You don't seem to understand, let me tell you ,
the greatest suffering comes not from pain nor hurt.
The greatest suffering comes from giving something and then taking it again.
"ah a trump card !"
Something tempting,
something which arouses an endless desire.
"I believe I am going to win this time!"
The greatest suffering appears when someone takes it and then holds it,
within sight…,
but out of reach.
You'll never give up your want to retrieve it,
because you can clearly see it.
Because you can almost stroke it,
it's so close.
But the cold hard truth is, that grabbing it is an impossibility!
You'll keep on trying until you become insane, reality and dreams start to merge.
In the end you won't be able to keep them apart any longer!
'Where did the dream start, when did reality end?'
Your desire becomes so great , and before you know it you're trapped…
You're drowning in the sweetest syrups until you're sick of the taste!
What am I talking about?
Is it love, is it life, is it possessions…?
Haha you might've thought I was talking about love.
Indeed many poems, stories and songs seem to want to convey that type of feeling,
…well …
I am not …
I'm talking about a very trivial thing.
It's a dream I once had.
About a blue rose,…
I dreamt it was there and I could hold it, it would fill me with an endless warmth and drive me insane of happiness.
Like some kind of drug the reality around me became crooked ,bended , twisted.
Until I shaped my own world!
It satisfied my being in every single way!
I felt an insane sense of fulfilment.
Then I woke up again and the rose was gone.
Everywhere I searched for "blue rose" , the internet , books, …etc…
in that world the concept did exist but it's a myth.
I knew it was there I desired to find it , to feel again that warmth, the soft petals in my hand, it's gentle reassuring fragrance filling my head with endless joy and granting me the power to shape an own world, …
I suffered, I suffered, I suffered terribly because I KNEW it was out there I SAW it, I felt it , I sensed it !
Yet there was no way to reach my precious rose in that world,…
But that night ,when I finally went to sleep, I saw the rose again.
I was so happy, I cried!
It became so addicting that I went to sleep early just to dream of the blue rose.
I slept during boring classes, when I was alone at home, when I thought no one was paying attention,…etc..
It's intoxicating smell , it felt like a poison but the fragrance was so sweet, but not a deep sweet smell more as if it was a lingering smell of a type of flower.
Like a trail, making me desire more of it!
Again I suffered,
'in this world the rose doesn't exist ,yet it does in my dreams!
It's so close yet so far.
This is far too cruel!
God I beg of you , please let me be eternally with my rose! '
I prayed and prayed.
It became so addicting that people couldn't interest me anymore,
I quit my soccer practice to stay at home and dream,
I skipped meals to dream,
I didn't meet up with friends so I could hold my blue rose and reign over my dream-world which was formed to my desire,
A wonderful world, a strange world …
In the centre were me and the blue rose!
Sounds like something wonderful?
Slowly it's veins started to crawl around and constrict my movements, I was chained to my throne, but I didn't even notice because I didn't care!
I sang a song all day long, and everyone loved me, and everyone bowed to me!
Then one day I wanted to stand up to travel the world which was finally twisted to my satisfaction.
But I couldn't!
The blue rose had trapped me, had chained me to my throne.
My body couldn't move.
It trapped my physical self too!
In the real world my eyes couldn't open anymore.
Friends and family had noticed my desire to sleep and tried everything to wake me.
'It's as if he's in a coma, but he breaths , everything works just fine!
Everything's healthy, from one day on the other he seems to sleep and won't wake up! '
And so I am stuck in this dream for eternity.
No matter how hard I cry out, no one can hear me.
Because of my blue rose, I never noticed that
in my world I never even thought of adding other creatures besides my eternal loyal servants and admirers.
No friends, no family , no one understood me, everyone was like a mere army of puppets living in my subconscious ,
ultimately it was just me and my dream,
I was all alone A lone king how sad, how pathetic.
Moreover how incredibly boring and lonely!
But sometimes when I slept I could see my old life, my friends, my family, the soccer team, school, teachers…etc…
But when I opened my eyes again I was still in my castle , in my world, chained to my throne…
With my sweet blue rose,…
I am confused,
am I a normal boy dreaming of being trapped by a blue rose, or a lone king dreaming of being a normal boy?
Or am I all of it?
I beg of someone to kill me so it can end!
I beg of someone to wake me,…
I can't pray, my hands are cuffed ,…
"Ah , it's the diamond king ,…"