Nick's head grew heavier as he finished the last of his glass. He rubbed his face in an attempt to stay awake long enough to successfully pursue his plan of drinking himself in to oblivion. He poured another whisky, the smell clinging to his senses, irritating his stomach, it was somehow less appealing than an hour ago. His hand massaged the glass, how many answers had really been found below the ice of a tumbler? Maybe this time would be different. Even if it wasn't Nick didn't care about answers anymore, he lacked the energy to produce anymore questions.
"Zoe, will you go and speak to Nick? See if he is ok. That whisky is going down a bit too well..." Tess suggested concerned.
"I thought it might." Zoe sighed as she headed over to the table where Nick was finishing off another whisky. "Nick..."
"Whisky? I could do with another." Nick slurred slightly as he poured himself another drink.
"To be honest Nick I think you've..."
"Don't, Zoe. I'm aware I'm drunk and I have every intention of getting out of my mind." Nick answered abruptly without making any eye contact with Zoe.
"Fine. But I'm not sure the pub with the rest of the ED is the best place to lose the use of your legs." Zoe replied.
"Why not. Let's give them some gossip, the sad, old lead consultant unable to deal with his grief drinks himself into a heap. I'm sure I'm providing some great entertainment." Nick commented with all the self loathing of an ungrateful teenager.
"People care Nick, they're worried about you." Zoe looked at Nick with delicate sympathy.
"Oh come off it. I can't remember the last person who 'worried' about me." Nick snapped.
"I can..."
Nick wanted to swallow his words with his next swig of whisky. "Zoe, i'm sorry I didn't think."
"No, it's fine, I shouldn't have said it. Look, why don't you get a taxi home, get some sleep."
"I'm not sure i fancy being alone just yet. Let's just stay for another, what are you drinking?" Nick asked as he fiddled in his pocket and produced his wallet.
"Red wine." Zoe replied reluctantly.
Nick handed Zoe a note with his permission to buy herself whatever she fancied. Zoe pushed out a smile and headed to the bar brushing her hand along Nicks shoulders as she left the table.
Zoe brought back a bottle of red and a pint of water which she passed over to Nick. He was secretly glad, he needed something to neutralise the taste Jameson had left in his mouth.
Zoe poured herself a glass of red taking a large gulp, the days events swimming through her mind. She had to ask, maybe he needed to talk about it. It was unlikely Nick was going to bring it up himself, Nick Jordan would never ask for help.
"Did you get what you were after?" Zoe's words treading a little less elegantly than she had hoped.
Nick shook his head, "Just more lies, more sickening bullshit. You know you'd think maybe now..." He paused trying to gain some courage to produce the words, "now she's dead, that he might have the guts to at least give me some honesty. The scumbag couldn't even apologise. I mean, he clearly did it the evidence is stacked ten miles high above him, I just need to hear him say it." Nick swallowed his tears with a gulp of anger.
"Don't let yourself need an apology Nick. You might never get one. Just let the courts guide it from now on."
"Oh god I want her back Zoe, so much." Nick let the tears fall.
"Oh sweetheart I know." She lent forwards and squeezed his hand. "Just take each day at a time, I'm here for you. It's going to be ok."
"It doesn't feel like it right now." Nick stuttered as he gulped down more whisky.
"No, but it will be, trust me." Zoe made eye contact as she enforced the words. She couldn't promise it would be, how did she know whether it would be ok? But right now Nick didn't need to hear uncertainties, just reassurance and comfort.
Nick wiped away the tears. "Sorry. Sorry, I'm ok now, just caught off guard that's all."
"It's ok to cry Nick."
"Honestly I'm fine." Nick unconvincingly reassured Zoe. Sensing Nick was embarrassed Zoe decided to give him a few minutes to compose himself.
"I'm nipping out for a smoke, I won't be long." Zoe grabbed her menthols and coat and headed out into the fresh night air.
Outside Zoe lit her cigarette, as she let the nicotine rush through her body she let out an unguarded tear, wiping it away as she exhaled the smoke. Taking a second drag she heard the pub doors open, she turned round to see a worse for wear looking Nick rubbing his forehead. Suddenly the whisky unfriended him and he doubled over and expelled the alcoholic contents of his stomach.
"Oh Nick." She sighed as she moved over and rubbed his shoulders.
"Maybe I should go home after all." He managed before vomiting again.
"I'm not sure how well you'll fair in a taxi right now, when you're ready let's walk for a bit, we can hail a cab when you feel a bit better." Zoe suggested before stubbing out her cigarette.
"I feel dreadful" Nick mumbled as he wiped his mouth.
"Yup, a bottle of whisky can have that affect." Zoe prodded smugly.
"Helpful Zoe, thanks." Nick managed a smile. He straightened himself up and took a couple of deep breaths. Zoe handed him a bottle of water from her handbag and a pack of chewing gum. "Oh the wonders of a woman's handbag. The contents are mysterious until you throw your guts up, then all is revealed."
"Ah yes, but it is normally all forgotten by the morning, then the mystery is restored!" Zoe joked. "Come on." She took Nicks arm and they headed towards the road.
Zoe handed the taxi driver a ten pound note, "Keep the change." She instructed with a smile. Zoe followed Nick out the taxi. "How are you feeling?"
"A bit better, nothing a saline drip couldn't sort out." Nick jested as he took his keys out of his pocket. Zoe followed him toward the apartment block doors, rushing up behind him as he lost his balance halfway down the path. "Come on Mr Jordan, let's get you inside" she said as she supported him around the waist.
"I've missed you Zoe, you do mean a lot to me you know." Nick let slip.
"What, even though we are having a slight role reversal right now?" She laughed.
"Well, I was hoping you would also be getting suitably intoxicated with me." Nick answered.
"You didn't give me a chance!" Zoe laughed as she held the door open for Nick.
The pair entered Nick's apartment, a rush of memories, good and bad, rode the air that hit them with the opening of the door, making their way silently around each of their minds. Zoe noticed the coat stand she once found a moments solace by, but now rather than Nick's long winter coat hanging there it was an elegant female jacket and turquoise scarf, she smiled with a slight ache. That was a long time ago, life moves on, they had both moved on.
Before she had even brought herself away from those memories a warm embrace met her lips. "Woah..." She moved back making eye contact with Nick that said more than unplanned words could.
Nick pulled her body close to his and kissed her again. This time Zoe didn't resist. She knew he was drunk, she knew it wouldn't last but right now she didn't care. She ran her hands down the sides of his body, resting on his hips. God she needed him sometimes. But before the safety of his arms had encompassed her it ended.
"Sorry." Nick whispered.
"Don't be. I miss us. At times like this more than ever. But tonight, well tonight is just one of those nights when we need our friendship Nick, not drunken, grief filled sex." Zoe held her breath fearing she had said the wrong thing.
"Thank you." Nick replied slowly.
Zoe didn't need to say anymore, they held each other for a time that would never be long enough, their embrace saying all that needed to be said.
Nick made his way to the sofa, drowsily he rested his head on the back of it.
"I love you Zo." Nick offered gently before shutting his eyes after battling for long enough.
"I love you too Nick, I really do." She whispered back, breathing in her tears.
Zoe pulled a blanket over Nick and briefly watched him sleep. It was comforting to see him so peaceful for the first time in weeks. She headed over to the windows, rubbing the back of her neck.
She traced her fingers over the lights of the city below her, "All good things come to an end" she whispered as she rested her head on the cold glass.