A/N: Oh, Matt. Oh, Foggy. OH EVERYONE.
He stands there for only a moment after Foggy goes, door slamming like the jerk of something broken. Only a moment, but it's a long moment, and the sharpness of anger fades to guilt, then to a sickness deep within him.
He's going to be sick. The world wobbles under his feet, and he imagines that there would be black spots before his eyes if he could see black spots.
The room has gone quiet around him. So quiet that a wave of panic heightens his nausea—has his hearing gone again? But no, it's only the weight of his thoughts that has withdrawn him from the world.
Matt breathes, but it's not enough. It's times like this that he most hates being blind, when Foggy is angry and hurt, and Matt wants to see his face and know if there's any possibility of forgiveness in it. But no, he has to guess at shapes and sounds and shadows, and there's very little of humanity in that.
Maybe there's very little of humanity in him.
He's goddamn selfish, that's what he is. Selfish and self-righteous and he hates himself so keenly he can almost imagine shame seeping through his pores like blood. Because Foggy is right, Matt can't be depended on. Matt is selfish and he can't be trusted, because he's held himself up too high, taken too many things for granted.
Taken Foggy for granted.
The truth of it is like poison on his tongue. Has there ever been a time when it wasn't true? When Elektra flashed into his life, he let Foggy fade into the background, Foggy who had been the best and kindest of friends, loyal, loyal, beyond anything else.
And now again, and again. Secrets and lies and need-to-know, treatment that is disrespect to a partner and betrayal to a friend.
He'd die for Foggy, but Foggy didn't ask for that. Foggy asked for something that should be simpler, but is much harder, somehow—trust, honesty.
And Matt wouldn't give him that.
It's I who am unworthy, he thinks. It's branded over his flesh and bones. Perhaps it's even reached his heart.
If there was even a chance of forgiveness in Foggy's face just now, Matt doesn't deserve it.
His moment's up. (Was it even a moment?)
He steps outside, tells Karen everything's fine, and doesn't really tell her anything at all.