Author's note:
What the heck did I do, and why the heck did I do it.
It was morning is Gravity Falls, and Dipper awoke to one of the best sleeps he ever had, since Mabel had a sleepover with Candy and Grenda at Candy's house. He rolled over to find Bill next to him.
"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Pinetree," the nacho Dorito illuminati said in a sexy voice. Dipper jumped out of bed.
"Double yoo Tee Eff, Bill! Whatchoo doin' in meh beddy bye?"
"I'ma watchin' ya sleep, Pinetree!" said Bill, in a pose that suggested he wanted Dipper to draw him like one of your French girls.
"Can't you do that from not in my bed?" asked Dipper
"It wouldn't be as fun, you sexy twelve-year-old!"
Dipper was beginning to freak out. "Um, what do you want Bill?"
Bill's eye went all crinkley, which meant he was a-smilin' happy. "I want you to f*** me, Pinetree. I want you to f*** me good."
At the word "f***" a loud beep sound was heard covering it, but Dipper got the message.
"Why the ACTUAL HECK would I do that? HOW the actual heck would I do THAT?" he practically screeched.
"Um, to answer question one, because you loooooove me, and to answer the question that came after question one, get inside my top hat."
Dipper was scared. "Grunkle STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" he yelled.
"Oh, that won't do you any good," said Bill. "I f***ed him to death."
"WAT." said Dipper.
"Oh yeah," said Bill rather casually. "It went aaaaaaaaalllllllll the way up his liver, into his stomach, up his esophagus, and out his mouth. Then he choked. And he died also."
"What went all the way…?"
"Why, of course it was my -"
"NEVERMIND nevermind, Bill," said Dipper. "W-what is even going on here?" His voice cracked several ways.
"Oh it's so sexy when your voice does that!" said Bill!
"OH GEEZ!" said Dipper. "Y-You really think so?"
"Oh yea!" said Bill.
"Well, gosh," said Dipper, blushing. "That's the first time someone complimented my HORRIBLE voice."
"Great so be mah boifriend and also f*** me," urged Bill.
"N-No!" said Dipper, though now he sounded less sure.
"C'mon, Pinetree, c'mon, c'mon, Piney man, bro, buddy, boiiiiiiiiifffffffriiiiiiindddddddd!"
"Well… okay."
"Great!" exclaimed Bill. He took his top hat off his point and handed it to Dipper. "Okay, now hop inside the top hat."\
"Um, can you please explain how this will f*** you?" asked Dipper.
"Geez, what do you want, a resume or something? Didn't you pay attention when they talked about the birds and the bees, you know, the part where it tells you how to f*** nachos?"
"Um…"
"It doesn't matter, just go inside my top hat."
Dipper went inside the Dorito's top hat, and surprisingly enough, that was all that needed to be done in order to f*** a nacho.
Dipper climbed out of Bill's hat after chilling there for a while, f***ing him. Bill put his hat back on his head. "Okay Pinetree," he said. "Thanks for that. You're my boifriend now."
"Why do you keep spelling it with an 'I'?" asked Dipper.
"Because you're a li'l piece of shit, that's why!" shouted Bill, and then he laughed.
Dipper laughed as well, also.
"Well, I'll be back with more boifriend stuffs to do," and with that, Bill disappeared.
And that's how Dipper came to be in a relationship with a psychotic nacho-demon.
The end.
Author's note:
Wow was not that an amazing chapter guys? Should I continue? R&R and don't forget to R and also R as well.