Breaking My Own Heart
Summary: SamPhil. A series of unrelated oneshots to songs by Duffy. The first one is to the song 'Serious' from the album 'Rockferry'. Please review! Xx
Serious
The night of Yvonne Hemmingway's leaving party on the London Eye had been one of the best nights of her life. Samantha Nixon rarely felt as relaxed and as at peace with the world as she had that night. For once things seemed to be slipping into place. Abi and Jared were doing well and were coming to visit her in a few weeks time. Her love life was also looking up too, in the form of Phil Hunter. She never would have thought she would be entering into a relationship with him. There had been a period of time, nearly two years ago, when she had briefly considered dating him but he had been up to his old drinks and she had walked away. Since then however, she had noticed a difference in him and she could see that he was really trying to change and be a better man. It made her secretly proud to know that it was all for her. Yet, since Romania things had begun to change for them. Now, that they had had sex, Sam wondered if Phil would be quite so interested and so far they hadn't made love since. She knew she was being unfair on him but she needed to know that what they had was more than just an affair; she felt that she was getting far too old for one night stands. What Sam really wanted was stability in her life. She wondered if Phil could give that to her or if, after a while, he would return to his old ways.
.
"Are you enjoying yourself?" Phil asked her, appearing behind with a glass of champagne in both hands.
His approach startled her out of her reverie and she gladly took the drink from him.s
"Good," Phil smiled. "I've never been on the London Eye before, it's right on our doorstep but I've still never been."
"Me neither," Sam agreed. "It's nice though." She sighed to herself, this was ridiculous. Before, when they had been 'just friends' she and Phil had been able to
talk about anything and everything but now things seemed strained between them. They were distracted from their awkward conversation by Yvonne approaching and thanking them for coming. Sam and Phil wished her all the best and told her they would miss her before she was swept away by another group of well-wishers.
"Let's get out of here," Sam whispered in Phil's ear, whilst putting her empty champagne glass down on a table.
Phil wasn't quite sure he trusted his ears but when Sam grabbed him by the elbow and pulled him towards a quieter corner he understood her meaning. They waited in a tense silence until they reached the ground again. They slipped out of the carriage and out into the cool autumn air. Without looking back, Sam took hold of Phil's hand and almost dragged him towards the tube station. A voice inside his head told Phil to have a good feeling about the rest of the evening.
They stumbled through the front door of Phil's house, Sam navigating her way through the unfamiliar dark while Phil followed blindly. A door, a wall, finally Sam found his bedroom and led the way inside. Phil swore as he stubbed his toe on one of the casters on the bed, Sam giggled as flipped on a bedside light, flooding the room with a cosy glow. She reached for Phil and they struggled out of their clothes, cursing and laughing as their garments were scattered across the room and the bed. Finally, when they were both naked, Phil laid Sam down inside and they experienced the climactic joy of Romania all over again.
When Phil awoke the next morning Sam was gone and he wondered if the previous night had just been an overly realistic dream. When he looked around as saw yesterday's work clothes scattered all over the place he knew it wasn't and he felt emptier still. He had thought that she wanted the same thing as him; a proper relationship but maybe he was wrong. He climbed out of bed and collected his clothes together feeling a sense of dread washing over him.
Sam realised that she had broken every single rule she had made when she had allowed herself to get involved with Phil on a romantic level. She couldn't believe she had crept out like that in the middle of the night like she was ashamed of what she had done. In truth, the only thing she regretted was walking away. She was so scared of getting hurt again but she had only succeeded in causing herself, and probably Phil, more pain. She wanted a serious relationship and she wanted to be loved for who she was but was Phil the right person to provide that? Was she asking too much of him? She supposed the only way to find out would be to ask him.
"Hey, what happened to you last night?" Phil asked having arrived at work early enough to catch Sam in the car park. After much debate with himself in the shower, over breakfast and on the drive to work he had decided that the direct approach was the best.
"Morning," Sam said, pausing before she answered Phil's question. She too knew that she had to be honest or they would never get anywhere. "I'm sorry about that, I just, I just feel that I'm asking too much of you."
"Excuse me?" Phil asked, his blue eyes showing his confusion clearly for her to see.
"I'm getting older Phil, and I need a steady relationship but I don't think that's what you want from me." Sam said gently.
Phil laughed at this and Sam looked at him with a mixture of bewilderment and hurt.
"God Sam, how did you ever become a detective if you can't see something as obvious as the fact that I love you and I would do anything at all to make sure you're happy and satisfied?"
Sam was taken aback and didn't know what to say, tears shone in her green eyes. "You, you love me?" She stuttered.
Phil rolled his eyes. "Yes, for years! Why do you think I changed so much? Why do you think I hated you being with Stuart so much?"
Sam smiled. "Whoa, I have been blind, and Phil," She paused, taking his hands in hers. "I think I might love you too."
Phil grinned, draping an arm around her shoulder as they walked towards the station. He seriously could not have been happier.