I don't know if this is needed but there might be a slight trigger warning. There's implied thought of self-harm.

Disclaimer-don't own Inuyasha

The first few months were awful. I regret to say that I became quite dependent on His presence. Even now, five years later, I avoid saying his name and thinking about him. I found out that the well didn't return Kagome; I felt jipped. We both originated from the future. Why was I the only one to be pulled through. If someone said it was my destiny, I swear I'd punch them.

It seemed the gods heard my thoughts because I lost my light. I was depressed. I don't know how I became so depressed, but once, I contemplated injuring myself or worse. The only thing that prevented me from dwelling on those harmful thoughts were my unborn children. I wouldn't-I couldn't-sentence them to grow up without a mother. It was bad enough, they would never know their father.

Of course, I denied the fact that I needed help. After spending so long in that unfathomable darkness, I dragged myself to a psychiatrist. I left out the parts that sounded too far-fetched, but everything was truthful. I'm sure I sounded like a lovesick teenager who broke up with her boyfriend. My self-loathing was probably detrimental towards my health too.

I was now on anti-depressants that wouldn't affect the children. Yes, they were born, but they were still nursing. I had a boy and a girl, full youkai as Benzaiten promised. The boy, Touga, caused my heart would squeeze whenever I looked at him as he grew older. At around five, it became painfully obvious that Sesshomaru was his father. He was almost an exact replica of a painting of young Sesshomaru, except for one difference. When I named him, I heard a whisper that sounded like "Touga." I'm pretty sure the spirit I met told me because I saw a flash of a white ponytail.

My daughter was named Tsuki because before I had contractions, I was gazing at the moon. The bit of fuzz she had for hair was a pale grey. Silver hair to brothers white hair. She had eyes that were the color of caramel, a mix of brown and gold. She looked like a perfect mix of her parents. On her face were His markings, whereas her brother only had a magenta stripe on each cheek.

Thankfully the doctor was also a youkai, so he explained to me how masking charms worked. He informed me that youkai only used them so humans wouldn't be so frightened of facial markings, fur, or feathers and claws. Also it prevented their youki from running rampant which could cause someone who had miko powers to inadvertently fight back and injure or purify them. Other than that humans seemed generally ambivalent towards youkai, aside from the odd radical every now and then. I accepted the charms gratefully. Tsuki and Touga were my precious children, and I would do anything within my power to make them happy.

Which is why I went to a psychiatrist when they were six months old after my depression got worse after the birthing. I hoped they would be able to see me smile genuinely. With help from the medication, I began the arduous task of digging myself back out of the hole I buried myself in. In retrospective, I'm appalled I let it get so deep. So to help the process, I moved out of Tokyo. Perhaps a change of scenery would make things easier. There would be no painful reminders. I packed my bags and moved to a city in America.
For a while, I had a hard time finding a job so I depended on Aunt Sakura until I was hired by a local was nearby and I could make ends meet. I used my free time and lunch breaks to perform a bit of catharsis. I put my experiences into words and passed it as another rendition of the legends of the Taiyoukai and his mate. Too bad the names weren't preserved. I smiled sorrowfully at the titled, honored that he remembered. No one here knew of this legend so the publishers were quite interested. They soon agreed to publish what I had written, and within a month it was on the bookshelves.

It's quite a weird feeling to see your name and life's story sitting in front of you. My novel, Threads of Fate, rocketed up to the top and I continued to write, not finished with my story. The cycle repeated and I soon became an American best-selling author, over the course of a few years. I must admit, it was creepy to have people I've never met come up to me and call me by name while commenting on my books.

It also took some time to get over culture shock. I had to remember to not be offended by a lack of honorifics. Only some people used them. One of them was a dark-haired young man. He seemed to be in his early twenties or so and he called me "Sayuri-sama." I haven't heard that title since...That time. We chatted a little bit and he told me my series was so realistic that it beat the ones in Japan. They always concentrated on the romance between the two protagonists whereas I focused more on the journey.

"So what's your name?"

"Uh...Hiroshi."

From our various lunch meetings, I learned that he seemed older than he appeared. I started to suspect that he was a youkai. After a couple meetings I decided to ask him.

"Are you a youkai?" I asked.

"Hanyou, born in the Feudal Era," he smiled ruefully, "my adoptive parents were the first to fully accept me. Although, secretly, I think my mother had my father wrapped around her finger."

"Your mother must've been an amazing woman."

"She was."

Something in his tone told me something happened. I didn't want to ask but he told me anyway. A little over a year after he was adopted, his mom disappeared, possibly kidnapped. His father searched but it was fruitless. So they went through the years without her, and still never found her. His grey eyes searched me for something, and I offered him my sympathy.

"I'm sorry I have to go. I need to pick a present for my kids. They're turning five today."

"Bye, I hope they have a good birthday. Here's my card if you ever need to call me. I live in Japan."

Taisho, Inc.

467.980.9856

The name was worn out. What kind of businessman gives out a worn card? Lazy kid, even if he is older than me.

"You know, you should go back to Japan and visit your aunt and her shrine. You've been cooped up in house for so long. You hardly leave this town, unless it's to tour your book. Let's go to Japan. I'm going to Tokyo next month. Come, on! Come with me and bring your kids!" my agent cajoled.

In the beginning of my writing career, she became my agent. Shortly after that, we became friends, and now we're best friends. My children also liked her, but I think it's because she bribes them with candy. Whenever she greets them, she always gives them some type of sweet. She's worse than an old lady. I swear, she's going to give Touga and Tsuki cavities.

"Hey kids! Tsuki, Touga! Do you want to go to Japan next month? Help me convince your mom!"

I made one of my biggest mistakes. I turned around. All of them had that stupid puppy dog face. Damn, Chika! What are you teaching my kids? I tried to not give in, but I couldn't refuse my kids. I sighed, shoulders slumping, and told them we'll go to Japan.I really needed to learn to refuse them.

The next month we stepped off the plane and made our way to my aunt's shrine. I figured I owed her a visit since she hasn't seen her niece and nephew for a couple years. Well, at least in person. I wondered how much changed in the course of five years. Would the memories have faded? Would the shrine look any different?

"Sayuri! And you must be Chika. How are you?" Aunt Sakura asked and then she crouched down to greet Touga and Tsuki. "You've grown so big! Come give Aunti a hug."

Touga willingly jumped into her arms with a grin, but Tsuki reluctantly gave a quick hug. Their personalities were already developing so much! They were such opposites. I could see Tsuki as a regal ruler, if I stayed in the Feudal Era. She'd be much like Sesshomaru. Calculating, methodical, and aloof. Her brother on the other hand, would've been a more emotional leader. I couldn't wait to see them grow up, but I'd love for them to stay this age.

"Mother, what ever happened to father?" Tsuki asked. So formal. For some reason, I could never get her to call me mom or mommy. Her brother only called me formally when it was a important situation.

How would I answer this? "The kamis did not let us stay together. I don't know what happened to him."

"Some kids make fun of us for not having a dad. Will we ever get one mom? I don't want to be the only male in the house."

"Cheeky pup. Don't you like being the man of the house? Maybe you'll get one. I'd have to go out on some dates first." I didn't think he'd feel that way. Did he really need a male role model in the household? "Alright. While we're here I'll go on a date or two, okay? But don't pester me."

"Yes mother," both of them chorused.

AN: So here's the sequel to Strength From Weakness. It's a little sad and slow but it sets the scene. Unfortunately there's no Sesshomaru in this chapter. I don't know if he'll be in the next one yet.

Please review, I don't mind critique either. I'd like to make this story be as flawless as possible.