Just a pointless little oneshot, because the idea wouldn't get out of my head until I wrote it down. I'm probably completely butchering Kotetsu's and Izumo's personalities, but we see too little of them in the anime, so there aren't enough character traits for me to try to write them decently, sorry.
Enjoy :)
Disclaimer: Sorry, can't come up with a witty way to say this: I don't own Naruto. It's actually quite sad, if you ask me.
Really, it was every guy's dream, only not.
Wherever they went in Konoha, the girls giggled and whispered to each other, gushing over them. That was rather enjoyable, yes, if one ignored the reason behind this behaviour. Which was, the girls' unshakeable belief that Kotetsu and Izumo were a couple.
They shipped them, you see.
Kotetsu never did try to learn the exact definition of shipping, but it mainly consisted of people deluding themselves into thinking that the two of them were in love with eachother.
They were not.
It couldn't possibly be stressed enough.
They were partners and they were best friends, but no they were not a bloody couple, and everyone just seemed incapable of getting that simple fact into their heads.
Really, if they actually were dating, what the girls were doing, this shipping, would be fucking wonderful. Many gay couples in other places didn't have it easy at all, and if they were one they'd definitely appreciate having so many...supporters, but well, they weren't.
Both of them being, outside of their supposed secret relationship, single, only encouraged the rumours; but it was exactly due to those rumours that neither could get a girlfriend. Or boyfriend. Either would do. They weren't very picky about gender.
It was completely hopeless.
They went somewhere together- which, admittedly, happened a lot- and everyone automatically assumed they were on a date. And even if they went alone it was no use, because even though Konoha was bloody gigantic, everyone knew eachother and there wasn't one girl or boy who hadn't heard the rumours.
Izumo seemed to find it mildly amusing most of the time, and otherwise didn't care.
Kotetsu, quite frankly, was beyond frustrated, and that far away from finding whoever started this shipping and murdering them. Slowly. Painfully.
Today though, luck seemed to be weirdly on his side. In the small cafeteria he and his best friend were sitting, he spotted a girl he'd never seen before, which meant that maybe she had arrived to Konoha recently, so maybe she hadn't heard the rumours yet, so maybe he could have a decent conversation with her, not centered around his nonexistent relationship.
He could sure as hell hope.
Anko watched from a few tables away, a condoscending smile on her face, as Kotetsu made his way over to the girl's table, flashing a charming grin and inviting himself to sit down.
Some people never learned.
The girl blinked up at him innocently, smiling back.
She was rather cute. Curly blond hair, falling lightly on her shoulders. Bright green eyes. Fair skin. Delicate. Absolutely endearing, really.
Anko narrowed her eyes, on alert and ready to fight for her OTP in case things there got out of hand.
"I am Kotetsu Hagane," he greeted, extending his hand. She shook. "A pleasure to meet you, miss...?"
Nuh-uh. Physical contact, no matter how small, was something Anko would not allow.
"Ish-"
"Ishiko!" she squeaked, blurting out the first name starting with Ish she could think of, making her way over to the girl, pinching her cheeks and wrapping her arms around her waist. "I thought you were arriving later- you should have told me! I see you've already met one of my dear friends-" she winked at him- "Kotetsu. Remember, I've told you so much about him and my other friend, Izumo."
Kotetsu sighed, murmuring a sulkly, "It was nice talking to you." and left the cafeteria.
The-girl-who-was-possibly-named-Ishiko stared at her oddly, and Anko released her with a chuckle.
"It was for the best," she assured the girl.
Izumo shook his head, paying for both his and Kotetsu's coffees as his friend very rudely and childishly stormed out off the shop, then proceeded to follow him. He paused momentarily when passing Anko.
"If you ever do the same thing to me, I'm telling Kotetsu that you were the one to start the rumours," he promised, scowling at her.
Anko gave a defeated sigh. "They see me shippin'. They hatin'."
He snorted at that, exiting the shop and feeling just a tad bit amused when he found his friend leaning against the wall next to the door, arms folded over his chest, lips pursed.
"For about thirty seconds, you had a chance. It's progress," he commented evenly, patting the other's shoulder.
"Shut up," Kotetsu snapped with a glare.
Izumo rolled his eyes. "Need a hug? Come here."
Kotetsu did, sniffing. "...'S not fair!"
Izumo patted his back comfortingly.
And then they suddenly remembered that they were still in no way attracted to eachother, and hugging in public was seriously giving the wrong image. They pulled away, laughing awkwardly.
"Right. Uh, wanna go play videogames?"
"Yeah. Let's grab a couple beers, too."
From inside the shop, Anko clapped her hands together happily. Really, she was the best shipper ever.
It wasn't that Kotetsu and Izumo didn't like action, adventure and such, it was just that really, there was enough of that in their job. And dealing with it in real life was far more stressful than watching it in movies or games. So when they were home, they preffered to do more relaxing things.
Ergo, their resolve to play videogames lasted around ten minutes.
Their resolve to drink beers, however, didn't fade as easily. Though, the part where they were supposed to drink just a couple or so kind of jumped out of the window.
And that was how Izumo ended up with an utterly wasted, sprawled across the couch, half-asleep Kotetsu who quite obviously couldn't hold his alcohol snoring on his lap, occasionally regaining consciousness enough to take another sip of his beer. He'd tried taking the damn thing from the other numerous times, but Kotetsu's reflexes remained fantastic despite his incoherent state.
Izumo was pretty sure he should just shove his best friend to the floor and let him fall asleep there, and wake up in the morning feeling like shit. It was his fucking fault for getting so stupidly drunk, anyway. But, well, he was pretty comfortable like that, and the idiot was warm.
Besides, it wasn't even that unusual. He and his friend were...a bit touchy-feely, if truth be told, and he suspected that was the cause of the rumours, even more so than that obnoxious, violet tornado that was Anko Mitarashi.
That didn't mean he was remotely okay to see said tornado casually enter their living room- how the hell did the lunatic even get in?!- with a camera in her hands and a smile that mean on good on her lips. Shit.
"Fuck- don't y' d-dare," he slurred, more than a little bit tipsy himself.
He tried to get up, he really did, but the woman had flashed a grin, and the camera had flashed with her before he could move a finger. His entire body felt heavy, and he managed with great difficulty to rise from the couch without tumbling to the floor.
"Ah, how adorable," Anko cooed, taking another picture for good measure. Izumo blinked tiredly, the flash hurting his eyes.
"You...you can't..! 's is blackmail," he murmured, glaring to his best capacity.
"It's only blackmail if I use it against you. But you do have a point- it'd be perfect blackmail material," she noted cheerfully, shrugging.
He folded his arms over his chest, hugging in exasperation. "Guess I'll tell Kotetsu whose fault it is he can't get a girl, then. Hope you die a horrible fucking death."
It even sounded childish in his own ears. At least his speech was back to normal, though.
"And then you'll have to explain why you didn't tell him earlier," she pointed out, sounding irritatingly reasonable. "Really, this threat is getting old, Izu-dear. You've got more to lose than I do."
Right. Why hadn't he told Kotetsu from the beginning so he'd never have to deal with this kind of bullshit?
"Fuck you," he snarled.
"Kotetsu's job, not mine. Now, be a dear and smile pretty pretty so I can take a few more pictures, yeah?"
He was starting to see why his friend hated this shipping thing so much.
This was it, I guess. I'm personally still clueless as to whether Kotetsu and Izumo fancy eachother or not in this. It's open for readers to believe what they like...?
So yeah, thanks for reading! Drop a review, tell me what you thought :)