Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, if i did the season 2 finale would have featured a whole lot more of Brittana hence i've made this version of the events to simply satisfy my needs as well as those of all you other Brittana fans out there!

Note: Takes place during S2E22 New York from Santana's point of view. Please bear with me if you think this story is a bit slow to start i promise the dream sequences in the chapters to come are going to be filled with allegorical, abstract goodness and references to all the best episodes (in my opinion) of Glee. There is even going to be appearances of everyone's favourite substitute Holly Holiday and the return of the infamous GaGa outfits! So rate and review if your interested in reading on ;)

Chapter One

New York: The city of dreams

It's barely been five minutes since Mr Schue left us on lock down and I'm already struggling to keep the look of explicit boredom off my face. The fact of the matter was I already had a kick-ass song written but I wasn't about to share that with this bunch of losers, especially as the object of it was currently mooning over cripple boy on the opposite side of the room.

And this song wasn't bitchy and superficial like 'Trouty Mouth' – it was real and meaningful. I suppose this major attitude makeover started with Mr Schue's advice when we were clearly struggling to write original songs for regional's: the greatest songs are about hurt and that's the side of yourself I want you to get in touch with.I'm usually too distracted by his expansive collection of vest sweaters to pay attention to his inspirational pep-talks but this time his words really tugged at my heart strings. I was consumed with hurt and pain; I still am.

Truth is I miss my best friend. Sure, Britts and I are on better terms now but it's not the same between us and never will be – I made sure of that. Its incredible how 3 tiny, monosyllable words can change the dynamics of two people lives forever. I'm not just talking about emotionally – the only time I used to cry was from the feeling of complete fulfilment after demolishing an entire wheelbarrow of 'sticks yet now I cry almost every day – but also psychologically. Not only have I lost a friend but I've also lost myself. I don't know who I am anymore. I used to look in the mirror with love and admiration but now all I feel is hatred and confusion. The more I think about it the more it hurts, so I've just stopped thinking about it, stopped questioning and stopped loving Brittany… well I'm trying.

So that's where I find myself now, in the familiar place of trying to distract my mind and pass the time the best way I know how - by thinking up insults: this time in advance for the mayor of Hobbiton and Puffy Pecs' tragic song ideas, when I'm suddenly broken from my illusions by the sound of her voice…

In the middle of the night I'm in bed alone, don't care if you glass, paper, Styrofoam...

Brittany has the biggest smile on her innocent face as she continues to sing about a cup with all the seriousness of a news reporter declaring there has been an outbreak of radioactive bunnies – come to think of it that sounds like something Britt might have actually mentioned on that ridiculous talkshow of hers Fondue for two.

I feel an all too familiar grin begin to creep upon my tanned features – Brittany always knew how to touch my heart when no one else had ever cared to realise I had one underneath the bad-ass front I so carefully hid behind.

When I need some water babyyy, coffee or gi-iin…

I hastily cover my mouth to stifle an incontrollable bout of laughter, my eyes never leaving the blonde for a moment. Some say that a persons eyes are a portal into their soul. I wouldn't be caught dead spouting off such mushy nonsense, I think I overheard it in a conversation between Rachel and Finn – her eyes boring into his in that creepy-intense-stalker manner as she clutched at what I could only assume was another cliché artefact of their love, most likely to replace those vulgar cat calendars. But the fact is I can't help but admit this is the case with my Britt's; sitting here now lost in the oceans of her swirling blue gaze I can almost feel the world from her perspective – a perspective so pure and true that it hurt.

All of a sudden a feeling of guilt arises and I uncomfortably avert my eyes as I remember I am unworthy to be the object of such painstaking honesty when I am literally living a lie. The old defence mechanism kicks in to block out any complicated emotions as I mentally scold myself. You're in the city of dreams for Christ sakes, surrounded by sights you could never imagine coming from that waste- of- space town of Lima Heights and all you can think about is looking into her blue eyes? Get it together S.

What's up, what's up, sayin what's up to my cup – paaah

Brittany finishes with the eager excitement of a puppy seeking approval as we all stare at her with a universal look of bewilderment until Tina manages to stammer "Hold on, are you singing about a cup?"

Brittany smiles dreamily, "well yeah totally" she replies nonchalantly.

Quinn stands up brashly; reaching for her jacket as she announces that there is no way she is staying in this dull hotel room when just outside is a world teeming with inspiration. As much as I hate to agree with Preggo Fabray she has a point – I for one could not wait to be in the fresh air away from a certain someone who seemed to be always stealing it away from me as of late.

I soon broke away unnoticed from the rest of the glee kids, which wasn't hard as everyone, particularly Rachel, was caught up in the trance of the glamour and glitz of Broadway. I must admit even I was taken aback. I stared in awe at the marquees of famous faces and names in lights and thought to myself I gots to get me some of this one day. I carried on walking until I reached a secluded area away from the noise of the main street which was now abuzz with the chaos of afternoon traffic and pedestrian footfall. I am just about to rest my legs on a nearby bench under the peaceful shade of a group of trees when a voice speaks cheerily into my ear, "Hey San!"

Of course Brittany had known how to find me.

She has this incredible talent of knowing my thoughts better than I did so I was sure she could also sense the undertone of disappointment in my voice when I reply, "Oh, hey Britt-Britt".

We sat beside each other awkwardly, the tension between us heightened by the silence of our surroundings; the only sound being that of the whirring breeze and the rustle of leaves. However Brittany didn't seem to take any notice as she immediately struck up a conversation, the hint of a confused frown etched on her face as was often the case.

"New York is great isn't it? But why is it called Manhattan, isn't that sexist? And I don't see any hat shops around here…" She pondered perplexed, straightening the hat on her own head which I now realised she had probably thought was a customary outfit choice for this city.

I smirked and began to formulate a sarcastic reply but was cut off by further questioning: "…and I thought Alicia Keys said this place was a jungle so I brought my binoculars especially for looking at the animals but there doesn't seem to be any!" she declared with a disappointed pout on her face.

This final comment proved too much for my resolve to bear and I found myself breaking into a fit of giggles with a massive grin on my face, the kind that only Brittany can elicit. "No Britts that's a metaphor sweetie. It's called a concrete jungle because of all the buildings".

I was used to having to correct such Brittany-isms, most people made fun of her because of them but to me they were the most beautiful thing about her.

"Oh I see…" she replied smiling back. My breath hitched in my throat as we stayed like that for a moment; engrossed in each other and oblivious to the world."It's nice to see you smile again" Brittany stated plainly, catching me off guard."What, I'm always smiling, why wouldn't I be? Life is great, Puck and I are happy together in one of the most romantic cities in the world. Hell right now I have enough optimism to cure Arties legs of paralysis!"

Brittany seems unfazed and unconvinced by my lie, "Sure I see you smiling but it's not often that I can see happiness dancing in your eyes like now…" I gulp. "And that makes me sad as if feel like it's my fault. It feels like I've been losing you…" Brittany whispered looking down. She looked so vulnerable in that moment that I want nothing more than to take her in my arms and tell her that I was forever hers but that familiar voice in my head stopped me – She rejected you. She doesn't want you.

"It scares me you know, I would be completely lost without you and I don't just mean because I wouldn't be able to find the way to my classes…" She continued still looking down. "You could never lose me" I reply fiercely grabbing her hand so that our pinkies join to form the trademark symbol of friendship as if to reinforce my words. At that she brightened up, the glare of her smile warming my face like the rays of sun that fell upon us, splayed through the gaps in the branches above our heads.

I look down at our attached digits fondly, remembering the day we became best friends.

It was my first day at Mckinley High and even then I struck fear into the hearts of innocent bystanders who as of yet didn't know my name. Not for long I thought with a smirk as I signed my name up for Cheerio tryouts, disinterested with the trail of destruction I had left of the queue behind me – "In Lima Heights Adjacent we don't queue", my vicious words echoed as I pushed my way to the front. A lump in my throat formed as I was struck by my own cruelty – 'No, don't feel sorry for anyone' I reminded myself. This is your shot, a chance to be someone. All I had to do was become head Cheerio and then I would rule this school, no more being second place: Santana Lopez wasn't going to play nice any longer.

This act of confidence began to vanish rapidly however as I tried to control my quivering legs as I made what seemed like a never ending journey to the centre of the school's football field. I didn't quite know my way around yet but it wasn't hard to find my way to the tryouts, all I had to do was follow the screeching voice of Coach Sylvester: "What do you call that? Even my spineless mother could pull off a double back handspring and land with more stability than you" she spat coldly. "The way your limbs are shaking like jelly is quite frankly disgusting; no one wants to see your rippling cellulite…and what are you looking at tubby? Finally got your attention by the mention of food have I?" She was a woman possessed, unable to withhold a fiery rage fuelled from years of ambition and bitterness from escaping. "You're all unworthy of being in a squad coached by my level of prestige and talent. Those of you who have been personally hand picked by me, welcome to the family and those of you that haven't, take a hike!"

The end of her rant was followed by a groan from everyone, particularly those 'lucky' enough to have been chosen. Sue Sylvester in the flesh lived up to her reputation of tyranny and menace and to be honest I fucking respected her for that. I can learn a lot from this woman I thought dryly as I approached the beasts back, which was still rising and falling in a seething anger. My outstretched hand gingerly tapped her shoulder and she whipped around in surprise at the contact – no one dared touch Sue Sylvester.

I took this moment of shocked silence to my advantage and boldly stated: "My name's Santana Lopez, your new head cheerleader." A small chuckle escaped the Coach's lips as she marvelled at the cockiness of me - the slight, dark haired Hispanic girl stood before her.

After looking me up and down Sue Sylvester replied smugly, "Sorry J-Lo as much as I appreciate you finally gracing the rest of us with your presence tryouts are over." She had turned away and began to walk over to the now snickering group of cheerleaders when I blocked her path – I wasn't about to be intimidated that easily.

"Please Coach, give me a chance." The plea rolled of my tongue awkwardly – I was used to demanding what I wanted not asking for it. More stunned silence ensued as Sue Sylvester stared at me, perhaps in that moment she saw something of herself in the gaze of my steely brown eyes or maybe she was simply annoyed with my pestering but eventually one syllable broke through the silence and reignited my hope: "fine."

"Looks like you've now got yourself some competition Quinn" she laughed in the direction of one particularly pissed off looking individual. She was a perfect image of the American sweetheart; with glistening pale skin and luscious blonde hair that curled around her strikingly beautiful features.

I winked at her devilishly as I made my way over to the rest of the bewildered group, glad to put little miss prissy prom queen in her place. But before I could relax though or even begin to introduce myself (by which I mean assert my authority) to the others Sue had already begun declaring our conditions: Quinn and I were to position ourselves at the top of a pyramid, whoever held their place the longest would be christened head cheerleader - Easy. Or so I thought.

Once on top of the pyramid I finally felt at the top of the social hierarchy, I suppose I literally was. It was somewhere I had always longed to be, the chance of escaping life as an outsider was finally within my grasp. But with a longing so deep also comes pressure – and it hit me hard.

Hard enough to make me momentarily lose my balance. One quiver was all it took and I was crashing down beside my hopes and dreams. Well I'll be damned. I hated to lose at the best of times but this was personal. I had barely made contact with the floor when I was already beginning to spring back up, ready to wipe the smirk of success off that Fabray chick's face Latina style when I was knocked to the ground once more.

My vision was obscured by a mass of golden hair which muffled my trademark outburst of Spanish curses, a sure sign that I had lost it. I was preparing to throw the cheerleader off of me and berate her for nearly breaking my spine when her blue eyes met mine.

In that second her gaze pierced through my harsh exterior; all those walls that took a lifetime to build came tumbling down like the pyramid we were just a part of. I forgot about my anger, humiliation and disappointment. In fact the whole idea of becoming head cheerleader seemed suddenly stupid to me. All that I was aware of was the position of her hands beside my head pinning me to the ground; the feel of soft skin against mine…

"Hi my name is Brittany" the blonde giggled as she rose up with me in tow; one arm grasping her shoulder the other clasped at her hand until it became delicately attached to her pinkie. It's been that way ever since.

"You have chocolate on your nose" Brittany giggled, tenderly wiping it clean with the palm of her hand. Her face lingered close to mine so that when I breathed in I inhaled the smell of her sweet perfume and strawberry scented lip smackers, a blush flushing my cheeks as I quickly glance away.I self consciously cough and mutter a hoarse "thanks" under my breath.

We had just bought ice creams and rejoined the others who were beginning to panic due to Rachel's constant warnings that 'if we didn't get back soon not only would we not have a song for nationals but we would also be disqualified for disobeying Mr Schue's orders.' The group reluctantly agreed to head back, if only to silence the drama queen's nagging.

Brittany had worked her way to the front and was now pushing Artie with a light-hearted bounce in her step. I suddenly felt sick. I lingered at the back, my eyes narrowing into a scowl which Quinn seemed to notice.

"What's up with you sour puss? You've been acting off ever since we got here" she stated, a hint of worry evident behind the mockery in her soft voice. I continued to scowl, "Your concern is touching Q but if you're worrying that my mood is going to ruin our chances at winning this competition there's no need. I'm fine, more than fine in fact as my smoking voice is the best we have. I'm just slightly tired from the flight and annoyed that I left my manicure set on the plane – my nails currently look worse than Manhand's."

I cock my head up confidently, pleased with my lie which seemed to have been convincing enough as Quinn dropped the subject if not slightly reluctantly.

We continued to walk side by side in companionable silence until we reached the hotel where Rachel practically flew up the stairs and began ordering everyone about, throwing paper and pens at everyone the second we arrived back at our room. I tossed mine and her feet not even bothering to hide my discontent as I strutted my way to sit in a corner alone.

I had shut my eyes and crossed my arms about rest my head against the wall when I was disturbed by a towering presence above me, their shadow disrupting the light of the room.

"What do you want Zizes" I say coldly. "Hey I know we haven't always seen eye to eye but aside from me you're the only bad- ass in this joint so are you in or not?" This question confused me until I saw that Lauren had opened her hand to reveal a miniature bottle of liquor.

"But where did you…" I began but she interrupted me. "Puck and I smuggled some from the bar earlier" Lauren replied smugly with an evil grin on her face. I laughed taking the bottle from her - this is going to be great I thought. "All we have to do is pass these around and make sure Rachel doesn't find out."

I glance over my shoulder, Rachel was hunched over her desk so far that she was in danger of actually becoming part of it, her furious scribbling dangerously close to igniting the page. "Not a problem" I reply with a chuckle.

Within an hour our plan was well underway and the mood in the room seemed to have lifted considerably with everyone laughing and gossiping. Under the effects of alcohol I no longer felt trapped – I can breath. I stood up on the bed and stretched my arms like a bird feeling freedom for the first time when I felt a sudden blow to my side – the contact of the pillow with my body spraying a tuft of feathers into the air.

My blonde attacker giggled and continued to swing at me until I was backed into a corner defenceless. I was always defenceless around Brittany.

The others seemed to catch on to the pillow fight and joined in, the sound of screeching and scuffling muffling out the buzzing noise of Rachel's phone, which she looked at and then left the room. I was about to make a comment about how hypocritical this was of her considering her earlier protests against 'rule-breaking' when I am hit square in the face. That did it. I launched myself at Brittany, my hands closing around her waist clinging to her as we both fall on to the mattress.

I land on top of her, my legs straddling her hips; the proximity of our bodies causes my heart to race and my breaths to escape me in ragged gasps. I lean closer so that my dangling hair brushes her face, my body flat against hers. "Now what are you going to do" I whisper tauntingly in her ear unable to control myself, the feel of my breath on her neck making her shudder.

The pillow fight was still raging around us but all I was aware of was how the sound of our beating hearts pounded in my ears. It was as if a switch had been pushed and all my senses were on overdrive. I bit my lip to restrain a moan from escaping them as Brittany traced her hands along the small of my back tantalisingly slow. Before I became completely enslaved by desire however, my heart dropped at the realisation that this extremely public display of affection might be noticed at any moment.

I hastily removed myself from mine and Brittany's compromising position, pushing my loose hair behind my ears as I did so. I felt myself suddenly sober up in fear of having been caught out however Brittany didn't seem to be aware of anything and now had her eyes shut and was laughing quietly to herself. I stood up shakily and noticed that Quinn was looking at me with a raised eyebrow from across the room. Shit. I can feel my cheeks begin to burn as I relieve myself of her gaze and walk across the room, pretending to busy myself with getting ready for the night. I snatch my toothbrush up from my suitcase and practically sprint to the bathroom accidentally slamming the door behind me in my haste. I rest my forehead against the cool glass for a minute, grateful for the soothing effect. Jesus Christ, what are you doing?

I must have been in there for a good half an hour, making sure to get changed and remove my make up laboriously slow to give a chance for the excitement outside to have died down when I heard Mercedes banging on the door, complaining for me to quit hogging the bathroom.

"Alright, alright Wheezy keep your weave on" I grumble pushing past her. Thankfully everyone seemed to be packing in for an early night, come to think of it I felt exhausted. I sneak past Quinn eager to avoid her questioning; I'll deal with it in the morning if I have to but not now.

I reach my bed to find a sleeping Brittany sprawled across it, the alcohol finally having taken its toll. Britts always falls asleep after drinking I smile to myself. Careful not to wake her I gently lift her lanky, toned dancer legs to one side and push her arms against her waist making room for me to fit beside her.

As I lay by her side I pull the quilt over us both, my gaze lingering on her dreaming face, the trace of a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. I'm trapped in the centre of a storm of thoughts and emotions but the only one that kept flashing before my mind like lightning was that right here, right now this feels right. I sigh scrunching my eyes up in frustration at the situation I had gotten myself in.

I didn't know what to do but in this moment I knew that whatever happened I had to do something, anything, I couldn't just ignore it any longer. With one last look at the sleeping beauty beside me I trace my hand along the side of her face before closing my eyes – a troubled sleep taking over.