A/N: While you all wait for my other stuff, I hope this keeps you entertained. Very random.
I don't own Twilight.
Today was a strange day for the Cullen family. Edward's band broke up, and Rosalie's internship at the hospital's maternity ward ended. When Carlisle walked in he saw Emmett reading a news paper. Emmet and Bella really never had job qualifications, anyway.
"Am I in the right universe?" Carlisle asked.
"What?" Emmett asked with a confused look on his face.
"You're reading a news paper." Edward pointed out "We've never seen you read a news paper."
Jasper started laughing and Emmett threw a pillow at him.
"Where's Alice?"
"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU BAILING OUT ON ME?" Alice screamed through the phone as she came down the stairs.
She sighed and threw the phone on the chair.
"What wrong?" Esme asked.
"The Lehman Brothers just filed for bankruptcy! I put all my money into buying their shares! I can't believe I didn't see that one coming! We're totally broke!" she said exclaimed.
"Good thing Carlisle and Esme still have jobs." Emmett said, not looking away from the news paper.
"Actually, I was thinking, that you kids should get your own jobs."
"What?" They asked him.
"You're all educated enough to support yourselves." Carlisle shrugged.
"I agree," Esme added.
"I'm going to kill you! You two don't even have souls!"
Rosalie started chasing Carlisle around the loft. The chasing stopped when Bella intervened.
"Stop it, you douchebags! God, you're all so stupid. Not to mention hypocrites. I mean, you did this huge thing about how I can't be a vampire, before, because I'll lose my soul,
but if vampires didn't have souls, THEN HOW COULD WE BE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION??"
Every one of them rolled theirs eyes.
"Uh, Bella…" Edward began.
"Shut up, I'm not finished. And even if vampires did lose their souls, what would it matter? Vampires are immortal. Come on, say it with me. VAMPIRES...HAVE...SOULS…"
"OKAY! Either way, we're all unemployed." Jasper said putting his hands on his head.
"We still have Jacob." Bella said nicely, in a total mood swing.
There was a knock on the door and Carlisle opened it.
"Hey guys." Jacob said sadly. "Can I stay here? Leah overthrew me as pack leader, and then my dad kicked me out."
"Shit." Emmett said dryly
"I guess you could stay." Edward said quietly. "But stay away from Bella." he warned.
"I DON'T WANT BELLA!" Jacob burst out in tears. "I WANT MY BED BACK!"
Rosalie gave him a hug, he cried in her arms.
"It's ok." Rosalie said comforting him.
Everyone else looked at each other with disbelief.
"I want it back." Jacob said quietly.
Edward, Alice, Emmett, and Jasper roared with laughter, Bella laughed weakly, and Esme and Carlisle just shook their heads.
"You have to be joking." Alice said laughing.
"It's not funny." Jacob snapped. "I have no life."
"Same here," they all said.
"OH MY GOD!" Emmett said excitingly.
"What?"
"We could work at Wal-Mart…they have openings for Men's wear , Women's wear, Electronics, Toy department, and Deli," he announced.
"Sounds good to me," Bella said.
"Now you guys have jobs," Jasper said putting his feet on the coffee table.
"You're getting a job too, honey." Esme said.
"Dammit."
The next day the Cullens and Jacob went on their interviews and they got the job.
Men's wear- Alice
Women's wear- Jasper
Check out- Jacob
Toys- Bella & Emmett
Electronics- Edward and Rosalie
--
"Welcome to Wal-Mart. I am Kendall, your Manager. Here are your blue vests." Kendall said as she handed them out to each of the Cullens plus Jacob. "You must wear these at all times."
"What if we have to use the bathroom?" Rosalie asked, perfectly aware that they didn't.
"You can still wear them." Kendall said looking at Rosalie like she was crazy.
"Can we have sex with these on?" Jasper asked.
Everyone looked at him funny. Bella was the only one laughing.
"Ok…um that was scary." Kendal said still looking at Jasper. "You are not aloud to have sex anywhere in this building."
"Shit." Bella said.
Edward just looked at her and shook her head.
"Now get to work…oh and I'll be checking on you from time to time." Kendall said walking off.
(Electronics)
Edward began stacking the DVD shelves.
"Blazing Saddles, Pretty Women, Star Wars, and Oh here's a good one Jersey Girl." Edward said sarcastically as he stocked the shelves.
"That movie was shit." Rosalie said.
Edward looked up and Rosalie was standing on the shelf.
"I was just joking." Edward said dryly. "Shouldn't you be over at CDs?
"Oh I forgot." Rosalie said walking away.
"You're going to be fired by the end of the day." Edward said, laughing.
"We all are," she retorted.
A loud crash was heard.
"SHIT!" came Rosalie's voice.
Edward shook his head.
(At the Men's wear)
Alice sat on the stool board out of her mind.
"Why couldn't I work in the Women's wear?" she asked, out loud.
"Excuse ah Miss." A man asked nervously. "Does this shirt look right with these pants?"
He was wearing a yellow flowered shirt with gray pants.
"I think you should wear white pants with that." Alice said smiling.
The man came back smiling.
"How does this look?"
"Great, but one more thing," she said walking up to him. "You really don't need to button your shirt all the way up; it looks like someone is choking you."
Alice fixed him up.
"Thank you very much." The man said smiling.
"No problem."
"My name is Ray."
"Alice."
Ray just smiled at her and she smile back.
(check out)
Jacob sadly put the groceries in the bag; he stopped when he saw a box of Tampax Pearls.
"My former best friend never needed these..." Jacob said, tearing up.
The teenage girl raised her eye brow.
"Why do people shop here?" Jacob asked waving the box tampons around. "Look at the stupid vest I have to wear. Go to Target, it looks nicer."
The girl just stood there.
"GO NOW." Jacob begged.
"I'm never coming here again." The girl said walking off.
"Hi sir welcome to Wal-Mart." Jacob said with a fake smile.
He slowly put the towels in the bag.
"I see you have a house…with a bathroom." Jacob said pointing to the towels.
"Yeah, just bought it last month." The man said with a wide smile.
"Run while you can." Jacob warned.
"What?"
"By next year you're going to be overthrown by your deputy, and then your dad kicks you when he finds out about you being fired, and months later the girl you're in love wit is married to your ex-emo mortal enemy, and force you to marry her underage daughter." Jacob warned.
"I love my house…and my job…and my girlfriend." The man said in a frustrated tone.
Jacob was now crying.
"I hate working at checkout!"
The man walked off.
(Women's wear)
Jasper played with a pocket knife as he sat there doing nothing.
"Excuse me, but does this look right on me?"
Jasper turned around and saw a girl wearing a very tight dress.
"Yeah, if you loose a few pounds. Hit the treadmill, sweets." he said carelessly.
The girl started crying and ran off.
"Some people are so fucking sensitive." Jasper said shaking his head.
"Mr. Hale?" Kendal said walking up to him.
"Yes?" Jasper asked, smiling.
"Did you just tell that girl she was fat?"
"Oh no, I would never do that," Jasper said.
Kendal was now in flirt mode, she got up and put her hand on Jasper's shoulder.
"Has anyone ever told you that smiley faces bring out your eyes?" Kendal said giggling.
"No, but thank you." Jasper said smiling.
Jasper smiled at her and sat back down.
"I'll let you slide this time, but no more calling people fat." She warned Jasper, as his powers began to wear off.
"I promise it won't happen again." Jasper said nicely.
Kendal blew kisses at Jasper as she walked off.
"That girl is crazy." Jasper mumbled, "It had nothing to do with me…I swear!"
(The toys)
"Emmett, stop squirting me with the water gun." Bella said dryly.
"What's got you down?" he asked.
Emmett stopped shelving the Tickle Me Elmo's and looked at her.
"I've gone from being a needy housewife to shelving Barbies."
"I love working here. It reminds me of when I was a kid," Emmett mused.
"When was that? 2 years ago?" Bella asked.
"Shut up." Emmett said throwing a squishy ball at her.
The two laughed.
"Who the hell is this?" Bella wondered, picking up an action figure.
"I think that's the dude from Star Wars." Emmett said, looking at it.
"He looks ugly."
"I think he's kind of hot."
"One of his hands is cut off." Bella pointed out.
"You are so picky." Emmett said laughing.
"How?"
"You wouldn't date him, because he only has one arm?"
"No, I wouldn't date him, because I'm married," Bella justified.
"But what if you weren't?"
"I don't know."
"Just look at him." Emmett said as they observed the Anakin Skywalker action figure.
"He is kind of attractive." Bella said.
"He's gorgeous," Emmett finished.
"Kind of…I guess," Bella said, at last.
"Why are you two drooling over a toy?" Edward asked, walking up to them.
"Aren't you supposed to be over there?" Emmett asked, pointing to the electronics.
"Some one left a skateboard over at the VCR's." Edward said handing it to Bella.
"Where's Rosalie?" Emmett asked.
"She's in the middle of an argument with a 12 year old about The Sugababes being better then Girls Aloud."
"There's no comparison." Bella said laughing.
"Like I said, she's arguing with a 12 year old." Edward said dryly.
TO BE CONTINUED...IF you review. Lol.