need you dean, always will." Sam said. Still Dean was lost for words. He pulled Sam closer to him and Sam rested his head on Dean's shoulder and Dean hoped that the words would come to him. After a few minutes of silence, Dean finally found what he wanted to say.

"I need you to Sammy; I love you more than anything but I wasn't going to let you die." Dean told him.

"I love you too Dean but…" Sam was saying but Dean cut him off.

"Leave it for now Sammy." Dean said as they both lay down. "I've still got 6 months, we'll figure something out." He told him, hoping Sam would at least for now, calm down. Sam propped himself up onto one elbow and when he looked at Dean, he didn't see his brother, he saw his whole life and it was slowly slipping away from him. Sam leaned in and kissed Dean slow but strongly.

"I'm not letting you Dean." Sam told him, looking at him straight in the eyes "Not ever." He added.

"Good, because I never want you too." Dean replied. As the rain pelted down they got lost in each other and for the shortest time, they didn't have a care in the world.