Everything was burning. His skin strangely like ice, pain screaming out of every pore. His lungs would have stopped trying by now if not for the unstoppable sobs wracking his body. He was alone, broken and trapped, nothing but vicious orange flames and black smoke filling his blood-stained vision. Where was the way out, what was the next chapter? There was always a sacrifice and pain and then it went on. It always went on. A god's work was never done.
The building seemed to roar as a window shattered, sending bits of burning wood flying into the night sky. Where are you, Misa? Where's Mikami? Someone... What do I do now...
And then he saw it. All of his power in a black book on the floor a few feet away from him, about to be consumed by flames.
Shaking and bleeding and heaving, his breathing like a creaking door, the god of justice crawled towards the only thing left in this world for him.
The notebook, wrestled from his father and then pried out of his stiff, still-warm hands. His father who had still wanted to save him. Dad... please... Sayu... somebody help me...
Everyone has left. No one loves me now. I will die a monster.
Only the Death Note could save him, could make him good again. Time and again the death note had rewritten fate when fate seemed sealed against him.
Ryuga. You said I could still atone. Where are you? Come back...
His only hope was turning to ash before his eyes. His legs weren't working but he would get to it if it took everything he had. He managed to prop himself up on his elbows, pressing his forearms into the floor to inch forward.
On the hard cement bathed in an eerie blue light, how he had thrown all of his strength into getting the Death Note away from L. Punches thrown, blood running down his friend's beautiful face. If I could have... I would have wanted...
"Ryuga!" he cried out, still crawling at a pitiful rate towards the notebook. L had thought he could save him, hadn't he? But he couldn't. The only thing that could...
"Ryuga," he cried again, not caring in his aloneness that he was addressing a dead man. "This is all I have!"
It was almost gone. Rallying his every ounce of strength, Light reached a bloody hand in front of him and-he did it. His hand landed on the notebook.
As it did, his hand went up in flames.
"Ryuk!" he screamed. "Worthless fucking shinigami! Help me! " No response.
He thrashed and flailed. Every movement brought the worst pain imaginable but to stop moving, to lie still and just burn, would be worse. He hurt, he hurt, everything hurt until he couldn't feel anymore and then, as he would begin to fade into numbness, his lungs would startle him with another horrible gasp. And he would feel the stabbing once again, the feeling of his skin crumbling away so that the tender core of him smoldered, exposed. He was screaming again. He still clutched the Death Note.
Everything destroyed for this. Sayu, an orphan, all alone now. No goodbyes. Never any goodbyes, everything so fast. His father writing his own name in the book, leaving 40 excruciating seconds between them. Filled with struggle because Light could not just let it burn.
Raye Penber, hesitating to shoot, then gone.
The task force's faith in him, destroyed in an instant.
And L, calmly writing Light's name, eyes big sad and burdened as if it was his own death he was summoning. As if he was the goddamned martyr, which...well...
...he was.
I would have wanted to be your friend forever.
All for nothing.
Give up and admit you've lost. There are no more cameras on us.
I'm sorry...Ryuga...
There was nothing left in the world for him. And nothing left of him for this world. He was just a child now, drowning in pain too big for him to process. He was alone and no one else would know this pain and this pain was all he was, in the end. This was what it came to. He had lost everything, and everyone who had ever tried to help him was gone.
The Death Note could not hold him and the Death Note could not save him and the Death Note, though consumed by the same flames, did not share his pain.
He let it fall from his hand.
Ryuk was chuckling, but Light was soon able to tune him out. Sensation seemed to leave his body, and the roaring of the fire faded and Light was left in peace with his own sobs. It was not bad to cry. It was merely necessary. Nothing hurt anymore; everything simply was . He would die, and all would be as it was meant to be. He would cry and he would die and soon the world would be right again.
"Light-kun..."
Another voice joined his in the silence. That beautiful face, the same one he had bloodied those months ago, looked down at him through the smoke.
"Ryuga," Light croaked. "Are you real?"
"Does it matter?" his friend crouched down beside him. "I'm here."
"You're here..." Fresh tears cooled his cheeks, though he had been sure his parched body had none left to shed.
L lay down beside him, reached for his hands which had curled into fists. The touch should have stung, but all of the rules seemed to have change and it was only soothing. He couldn't feel his body except where L touched him. The arms of the man he had sacrificed wrapped tenderly around him, bringing pieces of Light back to life if only for a moment. "Shh..." L murmured, and Light realized he was still sobbing. His chest heaved; L held him still. "It's okay. It's okay, Light. You don't need to fight anymore."
"Ryuga... L... Why did you come back for me?"
"You know why," L said softly.
"I'm sorry," Light whispered. "I'm sorry I didn't run to you sooner. I didn't hold you until you were already gone. I didn't..." his throat clenched and he broke off, unable to speak of the kiss.
"I know." L's cool lips brushed Light's cheek. "I wish everything could have been different, but we get what we get. You and I, we get this." He pressed their foreheads together. For one more sweet moment, Light's skin felt like skin where it pressed against L's.
"Will you stay with me?" Light whispered again.
"Til the end."
"L, it hurts... look at what's happening to me, L..." The flames had taken his whole arm, and his torso, his face were quickly succumbing. He no longer felt the icy stabbing heat, but he could feel his body, well, breaking. His outer shell disintegrating so that L's hand, gently rubbing his back, seemed to reach right through his chest and touch his heart. Light shuddered. Images of the life he should have had flickered through his mind one last time. What if... when he hurt and he raged and he couldn't stand the rottenness of the world... what if he could have had this. "I ruined everything..." he rasped into L's neck.
"Shh. That doesn't matter now. It will be over in a minute."
"Then what happens?"
"I don't know... But... Whatever it is... I'm taking you with me."
Light's vision was dimming. It was over. He had ruined everything, but it didn't matter now. It was over and at least for these final moments he wasn't alone. "Thank you," he whispered, still crying. "Ryuga... L Lawliet... I love you." Arms tightened around him and he felt safe and warm and then, he didn't feel anything.
Everything faded to black.