September

I breathed a sigh of relief as the train started moving, beginning our yearly journey back to school. It was my home away from home. Actually, Hogwarts was probably more home to me now than my house back in Scotland. I did spend the majority of the year there and I had my friends to pass the time. At home I had nothing. No one. Unless you count my drunk father as company.

The trees and empty land passed quickly and I sat in silence, watching. I was alone, but this was the happiest I'd been in months considering the hell I was put through this summer. My father seemed to get worse every year. The drinking became more frequent and I could barely remember who he was when he was sober anymore. He used to be kind and gentle and cared deeply for my mother and myself. But it has been years since I've seen that man. Now all I saw was anger. He was always angry. And mean. He would throw things and break anything in his reach. I won't even think of the nasty things he's called me. And I don't even know what made him flip the switch like that.

"There you are!" My attention snapped to the compartment door as it banged open. My best friend, Ginny Weasley flew into the tiny room with a flourish and snapped the door shut behind her before plopping down next to me on the bench. "I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"Looks like you found me," I answered sweetly, holding my hands up in surrender.

"How was your summer?" Ginny asked, ignoring my comment and offering me a chocolate frog. She looked exactly as I remembered her. Same long red hair and big doe eyes. Same bouncy, happy behavior. It was why I liked her so much. Just being around her positive attitude put me at ease.

"Oh, you know," I shrugged, taking the candy and ripping the wrapper open. "Same old, same old."

Ginny swallowed a lump that seemed to be stuck in her throat and nodded her head knowingly. She knew a little of how my father was. She knew he had a drinking problem. She knew he hated me and called me nasty names. She didn't know that he had become violent over the last few years, though. I subconsciously tugged down on my sleeves to better cover the bruises on my wrists and was about to go into semi-detailed conversation about his latest episode when the compartment door opened once more and several familiar faces filed into the tiny room.

"I can't believe you aren't going to be in the dorms this year," Hermione, my other best friend, mentioned quietly as she thumbed through the Daily Prophet.

"Hi Hermione," I said.

"Oh, sorry," she stammered, looking up at me with a smile. "Hi."

"I know. It sucks," I mumbled, rolling my eyes and nodding at Ron Weasley and Harry Potter as they took empty seats next to Hermione. "Comes with the responsibility, I guess."

"WHAT?" Ginny practically yelled in surprise. "You're not going to be in the dorms?"

I shook my head as Hermione answered for me. "Now that she's Head Girl, she has to be in a whole separate wing with the Head Boy. I heard you're going to be in a private suite. You'll have your own bedrooms, bathroom, sitting area and kitchen." Hermione raised her eyebrows and said suggestively, "Or, at least, that's what Percy was telling me over the summer."

"But what am I supposed to do without you?" Ginny whined. I poked my bottom lip out at her and she hugged me.

"Don't be so sad, Gin. You still have us," Ron said, gesturing to himself and Harry.

Ginny narrowed her eyes at her older brother. "I'm so thrilled."

"Do you know who the Head Boy is?" Ron asked, ignoring his sister and turning back to Hermione and taking a huge bite from his pumpkin pasty.

"No. I'm supposed to see Professor Dumbledore after the welcome feast so he can give us our schedules," I answered, my head swirling with the possibilities of who could be my new suite-mate. Probably a stuck up Ravenclaw.

"So, since you have a private suite can we, like, party and stuff without someone tattling?" Ginny asked quietly.

We all stared at each other, pondering the question. Oh, the possibilities.

Over the years, we'd all grown quite fond of our nights off when someone would smuggle in some alcohol or weed from one of the townies in Hogsmeade. It had become a usual Friday night thing for us to unwind, until some first year know-it-all would go rat us out. Fortunately none of us ever got in any real trouble. Usually just a few house points were taken and that was that. Maybe this year, with any luck, we would be able to hang out without the fear of getting caught.

"I'll have to check it out first and make sure there isn't anything standing in our way, but I don't see why not," I finally said, breaking the thought-filled silence. "Honestly, I can't wait to get my hands on some of that wine we had at the Christmas party last year."

"Ooh! That stuff was delicious!" Ginny gushed.

"I've been dying for a cigarette," Harry chimed in for the first time since he'd arrived. "It's been months since I had one."

"You couldn't walk to the store and get some, mate?" Ron asked, raising an eyebrow.

Harry just shook his head. "No Muggle money." His eyes landed on me then, giving me a once over and confusion creasing his brows. "Are you OK? You look different," he told me. It was as if he forgot everyone else in the room.

My eyes darted to Ron, who shrugged, letting me know he had no idea where it came from but didn't say anything. I looked back at Harry with confusion in my eyes. "Is that bad?"

"N-no," he stuttered, looking embarrassed. "No, not bad. Just different than I remembered." Everyone, including myself, stared at him as his face turned bright red and his eyes flew to the floor. "Anyways, I'm going to go find the snack trolley," he mumbled, running a shaking hand through his messing hair and shifting towards the door. "Ron, you coming?" he said without turning around.

Ron shot a nervous smile at me before taking off after Harry. The room was silent for what felt like hours as I stared at the compartment door. What the hell was that about? I asked myself. I mean, I guess I had done some growing up over the summer. My hair was longer, my lips fuller. My once subtle curves were more defined, but otherwise I looked pretty much the same. Or, at least I thought I did.

"Well then," Hermione said, breaking me out of my trance. "I'll see you at dinner. I'm going to go change." She left without another word.

"Is it just me or is everyone getting more awkward as the years go on," I asked Ginny, the only person left in the compartment with me. "I think we are all in desperate need of some substance abuse."

She shook her head in confusion and turned back to me. "You do look different, Ava," Ginny said quietly, concern lacing her face.

"People change," I shrugged, flipping through the magazine that I realized was clutched in my hands. "No big deal."

Ginny shook her head and snatched the magazine from my hands, tossing it to the bench across from us. "It's not just that. You haven't just changed physically. Although, I have to say, you totally look hot! I need to take a page from your book because you've never looked better!" I rolled my eyes. "Back on subject, though. You don't just look different. You seem different. You carry yourself differently and don't seem like your usual self. What's going on?"

"I'm just exhausted, Gin. I've spent the last few months around my dad. You know how he is," I reasoned. "It just takes me a little while to adjust back to this. Is that OK?"

Ginny sighed. "Yes, of course it's OK. I just worry about you." She hugged me tightly and I swallowed all of the things I wish I had the strength to say.

For the rest of the train ride Ginny filled me in on everything that had been going on with her brothers. Besides Ron, it had been a while since I'd seen the rest of her family. We met back up with Hermione, Harry and Ron to share a carriage up to the castle and then made our way to the Gryffindor table in the great hall. There were a few awkward glances at me as I passed by the other tables. I was used to it. No one had really gotten over the news of what happened to me and my mother. It wasn't that everyone knew her. It was from the horribleness of that night and the fact that I had survived. I felt like people were waiting for me to have this huge breakdown about it even five years later.

I was 11 years old when it happened. I was home on Christmas break from my first year at Hogwarts and my dad had stepped out to grab a few things from the store for breakfast the next morning. My mother thought he would be back quickly, but hours passed and it was getting late so we decided to go to bed. I was just drifting off and thought I heard angry voices coming from downstairs, but was too far gone to tell. When I woke up, my room was filled with smoke. So much that I choked and coughed as I sucked in a scared breath. I ran across my room and tried to open my bedroom door, but my hand was immediately burned from the heat. I screamed, turning quickly towards my window. As I fumbled with the lock, the flames reached my room. I could feel the heat melting my pajamas and the skin on my back as I finally threw the window open and tumbled through it. It felt like forever before I finally hit the ground. But when I did, I hit hard against the snow and I blacked out.

When I woke up three days later, I was at St. Mungo's burn unit and my father was fast asleep in the chair next to my bed. I didn't believe him when he told me that my mother died in the fire and he insisted that I must have been dreaming the angry voices that night. We never spoke of it after the funeral, though. I never asked questions and he never gave answers. It was a downward spiral from there.

I took my seat between Ginny and Ron with Harry and Hermione across from us and we all dug in to the mountains of food in front of us. The first years were sorted quickly into their houses and the Headmaster made his welcome speech. I watched everyone around me as they chatted happily, realizing how much I missed this over the summer. My usual dinners at home consisted of a frozen meal and silence.

Dean Thomas plopped himself down in the seat next to Hermione with a roll in his hand and a bright smile on his face. "Hey Ava. How was your summer?"

"It was all right. Yours?" I asked politely. Dean had done some growing up over the summer as well, I noticed.

"Eh, can't complain," he shrugged, taking a bite out of his roll. "I hear you're Head Girl this year. That's awesome! I'll miss you in the common room, though. Maybe we can all come check out your new place sometime," he suggested as casually as he could.

I blinked a few times before answering. "That would be good. I can imagine how lonely I'll get without everyone's company."

Dean flashed another smile at me as he stood back up. "You look great by the way. I'll catch you later."

I stared after him, realizing just how good looking he was. I didn't remember him being that attractive. His muscles had filled out nicely and his jaw was very strong. He was tall, too, nearly a foot taller than last year. He sat back down between Seamus Finnigan and Neville Longbottom and joined their conversation. It was only when his eyes drifted over to me that I looked away, blushing.

"I think he likes you, Ava," Hermione noted quietly while the rest of our group went on talking about Quidditch try outs.

I opened my mouth to respond, but was cut off by the headmaster silencing the room. "My dear students, I hope you all have enjoyed your meal. Please be cautious on your way to your dorms. Wouldn't want any of you getting lost on your first night back. If my new Head Boy and Head Girl would kindly meet me back in my office for a short meeting. Miss Blair, Mr. Malfoy," he nodded towards me and then to the platinum blonde head at the Slytherin table.

I froze and my whole table became silent once more as they all stared at me. I glanced over at Malfoy, who, to my surprise was smiling at me. No, not a smile. It was the disgustingly charming smirk that he was famous for. I was not going to survive the year if I had to share a dorm with him. He had spent the last five years taunting my friends. I hated him and his stupid smirk.

I watched him get up from the table next to mine, never taking his eyes off of me. "You coming, Blair?" he sneered.

I ignored him and looked down at my friends from where I stood, still frozen. "How?" I asked. "How is he a Head Boy? He's-he's awful!"

"Well, he's liked by several teachers and he's always had good marks in class," Hermione mumbled quietly, causing everyone to frown at her.

"You'll be all right, Ava. Just ignore him the best you can," Ginny said finally, giving my hand a squeeze.

"Yeah and if you need me to punch him in the face, I'm all for it," Ron added.

"I might take you up on that," I mumbled before following Malfoy out of the great hall. I expected him to have waited so he could torture me the whole way to Dumbledore's office, but he was nowhere to be seen so I continued through the halls by myself.

Surprisingly, we managed to make it through the whole meeting with Dumbledore without Malfoy cracking a joke or making a rude comment. I expect it was for the headmaster's benefit, though. We were told where our new dorm was and all the rules we had to follow. We weren't allowed in each others bedrooms. We could only have visitors before 8 pm on a school night and before 10 pm on the weekends. The list goes on. After receiving our schedules for hall patrol, we were lectured about the high standard we were being held to and to not take this trust lightly as we'd have a lot of authority this year. Unfortunately, all of this information went in one ear and out the other. Everyone knew that Prefects were the worst at following rules.

Now, as we walked silently to where our new rooms would be, as far apart as the hall would let us, I grieved in silence of what rooming with Malfoy would mean. I suppose I would wake up every morning and be greeted with some form of vicious comment. Maybe he would play tricks on me to have ways to embarrass me later. I didn't know what to expect at this point.

"Home, sweet home," Draco mumbled, stopping suddenly in front of a large black wooden door.

"Oh joy," I muttered stepping through the door he'd just opened.

We stood just inside the door, taking in our surroundings. To the left was a reading corner complete with floor to ceiling bookshelves and two fluffy armchairs with a lamp hanging over both of them. On the far wall was a small dining table set for four and a small kitchen. The fridge, microwave and sink all matched in steely silver. There was a small door that was slightly open to reveal a staircase. I assumed it led to the bedrooms and bathroom. And to our right was a fluffy couch on a fur rug in front of a fireplace where a fire crackled away lightly.

I swallowed hard, staring into the fire. A strange feeling came over me. It was a familiar feeling that I got quite often. Like fear and adrenaline all at the same time. I swallowed again and wrapped my arms tightly around myself.

"I can put it out if you want," Malfoy said, looking at me questioningly.

I was suddenly very aware of him. His arm grazed mine, causing a shiver to roll up my spine. I looked up at his startlingly silver eyes and blinked rapidly. "No," I said calmly. "I'm going upstairs anyway." And I left without another look at him. I didn't want to give him the opportunity to make fun of me.

My room was very plain. I suspect it was because Dumbledore wanted to give us the opportunity to decorate on our own. With a swish of my wand everything changed. Twinkle lights hung from the walls and ceilings. The bed sheets were fluffy and white with four fluffy pillows at the headboard. A large cream colored fur rug was spread on the floor and all of my personal belongings were put away neatly. I took it all in, as this was probably the only time my room would be this clean.

After a moment I sighed and grabbed my shower things, pajamas and the bottle of wine I'd stashed in my trunk before heading into the bathroom. I noticed on the way that Malfoy's door was shut, meaning he'd come upstairs as well. I closed the door and got undressed, popping the cork on the wine bottle and taking a long pull from it. I ignored my reflection in the mirror and stepped into the frosted glass shower. I turned the knob as hot as it could go and closed my eyes as the burning hot water soaked me, reveling in the feeling.

I must have been standing there for quite some time because before I knew it, the bottle in my hand was empty, my head was fuzzy and there was loud banging coming from the other side of the bathroom door.

"Are you going to be in there all night?" Draco yelled. "There better still be hot water!"

Ah, there it was. I'd been waiting for that Malfoy wrath all night. He banged away on the door as I turned the water off and wrapped a towel around myself. I rubbed my head, trying to make the floor stop spinning before I took a quick glance in the mirror. I looked drunk, but at this time I could thankfully pass for tired. My long dark hair dripped water onto the floor and there were dark circles under my eyes. The pounding continued.

"Oh my god!" I finally yelled, having had enough and swinging the door open to reveal a half naked Draco Malfoy. He was only in a pair of dark gray sweatpants now and his arm was still raised as if to bang on the door some more. "Could you be any more annoying?" I snapped.

"Well, you've been in here for damn near two hours! You do have a roommate, you know?" he said, pushing passed me. "Ah, I see what you were doing now." He picked up the empty wine bottle and shook it at me. "Couldn't save me any, I guess."

"It would be a cold day in hell before I share a drink with you, ferret," I bit out.

"Oh, so the lioness has fangs," he chuckled, throwing me a smirk. "Maybe you should have been sorted into Slytherin."

"Fuck you, Malfoy," I grumbled, grabbing the rest of my things and retreating into my room.

"Just tell me when and where, love," he countered with a wink. I heard him slam the bathroom door and the water turn back on. I was seething at this point. I didn't understand how someone like him got under people's skin so easily. It was like he knew what buttons to push for everyone.

I slid on a pair of short black boyshorts and an almost see-through white tank top that barely covered my stomach. I didn't usually wear this little to bed, but it was pretty warm in the dorm. As I heard the shower turn off, I was slipping a thin silver chain around my neck. It belonged to my mother and it was the one thing I was able to salvage from my burned belongings. I opened the circular locket that hung from it and stared down at the picture of my mother. She was young and beautiful and care free then. I heard the door to Malfoy's room close with a soft click and I shut the locket.

Now that I knew he was in his own room I opened the drawer to my nightstand and pulled out a pill bottle. I chased an Oxycontin with a few gulps of water and placed the bottle back in the drawer towards the back and pulled a cigarette out of the pack before shutting the drawer. This was my normal nightly ritual when I was home. It helped me deal with my crazy father and to adjust back to school.

Sitting in the chair by the window, I lit my cigarette with my wand and took a deep inhale. Closing my eyes as the nicotine hit me. I cracked the window and blew the smoke out into the open air. I was happy to be back here. Even if it did mean sharing a suite with Draco Malfoy. I would gladly deal with him over my father any day.

The thought of my father reminded me of the bruises on my wrists. I looked down at the now greenish blue marks in disgust. They were left there almost a week ago when Alec Blair came home drunk. Again. He stormed through the door yelling that I wasn't going back to school. He said that I left him alone way too much and he needed me to help around the house. We argued as I started packing my things and he grabbed my wrists, squeezing them tight. Somehow I managed to get out of his grip and out the front door. I went back for my stuff when I knew he wasn't there. Luckily, I'd had enough money to get a hotel for the rest of the week before returning for school. I hadn't told anyone that's where I was before getting on the train.

I sucked in another breath of smoke and breathed it out as I realized I'd smoked the whole cigarette already. Sighing, I closed the window and got under the covers in my very large bed and drifted into a drug induced sleep.