Set in Season 1, after the female titan attack.
Mikasa couldn't help the irrational hatred she felt for Levi Ackermann.
Not after witnessing that man beat senseless the one person she cared for most in this world. The fact that Eren had long since forgiven the soldier was beside the point. Even with all the logic backing the reason for the incident, there was something to be said, no.. to be feared of a man who could dole out that kind of violence so willingly, completely at ease with himself and the entire process. She wondered if he felt any remorse at all.
Maybe it wasn't hatred, exactly. It was something, though.
The begrudging realization that she didn't hate him anymore came to her thoughts during the long trek back to Calaneth District when she'd had plenty of time to think. With nothing to do, but sit and contemplate his words; his actions.
"We all get that you love him, but try not to act crazy."
Fingernails ripped through the bloodstained pants layering her thighs. Dark grey eyes glared at the back of his stupid, shiny hair, remembering the growl in his voice that came with those words. Dirt crunched between her teeth as she fumed, because however she looked at it, ultimately, her Captain was right.
She had acted rashly.
Levi Ackermann was turning out to be a man who made her feel childish and silly, and for his words to be the truth?
Situations and emotions Mikasa wasn't used to.
Compared to Eren's behavior most of the time, Levi was an annoying breath of fresh air. Usually, Eren was irrational and petulant. Mikasa rarely lost her cool. Normally, she was the one dragging Eren out of a fight, or fixing something. Normally… But, this was different. A small part of her wanted to blame Levi and his squad for not doing their job, and she had already, but.. It wasn't something she could take back and she regretted ever saying it to begin with.
"She's got defenses that neither of us are prepared to deal with."
The fact of the matter, something Levi had been right about, was they simply weren't prepared, even with all of the planning that took place.
With her regret came shock, because despite her rude words he completely ignored her goading and responded with… a semi-inquisitive nature. He was surprised by her feelings for Eren. Why? Wasn't it normal to care for comrades? To become angry at the sight of death?
The unnervingly calm demeanor he carried.. it ate at her.
How could someone live like that?
Maybe, Levi Ackermann felt nothing because there was no room for emotion. Not when an entire squad could be crushed in the blink of an eye. If he acted as rashly as she had every time a comrade was killed, he'd probably be dead by now. The feel of his arm yanking and forcefully holding her against his body had her wrapping her arms around her own waist.
Was this cold, calculative attitude the key to holding the title for humanity's strongest soldier?
If so, why was she missing that warmth? Shouldn't he have felt closed off? Couldn't he have grabbed her anywhere else?
Maybe there was simply nothing left...
Mikasa eyed the blood staining the sides of his face, smudging into his hairline even after all he'd done to scrub it away. When he'd finally lacerated the titan to his satisfaction and stood, holding Eren... Mikasa blushed. The steam of blood burning at his cheeks couldn't hide the intensity of his eyes.
No, to think the man had no heart was cruel and unfair. It was so blindingly obvious if only one were to angle their perspective just so; to see beneath the cool, calm and collected exterior, to fight alongside the man and bathe in his dependable camaraderie. The way he'd followed her into battle - just the two of them, even after his entire squad was demolished, the way he'd calmly acquiesced to her demands of retribution and rescue, finding a solution in a tight spot - even when he wasn't entirely sure if Eren survived the shredding from the female titan.
"Don't screw this up by making it personal, do you understand?"
So far, Levi had been the only person to shine a light on one of her greatest weaknesses and challenge it, and to the rookie, that reprimand was worth everything. For the first time since meeting him, she found herself appreciating the blunt nature of her Captain. Most people were appalled by it, but how else could one become great? To be strong, capable, and independent was her greatest goal. Who was she, if not any of those traits? And if she wasn't, how could she expect to protect the one person who needed it most?
The wagon rumbled beneath her knees, rattling her bones and teeth to the point of numbness. It was a welcome reprieve from focusing on the ache in her muscles. Speaking of pain.. Her eyes absently trailed across the regiment to find humanity's strongest soldier, once again.
Eren was important, but could those feelings get in the way of protecting him? Could trying to protect him hurt others in the process? The way she had indirectly hurt the Captain?
Mikasa wasn't blind and she never took her eye off the prize. Even when he'd shoved her forward to save her from the female titan, she'd seen the way the Captain's ankle crunched under the force of his block; the grunt and that grimace in his usual cool expression stung like a wasp. How could she have been so foolish? The seasoned warrior ordered her to leave the cutting to him, to only serve as a distraction. And what a fine job he'd done, but what had she accomplished other than disobeying orders and endangering the strongest man they had?
Admiration bloomed in light of the Captain's skill. The memory of that twisting tornado flashing up and down the titan's body at breakneck speed was incredible. Honestly, the man had a gloriously agile body adorned with the eyes of a hawk. Mikasa had never seen anything like it and she vowed to learn his trick, with or without his instructions.
Who better to strive to be than the man himself?
Hawkish blue eyes flashed dangerously at her from across the way and the female suddenly realized she'd been caught staring. Casually dragging her eyes away to watch the galloping legs of a nearby horse, Mikasa yanked her scarf up to cover half of her flaming face.
How long have I been staring?
How long was he watching me stare?
Deciding it was safe to check, Mikasa's gaze flickered over his lithe form rolling with the force of the horse beneath him, taking note that his left foot wasn't holding his weight in the stirrup. His knee and thigh held the pressure against the belly of the beast, instead. Three horse's separated them, but the tick in his jaw was visible from her seat in the wagon. His eyes were shut against the strain of the injury. Her breath caught at his taunt expression. Being the cause of his suffering had guilt stabbing through her gut as if a titan had just bitten through her midsection. She'd had plenty of nightmares of being chomped in half to imagine what it would feel like.
How can I repay him?
A bitter wave of saliva rushed her mouth at the thought. Her chest prickled with an emotion she couldn't explain. However foreign, yet all too similar to the feeling of being indebted to someone.
It was not enjoyable.
And it wasn't the same feeling as with Eren all these years. The tightness in her chest dawned on her. Mikasa didn't have the emotional capacity to live for another person as she did Eren. She couldn't repay Levi by protecting him.
A grim huff left her lungs at her own arrogance. The man didn't need protecting. He'd taken care of the fastest titan to date where the entire special ops squad had failed. Had died.
Even so, Mikasa deduced that she'd come out of the whole experience a tad wiser, a little less naive; for better or for worse.
All thanks to Captain Levi.
A/N: i'm not sure if this will be a one-shot or not. i have another chapter i'd like to write in levi's pov, but not entirely sure, yet. lemme know whatcha want, guys.
peace, love & light, yo