A/N: Hi. Um, well if you guys can actually remember me, yeah I'm back. I've been through a rough time recently. It's been difficult, but my family have been very supportive and I'm better now, I guess. I'm happier with myself now, and I'm finding better ways to vent off stress. So yeah. I thought maybe writing would help as I haven't written properly in ages and I guess in a way, it helped. I never realised how therapeutic this could be haha. Anyway, hope you enjoy the story guys :)
(Keep in mind that this is Vlad's prospective of dealing with... well everything. You'll see)
We all find life difficult. We all hit a snag in life at one point in time. We all stop hoping. Stop dreaming.
We all die.
Yet no single being on this universe could ever tell you the value of life. Not when something so simple can become such a nightmare.
Why won't it end?
Fuelled by our own guilt and hatred, we cannot possibly possess any measure of value. We have caused too much destruction in our reality. Fragments of forgotten dreams are rarely pursued any longer than a heartbeat. We don't see the point anymore. A lost dream is nothing to us compared to the 'future'.
So why do I want to hold onto mine?
I feel a torrent rising within me. It is out of grasp. Out of my control. I am weak. I am sick of fighting. I cannot continue. I am like a pawn on a chess board. Destined to die. Only there for someone to control and manipulate. Because I am useful. I can be replaced by my superiors. The ones that remain stronger than me.
Was he right?
I am of no value. I can be easily disposed of. My family would see me dead in an instant. I am only alive because of the power I hold. But anyone could wield it. I would rather die alone than surrounded by traitors. My memory tarnished by my murderers. I am too young to be left with such a responsibility.
Do I really want to die?
I am slowly giving up hope. Losing grip of what remains my reality and what is now my collapsing dream of peace. He grows stronger than me by the day, and I can't hold out much longer.
Why won't I fight back?
I am sick. Sick of seeing the eyes of yet another who I have let down. Sick of hearing how I am not good enough. Sick of living through gruelling day after day, only to be met by the harsh words of reality. To be pushed back down again. Time and time again.
Is this really worth it anymore?
A man once told his grandson: "A terrible fight is going on inside me - a fight between two wolves. One is evil, and represents hate, anger, arrogance, intolerance, and superiority . The other is good, and represents joy, peace, love, tolerance, understanding, humility, kindness, empathy, generosity, and compassion. This same fight is going on inside you, inside every other person too." The grandson then asked: "Which wolf will win?" The old man replied simply: "The one you feed."
Maybe I don't have to go.