My first story in the SVU universe.
As I make my way to my office I try to block out the voices of my coworkers. News about the attack on one of the secretaries last night as she was walking home spread like wildfire and seems to be all everybody can talk about. Comments range from outrage to how we can help to what was she doing walking the streets alone after dark. I almost turned to speak my mind when I heard that last one, but I can't. Can't let anyone know how I feel, for it hits too close to home. Can't let anyone know I know.
It's not surprising detectives come to the office for background information. I take a deep breath before entering the conference room where one of them waits to talk to me. A dark haired female introduces herself as sergeant Benson and I give her my name. I didn't know Alisha that well but give her any information I can think of, hoping to get this over with as soon as possible.
It's her eyes that capture mine. When brown meets grey I feel shocked at their penetrating stare. Fear grabs me as she seems to look right through me and I can't help but break the contact, looking down at the table we're seated at. As we talk I look anywhere but into those eyes, thoughts racing. Can't let her look into my eyes. She'll see, she'll know. She seems to try to recapture my eyes and my avoidance must be interpreted as nervousness. Not a good way to appear when talking to the police but I can't help it.
Eventually she seems satisfied with the information on the case. As I'm allowed to return to work it takes all my strength and will power to not run from the room. The door closes as I start to walk down the hall. A sharp turn right allows me to escape into the ladies room and it's not untill the door of the stall is locked that I realize I've been holding my breath. Letting go of it in a rush the last words of sergeant Benson reverbarate in my mind. She'll contact me again. Please let me get through that without breaking. But for now it's done. As soon as the shaking goes down I can go back to work and pretend to be fine.
As the next three days pass without incident I almost convince myself it's over and I don't have to worry about it anymore. Work goes on as usual and even the water cooler gossip has moved on from Alisha's case to the latest stunt of the mayor and his mistress. All the greater is the shock of seeing sergeant Benson walk up to me as I'm having lunch in the park next to our office. Looking around for anyone else she might be here for it soon becomes clear it's me she's come to talk to. Just take deep breaths, stay calm. She's not here for you.
She asks for permission to join me and it takes a lot of me not to move away from her. Sensing my discomfort she sits down leaving plenty of room between us. As we go over my statement and additional questions I slowly relax. Nothing to worry about, just keep calm and you'll be fine. It's then that I make the mistake of looking into her eyes again as she asks me why I'm so nervous. No, I don't want this but I can't look away this time. She has me trapped, transmitting compassion and understanding by just looking at me. It's like her eyes tell me it's ok, I can tell her but I can't. All I can do is stare back. She seems to understand though and leaves me alone. It's not untill she's disappeared from sight that I see she left her card on the bench. I don't know why I pick it up. I don't want it. I don't want anything to do with her. I don't want her or anyone to know. It disappears into my pocket anyway.