Hello! Well, this is my first Grey's fic. My name is Jessica. I roleplay Cristina. And there's not much else to it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. If I did, well let's just say it wouldn't have its appeal. Just a LITTLE different.
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When we are growing up, we always know what we want. Whether it is the shiny new bike in the shop window down the street, or a big ice cream sundae to eat for dinner. However, as we get older, we being to realize things are not always black and white. There tends to be a gray area. We know what we tell ourselves we want, but then comes what we really want, deep down inside. But when it comes down to it, eventually, you're going to have to choose which one you follow.
Meredith ran. Down the hall, down the stairs, and out the door. Across the parking lot to where her car was parked. She unlocked the door and jumped in. Put the key in the ignition, shift gears, back out and drive away. She tried the best she could not to feel anything at the moment. Gave it her all not to thing about the two men she had left standing there, minutes before. She would think and feel later. Now was for running.
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"I am such an idiot." Meredith sighed into the phone. She had called Cristina in one of her many moments of despair. She had started to think about the evening again, which was probably not a good thing. About Finn, and his plans, about Derek, and his failing marriage, about her missing black panties, and about Izzie, whose heart-wrenching sobs could be heard from her bedroom, where she lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling, a complete and total mess.
"And when did you manage to reach this conclusion?" Cristina's voice came from the other end. She hadn't meant to bother Cristina, who she knew was staying at the hospital with Burke. But she had really needed someone to talk to. Someone to vent to.
"I just am, it's a fact." Meredith stated. She really needed someone to talk to right now. No. She really needed to talk to Cristina. In person. Meredith sighed and sobbed some more. Her stomach churned and her nausea became more intense. "Listen, I know you're with Burke, I totally understand that you need to be with him right now, but if you somehow manage to find the time, could you come over? I very much need you to be my person right now. I need a person. And everyone else is busy being Izzie person."
This was true. Meredith had been Cristina's person. And although she may not have been the best at being someone's person, she needed the favor returned right now more than ever. She was broken again, and until she figured out how to put the pieces together this times, she needed someone to talk to. Needed, wanted. Sometimes the two could be very similar.
Cristina giggled slightly. "Well since I'm feeling rather supportive and human-like right now, I'll see you in a bit. Bye." The phone clicked signaling that Cristina had hung up. Meredith bit her lower lip and fought back the tears. Her efforts were futile.
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Cristina snapped her cell phone shut and stepped back inside Burke's room. This whole time, she had kept telling herself that she could do this. Deep down she knew she wanted to be there for Burke, and she would. Because she could now. Because she was Cristina Yang. Because she was human.
"I have to go for a little while." She said softly to Burke. Her friend needed her. Her best friend needed her. She was Meredith's person. She could do this now. "Meredith needs me. I'll come back in the morning. I promise." And she would. She loved Burke, and she was human.
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Meredith continued to allow the tears to roll down her cheeks. Life wasn't supposed to be this hard. She couldn't say she was very fond of her life at the moment, not that there was much of it to be fond of. She knew she was going to have to choose between Derek and Finn. Soon. And it would be probably the hardest decision she'd ever make. Her heart screamed Derek, while her head screamed Finn. It was an everlasting battle. She felt tired and confused. Everything was happening so fast. She lay in the same place, staring at the ceiling, still, until her bedroom door opened and Cristina came in. Meredith sat up and muttered a faint "Hey."
"What's wrong?" Cristina blatantly asked. She wasn't at the point where she was going to dance around the subject forever. If she was going to play the part of the supportive friend, she needed to know what was wrong now.
Meredith didn't delay. "Finn has plans, for us. He said when his wife died he stopped making plans. And now he's making them again. And they involve me." Meredith began crying freely. Cristina looked as though she was about to speak, but Meredith continued. "And I didn't freak out. And Derek was looking at me. So I went to an exam room, and he followed me. And we were yelling, and he kissed me. And we had SEX. And now I can't find my panties!" She began sobbing uncontrollably.
"Oh my god! You had sex with Derek in the hospital?" Meredith opened her mouth to speak, but Cristina quieted her and explained. "Don't answer that, I was just having an Izzie moment."
Meredith sighed. She needed an Izzie, but she needed a Cristina more right now. She didn't know what to do at the time being, but Cristina would. Cristina always did. "And now Derek is going to leave Addison. I know he is. And I can't think. I need to be able to think! And I can't think. I can't breathe with him looking at me!"
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Derek stood rooted to the spot. He couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think about anything but Meredith and how she had ran away. He turned his head and shot Finn a glare. This was all Finn's fault. If he had just left Meredith alone, if he hadn't kept after her and looked past all of her scary damage, none of this ever would've happened.
Derek was in love with Meredith. She was the love of his life. He had known this for a while, and so had Addison. Addison came up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. "We need to talk." She whispered. It had only been a matter of time. And they left Finn standing there, totally oblivious to the mess he had so blatantly walked into.
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"Well, we definitely need to talk." Addison repeated. "You love Meredith. I'm not stupid. I never have been, and never will be. I'm tired of being the villain, the one everyone hates because I'm keeping you apart."
Derek started to speak, his face straight, his eyes icy. "I have for a long time. And I know, Addy, I know. We've been over for a while. We've been over since Mark. Not legally or officially, but over. It was just a matter of time. We both knew it."
Addison eyes filled with tears. "You love Meredith…so that's it…this is over…" she still hadn't quite accepted the reality that her marriage was ending, and there was nothing she could do to save it.
"I need to tell you something. At the prom, when I was gone, I was with Meredith. I slept with her. I cheated. I'm no better than you. In fact, I'm a hell of a lot worse." His head hung so that he was facing the floor.
Addison felt her heart break even more. And anger, white hot anger. "We'll you're sure as hell right about that. What, did you think that would make me feel better? Make me feel like less of an adulteress bitch? Make me feel like we were on the same level here? Well, you were wrong. I still can't understand why you insist on hurting me over and over again. I hope you rot in hell Derek Shepherd!" And with that, she packed her bags, and that night, Addison Shepherd, or Montgomery rather, flew back to New York, and away from the man who had hurt her so badly.
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Meredith and Cristina still sat in the same spots, still looking at each other, trying to take everything in. Cristina still hadn't spewed out any Cristina-ish advice. She hadn't made a single sarcastic comment. Meredith was starting to worry. "Please Cristina." Meredith cried. "What do you think I should do? What would you do if you were me? Ignore the fact that you wouldn't be, and help me! Please!" She continued sobbing.
Cristina was torn. If she was still the in compassionate person she once was, she would have told Meredith to screw them both, she was a surgeon and that was all she needed. But not anymore. She wanted nothing more than to tell Meredith to go with Finn, so she would never see her hurt again, but she could do neither of those.
"I can't tell you what you should do, only you can decide that. Bur I can tell you what I believe will make you happiest. The last time I ever saw you truly happy, was when you were with Derek. I know he hurt you, and he is a complete ass for that. But follow your heart. Life is too short not to."
And that's it for now. Does it suck? Please tell me if I'm wasting my time.
Also, if anyone has any suggestions as to what they want to happen, tell me.
AND REVIEW
Thanks a bunch,
Rose Rain