Title: Midnight
Prompt: Written for a 100 Themes Challenge: "74. Midnight."
Summary: "Everything looks worse in the dead of night, but there are some things Toboe might never get past."
Music: Hello—Evanescence
Disclaimer: I don't own Wolf's Rain, or any of its characters.
A/N: Set during episode 2, "Toboe Who Doesn't Howl." One of the many scenes when I really just want to hug Toboe and tell him everything will be okay.
Midnight
"I never meant to kill anything."
Every word is like a shout into the silent room even though Toboe doesn't think he can speak much louder than a murmur. He stares at the dirty cement floor of Tsume's hideout, trying to forget the events of the past few hours. Tsume lounges on the windowsill, looking out at the city as though he's ignoring Toboe completely. But that makes it easier to talk, Toboe thinks, when he knows Tsume doesn't care. He's probably not even listening. It doesn't matter, then, if Toboe says anything or not.
"Granny, she—" he starts, then backtracks; Tsume doesn't know who she is, but he's not listening anyway. "I was all alone at the entrance to the dome, and she was so nice to me. She said I was so little, my eyes had barely opened."
Toboe never knew his mother, nor why she had left him all alone—maybe to die—but he doesn't miss her. Granny had been so gentle, patient, and loving towards him, and that was all he had ever wanted from anyone.
"She gave these to me," he says, holding up his right arm and letting his eyes follow his four silver bracelets as they slide a little towards his elbow. "And we lived together ever since."
"You mean she kept you as a pet," Tsume says from the windowsill. "That human tamed you. You were nothing more than an obedient dog."
"I wasn't!" Toboe yells defensively. Tsume's head turns in mild surprise, and his reaction, however small, makes Toboe falter. His burst of anger suddenly disintegrates, leaving him vulnerable.
"I—I only…I wanted to protect her, but she still…" He can't say it.
"She still threw you out?" Tsume asks, but not in a concerned way, more like a See, I'm right way.
"She still died."
Had he really just said that? He can almost still hear the words echoing in the silence of the empty room.
Suddenly overcome, Toboe tucks his knees in even closer to his chest, hugging his arms tightly around them, and buries his face.
"She died!" he repeats, feeling himself beginning to lose it completely but not wanting to cry in front of Tsume. The older wolf is so tough, unbreakable, emotionless. Everything he, Toboe, isn't.
"I…let her die," he whispers miserably. And it's true. He didn't do anything to save her.
Footsteps suddenly sound from outside the door of the room, and Tsume gets up to answer it. Toboe stays where he is, taking a few deep breaths and trying to calm down, but it's hard. He's killed before, and he killed again today.
What if I can't stop myself? What if this is who I am?
A single tear slides from Toboe's eye and falls. Before he can stop them, two more follow, splashing one by one on his jacket and pants.
Tsume finishes his conversation with whoever was at the door and turns around to walk back across the room. Toboe lifts his head, and for a second he thinks that Tsume might say something to him, or notice his tears. But the older wolf just goes back to the windowsill and looks out again at the dim lights of the city, leaving Toboe alone with nothing but a cold cement wall, tears in his eyes, and grief in his heart.