Hey pansycakes! My awesome story is here! So as you've probably noticed, there have been some changes. For one, this is a completely rewritten version of the first chapter! Also, this story got a new name! Like it? Please please please review! And as for the ending of this chapter, all I'm going to say is 'yes they did.' You'll understand when you get there. Enjoy this extremely long chapter!
- OnCloudTen
There's one thing I've never understood about Dauntless. Booming bass, the pungent fumes of alcohol. Parties. To not like these gatherings wouldn't be Dauntless. But I'm not a normal member.
The railing is cold under my fingertips. Water from the chasm sprays up onto my hands in a delicate mist, leaving faint teardrops on my hands. Over the roar of the chasm, I can feel a thumping beat. It probably belongs to the party I refused to go to. Or my heart.
A pair of long arms snakes around my waist from behind me. The faint curling of ink around the right wrist immediately identifies him. I relax and lean into the chest of the only person I've been able to trust these last five years. I don't know how I ever survived without him.
Wet warmth presses behind my ear, and I can't help but tremble. I don't care how long we've been dating. I'm never going to get over that feeling. His lips slowly trail down my neck and my breaths start to shake.
"Trissy…I miss you…come to the party…" his soft breath prickles my neck as he mumbles into my ravens. Trissy? Really? I groan, and Tobias smiles into my skin. Much to my disappointment, he pulls away from me. But a second later, my feet leave the ground.
A yelp leaps from my throat, and I'm weightless for a brief moment before landing solidly in his arms. Tobias roughly laughs, and I turn my head up to meet his gaze. If he hadn't been cradling me, I probably would've fallen over. Even in the dark light of the pit, his navy eyes sparkle. His pupils are dilated, and he looks at me with a brilliant half smile. I hardly recognize the look. Wanting?
Slowly, Tobias lowers his face down to mine. His arms grip me tighter to his chest, positioned around my back and under my knees. How did I ever end up with someone so perfect? Why me, of all people? Not that I'm complaining. Tobias' eyes drop closed, and his mouth carefully fits to mine.
That spark is still there. I used to think that it was fictitious. How could you feel electricity? Especially me. I never imagined myself in this position. But this lightning strike would be enough to power a city for months. As soon as our lips meet, fire ignites. Tobias presses his mouth closer to mine and clutches me closer to him. My right arm moves from where it's sandwiched between us and grips his left bicep. He muscles flutter under my touch. We've never been much for words. But these actions always speak louder than any sounds.
Years later we slowly part. Our foreheads rest together and I finally catch my breath. My hand slowly drifts down from his hair and my eyes flicker open. The first thing I see is a pair of spectacular blue orbs, still glinting in the dark. We are so close that our eyelashes merge when we blink.
Tobias pulls back far enough that I can see his smile. It's only around me that he smiles so much. His perfectly straight teeth gleam in the dark. His face suddenly changes to a look of mischief. Before I can utter any words, he lifts me up and drapes me over his shoulder.
Then takes off running. His laughs echo in the Pit. I lightly thrash and kick his back, but not enough to hurt him. Somehow I just end up laughing too.
"I'm stealing you Trissy!" Tobias shouts, muffled by his own laughter. I roll my eyes, and his arms readjust so he was one hooked up over my shoulder and one around my waist.
The distant bass starts to grow louder as Tobias runs down various hallways. It grows so loud that I can feel it in my skull. We finally stop in front of a door. He carefully sets me down on the floor in front of him. I attempt to glare at him, but his mussed hair and glinting eyes cause my heart to skip a beat. All mine.
He grabs my hand, and pushes open the door. The music doesn't stop, but at least a hundred heads swivel towards us. The crowd is so thick I'd never be able to tell whose apartment it is. We slowly walk in together, and Tobias wraps a strong arm around my shoulder. Music blares from all around the room, so loud that I can't even think, let alone know what song it is. The Dauntless gradually go back to dancing and drinking, and Tobias and I blindly travel through the apartment before we find a small unoccupied chair.
I laugh and plop down in the chair. Resting my elbows on my knees, I look up at Tobias innocently. That smile. Before I can react, he turns around and sits on my lap. But he's careful not to rest all of his weight on me. I have no doubt that he would crush me.
Dramatically he stretches his arms out and leans backward, so more of his bulk is on me. Still not all of it. His pure muscle mass would squash me. I push at his back with both of my hands, but he doesn't move an inch. With a deep laugh, he pops off of me and turns around. I cross my arms and glare at him with false irritation. Tobias pouts his bottom lip, and my resolve shatters into millions of pieces. I can feel my face melting, and I gain a nervous smile.
He opens his mouth to say something, but the song clears out and everyone starts clapping. Noise slowly starts to fill the speakers again, but this time it's quiet enough to hear. Tobias wraps his hand around my arm, and pulls me up. He smiles at me, and drags me into his chest. I reach up and loop my hands around his neck, and his clasp around to small of my back.
Dauntless never plays slow songs. They are all about the party, which means fast skull-pounding songs. But who cares. We may look ridiculous, but we slow dance to the whole song. I step up onto Tobias' feet, and he moves us around the Dauntless who are jumping around and grinding against one another. The song finally dies out, and my eyes finally leave his.
Everyone had stopped dancing, and somehow we ended up in the center of a black-clad ring. I feel a mad red blush creep up my face, and I step off of his shoes. Suddenly the room breaks out into screams and applause. Tobias spins me around, and his lips snap to mine like a magnet. The appraisal becomes even more deafening than the music.
FLASHBACK
Edith Prior. Prior.
From every direction shouts assault my eardrums. The screen flickers off, and people start shouting at the blank space in front of them.
I look up at Tobias. He's silent. "Tobias?" I say, my voice barely audible over the chaos. His head swivels down to me. "Are we…" my voice trails off, and my teeth snag my dry lip.
"Ok? No." I let my eyes drift up to meet his empty expression. It lacks any feeling, and to me seems more like Four than Tobias. Moisture swims in my eyes. What?
Tobias quickly shakes his head. "Sorry. Wrong words." A pause, a breath. "Tris, we're better than ok. You and I, we'll get through this, together. I'm not going to leave you in the cold like that ever again. We'll figure this out. Please trust me." He slowly reaches out, like I'm a wounded animal. I feel his large hand brush my face with a feather light touch, and I press against his hand with my cheek. A light smile sparks across his stunning face, and I weakly smile back.
He looks at me intensely, and then quickly cups my face with both hands. Roughly he pulls my face to his, and I shut my eyes a second after his. Our lips slot together, and even though these circumstances aren't right, I feel myself dissolving into his desperate actions. Too quickly we part, and I'm dragged into a tight hug.
"Together."
END OF FLASHBACK
The fighting ended a year ago today. The Dauntless use almost any excuse to throw a party. Everything is back to way it used to be. Well, almost.
Leadership was one of the things to change. Edith Prior, first Dauntless leader. My grandmother. She established the original ideals of Dauntless. But after her death, things started to turn sour; corrupt.
When the war ended we were allowed to return to our homes in Dauntless. Almost immediately, I was voted leader. I declined. Tobias deserved the opportunity. But I am still respected and regarded highly in our lopsided hierarchy. Which is nice, I must say. Inclined heads in respect. Light smiles. Being regarded as "the" Dauntless couple. This kind of appreciation is rare in the home of the hellions.
Death has been hard for me since the war. Watching my friends and all my family just drop dead in front of me has not been great for my emotional state. I still wake up in a cold sweat every night. The only thing that makes it bearable is Tobias, who is always right there to wipe the tears away.
Our lips part, and my eyes open. Mad grins flash from every direction. Tobias steps back from me and smiles. Why is everyone so happy today? Someone I don't recognize steps out of the circle and whispers something in Tobias' ear. He gulps, and nods nervously. What the heck is going on?
The sound of a heartbeat comes from the speakers around us. Tobias closes his eyes, and takes a large breath. Music starts to gradually wind out of the speakers, and Tobias' eyes open. They look electrified in the light. He slowly opens his mouth. And quietly starts to sing.
It's been a long time coming since I've seen your face.
I've been everywhere and back trying to replace.
Everything that I had 'til my feet went numb.
Praying like a fool that's been on the run.
The Dauntless join in and start to clap along with the music. Tobias takes a step forward and grabs my hands. Nervous energy radiates from him as he continues.
Heart's still beating but it's not working.
It's like a million dollar phone that you just can't ring.
I reached out trying to love but I feel nothing.
Yeah, my heart is numb.
His voice slowly had grown louder. And it strikes me how good of a singer he is. The pitch of his voice is spot on, and emotion clearly shines through. But I have a feeling that has to do with me. Tobias' hands clench mine tighter.
But with you.
I feel again.
Yeah, with you.
I can feel again.
Yeah.
Tobias springs his hands from mine, and continues singing. His hands run through his hair, and his foot keeps time with the beat.
Woo-hoo.
Woo-hoo.
Woo-hoo.
Woo-hoo.
The clapping grows steadily louder through the tension building up in that phrase, and Tobias jumps back foreword and grabs my arms. His eyes light up in the bright light above us, and I feel myself melting. All for me.
I'm feeling better ever since you know me.
I was a lonely soul but that's the old me.
I seriously can't believe how good of a singer he is. I'm pulled forward, and Tobias starts to circle around me as he continues to sing. His body tenses up and his eyes close as he hits the higher notes, but it's spot on.
It's been a long time coming since I've seen your face.
I've been everywhere and back trying to replace.
Everything that I broke 'til my feet went numb.
Praying like a fool just shy of a gun.
Tobias stops walking, and takes my hands again. He stares directly into my eyes, which seems to snap everything in place. We are standing in the middle of a Dauntless party, and Tobias is singing to me. Let alone the fact that he is an amazing singer. Their dark blue depths gleam with unshed tears. The passion passing in between us is clearly visible.
Heart still beating but it's not working.
It's like a hundred thousand voices that just can't sing.
I reached out trying to love but I feel nothing.
Oh, my heart is numb.
A few people start to cheer around us, but the clapping keeps going with the background of the music. This is not the Dauntless I knew when I first jumped off that net. Tobias' eyes haven't left mine this whole time. As oddly rehearsed as this whole ordeal seems, I can't deny that I love it.
But with you.
I feel again.
Yeah, with you.
I can feel again.
Background voice start to join in on the soundtrack, and I watch as Tobias' demeanor drops all ease it had. His hand finds the back of his neck as he continues to sing. I know him well enough. He is extremely nervous right now. A look of realization crosses his face, as if he finally understands what he's doing.
But with you.
(I'm feeling better ever since you know me).
I feel again.
(I was a lonely soul but that's the old me).
Yeah, with you.
(I'm feeling better ever since you know me).
I can feel again.
(I was a lonely soul).
I watch his chest rise, and then he shifts on his feet. I recognize the end of the song nearing, and some of the Dauntless start to literally cheer. Tobias' hand holds mine tighter as he hits some high notes. Something is up. His hand is shaking in mine. He isn't one to normally show any weakness.
Woo-hoo.
Woo-hoo.
Woo-hoo.
Woo-hoo.
Woo-hoo.
He stops singing and lets the background take over. Everything happens in slow motion. Slowly, he reaches around to his back pocket. Still holding my left hand, he slowly sinks down to one knee. Some people start screaming. Oh. Oh.
I clap my free hand over my mouth. This is happening. This is happening. Tears start to plunge down my face. The singing stops, and a guitar solo takes over. Still staring into my eyes, Tobias brings my trembling hand up to his lips and presses them lightly to the back of my knuckles. His own tears drip down on to my hand. Thousands of thoughts run through my head. I think his extreme nervousness is self-explanatory. He finishes the song, voice as passionate as ever. Everyone is silent.
I'm feeling better ever since you know me.
I was a lonely soul but that's the old me.
A little wiser now from what you've shown me.
Yeah, I feel again.
Feel again...
Woo-hoo.
As soon as the last sounds leave his mouth, the room erupts into the loudest screams I've ever heard. Tobias weakly smiles at me. It takes all of my resolve not to jump forward and hug him. But I stand still, my tears cascading down my face. I can't believe this is happening. He looks up at me as we wait for the chaos to die down. A more confident smile breaks out on his face. Words slowly start to leave his mouth.
"Beatrice Prior. When I first saw you, I thought I was dead. Because literally, an angel fell into my life. You gave me meaning. Purpose. A reason to live. Every time I see you, it's like falling in love all over again. I should be over all the butterflies. But I'm not. I'm so not. My stomach flips worse than when we were on the Ferris wheel. Or down in the chasm. Each time worse then before. You say you're not pretty. But look around Tris. None of these other girls can even come close to you. So if you haven't gotten the point yet, I love you. I love your smile. I love the way that you can light up my day with just a word. I love your incomprehensible beauty. But most of all I love you as a whole. Those parts would never add up to anyone other than you. And I want to be able to sing out my love for you past the day I die."
He pauses for a moment, and the Dauntless around us break out into coos and screams. Tobias looks back into my eyes, and smiles nervously.
This isn't cold instructor Four. This is Tobias. I watch with wide eyes as his hand reappears with a delicate ring clasped between his thumb and index finger.
I think I'm going to faint.
"Beatrice Prior. You stole my heart. Now I'm asking you to steal my last name. Will you marry me?" He hardly gets the words out before my eardrums rip apart. Never have I heard a louder sound. But despite it, all I can comprehend is the man in front of me, saying the words I've longed to hear since I met him.
"Yes." It's hardly a whisper, but I think he got the point.
He springs up from his kneeling position on the floor, and his mouth collides with mine.
The roars get even louder.
Tobias has me pressed as tightly as possible up to his body, with his neck craned down to my lips. It doesn't matter that we are in front of hundreds of people. We kiss with all the passion we have ever shared.
I feel his arms drift down from my back, and they slide into the back pockets of my jeans. I grow lighter and lighter until my feet are no longer touching the ground. My legs wrap around his waist, so that my crotch is pressed to his stomach instead of the other way around, how it normally is. If possible, we kiss harder.
Finally we start to slow down. Tobias slowly lowers me to the floor, but our lips are still pressed firmly together. Once I'm standing back on the ground, we slowly pull apart.
All the events come racing up to me, and suddenly I feel dizzy. I'm. Getting. Married. To. Tobias.
My eyes flutter closed, and I lean my forehead right over his heart. It can't be healthy to be beating that fast. Quick breaths tickle the top of my head. I'd like to stay here forever, and live this moment as long as I can.
Tobias slowly tips my head up, and our eyes meet. Like he said. It's like falling in love all over again. His thick dark hair is a perfect mess on the top of his head, splayed out in all sorts of angles. Oops. And all the features of his face. His ears, that stick out a little off his face. Perfect. Swollen lips, glistening in the dark. And those eyes. Dark blue, with a sky blue ring around the center. Right now they sparkle with tears, wanting, and every other emotion known to man.
I imagine I look the same way.
He backs up a little bit, and raises our still clasped hands. My eyes grow huge as he slowly slides the ring on my finger with shaking hands. It fits perfectly. And it has to be the most beautiful ring I've ever seen. The band in made of etched silver, which gleams gloriously in the pulsing party lights. Nestled in the center of the band is a roughly cut black diamond, which refracts light back onto the band. At first glance, everything appears plain. I raise my hand and look closer. Oh. My. God.
There are nine symbols engraved to the shining silver. They wrap all the way around to ring and meet back up at the other side of the diamond.
I look at the first one. It's a tiny carving of the net. First jumper – Tris.
A miniscule punching bag. Don't forget to keep the tension here.
A tiny Ferris wheel. Are you human, Tris?
A baby raven, wings outstretched in flight. It's a raven. One for each family member I left behind.
A curled belt. You got me through it.
A small heart, with a question mark pierced through the center. I think I love you.
A tree, with the branches arranged in the form of two hands. With my bare hands, obviously.
A tiny bar of soap. I'll be your family now.
And the last one. A ring of flames. Now I'm asking you to steal my last name.
I look back up at Tobias. His mouth dons the goofiest grin I've ever seen. "Like it?"
I smile back so hard it hurts. "It's perfect. More than perfect. It's you." I choke on my words as tears threaten to spill again. His stunning eyes bore into mine, and he laces his fingers through my left hand, running them down the ring.
Tobias frowns slightly. He slowly slides the ring off my finger, and looks at the inside of it. A breathtaking smile grows on his face. Slowly, he lowers the ring down to my eye level. Through the pulsating light, I can just barely make out the five words engraved on the indie of the band.
I know I love you.
Five years ago, back in Abnegation, I never would have thought it was possible. I didn't think I would ever be loved. And certainly not by something this perfect. Someone who cares this much about me. Someone who takes my beath away each time I see him. Someone who is Tobias Eaton.
He catches my hand, and slowly fits the ring onto my finger. This moment couldn't be any more beautiful. Tobias takes my arm and pulls me forward, slowly planting a kiss on my temple.
"Take me home." My voice is barely audible over the drunk Dauntless, but Tobias is close enough to hear me. I slide up onto his back, and we snake through the crowd, dodging slurred congratulations.
Tobias slowly shuts the door behind us, and he hugs my legs tighter. He slowly walks through the unusually quiet halls. I bury my head into his shoulder, and grip his neck tightly. Love is the only description.
"Beatrice Eaton." He says, his voice distant. I can't help but smile. Tobias nods and continues. "I like the sound of that. I've imagined it since the chasm." My heart pounds at his confession. Truth be told, I have too. I slowly lift my head and press a slow kiss onto his cheek. Slight stubble bristles my lips.
"You need to shave, Tobias." He laughs, and it vibrates through my body. We go the rest of the way in silence. Eventually we reach the leader's apartment hallway in the Pire. They are the most luxurious and technologically advanced in the compound. Tobias drops one hand from the crook of my leg and presses it into the fingerprint scanner in the door. He has no problem supporting my weight with one hand.
He pushes the door open, and we walk through the two-story foyer. Tobias turns the corner and we walk through the doorway to our bedroom. It's decorated in all black, like most apartments. But the simplicity stops there. In the center of the room sits a large four-poster bed with dark blue sheets. A black love seat sits in the corner, decorated with blue pillows of many different shades. The far wall is made entirely of floor to ceiling glass, and shows off a breathtaking view of the skyline.
Tobias flops me down on the bed, and then drops down over me. He supports his weight on his elbows so he doesn't crush me. Our faces are only a few inches apart.
"So, Beatrice, huh?" I question with a laugh. Tobias smirks at me, and presses a firm kiss to my forehead. I shiver beneath him.
"I figured this constituted as a special occasion." His eyes drop down to mine, and stare at me intensely. Then all the sudden, like someone flicked a light switch on, that look comes back. The dilated eyes, mischievous smile. It's like watching a predatory instinct craw out of him. My weak state draws out the animal in him. I'm the prey, sandwiched beneath him. No escape.
His mouth comes down and presses hungrily to mine. His arms slowly slide up my sides, and I feel myself melting beneath the heat. Our legs curl together, and we get lost in each other.
Becoming fearless isn't the point. That's impossible. It's learning to control your fear, and how to be free from it. That's the point.
For once I am free of my fear.