"She could've cried. But she didn't have time. She had a baby to feed. A pink blanket to find to rock their little one to sleep. She could've laid in bed for hours, giving misery the power. But she didn't have time."
She Didn't Have Time by Terri Clark
Claudia Zacchara felt the weight of her ring; saw the diamond glint in the sun. The warmth flooded over her, but all she felt was a mind-numbing cold spreading throughout her entire body. She watched as her fiancée, Sonny Corinthos, removed a car seat from his car and placed it at her feet. He didn't bother to meet her eyes or kiss their daughter goodbye. He tossed the last of his things, a ratty duffel bag stuffed with his clothes, into his trunk. No backwards glances as he started the car and headed down the driveway.
This was his fault. She hadn't wanted any of this to happen. All she had been looking for was a couple of drinks, a night to forget what the world was really like. And then she had woken up the next morning in his arms. His dimples had lured her in and kept her there, despite the warning bells in her head. An instinct, one she rarely ignored, had told her to run as far away as could. But she had remained right there within his grasp. Nine weeks later she realized that she should've listened to the warnings.
"I'm pregnant." The words tumbled out of Claudia's mouth, slipping through her carefully painted lips before she could even form them into a complete, coherent thought. Her hands shook. And she was actually terrified for the first time in her life. Sonny spun around and their eyes locked. Anger. Confusion. Fear. Pain. It was all there in a never-ending cyclone of emotions, churning in and around them. There was no room left to breathe.
"Mine?" He hadn't meant to ask. But habits died hard. And they both knew her reputation. Everyone in town did. She was Claudia Zacchara, the girl in the short skirt and outrageous red shoes. Part of him knew that it was all a defense, a smoke screen to keep everyone from getting in her head. But what were the chances of that ever happening? He had spent two months playing cat and mouse with her. It hadn't gotten him anywhere. Until now… "I'll buy you a ring. Take time, get used to the idea. But my baby will have a home, a family."
"Not in this business she won't. Look what's happened to Michael, to Kristina and Morgan. Hell, Sonny, look at you. Look at Johnny and me. I always said that this business and families should never mix. I sure as hell will not bring my child into this world." Claudia sank into the overstuffed couch. It seemed so out of place. His entire house did. But it was one meant for his children to grow up in. Once upon a time it had been filled with laughter and noise. Now it was empty, a ghost of what it should've been. The tree house was left abandoned in the backyard. No toys littered the floor anymore. Just more proof for her.
"What happened to Michael was an accident." Sonny's voice was completely neutral, void of any emotion at this point. But his eyes held a dark fury that she would usually tempt beyond his control. But not this time, not today when she had so much at stake.
"An accident? Sonny, he was shot and killed to send a message. All he was doing was playing at school, like any other little boy. That's not an accident. It's a tragedy, yes, but it's also a choice that you had made. I won't make that same decision with my baby's life hanging in the balance." Claudia places a hand on her stomach. It's still flat but Sonny can already imagine it growing with his son or daughter inside. His second chance at redemption.
"I will not lose another child."
"I'm not asking you to. I'm telling you that I'm out. I'm not going to carry a gun or have guards surrounding me anymore. I want you to do the same. Walk away from this mess and wash your hands of it all. Then I'll consider marrying you."
They had managed to pull it off. They bought a house in Crimson Pointe. They bought a dog and painted the nursery. She had allowed him to put a ring on her finger, although she had never bothered to set a date. Sonny had been too caught up in her pregnancy and the birth of their daughter, Alexandra, to care. And for six months they had lived as a family. Just the three of them on their own. No violence or deals to worry about. Then Jason had started coming around. At first him and Sonny would just slip away for an hour or two. Then he began to bring Morgan and Kristina.
Claudia had never imagined that she would get to meet Sonny's other children. He had signed custody of them away when Michael had died. His price to pay, he said. Sonny disappeared more and more each time the kids came. But she was easily distracted by the noise and demands on her time. She should've known. She should've seen the signs. She knew the life, the secrets you told. And yet she was completely blind-sided when Sonny had finally come to her to say goodbye.
"You can't just leave! We have a daughter. A little girl that depends on you!" Claudia fought to keep herself calm, to control the rage that bubbled inside of her. She had given up everything for this. She had cut off her family, her brother, for this man and their daughter. How could he so easily turn his back?
"I have two other kids to think about. Things are going south. Jason needs me. He has a son too. But he's sacrificed everything he's ever wanted for this business so that I could play house with you for the last year. It's not fair. None of this is fair. But it's what we have to do."
"You don't have to do anything, Sonny. I know that Johnny probably needs me. I've spent my entire life trying to protect him. But I turned and walked away. So that my daughter could have a family, a chance at an actual life." Claudia slams her hand against the wall, stifling a scream that choked her. "If you walk out of here…. If you leave us, Sonny, you can't come back."
"I know."
And so she watched him drive away. She bit back her tears and took a deep breath. Everything had just changed. But she still had a baby to worry about. Alexandra was going to sit around and wait for her mother to get a grip. So Claudia did what she had sworn not to. She called her brother and begged him for help.
--
"Mommy?" Alexandra Zacchara, barely five years old, followed her mother into the kitchen. Claudia was barely awake, not surprised to see that the sun had barely begun to rise. She had a job. She had ballet and piano lessons for Alex. There wasn't time to sleep.
"Yeah sweetie?" Claudia fixed a bowl of cereal and placed it in front of her daughter. She didn't eat, just poured a second cup of coffee and forced herself to wake up.
"Why don't you kiss someone like Uncle Johnny kisses Aunt Lulu?" The innocent question made Claudia's heart pound. There hadn't been anyone since Sonny. There wasn't enough time to work, take care of Alex, and move on with her life. So the latter faded into the background. Plus, she had always known that she couldn't trust anyone. Especially a man.
"Because I'm not in love. Now eat." Claudia brushed the question aside. Johnny had been telling her for years to go out and meet someone… Anyone. But she couldn't. It wasn't in the cards for her. Part of her had always known that. But at least she had Alexandra and Johnny. They made her life count for something. They made it easier to ignore that constant ache inside of her.
She dropped Alex off at Johnny and Lulu's apartment and headed into work as always. Her job wasn't anything to brag about. But it was legal and it paid the bills. She didn't have to worry about someone hurting her daughter or her. It was an idea that she still wasn't used to.
She had learned to cook and do laundry on her own. She knew whom to call when certain things broke. But a flat tire was enough to have her swearing and kicking the stupid car that Sonny had bought her so long ago. She felt a hand on her shoulder. It made her jump and her blood turned cold. Her fingers itched to reach for a gun that was no longer there. Old habits died hard.
"Need a little help?" A man stood behind her. She was afraid to turn around, to speak to anyone outside of her familiar circle. But she did anyway. She didn't have much choice. His eyes were dark, but so much softer than Sonny's. His hands showed proof of labor. This guy hadn't been afraid to get his hands dirty, in one way or another. "I can have this fixed in just a minute."
"Thank you." The words were mumbled. She hadn't felt this aware of anyone in five years. It scared her almost as much as being pregnant had. She watched silently as he changed the tire on her car, grease coating his hands. He smiled as he straightened, his eyes shining as they met hers. "Thank you so much, Mr…"
"Cassadine. Nikolas Cassadine." Nikolas examined his work one more time before turning back to her. He was beautiful. She couldn't stop staring at him. It was ridiculous that she should feel anything anymore. "Do you have kids?"
"Excuse me?" Claudia barely choked the words out around the fear that claimed her. She took a deep breath and steeled herself for his reaction. But why should she care? She was damn proud to be Alexandra's mother. And no one could take that away from her. "She's five."
"I saw the car seat." Nikolas gestured to the back seat. "I love kids. Does she have your eyes?"
"What can I do to thank you, Mr. Cassadine?" She had to change the subject. And fast. There was no way she could get pulled into anything. There wasn't enough time.
"Have dinner with me." He brushed a strand of hair from her face, careful not to get grease on her pale skin. Claudia found herself smiling despite herself. She nodded, having no control anymore. Everything about him was different than anything she had ever known before. Wasn't that the point? She didn't want another Sonny Corinthos in her life. And Nikolas seemed the opposite. Exactly what she would've been looking for if she had recognized what the emptiness in her had been. An emptiness that had disappeared the second her eyes had met his. The ache was gone. The pain that had been her shadow her entire life was gone. And she found herself talking and smiling.
Hours turned into days. The days became months. And soon there was another ring on her finger. Another face that she woke up to every morning. There was no danger or violence. There wasn't secrets or lies. It was just a house, a dog, and a family.
"She could've been afraid to fall in love that night. But she didn't have time."
She Didn't Have Time by Terri Clark.