Summary: Roy has just discovered his missing daughter was closer than he thought. Now he's lost her again and the grief is blinding...
A/N: Life has been one trial after another and my Muse is terribly depleted just trying to keep my spirits up. So just a little one shot to prove I'm alive and still active…please be patient my lovely readers, I will get back into the rhythm of writing regularly as soon as my brain catches up with my heart.
Warning* Just a little bit depressing and I think my thought process was a bit jumbled but it's something.
Blinded by Grief
He's dying.
That must be the reason he feels this way.
His heart is beating wildly and yet at the same time, the damn thing feels as if it's about to give way and never beat again.
Nothing (no one) matters at this point except the gut-wrenching despair and agony that is sure to be his end. The kind of grief he hasn't felt in years. A decade spent numbing it to a bearable ache which only flares up again on his really bad days.
His mind is a screaming mess and the alcohol is not helping, not like it used to when Sara died and his little girl was first declared missing- lost and never to be found- and years spent on hopeless dreams and searching for a daughter he would most likely never see again.
It takes a moment for everything to change.
Suddenly they've found his little girl in the most unexpected person. Alive and relatively happy, not quite who he expected but at this point he's just so relieved that his hopes have not been futile.
But it's not how he imagined their reunion would be. Everything goes wrong so quickly.
And when the rubble stops falling and the smoke clears, she's gone again.
Dead.
And he's dying.
Because how can he go through this again and survive? How does the world expect him to continue when everything he loves just gets taken?
He only registers the anger and pain, the terrifying chasm of utter loss and when Solty tries to comfort him, snapping seems perfectly acceptable.
Because what does this machine know? Why should he care what she has to say?
He'd lost his daughter. Twice.
What does she understand? What has she suffered?
Solty is metal and wiring...and its so unfair that she's still here and his baby is gone.
So he rages, his words are daggers and a small part of him that is not completely lost in the emptiness, dies again at the hurt that flickers through the gynoid's artless green eyes.
But he smothers that feeling as quickly as it appears and relishes in the fierce self-loathing and guilt that he projects as hatred...because it simply hurts too much and he can't see clearly and nothing makes sense at this point.
Solty's gone now and he's alone again. And it doesn't matter because he still hurts and Rita - Rose is dead.
It would be better if he was dead.
He'd feel nothing then.
But this it not to be and soon Miranda is beating him and screaming- sobbing and just about as broken as he is, and something in him breaks in an altogether different way.
He's hurt Solty.
Kind, carefree and genuine Solty who has never asked for more than what people are willing to give her. More human than most people he's known and who had stuck by him through the worst of moments.
And now she's gone too and his heart shatters anew.
Because what kind of monster is he? How could he hurt the girl who had become his second child in everything but blood.
Later when he's washing up and reflecting on the past few hours, he realizes that grief can blind you in it's despair. It strips you of reason and sense.
Roy Revant smirks at his reflection in the mirror, even though its sad (and so easy to slip back into despair).
Good thing he still had people to know the sense back into him when he lost his way.
He sighs and takes a moment.
The grief is still real but life hasn't taken everything from him yet.
So he won't give in, not when there's still something (someone) for him to live for.
A/N: Read and Review.