I do not own anything at all, remember this is just for fun and is not to be taken seriously.

Enjoy!

Edward and Jacob stood facing each other, ready for the epic standoff. Vampire vs werewolves to the death. Only one would reach tomorrow.

"My hair is better than yours!" Yelled Jacob. "Bella described it as: an inky gloss, like black satin!"

"No! My hair was described as 'Untidy, bronze-coloured hair! Beat that!" Edward slapped Jacob in the face- then cradled his broken hand.

"F.Y.I. you don't punch shape-shifters in da face!" Jake ran his fingers over his hair then checked his Instagram-his last hair photo had 5 million likes.

"My hair is so untidy because I am saving our eternal lover from being abducted!" Edward brought up a picture of him heroically saving Bella from a car crash, his hair with a large sharpie circle round it.

"Well your hair doesn't have 5 million likes on Instagram does it?" Jake retorted. He shoved his phone into Edweirdo's face. Edward promptly fainted at the sheer awesomeness of his hair.

"Umm. I fainted at the sheer horribleness, defiantly not how it is so awesome." Edward stuttered.

"Hah!" Jacob spun his phone round his fingers and blew on like James Bond. "And that ladies' is how you beat a Vampire!" He smiled at the readers and some fainted from pleasure.

"I was also in Harry Potter you overgrown dog!" He moved his thumbs quickly over his phone and a picture of his hair was uploaded to Instagram. It already had 10 million likes.

Just then mike walked in. He was wearing a top hat that concealed his hair…

"The name's Newton. Mike Newton!" He flourished off his hat and the brilliance of his hair slammed Edward and Jacob back into the trees. Jacob look as pale as Edward.

Edward slowly got up and snarled at Mike and Jake phased into his wolf form. Mike brought out a wand from Harry potter. They started fighting, green light bouncing around and blood and hair flying everywhere. Then the door opened.

Percy Jackson sauntered in, a lopsided grin on his face.

"Hey guys! Going on a date with Bella tonight! Yes!" he rejoiced. Edward stared in horror and Jake phased back only to faint into Mike's arms- who then dropped him along with his wand.

"Oh Percy!" Bella rushed into Percy's arms, who then carried her off bride style.

"Didn't you have a girlfriend?!" Yelled Edward, still seeing how many likes his hair got.

"She's in a nest of spiders! I need more than one if she's going to die!"

"I can't fault his logic. But now that it won't hurt her I will kill you!" Mike growled at Edward.

"Yeah right, I'm the vampire who survived the Volturi! A puny human fool can't beat me!"

"It's me, Voldemort! Foolish fools! Avada Kedavra!" Jacob and Mike fell to the floor, dead. Not before posting their final picture of their hair.

"Priorities people!" Said Voldemort before turning to Edward. "I thought I killed you but no matter! Because today I am pointing my wand as hard as I can!" Just then a blue box smashed into Voldemort, Killing him instantly.

"Hello! I'm the doctor. I'm a time lord from the planet Gallifrey from the constellation of castarberus. I'm 903 years old and you… are basically just a vampire. Any questions?"

"Have I seen you before?"

"Next."

"Aren't you Barty crouch Jr?"

"Next."

"Why did you just turn into Matt Smith?"

"Because I can."

"Can you please walk past a Fez without picking it up?"

"Never!"

"Why are you here?"

"Because someone wanted to see you. YO VADER!"

"I am your father Edward Mason Cullen." He shot force lightning at the doctor then cut off Edwards's hand. Then he turned around and a spoon ran though his arm.

"I HAVE A SPOON!" Yelled the doctor, throwing Edward through a crack.

"And I have the best hair." He added as an afterthought.