DISCLAIMER: I do not own either of the series used in this story. I use them here solely as a tribute to these awesome works and with no intention of obtaining profit. If you wish to sue me, all you'll get for your trouble is my college loan debt and a thoroughly used PS3 with two controllers that the dogs mistook for chew toys.

By now, everyone reading this knows the story. Jusenkyo. Two martial artists. A portly guide. A spar. Splashdown. Panda. "Rawr!" Splash. Girl. Scream. Most of us could tell it in our sleep.

This is not the story of that reality.

Let us move instead to an alternate reality, one in which Jusenkyo doesn't exist, but the cast we're all familiar with does. After a week of living with the Tendo family, it has become readily apparent to the Supreme Being in charge of this reality that the young martial arts prodigy Ranma Saotome is still badly in need of a lesson in treating women like respectable people instead of parroting back the misogynistic bile drilled into him by his father, Genma. But without Jusenkyo, what is a god to do?

Wait, what's this? Red and blue contract bracelets? And they only choose…oh ho, this has possibilities.

Yes, this may be just the thing. And it may even help out the poor girls who are being chosen for this, in the end.

Let's just put this in motion…

"Red vs. Blue: Wild Horse Edition"

By RanChan2k3

Chapter 1 – No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

"AHHHH!"

This ear-splitting feminine shriek cut through the air in the middle of the night at the Tendo Anything-Goes Training Hall in the Nerima ward of Tokyo, rousing the entire household from sleep and bringing them at a run to the source of the scream, the Tendo home's guest room. Inside the room sat a confused Genma Saotome, in his futon, staring in frank consternation at the only other occupant of the room.

She was a girl around age 16, somewhat on the small side (less than five feet), but rather generously endowed, especially for a Japanese girl. She had blue eyes with hair the color of fresh strawberries, tied back in a single braided pig-tail rendered somewhat frizzy by having been slept in. Her sleep clothes consisted of a white tank top with, oddly enough, yellow and blue striped panties. She was looking down at herself with a look of combined panic and horror, as if something about her body was wrong.

The eldest girl, 19-year-old Kasumi, covered her mouth with a hand. "Oh, my. Uncle Saotome, do you know this girl?"

The balding, portly martial artist turned to look at her in confusion. "Of course not. Although…" He turned back to the red-head. "She does look an awful lot like my wife did at that age…"

The red-head finally jerked her head up to look at Genma. "Pop…?"

This comment brought a grunt from Genma. "Er, no. I have a son, not a daughter. His name is-"

He was cut off. "Ranma, I know. Pop, it's me."

"Me who?"

The others were just as confused as Genma. All except one: 17-year-old Nabiki. Shouldering her way inside, Nabiki moved to confront the red-head, leaning down to look into the girl's blue eyes.

"U-Um…y-yes, Nabs?," came the question from the red-head.

Nabiki lifted an eyebrow, then straightened. "…You guys, I have no idea how it's possible, but I think she's telling the truth."

The youngest Tendo, 16-year-old Akane, spoke up. "Oh, come on, Nabiki. People don't spontaneously change gender." She paused, then added, a little less certainly, "They don't, do they?"

The red-head – ostensibly Ranma – brought her hands up to pull at her hair. "How did this happen?! Was I not manly enough?! Arrrgh!"

That was when Nabiki noticed it. Reaching over, she grabbed the red-head's right arm, holding it out to show the strange blue bracelet that adorned it. "Maybe it has something to do with your new jewelry, Saotome."

Curiosity supplanting panic, Ranma brings the bracelet over to examine it. "What in the…? Where the heck did this thing come from?" She tried to pull it off, only to find it wouldn't come off. "It won't…mph! It won't come off! Stupid bracelet, what's the deal?!"

An unfamiliar high-pitched voice suddenly spoke up. "I believe I can answer that."

Everyone in the room suddenly stopped, slowly turning to look at the window sill. Standing there was a stuffed animal, one of the recently introduced and increasingly popular Entrails Animals series. This particular one was Harakiri Tiger, a cartoon-like tiger with an eyepatch, a miniature tanto in its gut that had its intestines spilling out. Ranma was the first one to find her voice. "D-Did you just speak…?"

The stuffed tiger answered. "Yep! And I'd like to say congratulations to you, because you've officially been chosen!"

"Ch-Chosen? F-For what?"

"Why, to be a Kampfer, of course!"

"A what?!"

Harakiri Tiger cleared its throat. "Kampfer are chosen for the express purpose of battling with other Kampfers. That bracelet you have on is the symbol of this contract."

Ranma was confused and more than a bit annoyed. "And why should I do somethin' like that? Besides, that still doesn't explain why I woke up this way!"

"With a bracelet?"

"No, with boobs! I'm a guy, you jerk!"

Harakiri Tiger was unperturbed. "Oh, well, that's an easy one. You see, only girls can be Kampfers, so when you were chosen, your Kampfer form had to be female."

"B-But…"

Genma was immediately on his feet. "The boy can't be a weak, silly, useless girl, of all things! He's a man! A man among men, even! He's-"

"Got an engagement!," added Soun Tendo, almost forgotten in his silence behind his daughters. "The schools must be joined, and we can't very well have a wedding if Ranma and Akane are both girls!"

Akane went immediately into reflexive anger mode. "Why should I marry a perverted jerk like him?! Her, even!"

"Hey!" Ranma stepped towards Akane. "Who're you callin' a pervert?!"

"You, you pervert!," Akane shot back. "I'll bet you're already thinking of how you can take advantage of having a girl's body!"

"Why, you…!"

"Ranma!," bellows Genma. "I demand you find a way to change back into a boy! I will not have the heir to my school be a weak, stupid, silly, useless GIRL!"

And just like that, Ranma's patience expired. Whirling to face Genma, her blue bracelet began to brightly glow. "STUFF IT, POP!" She thrust her hand forward, abruptly firing a large fireball at her father. The older man's eyes widened, but he had no time to react. It connected with an explosion, sending him careening into the wall back-first. He staggered forward, somewhat singed, then fell forward onto his face, unconscious. Everyone in the room was shocked, including Ranma. She was staring at her hand. "How did I just…?"

"Ah, you appear to be a Zauber type," commented Harakiri Tiger.

Ranma looked at him. "Zauber…?"

The stuffed animal nodded. "There are three types of Kampfer weaponry: Schwert, which is a sword; Gewehr, which is a gun; and Zauber, which is magic. In addition to your weapon, you also receive a significant boost in your physical capabilities. If you were rather average in your normal state, you'd find that your Kampfer form could easily leap to the top of a telephone pole. If you could do something like that while normal…well, you'd probably be a certifiable superhuman in your Kampfer form."

Ranma took a moment to absorb that, then exhaled. "…Okay. But that still doesn't explain why I should go about fightin' other Kampfers. I mean, what's the point?"

Harakiri Tiger apparently expected the question. "Well, it's like this. In another galaxy, these two beings – let's call them Red and Blue for now – were battling one another. However, their power was so great that they began to destroy their own galaxy. In order to halt the destruction and decide the war, the Moderators came up with a solution: Beings from elsewhere would fight their battles for them. Your contract bracelet is blue, so you're fighting for the Blue side. Your enemies are Red Kampfers. Your first objective should be finding other Blue Kampfers, because they will be your allies. Do you understand?"

The red-head thought about it for a few minutes. Eventually, she frowned. "…These Moderators are complete morons."

That caught Harakiri Tiger by surprise. "I'm sorry?"

Ranma clarified. "This Kampfer business ain't no solution. If these two beings are so strong that they can wipe out their own galaxy, then why should they acknowledge this Kampfer thing as bein' good enough to decide the winner? For that matter, even if they do go along with it, who's to say they wouldn't start a whole new fight that's just as destructive, or even more so? No, it's not a solution; it's a delaying tactic. An' I ain't gonna compromise my honor as a martial artist for the sake of a delaying tactic. So if I got these powers I can't get rid of, then I'm gonna use 'em however I see fit. I might even make friends with a few Red Kampfers, even. Whaddya say to that, huh?"

"But that's-"

"A surefire way to grab the attention of the Moderators," interrupted Ranma. "And the sooner I can get one down here to give 'em a piece of my mind, the better."

And that seemed to settle the discussion.

The following morning found the Tendo and Saotome families gathered around the low sitting room table for breakfast. In the intervening hours, Ranma had regained his original male form, though the blue contract bracelet still adorned his right wrist. Akane had a question for him, though. "Um…just a thought, Ranma, but what are you going to do if one of those enemy Kampfers attacks you?"

Ranma shrugged, taking a bite of food before answering. "Subdue her and explain my stance on this crap, I guess."

"Right, because your last attempt at diplomacy worked out so well," noted Nabiki dryly.

Ranma frowned as he registered the reference to his unsuccessful attempt at defusing Ryoga's temper a couple of days ago.

"Nabiki, that wasn't very nice," chided Kasumi in that gentle way of hers, a disapproving frown on her normally smiling face that somehow made you feel as if you'd just kicked a puppy. Nabiki held up her hands in surrender, though she smiled while doing so.

Ranma eyed the bracelet on his wrist with distaste. "I'm not lookin' forward to this as it is. I mean, yeah, it's cool that I'm gonna get super powers an' all that, but why'd it hafta come with all the baggage attached to it?"

"And what impressive 'baggage' it is, too," quipped Nabik with a grin, holding her hands out in front of her chest to demonstrate what she meant. Ranma scowled at this, while Genma mostly ignored it with a grunt and Soun opted to hide behind his newspaper and pretend he wasn't hearing this.

After a bit, Akane stood up. "Come on, Ranma, or we'll be late for school."

Ranma glanced up at her with mild irritation, then sighed and nodded, setting his chopsticks down and grabbing his school bag to hurry out the door with Akane.

It was halfway to Furinkan High School that the scenario Akane had asked about actually materialized. Ranma's bracelet began to glow, causing him to skid to a stop and stare at it. Then his danger sense went off. Grabbing Akane, he forced the both of them to duck, just as a bullet ricocheted off the fence behind them. With a bright flash of blue light, Ranma was back in female form, and when she and Akane straightened, she was staring at a Chinese girl with purple hair. The girl had a gun pointed at Ranma and was wearing a red contract bracelet, her face an icy mask.

Ranma was frozen with shocked recognition, which Akane noticed. "Ranma? Do you know her or something?"

That's when the Chinese girl speaks. "Ranma. I kill."

Author's Notes: I know exactly what you're all thinking. "Why are you starting a new story? Where's the next chapter of 'Adventures in Womanhood'? Kill the writer! Rawr!' Hey, easy, easy, lay off with the pitchforks and torches. I know full well I haven't finished my other story, but the next chapter is just refusing to be written. So I'm starting another one to try and get the creative juices flowing again. It's a crossover between "Ranma ½" and "Kampfer," in a reality where Jusenkyo doesn't exist. Naturally, this means many of the characters may be a touch OOC, and there are certain story arcs (the Charlotte Cup against the Golden Pair, for example) that just plain won't happen. That being said, I have a definite end point in mind for this story, but it's going to take several chapters to get there. I hope you all enjoy the ride, and please, leave reviews! But be nice, even if you're criticizing. There's a difference between "you suck" and "you suck because," okay? Anyway, look forward to the next chapter! See you all then!