Strawberry Licorice

Rated: G

Season: Any

Spoilers: None

Summary: Lisbon is undercover as a cashier at a convenience store. Jane takes it upon himself to keep her entertained.

Disclaimer: I don't own The Mentalist.

A/N: Hey Everyone! Hope you enjoy! I thought this one up at work today. I dedicate this one to anyone who is, or has, worked in the customer service industry. Hey, it's a job. And it just about pays the bills...

Best wishes and lots of love!

Christine

000

"Strawberry licorice?" Teresa Lisbon held up the offending bag. "Seriously?"

"Lisbon, that's terrible," Patrick Jane scolded. "Cashiers don't scoff at their customers' choices. You should say something positive like, 'Oh, I love strawberry too!'" he finished in a high-pitched, falsetto voice.

Lisbon shook her head in disbelief. "I'm not going to lie," she huffed. "That stuff's garbage. What are you doing in here anyway? I thought I told you to stay in the car with Rigsby and Cho."

"My dear, we could be waiting here all night for our bad guy drug dealer to show up. My legs were starting to cramp up, Cho's got his head stuck in a book and won't talk to me, and Rigsby's getting hungry. Besides, you're bored. What if he shows up, but we miss him because you're asleep on your feet?"

"Jane, this is a twenty-four hour convenience store. There's going to be a few customers. I'll be fine. And we won't miss the drug dealer, because we already know what he looks like, and our witness told us this is where he makes his drops. Once we catch Mahoney, we can move up the food chain and catch his boss who is a key player in a human trafficking ring." She stuffed his licorice in a bag and shoved it at him.

"Oh, I don't need a bag," he said.

"Excuse me?" Lisbon raised her eyebrows.

"Plastic bags harm the environment," he chided. "Haven't you noticed all the green cloth bags around lately? It's only one item, so I really don't need a bag, Lisbon."

Lisbon looked a little... angry. "Fine," she managed through clenched teeth and took away the bag. "No go back to the car, and leave me alone."

"I really like your uniform, Teresa," he emphasized her first name with a wink. "Especially the way they embroidered your name on it. The polyester blouse isn't quite right for you, but the messy ponytail really adds to the whole I-hate-my-job vibe held by so many in the customer service industry. Not that I blame them. You should also flip through a magazine and chew some gum. Really sell it."

"Out, Jane," Lisbon pointed to the door beside them.

Five minutes later

"I'll take these, plus a pack of Marlboro's."

Silence.

"Um, Lisbon? Did you hear what I said?" Jane looked confused.

"Jane, I thought I told you to stay in the car."

"No, you said for me to go back to the car. You didn't say for how long."

"You can have the gummy bears," Lisbon acquiesced. "But I am not selling you cigarettes."

"Why not? You can't deny a customer a sale."

"You don't smoke!" Lisbon raised her voice. "And even if you wanted to start now, I'm not going to let you. They're bad for your health."

"What if I told you they weren't for me? Hey, can I get a scratch card too?"

"I'm not letting Rigsby or Cho smoke either," she shook her head. "Wait, Rigsby isn't taking up smoking, is he? Because if he is-"

Jane held up his hand to interrupt her. "They're not for either of us. I'm just getting them for that kid out there who's too young to get them himself," Jane pointed out the window to a gangly teenager standing by the door.

"Are you out of your mind?" Lisbon looked at him in complete dismay.

"Aha!" Jane pointed at her. "Just checking. Keep your cigarettes. I still want the gummy bears."

"Aha, what? What were you checking?" Lisbon demanded.

"Well, I was just wondering if being under cover would loosen your moral standards any."

"Jane... get back to the car right this minute... And stay there."

"Wait. I don't know if these are the gummy bears I want. Do you have any of those gummies with the juice filling?"

"No, we don't."

"You didn't even look-"

"Don't be so lazy. Go look yourself."

"-and you said we as though you already identify yourself as part of the Quickie Mart family. Interesting."

"You know, I'm really beginning to empathize with the girl who normally has this job. Jane, take your gummies and get out."

"Fine, but first, can I get a bag for them?"

"What about the environment?"

Jane shrugged. "The gummies are little. I don't want them to spill everywhere."

Jane managed to catch the bag before it hit his head.

Ten minutes later

"You're looking exceptionally beautiful this evening, Teresa."

"Jane, if you don't leave this second, I'm going to smack that smug smile off your face so fast..."

"Whoa, Lisbon, easy," Jane stood up from where he was leaning against the counter and held out his hands in front of him. "It's a matter of fact that cashiers flirt with their customers – at least the good-looking ones that is. I'm just trying to help you keep up a good cover."

"You are going to blow my cover by irritating me! There are customers in here now. They'll hear us."

"What, those two kids at the back eating ice cream right out of the freezer without paying for it?"

Lisbon stalked off to the back of the store, leaving Jane standing at the counter.

A moment later, the two kids rushed past him, pushing each other to get out the door. Lisbon followed close behind them, reclaiming her seat behind the counter.

"You certainly have a way with children," he offered.

"Jane, so help me! Get back to the car."

"Can I just get some tea first?" he pointed behind him. "I'm so parched."

He could feel Lisbon's eyes boring into his back the whole way to the other end of the store where the hot water dispenser was located. "I'll bring you one, too," he called back to her.

Two minutes later

"Lisbon, there wasn't any milk back there," Jane complained.

Lisbon pushed forward a customer feedback postcard and a pencil.

"Very funny," Jane said, taking the card and pencil anyway. "I'm afraid I'm going to have some not-so-nice things to say about the service I received tonight."

"Not-so-nice?" Lisbon repeated him. "Ooooh, I'm so scared."

"You should be," Jane pointed out.

"Oh, come on. Nobody reads those things anyway. They're just a way for angry people, who've got nothing better to do, to blow off steam," Lisbon informed him while raising her hand gun from under the counter and aiming just shy of Jane's chest.

Jane stared in shock. "I didn't mean... Lisbon, I was just joking... Can I go back to the car now?" he looked pained.

"Jane, get out of the way," she waved the gun, motioning for him to step aside. "Mr. Mahoney, put your hands on your head and get down on your knees," she commanded the man who had just entered the store.

Jane stepped further out of the way as Rigsby and Cho came in to haul Mahoney out to the vehicle. He waited for Lisbon as she called the store manager to let him know it was safe to come back.

She ended her call and turned back to Jane. "Jane, get that Twinkie out of your mouth. You didn't pay for that."

"I was going to pay on my way out!" He defended himself.

"That's so rude. You couldn't wait one minute for me to ring it through the cash register? You're worse than a two-year-old."

Jane just shrugged and handed her the second Twinkie. "They're really good with tea," he offered.

Lisbon grabbed it out of his hand and rang it into the register. "Did Cho and Rigsby leave already?" she asked.

"Yes, ma'am. I'm your ride out of here."

"We can leave once the manager gets here," she said. "He should only be a few minutes."

"Well, then, eat your Twinkie, woman. You worked hard tonight. And get your hair out of that ponytail. You're giving me a sympathy headache."

Lisbon smirked at him. "I did work hard tonight. I had to put up with you. Mr. Mahoney was nothing compared to what you put me through."

The manager arrived, and Jane and Lisbon left the store for his blue two-door parked behind the building.

"Wait here for a minute, Lisbon. I forgot something," Jane left Lisbon sitting in the car while he went back into the Quickie Mart. He returned a minute later with two drinks.

Lisbon looked inside the cup he handed her. "Blue slushies?"

"You know they're your favourite. Although I find it a little hypocritical the way you judged my strawberry licorice as unhealthy."

Lisbon heaved a sigh, pulled out the elastic from her ponytail, and slurped loudly at her slushy. "Just drive, Jane."

Jane dared to smirk again before taking a large sip of his own slushy. He shook his head quickly. "Whoa! Brain freeze. What a rush," he smiled over at Lisbon.

Lisbon just rolled her eyes and kept slurping.

000

The End

000