My dear readers- every once in a while, I get a serious case of writer's block, and one of those dreaded times is now… sorry.
Mostly it happens when I forget that I should just write what I want- not what others might expect me to write. Sometimes I'm getting over this fairly easy, sometimes (like now) not so much.
This is just what poured out of my mind- it's not great, it's not extraordinary, it's just what wanted out. It's rated M. In fact, it's rated very M- so M that it's a risk to post it here, but I know that this is where most of my readers are, so I'm taking it. If I get deleted for this, I'll still be on my blog, don't forget that!
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ UTTER SMUT, BACK OFF NOW! Please, know your limits, this is REALLY smutty, and I understand if you don't want to read stuff like that! It's really very, very smutty, even for me! For those of you who want to go on- I hope you enjoy it anyway!
Disclaimer: I do not own "The Mentalist" and I don't make money from fan fiction.
Beautiful Mess
In the night, he had the dream again.
Volker was in the bullpen once more, all smug self-confidence and blatant arrogance, but Lisbon didn't give him an iota of her attention. Instead, she was straddling her consultant's thighs on his couch, kissing his face, his lips, his jaw, his throat, the sweet caresses showering down on his skin like soothing rain.
In his dream, Jane sighed in pleasure. Volker narrowed his eyes at them in disbelief, but Jane just gave him a cocky grin and a slow shrug. Yes, she was his, his alone. Murderous billionaires could fuck off.
He woke up when Lisbon's hands started to wander lower on his chest, his exhausted mind still alert enough to warn him against the implications. He had never dreamed about actual sex with her, he couldn't allow himself to entertain fantasies like that.
Dammit. He sat up on his makeshift bed and pushed his hands through his hair. He was a mess. Usually, he maintained an iron control over his dreams. He hadn't had nightmares in years, used to evoking a deep, almost comatose slumber whenever he managed to fall asleep. These days, he constantly dreamed about Teresa Lisbon engaging him in sensual foreplay. Or had horrible nightmares where he was always too late, finding her bled out corpse in shadowy streets.
He had just worked up the courage to let her go, to almost wish for her to find a man who could give her what she needed. Really. He knew he could never be this man, that she deserved so much more than him. He was a loser, always walking close to the edge of the abyss. He didn't even know what he would do after Red John was dead. Five years ago, the answer would have been easy: he had always planned to kill himself after he had managed to extinguish his nemesis. But now? He wasn't so sure any longer. Slowly, something strange had crept into his mind, something that sparked life and hope and a lust to see the future. He shuddered. He couldn't look too closely at it, not now.
He was nothing but the sorry carcass Red John had left when he had killed his family.
What was almost worse, he was a liar, a cheat, while Lisbon wore the halo of purity around her head, her eyes so open and honest he wondered how she had even managed lying to get Volker.
He watched his reflection in the dusty panes of the attic windows.
He still looked tired. His dreams wore him out, glimpses of a hopeful future he still didn't quite dare to grab. A shower seemed like a good idea, so he collected some stuff and left his sanctuary, slowly walking to the next men's room.
He needed to forget. Needed sensations on his skin to replace her dream kisses.
But the fantasy never really left him- he was just too stubborn to look at it.
Xxxxxxxxxx
Lisbon turned the heater in her office to full blast, the air was already toasty warm, but she still felt freezing.
Ever since she had arrested Volker she'd carried a sense of dirtiness with her. She wasn't proud of what she had done to get the killer this time. But it had been the right decision, and she didn't regret her deeds.
Strangely, it had evoked an eerie compassion for Jane deep inside her: he lived inside a tangle of lies and deception, and it had to be awfully hard to keep his head above the waves. She had always known what he was doing, had never closed her eyes against the worst in him, so she wasn't shocked. But it had sparked a deep sorrow inside her. They needed to escape this fake reality. She craved to be upright and honest with him. See him face the truth without escape.
She knew he did what he believed was necessary, just like the things he had made her do to get Volker were necessary in his eyes. If nobody gives you what you need, take it. If you have no proof- fake it.
She shivered.
Volker was gone, and she hadn't succumbed to the urge to simply kill him. A small victory against the hate she had felt for him, against the ruthlessness with which she had hunted him down. No, she was still the same. But she hoped she would never need to walk in Patrick Jane's shoes again, not like that. It hadn't been her. It just had been a means to an end.
The letters blurred in front of her eyes. It wasn't even really morning yet, almost 2 a.m., and she had spent all night working on her reports. She was bone-tired, and she had never thanked Jane for what he had done. He had made her lie and cheat. But without his support, she wouldn't have succeeded, and Marvin might be dead now. Another innocent victim slain by the monsters of the world.
She shuddered again and walked to the heater once more, only to remember that it was already running on maximum. She sighed and lowered the temperature a bit. The first person to step in here would possibly get a heat stroke, dammit, and she was no whimpering baby. She could deal with the cold deep inside her.
She felt her thoughts churning, couldn't stop them, hadn't been able to halt them all night. So she had conned and deceived. She'd had no choice. Jane had helped her. He had been there. She loved him.
She gasped slightly and put her hand over her lips as if she wanted to stifle the sheer thought, take back what her mind had screamed in the silence of her skull. No. She could never feel- could never give any kind of voice to feelings like that.
She sighed in frustration and only barely resisted the urge to ram her head against the wall. She knew it was futile. Being in love sucked, always had, and all she could do now was to stay professional. She could just ignore it, stay on top of her game. She was used to being love sick, so what if it hurt more this time? It was just HURT.
God, she needed a bath, comfort.
Her mind lured sinful pictures from the depth of her dreams. No.
But she closed her eyes and gave in for a second, almost feeling the touch of invisible fingers, the brush of dream lips searching for hers. When she opened her eyes again, it felt as if she had slept for hours, but a glimpse at her watch revealed that it had been only about twenty minutes.
She coughed and briskly grabbed her pen, shaking her head to clear her mind.
She had managed to concentrate on work for a while when she sensed him. She always was aware of his presence, which had its advantages.
She looked up, already smiling- she just couldn't help it, and these days she would simply accept any ray of sunshine that came her way.
He looked tired, and she realized that he hadn't slept much over the past days, just as she had, nothing but irregular naps on his couch or hers whenever the occasion had presented itself. A rush of tenderness washed over her heart, rendering her slightly breathless. She wanted to protect him from himself. But she knew there was no way.
"Lisbon," he said softly, "why do you never go home?"
Maybe because it doesn't really feel like home at the moment? No, she couldn't tell him that. Instead she smiled as noncommittally as possible.
"I have too many things to do."
He looked at her, with this intense gaze that told her his mind sliced through her lies like a knife through melting butter.
His voice was a hypnotic whisper, exhausted and sexy at the same time.
"That's a lie. You can't sleep, because you feel permanently lonely, vulnerable. Believe me, I know what that's like. The hunt leaves you raw. Even when it's over."
She looked at him. His light green eyes sparkled like jewels.
"Even when it's over?"
He nodded.
"I never had any illusions about that."
She looked down, at the pile of forms and files and paperwork. Meaningless words.
"I did outrageous things to get him." She whispered, suddenly murderously ashamed.
Jane's emotions were palpable in the room, and they soothed her in a strange way. He coughed, and she still didn't look up.
His voice was like a melody, a piece of music wrapping around her.
"The fiercest battle can't be clean, Teresa. You fight dirty, or you lose. We saved a child today. There was nothing else we could have done."
She nodded and got up slowly, approaching him with cautious longing. She noticed that he didn't flinch, not even slightly, and realized that he hadn't done in quite a while. They had gotten closer and closer, mentally- but physically, too. The thought felt good, so she kept it.
But when she wrapped her arms around his neck, rising on tiptoes to put her chin on his shoulder, he was confused for a second, clueless. The moment went in a rush, and before she could draw a proper breath, he wound his arms around her body, clutching her so tight her breathing felt labored. She didn't care. He held her as if her hugs were a treat he had been denied, something he always waited for and now wasn't ready to let go.
Usually, he was the one to initiate their rare hugs, and she had always been slightly overwhelmed by his closeness, unable to really observe how he felt in her arms.
Not this time. She greedily sucked in every sensation his body against hers evoked.
He was warm and firm, his chest hard against her soft breasts. He smelled clean and fresh, his hair still slightly damp from a recent shower. The fragrance of his masculine, earthy after shave made her mouth water.
"Thank you, Jane." She whispered. "I didn't like how it felt doing these things, but without you behind me, I would never have caught him."
"I didn't do all that much." He whispered back. "I'm just glad we got him."
He released her, his eyes showing a mixture of reluctance and relief, and Lisbon felt strangely bereft.
She knew she shouldn't do it. Jane didn't like to be touched, it was a privilege that he let her hug him, and she should respect his wishes. But the longing inside her was so strong she couldn't resist, and before she really knew what she was doing, she stretched her small body to press a kiss on his cheek, which landed on his jaw because of the height difference. It was supposed to be a small, harmless peck, but she lingered a moment longer than she should have, feeling his upset in the way he didn't move at all, just stayed ramrod straight next to her, his eyes staring into the distance.
Lisbon felt her heart sinking.
"That's not true," she said to dissolve the tension, "you were there for me when I needed you. Thank you."
He smiled tentatively.
"You're welcome, Teresa."
He nodded and turned slowly, leaving her office almost without making a sound. She could feel his hesitation in every step he made, everything seemed suspended in slow motion, and Lisbon couldn't take her eyes off him until he was gone.
He left silence and cold. Lisbon groaned and turned the heat up once more, shivering so hard her teeth were almost chattering. She needed sleep, a warm bed, some time for herself. But she knew that was a lie. She needed her best friend, her sole ray of sunshine, the man she loved.
She coughed once more. Get a grip, Lisbon- you are used to this.
And it was true. Unrequited love was Teresa Lisbon's specialty, in both directions. Looked as if it was her turn to suffer.
With a sigh, she turned back to her paperwork, trying to ignore that tears of hurt were running over her cheeks.
What a mess.
But she would survive it, dammit. She always did.
Xxxxxxxxxx
He couldn't stop touching his jaw, warm and tingly as if her lips still lingered there in a perpetual caress. He had feared this moment for so long. The moment when she would make the heat of his love for her explode into something too bright to ignore.
He groaned. He couldn't do this to her, no matter how much he wanted to. What did he have to give? Nothing but a heart so full of love it threatened to burst all the time. And a future tainted by blood and gore.
The silence was oppressive, and he felt slightly ashamed for leaving her like this, no doubt as worked up as he was. The feelings for him were newer to her than his were to him, she had to feel vulnerable and insecure, and wasn't it on him to be there for her, ease her into the warmth of his embrace until she could accept what had been inevitable for so long? Instead, he had run like a frightened schoolboy.
He groaned and closed his eyes in frustration. Wasn't he supposed to be the mentalist in their relationship, the part who saw everything and stayed on top of the game?
This had to be so much harder for her. And he had left her alone.
His throat felt parched, he needed some tea, now. But more than that he needed her, needed to bring them back to normal, diffuse the burning tension between them. Make her smile again.
He slowly found his way to the bullpen, trying to empty his mind. It was the best way to model a situation, to become an empty page, see every little detail without presumptions. He walked into her office with a shivery sigh and found that she had abandoned her desk, sitting at her small table next to the door instead, a pile of files in front of her. He had a slight déjà vu- she had sat there exactly like this when they had worked the Volker case, and he had joined her in rummaging through the files all night.
Lisbon pushed her chair away from the table and leaned back, watching him with a mixture of wariness and curiosity. He saw two steaming cups of tea on the table top. Two.
"You knew I'd come back?"
She nodded slowly, and he chuckled.
"How?"
"I don't know." She shrugged. "I just did… I… realized it at some point."
He walked around her, careful not to touch her anywhere, and sat down on the free chair. He grabbed the cup and blew on the steaming surface before he took a tentative sip. The tea was excellent, but Lisbon's tea was always perfect. Somewhere along the way, she had learned to prepare it exactly the way he liked it, which wasn't an easy task.
He smiled at her.
"I have to take more care around you, Teresa Lisbon. I'm already much too transparent to you."
She smiled back, and for a moment, it was silent.
Her whisper sliced through the eerie quiet like a knife.
"Will we ever be able to sort through this mess?"
He took another mouthful of tea and swallowed.
"What mess?"
She looked at him, a mixture of sadness and exasperation in her eyes, and he knew the time for lies was over.
He put his cup down and leaned forward, brushing his fingertips over her cheek.
"No," he whispered, "it will most likely stay like this- a mess."
She sighed, and a flood of tenderness washed over him.
"It's more complicated then I can say, Lisbon. You're not someone I can lose. Ever. And… I shouldn't surround myself with what I can't lose. The things that could kill me if I lose them. I lost my family, and it almost finished me off. You give Red John a door he can use to give me the rest. And you deserve better than that, Teresa. Better than me."
He got up slowly and sat down on her couch, eager to bring some distance between them. It was silent until she turned around and looked directly at him.
"So you think this is what I deserve? Not knowing happiness because it's complicated? What if Volker had killed me? What would you have felt then, Jane?"
Regret. Dark, unfathomable regret. Never to have touched her. Never to have known that she was his, his alone. That he had found love again, no matter how undeserving he felt.
Her voice was utterly seductive all of a sudden, sweet and infinitely desirable.
"Don't you think I would have felt the same if something had happened to you? There's no way out, Jane. We can't decide not to feel this way, shake hands and get back to business. If there's one thing I learned over the past months, it's that."
He took his time to look at her, her forest-green eyes catching him, holding him tight in an invisible embrace. He wanted her so much his skin burned, his heart sorrowful and heavy with pent-up feelings. He was tired of fighting. Fed up with shutting her out, when she was the only thing worth living for. More than revenge, more than Red John. Somewhere down the road, he had started to want to kill him for HER, too- for their future together. And to admit this was so painful he almost doubled over.
"Come here." He whispered.
Lisbon got up slowly, and he could feel every step she made like a tremor in his aching heart.
When she slid onto his lap, straddling his thighs, he immediately became violently hard.
"I'm crazy." He breathed, but Lisbon just smiled.
"I love you."
He groaned and raised his face, offering her his lips.
And Lisbon took his mouth.
She was soft, so soft, sweet like something he had craved all his life. Her lips moved on his, tender like petals, the faint moisture highly addictive. He rubbed his tongue over the seam of her mouth, and when she opened up for him, he delved in with a groan. He felt her fingers winding into his hair as if from a great distance and groaned, the sound coming from somewhere deep inside his soul. So much contact, sensations pouring into him from everywhere, and it felt as if an ages old clockwork suddenly started ticking again, all the dust and decay blown away by the force of her kiss.
Jane sighed into her mouth and wrapped his tongue around hers, and for the first time in what felt like a hundred years he willingly let his body take control. Something dark awakened, something he had always hidden carefully.
He felt her shiver when his grip tightened on her waist and knew she would be his. Raw need sliced through his mind, and his skin started to tingle everywhere. She didn't stop kissing him, her tongue plundering his mouth with sweet fervor, and soon he felt drunk with her taste and the sensations she gave him, surrendering everything he had always allowed to stop him to his fierce little princess.
Her hands slid from his hair over his jaw into the open V of his shirt, and he groaned when she dug deeper, finding his highly sensitive nipples. She brushed over them, making him jerk with arousal, his swollen cock throbbing in the rhythm of his rapid heartbeat. She let the sounds of his ecstasy spur her on, and she was so responsive to his reactions, her fingers slowly unbuttoning his vest while her lips continued to demand his full attention. He hardly noticed how his shirt fell open before her hands started to roam over his naked chest, making his stomach muscles twitch when she raked her fingernails over his skin. She broke the kiss and looked at him, and his heart almost stopped.
She was breathtaking, her hair already slightly disheveled, her lips swollen from their passionate kisses, eyes wide with desire.
She pulled her shirt over her head, and his hands immediately wandered around her slim back to open the clasp of her bra. He trembled when she tossed the garment on the ground. Her breasts were perfect, and he gently cupped them with his hands, until her fingers firmly rubbing over his erection encouraged a rougher touch. His grip on her firm flesh tightened considerably, and she arched into the caress with a desperate groan.
He got desperate for a moment when she slid off his lap, blindly groping for her in his fear to let go, to lose the connection that gave the only ray of light his life contained. But Lisbon escaped his hands like a shadow, retreating a few steps to look at him for some seconds.
He was scared she would push him away, would declare a mistake what he couldn't lose now, but her eyes were calm and shiny, and she didn't make the slightest effort to cover her breasts. Her eyes glued to his, she kicked off her shoes before she peeled the jeans from her legs, followed by her undergarments. Completely naked, she stood in front of him, staring quietly at his face as if he were a delicious treat she couldn't resist.
She turned, granting him a look at her perfect backside that made him quiver inside out, and locked the door with a quick move of her wrist.
Jane's mouth felt so dry even repeated swallowing didn't help much. Every little spot on his body ached for her, and suddenly he couldn't understand how in hell he'd been able to wait this long, to keep his distance when she'd always been so close.
She sank to her knees in front of him, and for a second he didn't know what to do, before she gently spread his legs and let her hands wander to his fly.
It felt like drowning. The moment she rubbed her tiny hand over the considerable bulge on the front of his pants, he was lost.
Lisbon unbuckled his belt and pulled the zipper down, every movement so sure it killed any doubts between them. He realized that she had given up resistance long ago, that despite her reserved outside behavior she was a woman who could face her feelings- and then dealt with them quite ruthlessly. But in her eyes shone a love she wasn't scared of any longer, a passion she wasn't afraid to consummate.
She freed his erection from its much too tight confines, and it gave him an almost childish satisfaction that her eyes widened slightly in surprise, the tip of her tongue shooting out to moisten her lips.
When she kissed his shaft, every thought he might have had evaporated into a fine glittery mist. His last oral sex had been so long ago he couldn't even remember it, but he was absolutely sure it had never felt like this.
Lisbon's mouth was small, and he was huge, which made the visuals all the more mind-blowing. She took some seconds to lick him, push her tongue into every earth-shatteringly sensitive spot, before she spread her lips and swallowed him whole.
Jane screamed, unable to stop the sound. It felt breathtaking and looked even better, and when she didn't even gagged as he slid down her throat, he knew he would shoot his load in seconds.
"Lisbon," he croaked helplessly, "please, pull back, I'm so close, I can't…"
Her eyes, huge and green like the crown of a tree, twinkled at him in mischief. And then she swallowed.
His balls exploded, his body shutting down every function except ejaculating. His muscles contracted so sharply it hurt, his breath was nothing but a few bouts of desperate gasps while he shot voluminous jets of seed down her throat, feeling the sucking motions of her mouth all around him, milking him for all he was worth. It took forever until he was finished, and when he had finally given all he had, he felt like passing out any minute.
He went back to full alert when Lisbon released him and raked her fingers over his stomach, making him groan with longing. He felt soft and cuddly all of a sudden and almost sighed in relief when she climbed back onto his lap, straddling him, pressing her naked front against his bare torso. His lips searched for hers, begging for a kiss, and she complied, not bothering to gently coax him into deepening the contact- she simply dug her fingers into his cheeks and descended on his open mouth like a hungry lioness.
Her tongue mimicked sex-movements, thrusting in a ruthless rhythm of sheer need, and he felt his cock swelling again until it was as hard as steel. Dammit to hell, what was she doing to him?
Lisbon massaged his hard-on with uncompromising vigor, telling him unmistakably what she wanted next.
And Jane closed his eyes and surrendered without a moment's hesitation.
Xxxxxxxxxx
The need for him clawed at her insides, and she wouldn't wait a second longer.
She always needed a while to heat up properly, but once she was HOT, there was no stopping her. She kissed him again, drugged by the sweetness of his wet, open-mouthed surrender, his head fall against the backrest while he softly moaned his pleasure.
But she wanted more. She wanted him to lose control completely, get as frantic and unrestrained as he'd never been before.
She rubbed her finger over the tip of his cock and felt him jerk violently. Good start.
She knew she was tight, but she even heightened the effect by flexing her internal muscles, just to prepare for him. Her walls were swollen with arousal, throbbing with need, his first kiss had been enough to send her into overload. She had never wanted a man like she wanted him, she wasn't used to giving her emotions free reins, but this time, she would sweep him off his feet.
She rose onto her knees, her tongue still plundering his mouth. He was hungry, groping for more, not ready to lose the connection.
She brought his erection to her wet entrance and felt him shudder all over, before she tightened her sheath and sank down onto him. Jane gasped, his hands instinctively wrapping around her waist to stop her from descending further, but she wasn't to be deterred from her goal. He was so huge she had to loosen up immediately just to be able to let him in.
Her arousal was so murderously strong it felt as if every inch of his cock that slid into her ignited a billion explosions inside her frayed nerve endings, she could hardly breathe from being so full, but she wanted all of him, so she took more. Liquid pleasure prickled at the base of her spine, her breasts felt as swollen as her sex, and she immediately recognized the telltale signs of approaching orgasm.
She could feel his eyes on her, wide and fascinated, and when she looked at him, he moved his hips upwards, entering her deeper.
Her muscles clenched all over her body, and she cried out in agony when the climax blasted through her system full force. She started to shake like mad, her walls contracting fiercely around his cock, and she felt his hands taking hold of her hips, slamming her down on him so that his shaft was inside her to the hilt. She heard his desperate groan and came again, her release almost painful when he started to thrust, he was everywhere, pounding into her while she climaxed with vicious force.
The world tumbled, and she lost all orientation for a moment until she heard the sound of a myriad of things being pushed to the ground, files and cups and office supplies, porcelain shattering on the ground, metal clanging against the floor, and finally she felt the tabletop's cool surface against her back.
She opened her eyes and saw Jane standing in front of the table, her legs spread around him, his erection still rock hard and much too huge deep inside her. He had a ruthless wildness in his light eyes, a dangerous sparkle glittering around his heavily dilated pupils.
He ground his hips against hers, testing the depths of his penetration. She squirmed, the pressure against her cervix painful and mind-blowing at the same time, and he tightened his grip around her hips to keep her in place.
She felt the next orgasm lurking at the edges of her consciousness and shivered in anxious expectation, when Jane bent over her and took her mouth. He pushed his tongue between her lips without preliminaries, much as she had done earlier, and she opened up for him willingly, sliding her tongue against his in passionate battle. He tasted utterly unique, like warm, clean male mixed with something that belonged just to him, so sweet and pure she craved it with a greed she'd never known.
She groaned in disappointment when he finally broke the kiss and straightened, only to cry out seconds later when he spread her thighs wider with a firm grip, growling softly in his throat before he started to fuck her in earnest.
He didn't take any prisoners. The one orgasm he'd already had had heightened his stamina considerably, so he could effort to thrust full force without risking to come too soon.
His rhythm was so hard and fast her small frame bounced every time he made impact, and it only took him a few vicious thrusts to make her come hard enough to see stars.
Lisbon screamed at the top of her lungs- it hurt so good when he fucked her while she climaxed, his hips slamming against hers with the wet sounds of sex again and again. He still wore his unbuttoned vest and shirt, his pants and underwear merely pushed down far enough not to get in his way, his lips were parted, she could hear his breath escape in gasping puffs, his eyes shone with lust, and to see him like this sharpened her arousal even more.
Her stomach muscles clenched again under the onslaught of orgasm, and she whimpered when he leaned in for another kiss, slowing his thrusts to long, thorough, well-aimed strokes that made her writhe beneath him.
She clung to him in near-despair, her fingers digging into his scalp, his luscious, soft curls caressing her skin. He kissed her lazily, gently, humming sweetly under his breath as if he wanted to calm her down.
When he eased out of her, she almost screamed in protest. He was still as hard as steel, he hadn't come, and she wanted MORE, so why in hell was he…
Before she could say anything, she felt herself being flipped over by a sure, rough motion of Jane's surprisingly strong hands. Her breasts were flattened against the tabletop, and when she felt his hands tenderly brush over her butt before they firmly curled around her hips, her dizzy mind flared in panic. Oh no, he would be able to go even dee-
When the table banged against the wall the second Jane slammed into her as deep as he could, she knew she'd been right. Her sex fought the ruthless invasion of his much too big cock, his enormous girth stretching her to what seemed like the point of tearing. Her body already struggled with another climax while it felt as if he rearranged her organs every time he pushed into her.
She felt how close he was in the way he started slowly this time, fighting for control while he slid into her to the hilt again and again, almost pulling out completely in between his languid, thorough strokes. It felt as if he were stoking the itch deep inside her, she just couldn't tolerate it, so she started to fight against him, against his grip, against the slowness, trying to impale herself on his cock with more speed. He didn't let her, though, merely chuckling a little shakily while he slid out of her completely.
This time Lisbon did cry out in frustration and was about to voice her annoyance when she felt him wrapping her hair around his hand, pulling gently until she lifted her torso from the table, her back coming to rest against his chest. He purred in approval before he leaned down to whisper into her ear.
"If I take you the way I did before, Lisbon, there's no way I'll be able to control myself. At some point, I'll simply explode inside you, there will be a whole lot of mess, and you will carry my seed inside you all day, secretly marking you as MINE. Is that what you want, Teresa?"
Was it even possible to get even more aroused? Her body answered for her before her mind could, the engorged tissue of her sex swelling even further, until she thought he would never be able to get back inside.
"Yes," she breathed, his lips nuzzling her neck until she thought she would go insane any minute, "that's exactly what I want."
He claimed her mouth in a warm, wet kiss, spreading his taste everywhere until she was nothing but a quivering mass of want.
"Just wanted to make sure." He whispered before he pushed her back down.
He pushed her leg onto the tabletop, spreading her wider, and she felt the first contractions of release when he brushed his fingers over her wet flesh. Jane put one hand on her thigh, the other on her waist, and rammed inside her with so much force the scream died in her throat.
Even though she felt as tight as a fist, he managed to drive into her to the hilt with only a single firm stroke, but she could feel his ecstasy, his inner uproar, the shudders wrecking his body. She wanted to be closer to him and pushed up on her outstretched arms, his firm grip on her thigh stopping her from losing her position.
He stopped for a short, passionate kiss before he took a deep breath and started to end the game.
Xxxxxxxxxx
He knew he shouldn't do it. She was just too tight, as tight as a fist all around him, and if he took her really hard he had to hurt her, hadn't he?
But she was very convincing, and she all but begged him to take her caveman-style. Her position was luscious, wanton, and he just couldn't resist.
He closed his eyes and mustered every ounce of energy inside him before he started to thrust, intent to deliver what she needed from him. Deep and hard, fast, hammering strokes, just long enough to fill her completely before he pulled back, only to rapidly slam back inside. He could feel how she came immediately, crying out in almost painful pleasure, her muscles contracting around him until his insides seemed to evaporate in flames.
He knew he was too close to keep this up for long, and his mind kept playing tricks on him, reminding him that he was finally exactly where he'd always wanted to be, his empty existence filling with life and hope just through her. She loved him, wanted him, was willing to accept that she was his. Forever. Only his.
He never slowed his speed, pounding into her convulsing walls with insane force, feeling a small spark of pride when she slid into another orgasm before the last one was really over. She loved what he did. His woman.
He cupped her breasts and pulled her into his thrusts, tasting her ecstatic screams like candy. The table banged against the wall with every thrust, and if somebody passed by her office now he would know exactly what was happening inside, but the blinds were closed and she didn't seem to care, so he didn't either.
His lower body started to burn with the need to spill his seed, he clenched his teeth while wildfire consumed worked-up nerve endings, he could almost taste his release on his tongue, mixing with the flavor of Lisbon's delicious kisses. Still he refused to lower the speed, hammering inside her, feeling her explode around him again and again.
He started panting, sweat breaking out all over his skin, plastering his clothes to his body. He knew he couldn't go on any longer, need so strong it was hardly bearable, so he enjoyed the sweet moment of giving in, letting the control flow away in a rush of white-hot lust. When Lisbon came again, so did he, spurting his seed in large, violent spurts, pressing his hips against her to fill her with his essence.
It simply felt too good, and he knew he got loud, his voice rising like a wave, unstoppable. He felt his seed overflowing and started to pump his hips lazily, heightening the sensations while the satiny liquid spattered his thighs. Her sheath rippled around him in countless aftershocks, and when he came down from his high, he pulled her into his arms immediately, whispering soothing nothings into her ear.
He savored her groan of disappointment when he finally pulled out of her, placing a tender kiss on her shoulder before he turned to straighten his clothes. He was surprised that she was fully dressed before he was, her movements almost lightning fast. But maybe it was no wonder- his hands were shaking like mad.
When both looked halfway respectable again, they stared at each other for quite a while, still trying to catch their breath.
Jane ached again. He needed her as close as possible now, in his arms, telling him it hadn't been a mistake. He felt raw, infinitely vulnerable, scared of what would happen now.
He had done it. The invisible border they had always accepted between them- gone. They couldn't go back to harmless and platonic, never again, and he couldn't lie about his feelings when they were burning on his face. He licked his lips, her taste still lingering there, and his heart clenched in painful longing.
When she walked over and wrapped her arms around his waist, putting her head on his chest, he wanted to cry in relief. He tried to smile through the tears when she looked up, directly into his eyes, her knowing gaze telling him that she knew. She always had, she was his best friend, the woman he wanted to spend the rest of this life with. He didn't deserve this- to find love twice in a lifetime. Yet here she was.
They kissed lazily, playfully, just a warm, soft mingling of lips and tongues, until he started to tickle her, his fingers poking into her ticklish flanks, making her slap his hands away in exasperation. He immediately caught her when she tried to wriggle out of his embrace, holding her tighter still, laughing softly when she couldn't quite contain her grin.
"Don't be mad at me, Teresa," he whispered, brushing his lips over her temple, "I'm so in love, and so scared."
"I'm sorry," she answered, "it's a mess."
He was silent for a moment, just holding her, feeling the heat of her body seep into his core. He felt wanted, loved for the first time since Red John had destroyed his life. It was the sensible thing to do to just let her go, save her from taking over the curse he had become. Nobody close to him was safe. But he needed her. He was nothing without her, and this had started long before he had realized that she was more than a friend.
"A beautiful mess." He whispered. "We're a force, Teresa. I know you make me stronger. But I'm so scared that…"
She stopped him with a kiss.
"He will never get me, Patrick." She whispered into his mouth. "We'll fight him together. Just like we did Volker. And where is he now, the murderous bastard?"
Jane smiled. She had used his Christian name, for the first time. It made him shudder. He wasn't ready to go back to business now. Later they would solve some more cases together. Not now.
"Well, he's not smiling anymore," he said, "let's take this to my attic, love. We still have some hours to snuggle and make out before this building fills with life."
"Make out? I'm not 15, Jane."
"Well, I feel like 15 at the moment…"
She snorted.
"You feel like 15 most of the time, I bet."
He smiled.
"Any chance you'll call me 'Patrick' more often in the near future?"
"I don't know," she shrugged, but her smile was warm and sweet, " I rather like 'Jane'- it sounds authoritarian. Like a drill sergeant. That's pretty much what you need."
He laughed at that, unlocking the door to hold it open for her.
"Hey," he whispered before they left the room, reaching for her arm to hold her back, "I love you, drill sergeant. And you're right- you're what I need."
"I love you, too," she smiled , pressing a soft kiss on his lips, "let's go make out, shall we?"
She briskly led the way to the lift, taking his hand to pull him with her, and he followed her without hesitation.
THE END
I did it! I finished it! I know it's not stellar and it's really MIGHTY smutty, but I struggled enormously to start writing again this time, so I'm pretty glad I managed to produce ANYTHING… let's hope 5.13 warrants another tag, LOOKS GOOD so far! Thank you for reading- see you soon, my friends!