DGO: Hi everybody! In celebration of the holiday season I decided to post this, my very first steve/tony fanfiction. I was going to post my tony-falls-into-fairytales fic but this one was more seasonal..so enjoy!
Warning: This fanfic is PURE CRACK. AND I REGRET NOTHING.
Time for a little Christmas spirit
Part One~
It was two weeks before Christmas, and New York was a bustling. Parents rushing around for last minute presents, dragging their children to the nearest store. There was business men talking into their phones, an Santa at every corner shaking a bell, and couples running in the snow with smiles on their faces.
The streets were lit by the lights of many Christmas lights and every store had a snowman or an reindeer peeking from their windows. No matter how you looked at it, Christmas was in the air. Even one of the business men could not help but smile at the red faced Santa, and started to dig out some money to give. Everyone had a smile, truly everyone was in the spirit. Old and young, waiting in excitement for the day of family and celebration. It seemed that no one could avoid the seasonal cheer that seemed to have taken over the whole of New York.
Agent Coulson knew better. No matter how bright the lines, or how loud the choir, there was always that one person that looked at this scene and snorted. Like the modern day Scrooge they went around loudly shouting about how stupid Christmas is and ruining it for everyone. That is where he and SHIELD came in.
SHIELD was an organization that existed to find the scrooges of America(And for some reason Canada.. Agent Coulson blamed Elf Wolverine for that), and inject some Christmas spirit. In order to do this SHIELD had its workers, the elves. The elves were each given a scrooge every Christmas to inject Christmas spirit into by any means necessary. It was a rough job, what with all that could go wrong with sending a elf to live among the humans, but it was a job that needed to be done. For if a Scrooge went around bad mouthing Christmas the spirits of others will be harmed. Then more people would become Scrooges and Christmas would be ruined! Agent Coulson knew, as did all the agents and the elves, that if they ever failed a job and thus ruined Christmas they would face the rage of Santa(Aka SHEILD's head Fury).
It was on this, two weeks before Christmas, that Agent Coulson was facing that rage.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN NONE OF THE ELVES WILL TAKE THE JOB?" Fury shouted, glaring at Agent Coulson.
Agent Coulson just rolled his eyes, "I meant actually what I said. None of the elves will take this job.."
"AND MAY I ASK WHY?"
"Well sir..the job it's...well..Tony Stark sir."
There was silence as Fury's one eye started to twitch and Agent Coulson prepared himself for the explosion. He wasn't to be disappointed.
"TONY STARK!" Fury roared, his face screwed up as if he had just spoken a dirty word, "ARGHHHH THAT MAN. WE CAN NOT ALLOW THAT DIRTY LITTLE SCROOGE RUIN ANOTHER CHRISTMAS. I WILL NOT ALLOW A OTHER 08. DO YOU UNDERSTAND AGENT COULSON GET A ELF ON THE JOB OR YOU'LL HAVE TO GET WORK WITH THE X-BUNNIES!" With that last shout Fury glared at Agent Coulson, which basically signified 'leave now'.
"Yes Sir Santa." Agent Coulson calmly said, before turning on his heels and walking out the door. 'Now how am I going to find a elf that will be willing to take on Tony Stark?'
Tony Stark. That name would send a sliver up any elves spine. It was the name of the Scrooge that ruined the Christmas of 2008 and the Scrooge that send every elf send to him into therapy or into a life of man hate blogging(if the elf had been Tony's type). So it really wasn't a surprised that not one elf wished to deal with him. They all remembered Elf Bruce and what he did to him(If you are wondering it involved chemicals and a green rage monster and that is all you need to know). There was many things that each elf knew well,even Elf Wolverine who spend most of his time drinking eggnog, Fury never stopped shouting and Tony Stark was bad news.
So for every elf that Agent Coulson asked he got a very resounding no. Elf Thor seemed about to agree, seeing how frustrated he was getting, but his brother Elf Loki shouted no. Then pulled him away, shouting at Elf Thor that he was a idiot.
'I wonder if the X-bunnies are hiring..' Agent Coulson wondered to himself as he walked down SHIELD's hallways. In fact he was already writing up his resume in in his head when he ran into Steve Rogers.
"Oh gingerbread! I'm so sorry Agent Coulson!" Steve cried.
"Its fine, I was the one that wasn't looking where he was.." Agent Coulson stopped. His eyes widen, 'Yes why not'.
"Ummm Agent Coulson?" Steve blinked worriedly, for Agent Coulson had suddenly stopped talking and was staring at him like he was the next recreation of Christ.
"Steve..you want to be a elf right?" Agent Coulson said, trying and failing to hide his hope. 'Please God don't let Steve know about Tony..I don't want to work for the X-bunnies!'
Steve face lit up, "Yes sir! More than anything in the world sir! That why I came to SHIELD to be become a temp!"
Agent Coulson knew this of course, as did everyone but until now no one really believed that Steve could become a elf. You needed to be born as a elf, the elves would whisper among themselves, Steve is nice but he's human. Why doesn't he just become an agent like Coulson?
At this moment Agent Coulson didn't care about any of this, he just wanted to keep his job. "Steve how would you like to do a job for me?"
Even the most coldest of men would have melted at the look of pure of Steve's face, "OH YES! OF COURSE I WILL! YOU WONT REGRET THIS AGENT COULSON! OH THANK YOU!"
Agent Coulson just smiled at him, "Your welcome. Now then lets go let Santa know.."
Unlike the elves, Fury had no problem with Steve becoming a elf, hell as long as the jobs were done he was happy.
"SO THEN. AGENT COULSON SAYS THAT YOU ARE WILLING TO TAKE THIS JOB FOR US?"
Steve nodded, looking straight into Fury's one eye, "Yes Santa."
"GOOD. I WAS WORRIED THAT I WOULD HAVE TO FIRE MY ONLY AGENT..NOW STEVE THIS JOB IS VERY IMPORTANT AND YOU CAN NOT MESS IT UP."
Steve nodded again, 'I wonder who the Scrooge is..he or she must be hard to crack..I mean Agent Coulson looked like his was on his last chance when he was talking to me. Who ever it is..I'll give them Christmas spirit and show everyone that I can be a great elf!' With that decided Steve asked, "So what is my job?"
Fury actually looked worried for a second, but quickly turned back to his normal state of being(anger).
"TONY STARK. FOR THE NEXT WEEK YOU WILL LIVE WITH HIM AND BEFRIEND HIM. IF YOU ARE ABLE TO INJECT THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT BY CHRISTMAS..I WILL MAKE YOU A ELF."
Steve just smiled, "Thank you Santa! I will make you proud I swear!"
"YOU BETTER. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HIGH THE COSTS ARE. TONY WAS THE REASON FOR THE RUINED CHRISTMAS OF 08. YOU MUST NOT ALLOW THIS YEAR TO BE THE SAME, UNDERSTAND?"
Steve's smile dropped from his face, he remembered that Christmas. It had been horrible. Toy stores had been robbed, on the street Santas drunk, and the New York cities' large Christmas tree burned down.
"You don't have to worry sir. I wont let that happen."
"GOOD. NOW STEVE ROGERS GO AND INJECT CHRISTMAS SPIRIT. BUT BE WARNED. IF YOU WISH TO BECOME A ELF THEIR IS ONLY ONE LAW..DO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR SCROOGE."
"Yes sir! I don't think that will be a problem sir!" With that last statement from Steve, Fury moved his hand and Steve vanished.
Agent Coulson suddenly remembered an conversation he had had with Elf Peter.
"Tony has these types, like he has this huge thing for blonds, really likes his men big and muscular. God was I happy.. didn't want to end off like Elf Clint. Do you know that he's STILL writing that blog about his hurt feelings?"
"SHIT." Agent Coulson mouthed, Steve was completely Tony's type.
There was another reason why the elves avoided Tony Stark. For you see no matter your sexuality by the end of your job if Tony wanted you..you gave him what he wanted.
Steve was doomed. He, Agent Coulson was doomed because he had picked Steve, and another Christmas 08 was just around the horizon.
"WHAT IS THE MATTER AGENT COULSON?"
Agent Coulson shook his head, "Nothing Sir Santa..nothing."
'I better start writing up that resume...'
END PART ONE~!
Part Two coming soon! With the appearance of Tony.