Whoa it has truly been a while since I posted on here! Well I am trying something else out after I couldn't come up with anything for What I Would Do For You. I just gave up on it.

Warnings: Yaoi, AU, OOC- which should be obvious because Judai and Johan aren't together in the show, and some disturbing stuff in later chapters...

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh GX and if I did, I wouldn't be writing this disclaimer. Also the cover picture of this fic was designed by AngelxOfxHell on deviantArt.

Other Stuff- This is thoughts- or Johan communicating with Jehu, this is Jehu speaking to Johan. The story is from Johan's POV.

Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us

and sometimes they win...

Stephen King

When my utterly weak, pale-skinned mother gave birth to a seven-month fetus, the doctors told my woeful family that they could not guarantee my survival. She was in labor for just over twenty-eight hours- a number that conniving woman wouldn't let me forget for as long as I existed. My father said I didn't cry when those bright, fluorescent lights hit my face. I simply stared at the panicked nurses with blurry emerald eyes. All they wanted for me was to cry that day.

My family's visage wasn't present those first six months of my young life as I spent them in the suffocating box of an incubator. My parents were told that my brain wasn't fully developed enough to sustain my body on its own...it never would be able to. Though, in truth, it was the nicer way of saying that my mother's drug addiction (as well as her stubbornness and spitefulness) was the reason she damaged her son's life beyond repair.

But through all the sharp needles poking my skin raw and breathing tubes constantly shoved down my throat, I managed to- against all odds- survive. The nurses wanted to name me Shiloh, for it meant God's gift. And I was truly a gift delivered from him as they cooed. Instead, my overbearing father decided against it, naming me Johan and not the prefered Shiloh.

Although my proclaimed "mental deficiencies" left me somewhat stupid those first few years, I remained the most beautiful infant in Academia underneath all those needles and tubes. It was a bold statement, as the head of the Tenjoin family claimed, though the Marufuji's tended to say differently as they wanted a good relationship with my family. Academia prided itself with appearances. I never grew out of my petite frame and so instilled the "Only a pretty face" stereotype. Pretty and dumb as people said like it was something to be frowned upon.

My parents' frustration at my repeated failures led to my first psychologist, a pudgy old woman with thick glasses and extremely fuzzy hair that reminded me of a bird's nest. She looked at me the way my stuck-up parents looked at poor people huddled together on the cold streets trying to keep warm. She might've been the only one to truly understand me.

The day my parents cornered my psychologist seeking a diagnosis, she rattled off non-relevent information that my parents could barely understand as if to protect me from them. She did mention, however, that I had savant syndrome, but refused to elaborate on the topic as they had limited information on the subject. Again she protected me from them with a white lie that I was sure of. She did take pity on me, and while I didn't like it from anyone else it was alright from her.

To this day I pondered what that pudgy woman saw in me as no one else did. Maybe she saw some impending potential my own parents didn't see. Too bad she didn't fully understand the skemetics of the savant syndrome I had. I became a genius much later down the road, something she may have seen a glimmer of but never delved into the possibility. Only if she could see me now. Only if...

xXx

The silken fabrics of blue and white rubbed against my vanilla skin deliciously as the servant girls entwined emeralds and diamonds into my curled teal hair. They claimed it would bring out my eyes more as they applied heavy make-up to my round face. I hated dealing with this because I wasn't some doll nor was I a female in any way. I hated Joshua's, my father, profession at times like this.

He, my father, was the mayor of Academia, such a big deal. I never understood why he kept the job as my mother, Maria, was a drug-addict. It seemed like someone else would exploit that, but they never did. Appearances unfortunately.

The servant girls were speaking to each other about the news of body being found dumped in a creek. I listened to them, soaking up all the information they exchanged with each other with interest. They talked about the way the young woman was savagely killed and how there was blood under her eyes and they found her like she was a fish out of water. It was in fact gruesome the way she died and they spoke about the woman with sympathy, as she had been missing for three months before teenagers found her.

The entire time they spoke, I listened carefully, adding the information to memory. I was honestly impressed that law enforcement had managed to find the missing woman so quickly this time. I sighed silently to myself. It might be a little harder to continue this killing spree I'd been on if law enforcement was involved in the investigation.

I was so caught up in my thoughts that I almost missed when they talked about the other bodies that have been popping up that were dead for a while.

Shit.

Once I felt the hands leave my hair and the brushes retreat from my face, I opened my eyes to get a good look at myself. They had me in a ceremonial robe that ended at mid-thigh and had slits on the side that exuded something close to whore-ish. I frowned at the make-up portion of the ensemble. It wasn't like it was bad (far from it), but it was just too much. I hated my life sometimes.

I thanked them as they scurried out of my quarters. I gracefully moved toward the mirror on the wall, the jewels sparkling as I walked. I stopped directly in front of the mirror, lifting my delicate hands on it and simply stared at myself. Why didn't I die that day? Why did God hate me so? I didn't deserve this hard life.

You do and God does hate you. Remember that.

My eyes shimmered an amber color and I was staring at my other half, the darker half of me that kept me here in this world and protected me from others.

Why have you not gone out for me, my dear Johan?

I shut my eyes tightly as my breathing picked up. He was trying to come out. I didn't need him now.

I will find one for you, Jehu. I promise.

My reflection grinned happily before it disappeared completely. I turned away from the mirror. Thank goodness for this meaningless party my ignorant father had just because he felt like it. I put on the best smile I could before deciding that I needed to make my appearance.

I glided down the spiral staircase that led to the ball room, decorated with blue and gold tapestries and our family's crest engraved into the marble floor. I mingled with people who dared to approach me, offering a flattered smile and a chuckle here and there just to appease them and make them feel special, even if just for a brief moment. I could see my parents laughing away with the head of the Manjome family along with the Marufuji family.

I could use a drink right about now.

I wandered over to the buffet table for a drink. I dearly hoped someone had spiked the red punch only to come to conclude that it hadn't. Moments later, a familiar face appeared next to me.

"What are you doing here alone, Johan?"

I grinned into my glass, polishing off the punch and setting it down with my elegant henna fingers. I turned to face the older blunette before me with a charming smile. "It's nice to see you too, Ryo. Shouldn't you be off making contacts for your precious business?"

He snorted as he handed me another drink, this time with a hint of alcohol. Ah how I loved this man. I gulped the liquid down as he people watched. I was the only one allowed to use his true name, not even his own flesh and blood could use it. It was quite pitiful in a way. He trusted me more than his own family.

"On another note, I was wondering if you heard about those mysterious murders that have gone on these past few months? They even found bodies from previous murders that they think were committed four years ago."

Ryo folded his arms on his chest and raised a brow. "I know. It just seems like these people in this city only care about appearances and don't care about lives lost. I hope they catch that psychotic freak before he kills again."

I slow smile formed on my face as a sort of I-know-something-you-don't smile. But Ryo didn't see and I refused to let him. It just made this game all too real for me at this point and I didn't want to get caught too early in the game.

"Well, Kaiser," he shot me a glare for saying that. I only laughed lightly. I switched the subject from murder to his love life quickly as a way to get him off the topic and to something he didn't like to discuss. "I think you should get together with Fubuki and work something out, eh? I mean he does like you even if you think him dense."

Ryo's face twisted into thought as he took a sip from the glass. I glanced over at the Fubuki with mild interest, studying his body language and his facial expressions, down to the little tapping of his fingers against his pant legs when he wasn't listening. He would be ideal for Ryo, he really would. But Ryo wouldn't want to deal with a closet case like Fubuki.

"Closet case," he murmured under his breath. I laughed softly to myself as I had went over it in my mind. "I don't have time to deal with children who aren't brave enough to step out of the crevices of their rather decorative closet."

I giggled, eyes trailing over Ryo. "I agree. It doesn't mean you can't use him as a contact. I'm surprised your mother hadn't hackled you into it already."

"We're in two separate categories. My family has money because of our rising business. They're old money, coming from coal miners striking gold. They don't work and only suck up what they have left of that old fortune. I don't want to associate myself with people who don't value a simple coin."

"That's kind of harsh, don't you think?" A playful voice chimed behind us. I tilted my head back enough to see Edo Phoenix standing there wearing a silver and gold ensemble. He cocked his head in a cute manner, almost innocent-like. "Kaiser, you should really learn how to be nice if you ever decide to court him."

Ryo suppressed a growl within his throat and abruptly sat in a chair. "What is with you two? Why do you always have something to say about my love life? What about you and that Takuma Saiou character, Edo? The one you follow around like a lost puppy."

To draw the attention away from Edo, who looked pissed off by what Ryo had pointed out and I almost laughed because his face was priceless, I spoke up. "It's who we are," I told him, pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek because he was sitting down and was my height. I smiled warmly at Edo, though in truth it was fake because I couldn't stand him. "Right?"

Edo offered a similar one back that happened to be strained. "Right, Johan." We sat next to the older man. "We love you, Kaiser and only want the best for you. After all, we are good friends."

"What he said," I added sweetly.

Ryo stood up with a heavy sigh of annoyance. I knew that sigh. He looked over at his family before deciding something. "I don't want to deal with them right now. I was thinking of going home honestly. I hate these sort of parties."

"Won't you get in trouble?"

Ryo grinned lazily at me in the familiar way he always did when we were alone together. "It is my middle name after all. Why should I care at this point?"

He walked out of our sight, blending into the large sea of people. I let a breath pass through me as my lashes fanned across my cheeks. I heard Edo speaking to me about getting some fresh air and leaving me alone.

I want him, precious Johan.

How could I deny him?

I climbed to my feet, my senses heightening as I moved through the crowd with the stealth of a cat. My feet carried me all the way out to the vast gardens filled with all sorts of colorful flowers. I spotted Edo sitting by the koi fish pond in the center of the garden. He looked so peaceful and innocent. Too bad his fate was sealed and there was nothing that could posibly save him.

My body heat raised as I felt Jehu take over my actions. My real body was left crumpled on the ground, still pretty as a jewel, as the spirit form of myself entered the world, solidifying and becoming real. I walked over so Edo was clearer in my line of sight. The dagger Jehu had always carried when we spoke in my dreams was now a heavy weight in my hand. I didn't like doing stuff like this, but he needed sacrifices in order to continue to thrive and protect me. Besides, I really didn't like Edo all too much anyway.

As I approached him, Edo had turned around to face me with a confused expression. I saw the realization in his azure eyes as I raised the ancient dagger to him. I made the blow instant, killing him before he even had a chance to scream, to run. This kill wasn't as bad as the others and surely the police would think their suspect had switched his MO. I snorted and watched as he dropped like a bag of rocks inot . I could see the gold mist rise from the pond into the black portal that swirled above it.

I sighed, shame and regret filling me and eating at me from the inside. Jehu released his hold on me and I was transported back to my body. I felt gentle shaking on my shoulders and I eventually came to my senses. I hurried to move away so I could vomit.

"Um, are you alright?" A genuinely concerned male's voice asked me gently, as if he were speaking to a child. I frowned at the thought and bit my tongue, instantly knowing better. I lifted my head to weakly nod. I hated when Jehu lent some of his powers to me. The repercussions were terrible. The man helped me to my feet, his hands gently holding my waist to keep me from falling.

I smiled at him appreciatively. "I'm-"

"Johan. I know. I'm Yuki Judai. My family isn't as rich as yours is...far from it actually. We're a bunch of merchants, though my father wants me to finish university and work my way into the Marufuji business and I am just babbling huh?"

I laughed at the way he abruptly catches himself. It was rather refreshing to meet someone who wasn't all about the money or appearances. "You want to be a business man as successful as Marufuji Ryo?" I inquired, generally interested in this young student. He removed his hands from my waist which I instantly missed.

"I'll never be on his level. His work ethic and tenacity are impeccable. I could never come close to mimicking him. He's good at what he does. I've studied their company closely and when Mister Marufuji is signing deals, their stock goes up quite a bit. It is interesting."

The way he spoke about Ryo with such passion made me decide I wanted to see this person from now on. I smiled, a true one I only reserve for Ryo, at him and he blushed so brightly I thought he was going to explode. He was so grounded it was dazzling to someone like me. He was the type of person I could grow to like.

"Would you mind joining me for lunch tomorrow?" I asked, batting my lashes in a feminine way. He smiled bashfully, nodding eagerly at my request. "Great. Meet me at El Gato Negro tomorrow around noon. I'll set something up under Andersen. Wear something casual."

Judai smiled at me before moving to leave. He stopped when he reached the gate, turning to wave back at me. I waved at him and he left with the other guests. I sighed happily and went back inside.

I climbed in my bed after I stripped myself down to my briefs to get ready for bed. I felt my bed dip slightly and I turned to face my other half. He smiled toothily at me and stroked my hair that was ridden of all the jewels.

"I thank you, Johan, for that wonderful soul. He was delicious."

I smiled at him. "You're very welcome, Jehu."

"You did a good thing. His family planned to ask your father for your hand in marriage and offered him in that deal. He was a dark soul and he only wanted the money your family had. Besides, they were devising a plan to kill you off when you were old enough to write a will and get all the money."

I frowned at that. Of course people wanted to kill me off. Jehu continued petting me and brought my head down to his chest. "I'll always be here for you, Johan. I know you feel bad for killing those people, but it will all work out in the end for you and I. Just trust me."

"I trust you."

And my fate was stamped with my signature.